Seungri is crazily in love, they said. They wondered if Jiyong was just oblivious to Seungri’s feelings or he is really heartless like they see. Nobody really knows someone; even we aren’t sure of ourselves. They don’t understand Jiyong and Jiyong don’t have a single clue of who he is. Sometimes, what you thought is real isn’t real. Ever tried doing something but ended up having second thoughts about it? Ever tried having something done but regret about it? Ever struggle between two or even multiple decisions? We never know what we really truly wants. Humans are greedy, that’s what we say. But in fact, it is purely because we are unsure. We don’t know what our hearts are asking for and that’s when we do things that will bring regrets. Love isn’t really blind; heart is.

Seunghyun sat by the bedside as he looked at the youngest shivering in his sleep. His fingers traced down the beautiful features of the youngest and he smiled. It was a bittersweet one. There were so many things that went through his mind. A year ago, he discovered this little dark secret of his. A boy had captured his heart. The simplest aegyo done makes him want to pinch his little cheeks; the slightest tint of sadness was like a thunderstorm over him; the smallest smile was enough to make him blush. That was the little boy who barged into his heart without a single warning, the boy who was close to turning his world upside down.

Seunghyun was childlike and everyone knows. He was named the bingu TOP in YG and fans always called him the five-year-old kid. We all have this passing period of innocence, and so did he. He had never thought of letting anyone know his truest feelings for the youngest. He can’t because he knew that someone else had already taken maknae’s heart. Seungri calls Seunghyun the ‘one of a kind’ hyung, but it doesn’t mean the best. There can only be one favourite hyung, and Jiyong took that place long ago. They knew, Jiyong’s place is irreplaceable; just thinking of it is silly enough. So he kept quiet and gave his best to maknae. He believes that as long as maknae is happy with Jiyong, then everything will be worthwhile. Furthermore, he knew Jiyong was possessive. ‘Maknae is mine’ is what Jiyong always say. What would happen if his feelings were leaked? Jiyong and Seungri may seem blind about the eldest feelings, but definitely not Taeyang and Daesung.

“How’s maknae?” Taeyang asked as he walking in with a bottle of warm ginger tea and clothed ice pack.

“Burning. The doctor said it was just a normal cold but look, this boy isn’t even getting any better. He is totally mumbling rubbish!” Seunghyun shouted as he clenched his fist tightly. Taeyang was clearly aware of the eldest feelings and he is one of the reasons why Taeyang remained silent about his.

“Hyung… Maknae only love Ji, you know that don’t you?”

“Who doesn’t know? Maknae is too obvious; from the way he looked at Ji ever lovingly, from all his gestures, anyone can tell.” That was painful for Seunghyun to say; but at the same time, it was painful for Taeyang to remember how Jiyong can have the maknae’s love that he can’t.

“Ji loves maknae too, you know that right?”

“I used to know. But I’m starting to doubt it.”

“Hyung, you’re hurting yourself at this rate.”

“It’s better than watching someone I trusted to give maknae happiness hurt him. Jiyong broke my trust. He hurt maknae again and again,” Seunghyun blurted without thinking much. He was so close to bashing Jiyong up to wake the younger up.

“You love Ri, way more than I thought you would.” Taeyang said without looking at anyone. Just admitting the fact that he was aware of the elder’s feelings were enough to kill him. He wished he could walk out of this room without breaking down, he sincerely wished.

“Bae?”

“I know. I know everything. But I no longer trust anyone to give maknae happiness. Even though Ji still has the least bit of my trust, it’s fading and I hate it.” Taeyang admit, only to earn a shocked or rather surprised expression from Seunghyun. Even if you’ve worn the best mask, people tend to pull it down. There are certain secrets that can never be hidden.

“How did you?”

“Love is a really mysterious thing. I don’t even know how and when I realized your special affection towards him but I just did. Ji and Ri are just too blinded by their own love to realize,” Taeyang said as he gently shifted the ice pack on Seungri’s forehead to avoid cold burnt before he walk towards the door. Seunghyun was still trying to digest the fact that someone had found out his secret. Now, he knows that Taeyang knew; but there is still someone who was hiding behind the wall who knew too. Seunghyun forgot that in this entire conversation, Daesung’s name was not mentioned, not even once; and especially not when Taeyang spoke about those who are still clueless about his love for maknae.

“Bae, if you say gut feelings told you about my feelings, then do you by any chance, had fallen in love with maknae too?” Seunghyun asked. All these while, Seunghyun wondered if others had fallen in love with maknae too. Everyone showers Seungri with care. He was like this precious baby. It would be a lie if he said he had never questioned Taeyang or Daesung’s affection for Seungri. Since Taeyang had exposed his, no harm fulfilling his own curiosity.

Taeyang’s steps came to a halt upon Seunghyun’s question. But he didn’t look back at the elder. A smiled crept up on his face as he laughed heartily before replying seconds later.

“No. I’m sane enough to keep myself out of this complicated relationship.”

Seunghyun smiled. He found this relationship complicated too. He laughed after Taeyang got out of his sight as he watched the youngest fidgeting in his sleep. Was it a nightmare? All he could do was to give his hand to the helpless boy; and Seungri grabbed onto it like a life saving float.

“Jiyongyie hyung…” Seungri mumbled those two words ever clearly. That moment, the shattering of broken heart was the loudest cry.

“Have I, by any chance fallen in love with Ri?” Taeyang mumbled and laughed at the answer in his heart.

I love Ri way before you did, way before Ji did. He laughed.

Taeyang lied. He lied without even blinking his eyes, he lied to the brother he trusts the most, he lied in front of Seungri, he lied to the entire world and he lied to himself. He can’t say, he can’t let them know how complicated these feelings are becoming, because Taeyang saw through Daesung’s mask too. Taeyang was the only attentive one, but sometimes, the more you know, the more it hurts. He learnt that if no one ever tries to take down your pretense, don’t give yourself away if you were determined to hide it.

The scary thing about unspoken words is that they can be seen.

----------

Somewhere within this room, an equally fragile boy had overheard the conversation between the two. It wasn’t a surprised to him. It’s not like he had never expected that. He just wished that the one he loves could look at him too. He just wished to hold a significant place in his heart; he doesn’t need to be loved back. He was that capable of watching the one you love, love someone else. It is painful, he knows. But at least he is happier watching him smile a little. He is always the smiling angel that brings joy when Seungri could no longer do it. Everyone thought that he was genuinely happy. No one saw through that broken soul of his; no one tried mending his broken heart. If his sacrificial love was said to be worthwhile, then it must have been those smiles he saw on that guy’s face. Daesung once made a promise to himself; Seungri must be protected at all cost.

“Dae? Why are you standing here alone?” Taeyang asked when he caught the younger one in daze, standing near Seungri’s room. He was a little confused by Daesung. He thought he knew Daesung’s feelings well enough, but the observant Taeyang isn’t always spot on.

“I was thinking about something.”

“You thought for a little too long I supposed.”

“Yah hyung! I’m going in to pass Ri his medicine!” Daesung laughed it off as he brushed past the elder to enter the room. Of course, he first saw Seungri grabbing onto Seunghyun’s hand like a lifeline. But he smiled, because as long as he sees that he is fine, those throbbing pain in his heart is nothing.

“Hyung, these are Ri’s medicine,” Daesung whispered as he ca