His mind was still a surging perplexity. The words that came from the waiter remained in his mind, lingering in every part of him. He was supposed to be annoyed, for the fact that Kwon Jiyong had been the greatest jerk in his life. He was supposed to be frustrated, for the fact that he was caring too much even when Jiyong didn’t bother about his own life and death. He was supposed to be filled with negativity towards Jiyong; but when he finally mustered the courage to walk away from Jiyong regardless of his puppy eyes, every inch of his memory lane and heart was bringing him back to Jiyong. Right now, Seungri was baffled. He too wished, wished that Jiyong could look at him once more with the warmth and adoration like before. But he realized that in the past long years of push and pull with Jiyong, he was never able to withdraw himself from this love.

“I have no backbone, do I?” Seungri sighed as he placed his hand on the doorknob, contemplating hard if he should go in or not. Half the time, his heart was waiting to see Jiyong again, even though they were only parted for a few hours.

Right from the moment Jiyong tugged his heartstrings since god knows when, Seungri knew he had fallen so hard, too hard. Leaving or forgetting the exhilaration from loving Jiyong was impossible in his dictionary. It was a whole lot of exciting ride with Jiyong. From being ignored to becoming Jiyong’s favourite little puppy, Seungri felt like Jiyong had brought him to another kind of universe; one that he could live in forever, as long as there is Jiyong. It was like Seungri didn’t mind all the pain, even if it was going to continue to hurt; Seungri lived to love Jiyong. Maybe he will walk away from Jiyong again, but his heart never left, and was never going to. Right from the first day Seungri saw Jiyong differently, the dragon had never returned the panda his heart.

Seungri believed that his heart would be safe with Jiyong.

He turned the doorknob, eyes closed as his heart went on beating for the man in the room. The door opened slightly, revealing a quiet room. From where Seungri stood, all he could see was an empty bed with the blanket slightly thrown aside, like how it looked before he ran off. The room temperature was so cold that the panda boy shuddered as chills reaches his skin. Questions ran through his mind as his heart went on a rollercoaster like how it always did for Jiyong.

‘Did he go for a check up?’'

‘Did something bad happen?’

‘Is Jiyong okay?’'

The maknae was getting all worked up and fearful, until he heard a soft whimper coming from the room. It was a sound that even Jiyong’s closest friend would never hear, it was a sound that would scare Seungri to the core, it was a sound that would hurt Seungri, and it was that particular sound that tells Seungri – Jiyong is broken as well. His heart clenched painfully as he pushed the door apart with more strength. That moment, all he saw was a helpless boy curled up into a ball on the cold floor.

Seungri never understood Jiyong. The leader was like a mystery to him. When he thought Jiyong was going to hate him forever, the leader started treating him like the most precious thing on earth. When he thought that Jiyong was never going to show anyone his vulnerable side, Seungri witnessed it. When he thought his feelings weren’t one-sided, Jiyong started pushing him away. When he thought walking out of Jiyong’s life would make the leader happier, all he saw was a load of pain. What matters more is that, Seungri felt like someone was skinning him alive just by watching how helpless the dragon looked.

“Hyung…” he whispered, so softly that the loudest sound was still Jiyong’s helpless whimpers.

He was not expecting the leader to look up to him. After all, Seungri was used to Jiyong avoiding his gaze and was only left with nothing but Jiyong’s cold back view. But today, Jiyong lifted up his head, eyes gazing ever weakly at his maknae, hoping for him to just stay by his side. Seungri was still confused, completely unsure of what to do but his legs started walking. He stood next to Jiyong, slowly squatting down to an eye level. At that instant, he knew that the Jiyong he had always knew never really left.

“Hyung…” he whispered again. Seungri was confused too. That gaze with adoration had been missing for so long that he was so afraid that it would only be a dream. But something escaped the leader’s eyes. Was it water? Was it tear? Or was it something called pain? Seungri kept quiet, he held his breath as he notices how the leader’s cheeks were stained with tears. He felt like everything Jiyong was doing was tearing him apart. He just doesn’t understand the leader. But he knew that Jiyong’s tears and pain was his burden, a burden that would only ripped him apart was in all of his life, nothing was more important than Jiyong.

The maknae could only keep his mouth shut, knowing well enough that his words would only get stuck in his throat, and knowing well enough that Jiyong needed this comfortable silence. He stretched out his hand, gently placing it against Jiyong’s tear stained cheeks as he carefully wiped away those tears, hoping that it could take away the pain that he never understood as well.

“Ri…”

That call sounded warm. It sounded like the owner of that voice would always put Seungri on his palm and handle the panda with care; and that call came from Jiyong. Seungri found himself lost in Jiyong’s eyes. He found love there. He found all the comfort that he needed and all the assurance that his feelings were reciprocated.

“Hyu-” he attempted to call again, but was stopped when a cold, sticky yet soft and loving lip landed on his, stopping all the words he had in mind like how it stopped his heart from beating normally. That instant, Seungri found himself lost in a paradise; a paradise with only Jiyong as his mouth got explored for the first time, as their tongue danced together, and as he realized how Jiyong’s touches reminded him of how precious he is to the leader.

It was then that the maknae realized Jiyong always had a special ability. The dragon could give him all the pain and fatigue, but he will be the only one with the power to take away everything inch of agony. Seungri never knew how it felt like to be someone’s treasure or trash, but being Jiyong’s possession was the only thing he had ever wanted. Jiyong’s warm lips felt like heaven with its warmth and softness. Their lips danced so perfectly together; sweet or painful, strong or tender, they both knew that it was the best moment in their life.

Now they are here with a quiet moment all alone to share, to surrender to each other and to see the one their eyes longed to behold, embraced by a lovely song on silver wings sent from Heaven shedding golden ribbons in herald of dawn. Even with all the secrets that Jiyong was painfully hiding away, Seungri was a gem that Jiyong doesn’t know how to give up on, and Seungri was a beautiful dream him doesn’t know how to wake up from.

In the midst of falling and crawling helplessly in his cold, dark world, Jiyong found comfort in his maknae. For the first time in forever, he felt complete.

‘Maknae is mine’ – Kwon Jiyong

He reached deep within his soul drawing out all the dreams that he hid beneath the doubt for long, casting all his feelings away into the darkness and shutting all the doors.

----------

“Oh baby, despite all the scars and wrinkles left by the cruelty of life, you are still beautiful,” he murmured, fingers down her cheeks as he watches the defenseless woman eyed him in disgust. He too, felt disgusted by himself.

“Please, I know that everything was my fault. I was the one who had done you wrong, I was the sinner, but Jiyong is innocent, Seungri is innocent!” she begged as the man in front of her tightened his grip on her face.

It has been too common, for this man to barge into her house whenever he can just to release his anger, and to use her against Jiyong. She thought that after so many years, everything would have been fine. He left years back. She sealed and kept every little dirty secret knowing that as long as she did him this favour, everything would be fine. Twenty years ago, she was the one who started all the miseries that they’re going through. She saw the man she loved died right before her eyes, and she saw how the man who loved her with his all changed into a beast that she could no longer recognize. She was the cause of all the pain they are going through now.

“Innocent?” he laughed, eyes shooting some sort of confusion and pain that was unexplainable.

“I was innocent too my dear. I gave you all that I could,