“Jiyong hyung!”

His eyes shot opened, droplets of water sliding down his pale cheeks and his hands gripped tightly onto the sides of the mattress. It was the craziest nightmare, and the scenes were ever brutal. No amount of words would suffice the fear and uncertainty in his mind; the dream felt so real that he was in such a distress. He took a deep breath before looking at the clock next to his bed. Time checked, 2am in the morning. His breath remained loud and heavy as he tried to calm himself down, repeatedly telling himself that it was merely a dream and that Jiyong was fine; because he had to be.

The youngest slipped his feet into the slippers as he took light steps towards the room door, turning the knob slightly before peeking through the gap to examine the room opposite his. The door is somewhat opened, hinting that the leader has yet to return. Uneasiness strikes him once again but the maknae was determined to convince himself that Jiyong is probably sleeping somewhere in the clubs or hotels; Jiyong is fine. He had managed to somewhat convince himself that Jiyong isn’t home yet because he just didn’t want to see his face.

Seungri was beginning to believe that every fond memory between them was merely an act.

But the quietness in the house was scaring him. It was not that the house should be noisy in the middle of the night but he felt like it was so empty. Youngbae was the only one snoring on the couch, probably up all night waiting for Jiyong although he just swore to wash his hands off that friend earlier on. Seunghyun was clearly not back yet and there was no trace of the smiling angel in the house either. Is this normal? Probably yes; after all, every Bigbang members have their own life and instead of calling it privacy, the word ‘secret’ fits their situation more suitably.

“Ri?” the husky morning voice of Taeyang echoed as Seungri finished patrolling the house. He was probably waken up by the maknae, but the fact is that he was never deep in sleep because after all these years of drastic changes, Taeyang had long forgotten when was the last time he really slept at ease; without Jiyong’s random tantrums under or not under alcohol’s influence, without Seunghyun and Jiyong shouting at the top of their lungs and without Seungri’s daily nightmares.

“Ah hyung… I guessed I have woke you up, sorry,” Seungri apologized cutely with his hand scratching the back of his neck.

“Patrolling the house in the middle of the night might be a little frightening maknae…” Taeyang joked, earning an adorable pout from the maknae. He looked at the clock in the living room, only to realize that the three others are not home yet, which is exceptionally weird in Daesung’s case. But he had to brush it off since Daesung did say that he was off for some schedule and judging from his speed, it may be something big.

“Why are you sleeping here hyung?” Seungri asked as he took a seat next to the main dancer.

“Probably the same reason as why you were patrolling like the soldiers at the 38th parallel,” Taeyang laughed, making the maknae smile for the first time since the conflict with Jiyong. Nobody knew how much Taeyang was enjoying this alone time with maknae although both of them had their eyelids closed to falling. Alone time with maknae was never easy since he has four hyungs and most importantly, Seungri tries to be around Jiyong, even if he knew that it was going to hurt.

“You don’t look okay, feeling unwell?” Taeyang reached for the maknae’s forehead. Maknae smiled at his hyung and he really thank god for sending him such great brothers in Bigbang.

“I’m fine, just tired,” Seungri smiled as he casually leaned onto Taeyang’s shoulder, completely unaware of how fast Taeyang’s heart was beating, how hot the room was for Taeyang and how happy he was. Seungri found comfort in his hyung’s embrace but nothing was enough to fill up the emptiness he felt without Jiyong. And because of his obliviousness, he put the members on a crazy roller coaster ride while all his heart could feel was only Jiyong.

But it takes two hands to clap; they didn’t want to leave the ride too.

“Another nightmare?”

“Yes, but I guess it is okay.” Seungri reassured Taeyang even though the dream wasn’t really okay. It felt so real that he couldn’t simply get rid of the uneasiness, yet he didn’t know how to put it into words. But then again, what kind of nightmare had he not experienced? Perhaps, he was already convinced that dreams are the opposite of reality, which is why the happiness Jiyong had once given him was beginning to feel so surreal.

“You should sleep,” Taeyang whispered as he realized how quiet the maknae was, guessing that he was probably thinking of Jiyong once again. But everyone should have known better that never once did the leader left his heart, and Seungri just chose to hide everything away quietly, including his pain.

“Hyung…”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for being so nice to me. Thanks for being one of my strongest pillars of support. And thanks for not leaving Jiyong hyung no matter how big your fights are. You really are my best brother, thank you.” Seungri whispered as he stood up from Taeyang’s embrace, flashing him a faint smile.

To cry or the laugh with every word the maknae had said, he wasn’t sure too. But Taeyang knew that he wasn’t ready to reveal his deepest feelings too, but being treated only like a big brother by Seungri pains him. Jiyong had the best of the world that he had been dreaming for, but he just didn’t know how to cherish it. Taeyang was so afraid that with the revelation of Jiyong’s darkest secret, the simplicity of their friendship will start to change; and in the end, the one ending up with the most hurt will always be Seungri.

“Ji is just-” Taeyang was about to say something but it got cut off when his phone rang.

“That’s a really late call. Pick it up Hyung, I will go back to my room and turn in early too,” Seungri said softly as he motioned the main dancer to not delay the call.

“Hello?” Taeyang picked up as he leaned back on the couch, guessing that maybe something was up in the company since it was already that late. However, things don’t flow like we think.

“BWOH? JI IS ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL?” He shouted, with the phone still plastered on his ear but he saw how maknae’s footsteps came to a complete halt before rushing to his side, eyes pleading to know what was happening. Right at the moment, Seungri was so afraid of how real that dream was, and how it was actually taking place. Hands held together, he prayed so hard for Jiyong to be fine because even a gentle slap on the leader is sufficient to take away a large part of the maknae. Eyes closed, he was hoping to wake up one more time for Jiyong to be completely fine.

Worries and pains come in a package with love

----------

The room was silent, but the sound was deafening. The incessant beating of his heart reverberated through his body like the death beat of ethnic drums. He sank into cold plastic seats, indented with years of heavy anticipation and anguish. The air stank of nerves and fear.

“He will be fine,” Taeyang reassured as he watched the younger boy fidgets in his seat the moment they’ve arrived.

But it wasn’t easy for Seungri. The guy lying in the operation room was not anyone but his Jiyong. He was dying to know what exactly happened but he was even more eager for Jiyong to be fine. His nightmare came true. The same bloody scene whereby he witnessed for himself how Jiyong was covered with blood and bruises. He was so daunted by how the leader never once responded despite his constant shouting and pleads for him to open his eyes. He was afraid of how the leader’s hands turned cold in his and he was fearful of the reason behind this.

“It was supposed to be a nightmare… I need to wake up. Jiyong hyung is fine. Wake up Lee Seunghyun…” he chanted uncomprehendingly, hands rubbing against each other with him trying to keep the last bit