Forget about your fears, forget about your burdens, forget about everything that is in your way but remember the fact that no matter how hard you try, if a person matters to you, there is no way you can take him out of your life. Sacrifice and selflessness was what love meant after all. It did not mean hearts and flowers and happy ending, but the knowledge that another’s well being is more important than one’s own. Let’s be realistic, you know your fantasies and love under the rainbow are nothing but wishes upon the stars. Happy endings do not exist. Everyone has his or her own fears, and when it gets over empowering, it becomes a bag of burden that you carry on your shoulder. Should you let your fears hinder your way? Should it become a reason why you couldn’t love? Should it be a valid result of your love? Nobody knows. Love has no right or wrong, and yes that was how we were taught. But have you ever tried wondering if what we’ve been taught is actually a right thing? Jiyong doesn’t know, but he was too afraid to find out more. Seungri was all that filled his mind at that very moment.

Jiyong didn’t know how he did it, but he did it. For all these while that the bag of secrets he had been carrying in silence and pain, he managed to throw it away. He threw those fears right behind him. All that he could think of was how he first met the youngest.

Jiyong remembered how he used to detest Seungri’s confidence. For a boy that came from Kwangju at such a young age, Jiyong did admire his courage and determinations. However, Jiyong was the least close to Seungri because they just can’t click. It was to that extend that Jiyong didn’t feel a tint of sadness when Seungri was first eliminated from Bigbang. And then Jiyong recalled how he started unraveling Seungri like a book of mystery. Every new page was filled with surprises and Jiyong could just spend his entire life reading into this boy. Slowly, he got hooked onto knowing Seungri like a magnet. It all started when the youngest break through his parameter of comfort, Jiyong just wanted to get closer. He tore down the wall around the youngest. He became ever possessive over the youngest and slowly, Jiyong found his heart beating for a reason. He was in love.

Jiyong didn’t know how hard he pushed Seungri away. He knew it hurts to push him away but he didn’t have a choice. It will be hurting either way and Jiyong figured out that the easiest option is to let go if he can’t hold on for long. The loud crashing sound of the metal railing was deafening. The lights shuffled in sync with the accident like any other horror film. In the speed of lightning, Jiyong felt like he had lost the sensation of his ankle. He doesn’t know how but he had done what his heart told him to. He had protected his one and only panda even if it meant to sacrifice his life.

“Ji!” Taeyang shouted as he watched his best friend pushing Seungri away before landing hard on the ground. Indeed, Seungri was the one standing right under the metal railing when it was falling. Indeed, Seungri was the one who was supposed to be hit by the railing. Indeed, Jiyong pushed the maknae away. Indeed, Jiyong loves Seungri so much more than anyone else can imagine. Taeyang didn’t know how and why, but when he saw Jiyong biting his lower lip in pain, he saw the leader looking at Seungri with concerned eyes. He was hurt, he was hurt by knowing how much Jiyong would sacrifice just for Seungri. At that very moment, he figured out that his love was insignificant, at least when compared to the leader’s, it was certainly of no significance.

“Hyung…” his voice trailed off so softly that it sounded more like a whimper. That boy was close to tears but he could only grab onto Jiyong’s hand ever tightly. You know your life is dependent on someone when you hold your breath for him to be fine. Jiyong wasn’t saying anything but you knew it was painful. He flinched from time to time but his eyes had never left Seungri’s. He had long forgotten how long ago it was since he last felt Seungri’s warmth. When was the last time he actually laid in the youngest arms, feeling loved all over again? The pain was nothing, but a voice telling him that Seungri is safe. The pain was nothing, but a reason for him to be close to Seungri. The pain was nothing, but a sensation telling him that he had never and will never stop loving this boy.

“I thought you’ve hated me…” Seungri whispered. He would rather let the metal fall onto him than to see Jiyong lying like this, not even able to say a word. Seungri’s heart was aching together with every bit of pain he saw in Jiyong’s eyes. The youngest just didn’t know that most of the pain reflected came from Jiyong’s heart. Love can become too overwhelming when you start to confuse where your pain is coming from. Yes, Jiyong was supposed to push Seungri out of his life and not to lead him back with this incident. But his heart overcame his rationality. What’s the point of protecting Seungri from his secrets if Seungri were to leave him forever?

I don’t hate you and I never will. I just hated how I can’t love you the way I’ve always wanted. The elder’s heart whispered as he saw his maknae breaking down. He did what he wanted, but after today, it just makes everything else more difficult. It would be harder for him to push the youngest away. Right now, he just wants to smile at this little panda. He knew well enough that the moment he closed his eyes and open them again, his game begins. Somewhere in the studio, a phone lit up with a message – I told you that you would regret. Jiyong is still a rookie in this game. The best way to hurt someone is to hurt the one that meant the world to that someone. Don’t try playing this game if you are not strong enough. But then again, he wasn’t given a choice.

Jiyong could only look away from the youngest eyes as he felt Seungri’s tears on his arm. Jiyong was in pain. He surely was but what hurts him the most was that he couldn’t bring himself to wipe those tears away. If only he knew that one day, maybe just one fine day, someone would have took his position and wipe Seungri’s tears away and put his favourite smile onto that panda’s face. And when that day arrives, nobody, not even Jiyong can imagine how painful it would be.

Seungri’s tears were something Jiyong can never handle. Without any more hesitation, the leader used all the strength he had left with to walk away from Seungri. To be exactly, he was struggling to limp away. It was insane how he could bear with that unbearable pain in his ankle than to stay close to the youngest, only to feel the aches in his heart.

“Ji!” Taeyang called out as he ran towards his best friend to give him a hand. No matter how painful it was, Taeyang knew well enough that Jiyong would never say. The wall built by the dragon was too strong, too high, and too unreachable. The panda was always close to breaking through but Jiyong was more than determined to keep it strong. Nothing should hurt Seungri, not even Jiyong’s secrets.

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.

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"Ji, there are some things that are unexplainable. You love him, you do," Taeyang said as he threw the ice pack to his best friend. Jiyong's actions translated all his love for the youngest, yet he stubbornly walked away from the one he loves the most when Seungri approached him. He saw the cuts and scrapes on the youngest. And of course, frustration got all over him. No, it wasn't because of the fact that he was hurting badly in his ankle. No, it wasn't because the entire shooting was screwed. No, it wasn't because Seungri's carelessness had gotten him hurt. But, it is because Jiyong failed to ensure the youngest safety. Jiyong failed to make sure that Seungri was left unhurt. Jiyong failed to keep his heart closed from Seungri. Jiyong failed to remained unaffected by his panda, his one and only.

"Come on Bae, that's pure bull."

Lies. Jiyong's world is full of lies. From the moment he arrived in this world up till that very second, everything was nothing but lies that were slowly eating up his conscious bit by bit, pieces by pieces. But lies hurt, and Jiyong knows. It hurts him a gazillion times more just to hurt the youngest. But still, he did it. It was never a choice.