It was quiet. It was that quiet that a pin drop could be heard loud and clear. And there he was on the couch, with his back facing the door. The door is shut, the curtains are drawn, and the lights are off. Bottles and bottles of rum lay messily on the cold-cemented floor. He was unsure of how many bottles of rum he had gulped down, but then again, he didn’t really care. If those rums can take away his pain, he wouldn’t really mind even if he gets intoxicated. He wondered if anyone can feel the pain he is feeling; he wondered if Jiyong regrets anything that might hurt Seungri, just like how he wonders if Seungri mind getting hurt by Jiyong. Nobody should see what kind of a state he is in right now, nobody. However, it did cross his mind that if maknae saw these, maybe he would care for him, like how he would for Jiyong. Seunghyun was drunk, but in a corner of his mind, a spot of sanity was saved for Seungri.

Seunghyun stared at those photo frames hanging on the wall, seemingly asking him if things had changed. He smiled, as he got reminded of those happy times they’ve shared together, like how Seungri would go running to him with Jiyong chasing behind because of a little prank the maknae would do. Or it would be Jiyong creating a whole new disaster in the kitchen while the maknae would chide him kiddingly for the rest of the week, together with Taeyang imposing a ban on Jiyong entering the kitchen. He smiled about how silly the Tom and Jerry couple would behave on stage while he himself acts like a five year old around Daesung. Not to forget mother Taeyang trying his very best to protect the kings’ image. That was not all about it, because there was more. But Seunghyun figured out that it no longer mattered because now, those are just things that happened in the past; those are just things that no matter how hard they try, they can never happen again.  

Scenes of Jiyong ignoring Seungri appeared; the silent cries of maknae trying to win the leader’s attention like before, the irritated Jiyong who practically flares at maknae over the slightest issue, the terrifying incident at the set in the day, and most importantly, that phone call that told him how horrifying Jiyong is. Definitely, he was aware that Jiyong has been keeping a secret. It was clearly evident from the change they all knew. But he never knew how scary it could be, till he realized how unforgettable the caller sounded, till he realized how the incident wasn’t really an accident, till he realized he might really lose maknae one day, for good.  

“Tell me that person is lying… Please.”

His grip on the empty wine glass tightened with an enormous strength. In what felt like half a second, the photo, which he had been staring at, was smashed as it dropped onto the floor. Blood was dripping as the shattered glasses flew back at him. Is that what we all knew as ‘backfire’? Tears rolled down his cheek but what he felt wasn’t really sadness. His heart had lost the hope to see the light like how he never bothered to turn on the light in the room. His world fell into complete darkness as he swore he would protect Seungri, not from anything else but definitely Jiyong. If he was really going to become a demon, then he will. He knew that the first step to guarding Seungri, is to find out the truth that the leader is hiding. Seunghyun’s eyes were filled with determination, hopelessness, darkness, pain, as well as an unknown ambiguity.

“I want to know what exactly happened on Jiyong’s birthday,” Seunghyun mumbled as he plastered his phone next to his ear.

“At all cost.”

His tone was monotonous. There wasn’t a tint of warmth and it felt like the demon in him has awakened. Seunghyun has no idea. Cold, even he can’t feel the warmth anymore. His heart lost the ability to jump like how Seungri lost his will smile. If stares could kill, the coldness in Seunghyun’s eyes right at this moment would have shot thousands and millions of hailstones at that guy, Kwon Jiyong. He had probably figured out that the binding force in Bigbang isn’t really Taeyang, but Seungri. Hence likewise, Seungri may have already become the sole reason if Bigbang is over. 

“Hyung… is your heart as confused as mine?” Taeyang had his back leaned on the wall right outside the eldest room. He heard the loud shattering sound coming from the eldest room. He wanted to knock on the door but he didn’t have the courage and the heart to. The elder was cooped in the room the moment they reached the dormitory and Taeyang knew well enough that the elder do so when he is really lost. He didn’t want to disturb the last bit of peace the eldest can find and hence, he chose to accompany Seunghyun quietly, even if it meant that they were separated by a wall. Somehow, in the deepest corner of their hearts, these boys are and will always be bonded by an unknown strength, perhaps, that is another kind of love that they’ve yet to realize.

Nobody knew but yes, Taeyang was the one who had overheard the phone call. He asked himself again and again if it was just a dream. He told himself again and again that the last person Jiyong will hurt is Seungri. Honestly, he wouldn’t believe the content if he didn’t heard for himself. Just minutes before overhearing the phone call, he witnessed his best friend hugging the panda like he was Jiyong’s only hope; he witnessed his best friend caressing the panda like he was the most precious thing ever; he saw how the maknae held onto the leader like it was his life line; he saw how the maknae looked into the leader’s eyes and all it reflected was pain, insanity, craze and most importantly, love. But right now, even the guy who knew Jiyong inside out began to doubt the leader’s love. Maybe, just maybe, Taeyang did believe that Jiyong was just toying around with the youngest. At least for the few seconds of his life, he actually believed what he thought he never would. If he really finds out the fact that his best friend will destroy Seungri one day, the tamest demon maybe change too.

We all read of killing one hundred thousand men in a day. We read about it and we rejoiced in it. Of course, if it was the other fellows who were killed. We were fed on flesh, and we drank blood. Life is a war. Even down to the prattling babe. I need not tell you how many upright, honorable young boys have come into this court charged with murder, some saved and some sent to their death, boys who fought in this war and learned to place a cheap value on human life. You know it and I know it. These boys were brought up in it. The tales of death were in their homes, their playgrounds, their schools; they were in the newspapers that they read; it was a part of the common frenzy. What was a life? It was nothing. It was the least sacred thing in existence and these boys were trained to this cruelty. Because all humans are, and they were nothing different from us. The only thing left now is, to unleash the hungry monster cuffed in them.

Because they’ve loved.

----------

“Jiyong, I heard about the incident earlier in the set,” Yang Hyun Suk announced dully as he trotted his way into the room, yet looking unconcerned. Well, he cares a lot for his artists, he does, and to him, every single member in Bigbang was like his own children. He was certainly worried when he heard about the news. But the President kept his cool like he didn’t bother. Perhaps it’s just another way of him showing affection. Jiyong merely nodded as he eyed the President walking towards the couch in front of him. The maknae was ever quiet, sitting next to Jiyong. Their hands were intertwined. Jiyong knew it was wrong. His head had screamed umpteen times, asking him to let the maknae go before the demon in him goes uncontrolled. But he didn’t. His heart crazily begged for him to not let go for once. His heart begged him to allow it to seek solace in Seungri, just once, just one last time before he let it go again.

“I heard that you stubbornly refused to see a doctor,” Yang continued as he closed his eyes, slightly leaning back on the couch with his arms crossed, like how the panda will always mimic. Jiyong nodded, fidgeting a little because of the pain his swollen ankle was giving. Seungri helplessly look at the dragon who was trying his very best to bear with it, his eyes were filled with guilt, sorrow, and Jiyong could see how the panda eyes were begging for a time machine, allowing him to be injured instead of the leader.

“Sangjanim, I’ve contacted the police,” Seungri’s manager walked in. Upon hearing those words, Jiyong shot up from the couch. The previously pokerfaced leader literally went pale as he looked at the President, eyes filled with determination, anger, and somehow a tint of fear.

“No.”

There wasn’t a single bit of hesitation in his voice. The bewildered crowd stood where they are as Yang questioned Jiyong’s questionable actions with a raised eyebrow. The managers didn’t have much of a say and hence, they kept quiet, assuming that now is just the mood swing of this dragon and Yang will handle it.

“Hyung… Why?” Seungri asked, as he gently tightened his grip on the dragon. The maknae was confused. The set was safe all along and this wasn’t a simple accident. Seungri knew something was wrong and Yang obviously suspected this