o6

“Yongguk-ah, can you stay a little longer?”

Yongguk turned, giving a cold stare into a middle-aged man that was laying down the hospial bed in pale face. His both grey eyes were staring at him, asking for his favor to take care of him a little longer—or actually, just wanted to brainwash him about the divorce planning with his wife, as known as Yongguk’s mother.

He blew a silence sigh, slowly walking back into the chair on the side of his bed.

It was almost two in the morning and he had to attend school again tomorrow. Yet he knew—he would never be able to refuse his father’s wants.

Moreover when he was on an illness state like that.

“Thank you,” his father smiled.

Yongguk just showed off a thin smile, trying to didn’t completely express his true feelings.

“Where’s your mother?” his father slowly asked.

“At home,” Yongguk replied, but afraid if his answer didn’t meet with those man’s expectation, he later added, “maybe.”

“She doesn’t want to meet me again, right?” his father wondered, both of his teary eyes fixed into the white cellar above.

Yongguk looked at him, didn’t really know what better to do.

Sure his mother didn’t want to meet him again after all the things that he did towards her. Cheating behind her back and finally decided to divorce for the sake of those young woman’s force, he ended up inside a hospital room due to severe asthma attack. That young girl eventually left him after knowing his disease while Yongguk and his mother—as the only family he had, had to stay by his side like that.

Yet Yongguk knew, his mother wasn’t going to make up their marriage no matter what.

“She’s just busy,” Yongguk put on a thin smile. “Maybe she will come tomorrow.”

“Really?” his father slowly looked at him, giving a hopeful stare at his only child. “She will come tomorrow?”

Yongguk didn’t think so. But he couldn’t give the true answer for him either.

“If she has spare time, she will come to see you,” he lied.

His father smiled. A relief sigh escaped his parted lips later. “It’s good, it’s good.”

Yongguk’s smile slowly faded away, replaced by his dark tired eyes that were displaying his vexation inside. He didn’t like being between his parent like that. Either to go into his father’s side or his mother instead—he didn’t think one of them will properly work. But he knew it better that the chance of both of them getting back together again was the most impossible thing out of all.

“I have to leave now,” he finally said. “I have to attend school.”

“Ah, yeah. It’s okay,” his father nodded. “Be careful on the way.”

Yongguk flashed a smile, before got up from the chair and turned to reach the door. He was too tired to say a goodbye and just wanted to go home as soon as possible. Taking care of his father always added another burden on him, where he couldn’t honestly expressed his own feelings and spilling out his hatred towards those old man.

He hated him. He hated him too much that he was afraid,

if the hates inside of his heart turned back into him one day.

“Are you going to visit him again?”

Yongguk glanced at his mother that was standing by the threshold, looking at him with full of disappointment stare. He knew that she never liked it if he paid a visit to his father. Besides paying the bill and listening to the nurse’s explanation through the phone call, his mother didn’t have any interest to put her finger on that man’s life again. She just wanted him to quickly recover, so that their divorce application would soon be process. Just it.

“He needs something to read,” he lied, again.

“How about you give the papers instead?” she scoffed. “Don’t be too nice with that kind of person. He knows nothing about paying back.”

“He’s my father afterall,” Yongguk said, shoving the clean clothes inside of a plastic bag. “If I didn’t do this, would you replace me instead?”

His mother pressed her lips, didn’t want to ruin their relationship yet the anger inside her heart just couldn’t be hold back either. “So you have already make your decision?”

Yongguk turned, now completely facing her. “What?”

“Once we divorced you will go to him, right?” her voice raised, obviously showing her unhappiness.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Yongguk frowned, confused of her sudden self-conscious.

“I know it, Yongguk-ah! You’re always on his side!” she desperately yelled, making large steps to where Yongguk stood and that was when he realized that she was crying. “I’m the one that is hurted. He’s cheating on me after everything I’ve done to him and now he wants to dump me like I’m an useless trash!”

Yongguk knew he had to say something to calm her down but he didn’t know how to give a respond. It wasn’t the first time for his mother to behave like that but still, whenever she did it, he always didn’t know what better to do.

“And you will leave me too, right? Because you think that all this time, he’s the one that paid for your needs? Because you think I’m not good enough as a wife?” her voice got weakened, before finally tears running down her pointed cheeks. “Will you leave me alone?”

Yongguk looked at her that was dropping into the floor, crying and murmuring the same sentence over and over again.

He didn’t want to see her like that. Not at all. And so he kneeled in front of her, brushing her hair that was sticking into her tears away. Later, he realized how thin she became. Her cheekbones were showing right under her swollen eyes, and her shoulder that used to carry him when he was child was now looking so small and fragile. Like she could break down with just one single touch.

But he won’t let her break into pieces. He would never let it happen.

“I will never leave you. I promise.”

He went to the school with pressure behind his back everyday. But all of them slipped away for a short while when he saw her from the back of the class.

It was Song Jieun, the most beautiful girl in their class—or maybe the entire school.

She had a pair of bright black eyes, small pointed nose, thin red lips and long dark brown hair that was smoothly fall into her back. She was obviously that one girl who everyone wanted to befriend with but many people said she had a bad attitude. She was indeed looking a little unfriendly, cold, and careless about the people around her but to say that she had a bad attitude—Yongguk didn’t think he know her that well to give a judgement.

He just really liked to see her from afar like that. To see her perfection, and to feel the different charisma that she pulled off. She really deserved to get the most good looking girl title around students.

“It’s Jieun?” his close friend, Yoseob, sat beside him.

Yongguk quickly looked somewhere else, due to reflex he believed but he ended up telling the truth anyway. It wasn’t the first time for that short guy to caught him staring at Jieun like that.

“Yeah,” he nodded, pretending to read the book back.

“She’s indeed pretty,” Yoseob agreed. “Will you confess to her soon?”

Yongguk looked at him, frowned. “It’s not that kind of feeling, you know.”

“Who knows?” Yoseob didn’t accept his reason. “But I’ll understand if you said you don’t have enough brave.”

Yongguk shrugged. Maybe that guy was right. He wasn’t a confident type afterall.

“But seriously, what does she eat to be that pretty?” Yoseob sighed, placing his chin against the table while staring at those girl in the front seat.

Yongguk looked at her again. And that sudden thoughts came across his mind once he saw her thin smile.

For the first time since he became her classmate.

“She’s not pretty,” he muttered. “She’s beautiful.”

Walking inside of the hospital, Yongguk was still on his uniform when the clock’s hand already moving to nine.

Some of the nurses greeted him due to his routine visit there and he had to show a smile despite feeling so tired. He would face the final test soon and even though he tried to didn’t think this way—his responsibility to take care of his father everyday after school did affect his study time a little. Yet he knew he didn’t have any options as well.

“Dad,” he called, as soon as he opened the sliding door.

His father didn’t give any answer like usual nor showing any smile—but Yongguk just walked in without having any bad thoughts about his weird respond.

“I bring your clean clothes just like what you asked yesterday. But since there’s not so many books that I know, I only got three with me. I hope you like it somehow,” Yongguk said while placing the stuffs on the side table.

But before his eyes could even process what happened—everything had already fall into the floor. It was when he looked at his father back that he realized, he was the one that threw the things away.

“What—”

“Do you already know she still want to divorce with me?” his father murmured.

Yongguk’s eyes widened to hear that question. He didn’t expect him to confront him straightforwardly like that.

“Tell me!” his father shouted, throwing the cover away in anger.

Yongguk didn’t know what to do. And that was impossible for him to lie just to make him felt a short relief either.

“Yes,” he finally replied.

Yongguk felt his shirt’s collar was being pulled forward, closer to his father’s mad face.

“Why don’t you tell me? Do you want to fool me and make me thinking like you have already forgive me and we will start everything over again?” his voice trembled, like something was stucking down his throat that made his voice sound forceful.

Yongguk knew his asthma was probably starting to come out. His heavy breathing, almost red eyes, deep husky voice and the way his lips trembling were more than enough to show the signs but Yongguk didn’t have any control that time. He just wanted to make him know what was their reason, what was the causes of their broken.

“You left us for that girl. Do you think mom should forgive you after that happened?” he muttered, trying his best to hold back his temper.

And later, Yongguk felt his gripping was loosing down a little.

“I regret it, Yongguk-ah,” he cried. “I really regret it.”

“Can your regret removed all of her pains? Could it make us forget about those betrayal and gladly open our arms to welcome you?” Yongguk blinked, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall.

His father sat on the bed, crying so hard that Yongguk could even hear him breathing through mouth. “I’m sorry. I did wrong.”

“I adored you. So much,” Yongguk sighed, feeling his chest tightened. “We may forgive you but to accept you again—I don’t think we could.”

His father looked up, staring at his son’s cold face through blurred vision. He didn’t want them to leave him. He needed them. He needed his small family, that used to give him the best love he could ever have. He didn’t want to lose them.

“Don’t leave me,” he sobbed. “Yongguk-ah, don’t leave me.”

Yongguk frowned, battling against his ownself whether to accept him again or not. Those man was still his father afterall but in the other hand, he didn’t think he could easily forget what he has done to his mother too.

He wanted to forgive him as much as he wanted to stay by her side.

And he had to choose one.

“I’m sorry,” Yongguk whispered. “Take care of yourself.”

Yongguk turned, leaving his father that was calling him from behind. He just walked and walked forward, without even looking back once. With such quick move, he opened the door and closed it behind his back, keep walking and walking farther from that room—keep ignoring his voice that was surrounding his mind.

Keep believing that it was the best decision for both of his parent.

And it became the last talk that he had with his father.