o4

Would it be better if I hold your arm and asked you to stay?

Would everything changed if we tried a little harder?

Sometimes, I wonder whether I am the only one that still haven’t get over the past.

Sometimes, I wonder if you still remember me or just think of me as someone who just walked across your life once.

Sometimes, I wonder.

Did we ever in love with each other?

Jieun gasped, quickly opening her eyes to get out of her dream.

She tried to catch some breathe, wondering why did it feel so difficult to do that before she realized tears were already running down her cheeks. She got up from the bed and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand, still asking her ownself why did she have to dream about him again after all this time.

She hated it. Really.

She hated the truth that she hadn’t get over him nor completely leaving all the regrets behind. It was something beyond her control—like her heart wasn’t part of her body anymore. The more she wanted to forget him, the more she missed him. And it was so painful to know that there’s nothing she could do to change what has done in the past—or actually, there’s still a little chance.

She quickly went to the bathroom as soon as she remember about the reunion party which would be held a week later and all of the disgusting thoughts she got by thinking that she would probably meet him there. It was such nonsense if she hoped that something might changed when they met again, after such a long time. He was probably already forgot her. Or not, only considered her as a friend and pretend nothing’s ever happened before.

And she wasn’t on a position to question him as well.

She turned the faucet to let the cold water out before washed her face with the water inside her palms. She didn’t want to sleep. She was afraid if she got asleep and went through the same dream for the fifth times of that week again. She just wanted to forget all about him and be able to face him like the other old friends but the more she forced herself to do so, the more she wanted to know whether he still remember her or not.

It was torturing for her.

That she didn’t even know what was her for him.

Why did she have to keep thinking about him after all this time.

“I hope you will always live on happiness.”

Yongguk-ah,

do you already get your happiness?

Sunhwa lifted her head a little, looking at Jieun that was working on her desk with back facing her.

She knew something was going wrong with that girl. Jieun was indeed normally quiet, but her silence felt a little distracting lately. And as her only close friend on the company, she had to do something for her. Because it was just weird that she became like that after Junhong gave her an expensive ring as a present.

“Let’s have lunch outside,” Sunhwa offered, right after the lunch break began.

Jieun glanced at her. “I have to finish this before two.”

“And you still have two hours again,” she rolled her eyes. “Come on, it’s not like you will get fired just because you are late for fifthteen minutes.”

Jieun sighed, knowing she would lose the debate no matter what. “Guess you have something to tell?”

Sunhwa pressed the lift button, before looked at her with a smile on. “Of course.”

Jieun smiled. “What is it?”

“I’ll tell you later,” she said, as making her way inside the lift.

Jieun kept wondering what was she going to talk about throughout their way outside the office since it seemed like a serious matter. Even after they arrived at a small ramyun restaurant and got their orders placed on the table, she still asking her ownself what made those pretty girl took her time to eat outside like that.

“So, what is it?” Jieun finally asked when they were about to eat.

Sunhwa carefully munched the ramyun inside before replying, “it’s actually about you.”

Jieun frowned. “About me?”

“Yes,” Sunhwa nodded. “Did something happen between you and Junhong?”

And with that question, Jieun’s expression remained straight.

“What?” she muttered.

“It’s because you look sad lately,” she pointed out. “And it’s happen after you got that ring.”

Jieun glanced at a diamond ring that was wrapping on her middle finger before looked at Sunhwa back. “No.”

“No—you don’t feel sad because you got that ring or no, you have been sad even before that happened?” Sunhwa tried to guess.

A tired sigh escaped Jieun’s lips as what Sunhwa said was right. “I’ve been sad for a very long time.”

“Why?” Sunhwa put down her chopsticks beside the bowl.

“I won’t leave you alone.”

“I have this one person on my mind,” Jieun bitterly smiled, “that’s always took half part of myself even without being by my side.”

“Who?” Sunhwa asked.

Who?

Jieun didn’t even know how to call him.

“My friend from high school,” she hardly answered.

“I guess he’s not just a friend,” Sunhwa tilted her head to the side.

“I don’t know either. We’re just friends. But I loved him, and I believe he did too,” Jieun smirked. “Pathetic, right?”

“So you are still wondering what do you mean for him,” Sunhwa concluded.

Jieun nodded. She couldn’t agree more.

“Are you still in touch with him?” Sunhwa wondered.

“No. But we probably meet at reunion party two days ahead,” she swirled her tea without having any intention to drink them.

“That’s why you become like this,” she chuckled. “Alright. Are you going to confront him on that reunion?”

Jieun looked at her. “I don’t think so. Junhong will be there too.”

“So what? He’s your past, right? Are you going to leave Junhong for him once he told you that he still love you too?” Sunhwa quickly blabbered.

Jieun never think that far. So she just shook her head since she didn’t think it would be fair for Junhong. He had been there for her through the hard times and leaving him for Yongguk was such a ruthless thing.

“Then it’s okay!” Sunhwa convinced. “You can’t start a new relationship if you’re still living in a memory.”

She was right. But deep inside Jieun’s mind, she was really afraid if everything wouldn’t be that easy.

“What if—I fall for him again?” Jieun wondered.

Sunhwa looked at her, knowing that her friend was really not over that guy yet.

“Then go for him,” she shrugged. “Sometimes, things just couldn’t go the way we want.”

It was finally the reunion day.

Jieun looked outside the car window, staring at an elite hotel that was about metres in the front.

“They seriously make it,” she chuckled, referring to their class monitor’s promise eight years ago about making a reunion at a famous venue.

“I was surprised too,” Junhong smiled, driving the car inside the basement. “It’s not about the price but more likely that feeling to know they are still remember, right?”

Jieun nodded. “I got a little nervous.”

“Don’t worry,” he glanced at her. “You look beautiful.”

“It’s not about that. I feel kind of nervous to meet our old friends,” she pouted.

He chuckled, looking at the ring on her finger for a short while. “Guess you’ll have a lot to talk about though.”

Jieun touched the ring, a smile flashed on her face for a second. “I really do.”

They walked out of the car into the seventh floor of those hotel, keep complimenting the glamorous of every side of the decorations—including the shiny surface of the lift buttons and the way the door shutted with two thick layers. They were really amazed by the unusual views there but once they arrived the the venue on floor seventh, those feelings quickly covered by fluterring happiness.

As soon as Junhong called by his close friends from dancing club, Jieun saw Hana between the crowds before quickly ran into her with a big smile on.

“Hana!” she excitedly called her.

Hana turned, and a smile appeared on her face as soon as she saw it was Jieun walking closer to her.

“Song Jieun!! My beautiful friend!!” she exclaimed, holding out her arms to welcome a hug.

“I miss you, really!” Jieun hugged her tight.

“Me too~” she replied, before looked at her face once they were apart. “Guess you become prettier?”

“You look pretty too!” Jieun raised her eyebrows, just realized she looked a bit different.

“I got my eyes done,” she laughed. “My agency told me to get one if I want to renew my contract. So I ended up taking it.”

Jieun’s eyes widened, disbelief. “Really?”

“Bless you pretty girl,” Hana scoffed, laugh escaped once again.

“Hey, my application got rejected by thirty-two companies too!” Jieun laughed.

“Really?” Hana looked utterly shock since she acknowledged Jieun as a smart person.

“Bless you talented girl,” Jieun shot her back.

They both laughed, walking hand-in-hand to the couch at the corner of the room to continue their talk.

“So how are you doing?” Hana wondered.

“I work at a publisher company, an editor,” Jieun replied in tired. Even talking about her job already brought exhaustion to her.

“It’s good. I can see why your talking ability improved a lot,” she teased.

“How about you? Is it fun to travel around the world?” Jieun expected a nice answer.

“It’s nice, but tiring as well. We are forced to always be maximal with just twice practice and it’s just stressful, honestly,” she pursed her lips, looking down at her hands before realized something on Jieun’s finger. “Do you already engaged?”

Jieun looked at the ring, before put her eyes back at the blonde girl with a smile. “Kind of.”

“Whoa, congrats!” Hana clapped her hands. “Got a good work and a fiancè—your life is really enviable!”

Jieun forced a smile, didn’t really agree with her words.

“Now, where’s those lucky man?” Hana looked around. “Is he coming there?”

Spreading her sight around the large venue, Jieun finally found Junhong after a while. Those tall guy in black suit was standing at the center side, surrounded by a bunch of friends—typically a famous guy in high school—with a smile kept sticking on his face. And Jieun automatically smiled to find him.

“There,” Jieun pointed at Junhong.

Hana narrowed her eyes. “Who? Himchan? Jae Bum? Youngbae?”

Jieun looked at Hana, wanting to make sure she wasn’t make fun of her. “It’s Junhong.”

Hana glared, jaw dropped some inches to prove that she was literally having no idea about it.

“How?! How can??!! I know you guys decided to stay at Seoul but—didn’t you don’t like him?” she stuttered.

“Everything naturally happens. I never thought we will be together too,” Jieun smiled.

“Ow, Junhong must be so happy,” she giggled. “He’s been in love with you since we’re on high school.”

And with that statement, Jieun turned to look at Hana. Doubt was displaying through her gaze.

“Really?” she couldn’t believe it.

“So you don’t know about it?” Hana frowned. “Just so you know, he’s the one that—”

Hana stopped from talking when Jieun suddenly turned her head to the entrance, hearing the crowds cheered when someone entered the venue. Her eyes went through everyone that was standing by the room—between every faces and figures, before she found that guy with his signature gummy smile which she missed the most.

Bang Yongguk walked inside the venue in black formal suit—from head-to-toe, all black. His hair was on spike style, which was just the same like their high school times and Jieun couldn’t control herself to restrain the memory that suddenly washed over her mind. Those memory when they were still together.

Those time—that she missed the most.

And finally, she realized.

That she couldn’t hold on her feelings any longer.