15

She was alone in those editorial room, with a small desk lamp on the side of the table as her only source of light. She didn't mind the darkness around her, though. In fact, nothing could really scare her than her ownself.

Than her own feelings.

The vibration coming from her phone placed on the table was being ignored since then. She didn't even mind to look at the caller's name, or to wonder whether they might told her of something important. Her mind was completely absence—left in that time, where she saw him right before the train door closed.

When she saw him smiling at her.

Painfully.

Just like what she predicted, her time was indeed stopped at those time. She was nowhere far from her old self, from the memory that she willing to forget but failed—or it actually wasn't.

She was the one that didn't want them to disappear. She was the reason why the memories still haunting her after all this years and she was the causes of everything that happened now. She was looking someone to blame all this time but it was actually her ownself that worth the blame instead. She has ruined everything. And she didn't know how to fix it.

Thats why, she never think her life was perfect, like what people always claimed.

Instead, it was too far from what perfect life should be.

And as she realized it, tears were suddenly falling from her eyes without her knowing.

She tried to keep working with blink the tears away but the more she did it, the blur her vision became.

Just like a bomb timer—she had already reach the peak.

Everything was finally spilled out of her chest, everything that she held back for years long.

She closed her eyes, soft sobbing was slipping off her lips everytime she felt her chest tightened after tears by tears rolled down her thin cheeks.

It was painful—hurts, hurts a lot.

Even though she knew she had been a fool to cling on the past like that or to pretend everything's alright and dragged people around her into her problems—she had to accept that she was indeed that kind of person. She couldn't pretend to be someone else, or to fake a life just so people would look up to her.

If she was meant to be broke, she would rather broke alone.

She promised.

"I thought you said you won't come home tonight," Junhong said, right after he opened the door for that girl.

Jieun didn't answer anything. She just wordlessly walked inside the room, standing still in front of the closed door.

"Fortunately, I decided to order big size pizza. Do you want some?" he asked while walking towards the kitchen, yet sooner stopped as he realized the latter didn't follow his steps.

He turned, and found she was still standing near the door, without even unwearing her shoes. That was the time he realized how doleful her face was. And he wondered what happened.

"What—"

"I'm sorry," she cut his word. "I'm really sorry."

Junhong stared at her, little did he know what she would say to him. He could read the signs clearly.

"I'm sorry but," she clenched her teeth, hating on herself too much that she eventually cried. "I can't do this anymore."

He didn't say anything. He let her finished her point, to say what she truly wanted to say.

"I can't love you this way," she sobbed, trying to find a little piece of her bravery to go on, "so let's break up."

His dark eyes fixed on every slight moves that she did—the way her tired eyes cried the sadness out, the way she closed with the back of her right hand to hold back all of the loud sobbing, the way her head downcasted a little to hide her true feelings from him , the way her other hand tightly clenched like she was fighting against something in herself—he understood it wasn't easy for her as well.

He knew how much suffers that she went through and clearly watched how hard she tried to stick by his side so that was why, he understood her more than anyone else did. He understood.

But now he realized something.

He wasn't as nice as what he thought.

"All this time, it's not like I do understand you," he speaked, slowly. "It's not like I'm an understanding person too."

Jieun looked at him, couldn't really guess on what he wanted to say.

"I just endure everything and pretend to understand," he smiled, tilting his head to the side a little. "I'm not a good person afterall."

Jieun knew no matter how many apologize she could offer, they would never enough to heal the wound on his heart. Moreover to make everything back like the old times.

So, the only thing she could do was crying—knowing everything would break into pieces now.

"Jieunnie—If breaking up with me will make you happy, then I have nothing to hold you back anymore," his smile slowly became more and more clouded, despite he tried to keep it light. "But if you have decided to leave, let's just pretend we don't know each other from the start. I believe we will live much better that way."

There—Jieun couldn't see him clearly again.

She blinked the tears away, wanting to see how he looked like but her vision became more blurry each time she made an effort. She didn't want him to say something like that. He was the closest person she had right now, and she didn't think she could find someone like him anymore.

But she couldn't hurt him any longer either.

He had enough.

"Take care, Jieunnie," he finally said the farewell.

And regardless the urge to hug him and say another sorry, Jieun decided to turn around and walked out of his life. She believed he would find his happiness without her—just like what he thought as soon as she left behind the door.

He knew this day would come, sooner or later—but it was surprisingly much harder than what he thought might be.

It hurted so much but he felt relief at the same time. He was glad that finally those little girl was able to make her own move. He was really glad to see her strong side which very rare she showed before yet to know he wasn't the one that she fought for made him upset somehow.

Well, everything was over in the end.

And as long as she could freely smile without him,

then he would survive no matter how.

He promised.