22

Jieun watched him staying still on silence—not exactly looking at her, even though his eyes were neatly fixed into hers that time. He was looking through her, deep inside her eyes that she didn't even feel his staring at all. It was more likely the way he talked to something inside of herself—something that was being left unsaid.

And it made her scared somehow.

"What do you mean with 'like'?" he asked, slowly, in a very monotone voice.

Jieun raised her eyebrows, a little failed on reading the meaning behind his question and she couldn't find anything to be said at all. It felt like something was being stucked down to prevent her from talking and she couldn't find a way to get rid off it.

Blank—her mind was completely blank.

"Is it like," he tilted his head to the side a little, still looking into her dark brown eyes, "a feeling of wanting to have and put someone by our side?"

What?—she tried to whisper, but couldn't make a sound even after her lips parted opened.

"Or the feeling of wanting to make someone happy instead?" he asked again, now slowly forming a smile through his lips. "Which one is it?"

No. She didn't know the answer.

She couldn't understand it and even still looking for the answer herself.

But if she really still couldn't put it into words—then why did she decide to ask him about it instead?

Was she a cheater now?

"I-I don't know," she muttered, slowly lowering her gaze from his eyes.

He smiled, only a thin one. "I didn't feel both."

Jieun catched his eyes back, wanting to find the clothed honesty through them.

But guess he was just too good on hiding them—or he was indeed telling the truth instead, she couldn't find anything drawn on them.

"I didn't feel the need to make you mine or letting you go forsake of your happiness. I just have this one thought when I decided to stop the thing between us," he paused for a moment, locking his eyes into hers where he could see the sadness on them yet he wasn't going to stop no matter what. He had to tell her somehow, "that I just can't pictured us inside my mind."

She frowned a little, hoping he would at least give her the explanation of why, yet she didn't think he would have an answer for that. She wasn't able to break through his mind in the first place and to confront him about something that he couldn't even feel was just an useless thing either. Though, at least, she just hoped that he wouldn't give such bizarre answer to her.

Which instead of making her feel relieved, it just added another questions on her mind.

"Guess we're just too young that time," he shrugged, trying to show off a casual attitude. "We couldn't see things through and just believed what we want to believe. As for my case, I couldn't really told myself about what I should prioritize at the moment. I was the worst one afterall."

Jieun knew she shouldn't have smiled to hear his confession but she ended up landing a small smile on her face instead. Maybe it was because she felt relieved that he was knowing his fault, though. "You're not."

Then, there's a very long silence between them, where Yongguk just put his eyes on the gleaming city lights in front of them and Jieun that was looking at her espresso that was getting colder and colder—but none of them really wanted to go home yet.

It was a very pleasuring silence. But Jieun didn't mind at all when he finally broke it later.

"How's your relationship with Junhong?" he said, glancing down at her eyes. "You're very lucky to have him. He's a good guy."

Ah—how she wished they would just skip this topic away.

"He's indeed a good guy. A very good guy," she flashed a smile before let out a soft sigh. "But maybe I'm not lucky anymore."

Yongguk turned, looking at her whose still smiling at the view in front of them with complete disbelief. "Did you guys broke up?"

"Yes," she nodded, frowning a little when she felt a slight aching inside. "We've finally broke up."

He knew he shouldn't put himself on their problems but before he could hold himself back, his lips already did the favor to him. "Why?"

Jieun finally turned to look at him. No smile on her face. "Because I can't hurt him any longer."

I want him to be happy—was all that Jieun wanted to say but the words stucked on her tongue as she realized something's going weird. Did she just want to say Junhong's happiness was all that matter to her?

"Why do you think he wasn't happy with you?" Yongguk carefully asked, word by word.

"I—" she tried to come up with an answer, before finally letting out a small sigh through her lips. "I've hurted him a lot. And I just can't be with him."

Hearing the hesitation on her answer convinced him that there's another reason which she didn't seem willing to tell him somehow. He just could see it clearly.

"I've already married," he stated in a sudden, causing Jieun to look at him right away. "With someone that I hurt almost everyday."

Jieun pressed her lips tighly, not letting any single words to slip off from her lips yet.

"I didn't tell anyone about our marriage and when people finally found out about it, the first thing that they said is not a congratulation," he chuckled, "it's always "why her?"."

She knew he must felt bad whenever people asked him about that. But, she couldn't understand why did they end up together as well. Moreover that they were step-siblings before.

"Why her—I don't think I need a reason for choosing her though," he looked at the night sky, like trying to ignore the reality around him. "But when people keep asking me about it, those question ever came across my mind once or twice. Why did I choose her instead?"

Jieun still looked at him, waiting for the continuation. "You regret it?"

"It'll be really cruel if I said I regret it," he smirked, finally looked at her. "More than anyone, despite a million reasons that I could offer—she's still the most hurted one in our marriage. And if I could choose, I will always pick the one that I hurted the most more than the one that I loved the most."

Jieun frowned, not getting his point at all.

But he just smiled, keep playing on his role against his ownself. "Because more than love, pain lasts way longer."

For the nth times, Junhong looked at his watch again to find out that it was almost twelve already and Jieun hadn't come back yet.

It would be much better if she had a phone with her so that he could at least make sure she was alright—and now, he blamed his ownself to not lend her his phone instead. He was indeed so thoughtless.

He walked into the other side of the gate, keeping his eyes around the darkness of the street while trying to convince his ownself that everything would be alright. She was a journalist afterall—walking alone in the dark street must be a nothing to her and she was just a very brave person to begin with. Though, he still couldn't believe he easily let her go to see Yongguk alone.

He just let his jealousy won. And how he regretted his childish act now.

It was when he turned around again while still blaming his ownself inward, he saw that girl walked closer to him with her head down, looking at nowhere but her own shoes.

And just by looking at her like that, he knew something must already happened before.

"Jieunnie," he called her, when she still didn't notice his appearance there.

She tilted her head back, looking a little surprised to see him there. "What are you doing here?"

"I was waiting for you," he replied, immediately putting a thin smile on his face. "Have you eaten?"

"This taste really good," Jieun mumbled, as she stuffed her face with another slice of meat again. "I never knew Busan has this kind of heaven."

Junhon chuckled, staring at how that girl was so into the foods that it made her looks like a kid somehow. "Do you want more?"

She nodded. "But only beef and chicken, please."

"Alright, Madam," he winked, getting up from the floor to stand by his knees before started grilling the meat. "He should have asked you out for a dinner though."

Jieun glanced at him. "I should already be thankful that he wants to meet me."

Junhong smirked, feeling ridiculed somehow. "So what did you guys talk about?"

Jieun swallowed all the foods in before answering, "a lot."

Junhong put one slice of grilled beef on her plate while looking at her with full of curiosity gaze. "What is it?"

"I don't really know what to tell you," she looked at him, letting out a heavy sigh afterwards. "I'm really full."

"About your feelings?" he guessed, still putting another grilled meat on her almost empty plate.

Jieun smiled, yet later shaking her head instead. "No. I asked him about his feelings."

Junhong blinked his eyes, kinda not believing her bravery. "What did he say?"

"He said he never liked me," Jieun chuckled, resting her head with a hand on the table. "I'm so pathetic."

Junhong couldn't believe his saying. It was clear enough that he got something towards Jieun and he was really sure of it. Why did he have to lie?

Was it because he got a wife now?

"He asked me what's the definition of 'like' is," she muttered, still keeping her head low. "And I couldn't answer him. I didn't expect him to ask me that kind of thing."

Junhong stared at her for a moment, dealing with half part of his ownself to just ignore what happened and be glad that finally, the things between Jieun and Yongguk was already over. He must be glad afterall.

"Jieunnie, you still have a lot of meats here," he told her, placing a chicken drumstick into her plate.

She finally straightened up her position, but her shining gaze to the meats was now completely disappeared. "Why don't you eat with me?"

"I'm not hungry," he smiled, flipping the meat over the grill with both eyes fixed on her.

Jieun stuffed herself with another meat, having some thoughts on her head between their silence before she finally speaked them out. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

"No," he replied right away.

"Pathetic?" she chose another word.

"Not really," he glanced at her with a smirk.

"It's alright then," she sighed, looking at the way the meats being grilled in front of her without saying anything again.

And Junhong could feel her unsatisfaction even without looking at her face.

"No, Jieunnie, you're not," he repeated with much convincing way. "What makes you think so?"

"Because I hurted so many people with my dumbness," she answered, straightforwardly. "Including you."

He chuckled, taking a quick glance at the girl before saying, "then, should I take back all my words?"

"He said," she took a deep sigh, still fixing her eyes on the grilled meat. "Pain lasts way longer than love. That's why he will always choose the one that he hurted than the one that he loves."

Junhong looked at her. "He said it?"

Jieun nodded, still not looking at him. "I was so surprised. But as I think of it again and again—I can understand him somehow."

"But you were being hurted as well," he muttered while switching off the grill.

"He has faced a lot of problems. It's not like I'm on the right position to confront him about something that he doesn't even think of," she smiled, mirthlessly. "This is all my fault."

Despite the urge to just ignore her sadness because she would recover soon as well and they might ended up together again once they got back to Seoul, Junhong found it's way too hard for his ownself to pretend didn't care about it at all. It was one of his flaws afterall—that he wasn't able to let those girl sinked alone.

"Forget about it," he smiled, later turning a little to take out the invitation from his bag. "I've got something better to do for you."

Jieun looked at the card that he held out to her, taking a glance at him for a second before accepting it. "What is this?"

"Yoo Youngjae-ssi sent it this evening," he leant forward and crossed his arms over the table. "He really wants you to come."

Jieun smiled, reading the event's date that was written on the card before twitching her lips to the side. "I don't think I will stay here until Friday."

"I know you will," he insisted, holding out his right hand to flip over the invitation and let her read whose name printed there. "Right?"

He saw her both eyes widened in surprisement, where he could see the mixed of her confusion and excitement through them. And he couldn't help but to smile, knowing she would definitely made up her mind already.

"How?" she gasped, didn't know what else to say.

"Let's go to the event together," he said, pursing his lips into a line, "and let's say our last farewell to that guy."

It was two in the morning, when Yongguk walked through the empty corridor alone while holding a white teddy bear by his hand.

He felt his heart aching a little to smell the heavy medicine's scents and to feel the coldness on his skin—that was reminding him of the time where he spent almost his half day in the hospital to take care of his parents.

And it made his head dizzy.

Soon after he arrived in front of the room 305, he took a deep breath and composed himself back for a while before holding out his hand to open the slide door. And even before he stepped inside the room, Hyosung was already giving him a cold stare from the bedside.

"Daddy!"

Yongguk's focus switched to the little girl that was sitting on the bed with a huge smile placed by her small face upon she called him, making his heart softened a little to see her cheerfulness.

"Hey," he smiled, closing the door behind him before walked closer to the bed. "How are you, princess? Are you feeling better?"

Sarang obediently nodded, but quickly turned into her playful self back when she saw what her father bought for her. "A teddy bear!! Daddy, is this for me?"

Yongguk placed the bear on her nap. "Of course. He is all yours."

"I like it, really!" she hugged the bear tightly, making her puffy cheeks to blush in red and Yongguk couldn't help but to caress her head. She was really cute and he loved her with all his heart.

Even though there's someone that was still questioning his sincerity.

"What were you doing? Don't you see what time is it?" Hyosung muttered, trying not to sound rude in front of Sarang.

Yongguk's smile slowly faded away, noticing her covered unhappiness somehow. "I was busy. I'm sorry."

Hyosung looked at him, shoving all the words that almost spilled out of away before turned her eyes into Sarang back. "Sarang-ah, it's already late. You'd better sleep now."

"But I want to play with daddy," she pouted, tugging on Yongguk's shirt to plead for another minutes.

But knowing Hyosung got something to say, Yongguk just smiled and held her small hand while saying, "Mom's right. We still can play tomorrow. Daddy will wait for you here. Don't worry."

"Promise?" she half-heartedly asking for the last time, just before Hyosung pulled the cover up.

Hyosung walked out of the room first, clearly giving a sign for Yongguk to follow her and he wordlessly did as what she wished. Soon after he came out from the room, he saw those girl finally let out all of the vexations that she held back since then—just like what he has predicted.

"Did you meet her?" she straightforwardly asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Who?" Yongguk frowned.

Hyosung sighed, looked away from his face in annoyed. "He came to our house yesterday."

Yongguk raised his eyebrow, seriously didn't get what she was trying to say.

"Choi Junhong. Don't pretend to be innocent," she sighed, still trying to compose herself.

Yongguk frowned even much deeper to hear those name. He didn't even know that Junhong was in Busan. "I don't know about him."

"He came and said such rude things to me," she cut him off. "I guess Jieun told him to do that."

"She's not that kind of person," he quickly denied, not agree to her statement.

"So you did met her?" she changed the topic as she realized something weird from the way he talked.

Yongguk paused for a moment, wondering whether to tell her the truth or not yet he didn't find any reason to hide it from her afterall. He didn't have to tell a lie. "Yes."

Hyosung snorted, looking away in complete disbelief. "I should have already know about it."

"She's just my old friend," he muttered, didn't want to start any debate. "Why do that even matter to you?"

Hyosung looked at him, coldly. "Today is the third time Sarang collapsed for this week. I hope you can understand it."

After that statement, Hyosung walked away first, leaving him alone behind—with all of his unsaid feelings and thoughts,

and his own self-conflicts inward.