Chappie 7

Thinking about that incident, make me my heart ache. It wasn’t because I was mad, it was because I was disappointed and sad because of his action. He’s no longer Chanyeol that I know. My Chanyeol will never do something like that.

But, when I tried to remember every seconds of his kiss, I felt the warmth, the warmth that I felt was something that I couldn’t translate it in words. I could feel the love, pain and sadness between the kiss. It was like he was trying to tell me something, through the kiss.

That kiss, it was not the main thing. He got something that he want to tell me, but , instead of telling me, he kissed me. That’s what I felt through the kiss. The warmth of his kiss was … full of sadness and disappointment.

I took a deep breath, and lied on the ground, with the shady tree as my protector from the sunlight. I closed my eyes, relaxing my mind with the cold breeze that kept hitting on my cheeks.

Then, I heard the music through my ears. Someone plucked the earphone in my ear. I opened my eyes, and was shocked by Chanyeol presence beside me. He was lying on the ground next to me with the other earphone in his right ear. He was closing his eyes with a smile plastered on his face. Acting like there was nothing happened between us before.

“Hey,” He looked at me straight in the eyes with a warm smile. I looked at him, his face .. was pale.

“Hey,” I plucked the earphone back into my ear while looking up at the blue sky.

“Do you remember this song?” He asked while staring at the sky with his hand behind his head as he lying on the ground.

I closed my eyes, and tried to feel the peacefulness of the song that suited well with the breeze and the atmosphere.

“Yeah, Kiss The Rain by Yiruma.” I answered while still closing my eyes, I smiled without took a glance at him.

“This is the first song that we heard, together.” He responded and took a glance at me then smiled. I looked at him, and smiled back.

He woke up from lying, and sat while hugging his knees, I did the same thing as him. He was watching the scenery of the cold breeze, then smiled.

“Sorry for what I have done.” He began to talk after a long silence filled in between us. I looked at him.

“Why did you do that?” Instead of telling him that I already forgave him, I asked him that question.

“Nah .. I was unable to control it. I know that it was my fault. I’m so sorry. I never had any intention to do that kind of things to you. I never think about taking any advantages on you. I swear, that it was not a plan.” Chanyeol looked me into the eyes while putting up his right hand like he was swearing.

“I know that my Chanyeol will never do something like that. I believed you. I don’t hate you, I was disappointed with you.” I looked on the ground, pulling out some grass and looked at him after the long silence.

He looked on the ground, and looked at me in the eyes. “Thank you for not hating me.” He smiled, but his face was too pale.

“Hey, are you sick?” I asked then put my hand on his forehead. He touched my hand and put it down.

“Don’t worry. I’m .. I’m not sick. It just .. I couldn’t get enough sleep. Well, the exam is around the corner. So, to get a higher rank, I chose to study until late night.” He put a smile on his face. He’s wearing a sweater, with the gray knitted hat and a pair of jeans. His appearance made him looks like a sick person.

“You shouldn’t do that! You gotta have enough sleep. Don’t make me worry.” I responded as my voice rose up. My hand was still in his grip. He chuckled while looking at my worries reaction.

“Please .. don’t worry about me. You make me feel … guilty, .. to leave you.” He slow down his voice when he was about to say the last words. But I still managed to hear it.

“Why would you leave me? You’ll be with me, always.” I answered and smiled at him. Then I looked at the scenery infront of me.

“Yeah , I will be with you … always.” He answered while looking on the ground. It was weird looking at him acting like he was going to die soon. I lift up his chin and looked at his eyes. His chuckled with the teary eyes. He smiled.

“Why you are acting like you’re going to leave me?” I asked with a serious face.

“No way! I’m not going to leave you, never.” He chuckled then looked on the ground, pulling out some grass.

“Then, why are you crying?” I asked once again. I kept on staring at his pale face.

“Am i?” He wiped off the tears with his hand then he chuckled. “Nothing, I was just … touched , because you are willing to forgive me.” Then he smiled at me and continued to looked on the ground with that smile on his face.

I pulled him into a hug, I hugged him , tightly.

“You’re the best bestfriend that I’ve ever had. Promise me, that you will never leave me, okay?” I broke off the hug and offered him the pinky-promise. He took a deep breath and  looked me in my eyes with his teary eyes and smiled, before he took my offer. And I continued to hug him.

“I will never ever ever ever, leave you, Chanyeollie” I said while still hugging him.

He broke off the hug, with a teary eyes, he looked at me with his warm smile. Then slowly, he pressed his lips on mine, softly. Trying to not make me feel uncomfortable with the kiss. I was shocked with the sudden kiss, but I responded to it. Even though, I only treated him as my brother and my friend, but I appreciated his feelings toward me.

He broke off the kiss, I smiled at him and caressed his cheek. Then he chuckled, his tears flowing out from his eyes.

“Why do you keep crying?” I wiped the tears with my thumb.

“Uh? Ah , maybe because I know that you can’t accept my feelings toward you?” He smiled and wiped his tears and looked at the ground, continued to pulled out the grass.

“I’m sorry, but I promised you that I will never leave you. You will always be in my heart.” I pulled him into a hug to comfort him. I patted on his back, lightly. He cried even more on my shoulder. “Shh, everything will be alright. I will be right by your side, forever.”

I broke off the hug and wiped his tears, “Aigoo, my Chanyeollie, you’re not handsome with tears on your face.” He laughed at my actions.

“You acted like my mom. I love you, as my friend, always.” He chuckled and looked me in the eyes.

I smiled and looked at the scenery around us, as the cold breeze kept on hitting us, giving us some chances to feel the peacefulness of it.

“I know , Amber.” He suddenly spoke after a long silence. I looked at him in surprise. What did he know about me. He smiled.

“I know that you liked Kris. Don’t ever deny it, Amber. Or else, you will lose your chance. Go to him and tell him your feelings.” Chanyeol cupped my cheeks and looked me in the eyes, while smiling with that teary eyes on his face.

I was surprised by it. How did he know? If I confessed my feelings toward Kris, do you think he will accept me?

I let out a heavy sigh and turned my body around. I don’t want to watch the scene. Although I felt angry and just going to punch that boy’s face, but I can’t do that.

I have to give him the chances. Chances to spend his days with Amber. I can’t be selfish, he should feel some happiness before he leave. He should make Amber happy , show his last smile to Amber, laughing and teasing her, that maybe will be the last tease and the last joke from him.

I wanted to tell Amber about Chanyeol. But I can’t, Chanyeol told me to not tell Amber anything about his disease. He didn’t want Amber to worry about him. He want to make Amber smile, for the last time.  I should give him that chances. Trying to put myself in his shoes, I will do the same if I am in his place.

I walked away with my jacket on my shoulder, and my hands in my pocket. I took a very deep breath and walked further.

I was still sitting under the shady tree with my tears flowing out from my eyes. Amber already left, she have to do the part-time job. Now, I’m sitting here, alone.

I clenched my fist as I cried out loud. I can’t accept the fact! I can’t accept that I will leave her soon, I can’t accept the fact that I’m having this kind of disease, I can’t accept the fact that I have no future.

‘Amber, please don’t worry about me. Just .. please ..' I closed my eyes tightly, my tears were dropping on the ground.

When I promised her that I will never leave her, my heart ache. I will leave her soon, I will break the promise. When she said, that she will always be right by my side, I cried even more. The pain that I felt  .. was a pain that I couldn’t endure. It was too painful!

‘Is this the reality?’

It was hurt. Everything was just fine before. I felt the happiness before, but all the happiness that I felt were gone. Now, I can only felt the sadness . Sadness already filled my heart. I didn’t know what’s the meaning of the word ‘ happiness’ anymore.

“Argghhh!” I pounded on the ground as I cried out loud. The sky was getting dark. As dark as my heart.

‘I’m sorry for lying to you, Amber. I didn’t got the courage to tell you.’ I cried even more when I think that her future, there will be no me in her future. There will be no more a guy named Chanyeol in front of her. There will be no more this childish kid that will tell the lame jokes to her. There will be no more ‘me’ in the future.

I cried as loud as I can, let out all of my tears. It was .. hurtful. I couldn’t bear this type of pain anymore.

‘I will be watching you from afar, Amber. I will always be your friend, always be with you, forever. Between the air surrounding you, I will be there.’

I pounded on the ground, I was angry. I was angry because I know what will happen to me, I was angry that I will never feel this cold breeze again, I was angry because everything will end up soon.

‘God, help me.’

One question that kept playing in my head,

Why me? 

Hey guys! Yeay! I was so excited to write, that's why i'm posting a combo today~ haha! Feeling proud of it! I hope you like it. Well, i wrote it with a teary eyes. I don't know why i make it so sad. It was unfair that Chanyeol have to suffer from the disease, i know. I felt the same way too TT.TT 

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