Chappie 9

W-010 , was my room. The darkest, the most lonely room, that only filled with tears, full of sadness, without knowing the peacefulness and happiness. Every moments, every seconds that I spent here, was the most sad moments in my life.

This room, as the proof for my sadness and tears. The air in this room will be my last breath. The cactus behind the window, that white sheets as the bed cover, with that white blanket on it, that small table beside the bed, that tube, and the chair, will be my last scene that I will see before my last breath, before I close my eyes.

I stood there, beside the window, while holding my drip, I watched the scenery. From up here, I can see the brown leaves falling from the shady tree, leaving the shady tree, alone.  With the sun was rising up on the other side.

‘Another day ..’

That was my thought, every day, every morning, every time I see the sunrise. It was just another day, that will fill with .. another fake smile that I used to hide everything from the bottom of my heart.

I took a deep breath, trying to remember every seconds of it, and printed it on my mind. I just can smile, accepting the reality that I’m going to leave everything behind, and start my new life up there.

Cry ? I didn’t have any tears anymore. My tears had already dried up a long time ago. I opened my eyes, slowly, and watched the sun rising up with that fake smile on my face.

‘Will I have a great life, there? Do I have any tears to cry while living up there?’

Those kind of questions, kept replaying on my mind. It won’t stop.

I chuckled while looking up at the sky. Then I heard someone knocked the door. In a second, I saw that tall guy walked in, with the sweet buns in his hand.

I smiled.

As I opened the door, I saw the same guy wearing the same grey knitted-hat, with the same pale face, holding the same drip, standing at the same place with the same fake smile plastered on his face.

I smiled and put the sweet buns on the table. He was trying his hard to make his steps toward me. I ran to him and helped him to his bed. He smiled when I grabbed his hand.

“Thank you. Seems like I can’t walk with my own feet, right ?” He looked at and chuckled at his own words. He looks really sick, but he still managed to give a smile to me.

I took the sweet buns and gave it to him. I took my seat on the chair that was already prepared beside his bed.

He reached out his hand and took the sweet buns from my hand. He looked at the sweet buns, and smiled at me. I thought that he was going to eat the sweet buns, but he put the sweet buns back on the table

“What’s wrong ?” I asked then looked at him suspiciously. He seems … weird.

“Nothing is wrong. I will eat it later.” He smiled and took a deep breath. Then he opened the drawer beside the bed and took out a diary with a letter from it.

He hugged the diary, and smiled. Then he handed me the diary with the letter. He smiled, but the smile still couldn’t hide his teary eyes. I took the diary and the letter, I knew that heis going to give this diary to her. I nodded.

His tears started to flow out from his eyes.

“I thought my tears already dried up.” He chuckled and wiped off the tears from his face. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t say anything actually. Watching him suffering from the disease, I couldn’t help but also felt the sadness in his heart. If I was him, I might be crying days and night. He’s a strong guy. I don’t know if I should tell him or not about the relationship between me and Amber.

“Hey, I feel so wrong to tell you this. I’m .. “ I looked at him, and he looked at me in the eyes. Waiting for me to finish my sentence. Okay, now I regretted for saying those words. I took my deep breath, trying to calm myself.

“You .. what?” Chanyeol asked me. I closed my eyes, gathering the courage to tell him the truth.

“I .. I’m .. I’m dating  .. with Amber.” I looked at him. He looks surprised by my words. With his teary eyes, he smiled.

“Whoa, congratulations! Take a good care of her, she is a good girl.” He punched my shoulder, lightly. Although he was smiling, but I know that he was hiding that pain in his heart. He was trying to put that fake smile on his face. I looked at him, with guilty. I felt .. horrible when I told him about it.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. I don’t want to cry anymore. Tears can’t change the fact that I’m suffering from the disease. It can’t grow my hair back. It can’t heal this disease.” He chuckled at his own words while still wiping off the tears that kept flowing out from his eyes. He looked away, through the window.

“What a perfect day.” He smiled while looking through the window.

'I'm sorry ..' 

I took my deep breath and looked at the window.

“Yea, a bright day.”

After a few days ..

I walked out from my house, began my steps to the school. As I was walking through the lane, I looked up at the sky. Watching the sun rising up.  I took a deep breath, appreciating the peacefulness from this bright sunny day, with the cold morning breeze. It was autumn, seeing the brown leaves fell on to the ground, one by one.

‘A perfect day ..'

After I took a few steps forward, my phone rang. I slipped inside my pocket and took out my phone. I looked at the screen , private number. I tapped on the green button.

“Hello”

“Hello, Kris .. please .. come here .. quickly.” I heard the voices from other side. Sounds like she is crying.

“Who is this ? Why are you crying?” I became worry.

“I’m Chanyeol’s mother . He is .. Chanyeol .. is ..” The voices said while still crying. As soon as I heard Chanyeol’s name, everything in my mind mixed up.

“Okay, I will come right away.” I hung up the phone and rushed to the hospital.

‘Chanyeol , what is happening to you?’

My mind kept on playing that question. The worries in my heart, the unacceptable fact in my mind, everything mixed up.

W-010, I rushed in the ward, and all that I can see was a lying body, with all the machines around him, the tubes were everywhere, with the oxygen mask on his face, everybody were around him. Everything looks like the moments that I’ve been worried.

The sounds of the machines, with the doctor trying to help him, with the crying sisters and mother. Everything was .. something that I’ve never thought.

I stood there, didn’t know what to do. The tears started to fill up my eyes, waiting to drop out. I was shocked, watching he was trying to catch his breath with the tubes around his body, with the oxygen mask on his face. I couldn’t say any word. Not even a word that came out from my mouth.

I was startled, from here, I could see he’s looking at me, with the tears kept flowing from his eyes, trying to catch his breath. I walked toward him slowly. I didn’t want to see him in this kind of condition. I could see those sweet buns that i bought was not touched yet. 

He tried to remove the oxygen mask from his face. Then he smiled at me, with those teary eyes, I smiled at him. I couldn’t look at him, I looked away, wiped off my tears.

'Why did you have to experience this kind of pain?'

He grabbed my hands, tightly. He smiled and tried to speak. I moved my ear to his lips. Trying to catch the words he was trying to say.

“Thank .. you.” He spoke, trying to catch his breath. I looked at his teary eyes, tears kept flowing out from his eyes. And he still managed to smile. I nodded and wiped off my tears, I smiled at him.

“Am .. ber.” He spoke, as soon as he finished his word, I nodded and rushed out from the ward. Kept on running until I reached the class, my tears kept flowing out. Never thought that this bright sunny day, was not a perfect day.

I rushed into the class. I saw Amber was reading on her seat. I ran to her, and grabbed her hand. And dragged her out of the class.

“Hey, Kris! Where are we going?” She kept on asking me that question. I didn’t know what to answer. I couldn’t answer that question.

We kept running until we reached the ward. I stopped infront of the ward.

“Hey, what are we doing here?” She asked me with those teary eyes. Those eyes, showing that she was worried.

I looked on the ground, as I cried even more. I’ve tried to hold it in. But , I just .. can’t. She held my shoulders, kept asking me that question. I didn’t know how to answer but kept on crying.

I looked at her teary eyes. I pushed the ward’s door, while looking on the ground, didn’t dare to look at him.

She walked slowly into the ward.

‘I’m sorry .. for not telling you.’

I was worried. What the hell is happening? Why did he dragged me here? What happened? All those questions kept on playing on my mind.

I shook his shoulders, as I saw  he was crying, he pushed the W-010’s door. I walked slowly into that room.

Everything was dark. I saw a family was crying beside the bed. My eyes moved to the lying body on the bed, lying on the white sheets of the bed. The body was covered with a white blanket, from the feet until head. My heart beats fast.

I walked slowly to the bed. My eyes were filled up with tears, and the tears was flowing out on my cheeks. I opened the white blanket, slowly.

“No way ..” I was shocked. I shook the lying body. The tears kept on flowing on my cheeks.

“Chanyeol! What are you doing here?! Hey! Wake up!! Wake up from your sleep! It’s already morning! Chanyeol!! You’re hearing me, right? Yah!! Don’t make me like this!! Please, stop pretending!! It’s not funny, okay! Chanyeol!!” I kept on shaking Chanyeol, I looked at his face. And caressed his cheeks. Cold.

My tears kept on flowing out. Everything in my mind mixed up.

I didn’t know what to do. I hugged Chanyeol and kept on shaking his body. I saw his pale face, was smiling. I saw the tears from his eyes.

“Chanyeol!! Wake up!! Don’t make me worry! Chanyeol!!!” I kept on crying. I cried as loud as I can. Kris came, and hugged me, tightly. Trying to stop me. Trying to pull me away from the bed.

“No! No, Kris! Stop! Chanyeol is pretending, right? Don’t you see ? He is smiling! Look at him!” I removed Kris’ hands from my waist and shook Chanyeol’s body.

“Yah! Stop it, Chanyeol!” I kept on shaking. My tears kept flowing out.

‘No, this is not happening.’ ‘He will be fine.’ ‘He’s pretending.’ 'Everything will be fine.' 

All these kind of thought kept on playing on my mind. Although I know what was happening, but I .. I .. I can’t accept the fact that he left me.

Kris hugged me, tightly, pulling me away. I cried as loud as I can.

“Stop it, Amber.” He whispered. My knees trembled. Finally, I sat on my knees. I couldn’t stand with my own feet anymore. Kris was still hugging me from behind. I could hear he is crying.

“No!!” I yelled. Suddenly, the rain started to fall. The bright sunny day started to become a gloomy day. The atmosphere around me, the air, the darkness of the room, printed in my mind.

I cried, until I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Why did you left me?!! WHY?!” I pounded on the ground. Kris was still hugging me, trying to calm me down.

“Amber, let he feel the peacefulness up there.” Kris whispered to my ear.

“But he left me! He broke the promises! This is unfair!” I kept on crying. That day was a nightmare.

That day was the most unforgettable nightmare I’ve ever had.

The rain was getting heavy, as if the rain was also feel the pain, the sadness, the anger in my heart.

I was sad, because he left me, I was angry because he broke his promises, I was disappointed because he didn’t tell me anything about him!

‘Why …  ?’

I kept on crying and crying, Kris was still hugging me from behind. The fact is …

‘He already …. Left me.’

Then everything went …..

Dark .

As dark

As my heart .

I felt the pain in my head, I saw through the window, it was bright.

‘On this bright sunny day ?’

The pain was getting more pain. Too painful. I closed my eyes and clinched my fist. I looked at the surrounding around me. This will be my last scene.

Too painful, my knees tremble. I gripped the drip beside me, as the support for me to stand. But, I just ..  can’t. I can’t stood up on my own anymore.

Finally, I fell on the ground. Everything was blurred. My eyes became teary.

“It’s … too painful ..” The drip that I held, fell on to the ground. I saw the blood kept dropping from my nose. I couldn’t catch my breath.

Then, everything was blurred. I didn’t know what was happening. I saw that the doctor was putting those tubes under my skin, the oxygen mask, I felt dizzy. It was painful. I could feel the pain from my feet until my head. My body was hurting me, from inside.

I heard, those sounds. The machines, the sob, the encouragements words, and everything. I watched everything around me. I saw my mom, my sister and the doctor around me.

I saw someone from the corner of the room. I know that it’s him. The tears started to flow out from my eyes. He walked toward me. I want to say many things to him. Everything.

‘Thank you, for keep bringing me those sweet buns. Thank you, for always visiting me. Thank you, for keep reporting me about Amber. Thank you, for taking a good care of Amber. Thank you, for helping my family. Thank you, for everything.’

“Thank … You ..” I tried to catch my breath as I spoke. I hope he could hear me. I really want to thank him for doing everything for me. He’s really a good guy. When he said that he is dating Amber. My heart felt pain. But I know that he is the only one that could make her happy.

Amber, I want to see you . For the last time . I’m sorry, for telling you those lies, I’m sorry. For lying. Let me see your eyes, your smiles, your face, again.

“Am .. ber..” My eyes become teary, I couldn’t see anything. With those pain inside me. I couldn’t do anything. Except for taking my last breath through the mask.

He nodded and rushed out.

I felt cold. So cold. I felt pain. It’s painful. Too painful.

I closed my eyes, I saw the rainbow on the sky, flowers around me, the sounds of river, everything was perfect. I smiled. Too beautiful.

I opened my eyes. Trying to accept the fact that this is my last moments.

‘My last moments …’

I saw my mom beside me, holding my hands. I smiled, I caressed her cheeks. I saw my sister behind her, crying.

‘Don’t cry, you make me feel guilty. Don’t cry, I could feel the pain.’

I really want to say many things for them. But I can’t. I wanna say that I was grateful that I have this warm family, thanks for mom, for giving me a chance to live. I wanna say thanks to my sister, for letting me know the meaning of the happiness, for giving me a chance to live as your brother. Thank you.

The cold, but I’m sweating. My body trembled. Because of the pain.

‘Thank you, everyone.’

‘Amber, sorry. This is my last moment. Thank you for giving a chance to feel the meaning of love. Sorry, because I couldn’t see you for the last time. But I will keep everything in my memory. Those moments, was the most beautiful moments in my life. I love you.’

I took my last breath, I closed my eyes, I could see everyone’s faces in front of me. I smiled. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. The pain inside me, I couldn’t feel it anymore.

That’s when I know,

that I already left everything and …

 I’m on my way

 up there.

‘Goodbye’

Hey guys! Okay, i admit it! This chappie is heartbreaking. I was crying when i wrote this chappie~ Thank you for reading. TT_TT
Sorry for those grammatical and typos errors. English is not my first language XD

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