Chapter 10
Sweet & Sour (Hiatus)“I-I had an older brother?” Donghae repeated, baffled. Could his mother have gone insane? Was she really telling the truth? He didn’t recall right away any memories of ever having an older brother, but he was only 3 so it was pretty normal for most people not to remember what it was like at those times. He just ate, slept, and played at that age.
“Your Appa and I had a child before you were born. His name was Donghwa, Donghae. Do you remember Donghwa?”
“Donghwa?” The name evoked no clear memories from his past. However, there was a tingling sensation that made him feel as if he did know him at a time in his life. There was no remembrance of voice, smell, or touch, but there were images in his mind so vague that Donghae had to squint in order to concentrate on them. He didn’t receive much data out of it.
“Donghwa.” He repeated once more. It didn’t help bring back any specific moments from the past, but the more he said it, the more he felt like he would remember something about Donghwa.
“Do you remember him, Donghae? Anything about him?”
“Nothing.” He answered.
Donghae wanted to ask so many questions. He wanted to know more – he wanted to know everything. But he was only limited to his mother’s knowledge and perspective. He didn’t feel sad, but he knew he should be since Donghwa, his ‘secretly dead older brother’, was gone. But he couldn’t help it. Donghwa was a shadow to him; a silhouette behind a thin, white curtain. What kept Donghae from denying the existence of Donghwa was the tingly feeling that bothered him.
“He was one of the most studious boys I’ve ever seen. He loved wearing his glasses, he felt like he was him when he wore them. He loved eating candy, especially sour candies. Back in our old house, in Mokpo, he would always challenge me in who could eat the most sour candy drops. He would always win.”
Donghae listened to the nostalgic memories his mother talked about, but what he wanted to know the most was how he died and what happened. He had to be patient though, so he listened to more forgotten memories that his mother babbled on about which were of him and Donghwa together. Finally, she reached the part he had been waiting for.
“One day, you guys were outside playing in the front yard. You were 3 and Donghwa was 8. I was watching you guys from the porch. I remember that I went inside for a minute to grab you both your coats, but when I came back out, Donghwa and you were gone. I searched everywhere frantically. I couldn’t find you or Donghwa anywhere. So I called the police, fortunately they were able to locate where you were, but Donghwa was never found.”
His mom started to cry all over again. The pain overwhelmed her.
“It was my entire fault,” she cried, “your Appa was at work and it was my duty to watch you guys at home. The police even gave up on searching for him. They searched and searched but no good came out of it. After a week, everyone thought he was already dead, but I still wanted them to search. There was no way my baby boy could be dead...”
Donghae rubbed his mother’s back. She had tried her best to speak, but she was now choking on her words. Her tears wouldn’t stop. Those painful memories that haunted her, the regrets and shame she took on that day. It was all hitting her back hard. It had been so many years since she had talked about her missing son, she wanted to forget everything. However, nothing got better. Donghae’s father became ill when he was 13 and died when he was around 16. His mother simply became sick of it all and wanted to start anew. When Donghae felt like she had already finished he got up and said,
“Omma, I think Henry should have calmed down by now, I’m going to go talk to him, okay?”
Still crying, she nodded. Her face was still buried in her hands. Their dinner had already turned cold.
Donghae climbed the stairs slowly and quietly so he could ponder to himself.
Why did Donghwa and I disappear that day?
He tried to comprehend the actions, the past, the reasons, but everything just smooshed together into a crumpled piece of paper with ripped holes and random squiggles. There was one thing though that Donghae knew for sure, and that was he had finally been told the truth – but not the whole truth. He needed it all to sink in for a bit and to think about it piece by piece.
Donghae wondered how Henry was going to understand it. He probably wouldn’t understand any more than Donghae could, but he was still the younger brother of Donghwa. He deserved to know the truth too at least.
Donghae approached the closed door of Henry’s room. He knocked and heard no answer. He knocked again.
“…”
Still no answer.
Henry was probably sleeping, so Donghae cautiously opened the door to check up on how is brother was doing. He was lucky that Henry didn’t have a lock on his door. Otherwise, he’d never see Henry until it was morning, or maybe Henry would even refuse to go to school.
Donghae scanned the room for any signs of a sleeping Mochi, but to his surprise, there wasn’t anyone in the room at all. Donghae tried searching the other rooms upstairs and he still found no traces of Henry. When he was sure that Henry wasn’t upstairs he began to panic.
There was no way for Henry to be downstairs because from Donghae’s view of sitting next to his mother at the dinner table, he had a good view of the stairs and the front door. There was no way… Unless…
Donghae ran back and revisited Henry’s room. He looked straight at the window. He walked closer and squatted down to eye level with the bottom of the window. In their house, the windows only opened one way and that was up. Donghae could feel a small breeze of cold air coming from the outside. To Donghae’s horror, there was even a maple tree outside, tall enough to reach the second floor and for Henry to climb down all the way to the ground.
My god… He really ran away…
In a heartbeat, Donghae raced downstairs.
“OMMA!” He shouted, “Henry’s gone!”
The look of pure horror and fear was expressed so vividly through his poor mother’s face.
“Gone…” Her eyes slowly closed.
“Omma!”
Donghae ran and caught his mother before she fainted. Not being able to think clearly, he quickly placed his mom on the couch and grabbed a jacket and headed out the door. He had no clue where to look for Henry. He was scared something bad could've happen to him. He could be lost somewhere for all he knew. He knew he lost a brother already, and he didn't want to lose another. Especially, when Donghae had strong, precious memories with Henry.
Donghae only knew of one person who could help him, and that was his neighbor who lived across the street.
He march on all the way to the door steps of his neighbor’s home and rang the doorbell, waiting to see Hyukjae’s face.
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