I woke up in sweat, again. I realized I must have fell asleep in the car, since I am now in bed in my gown, with my daughter and Son. Our son and Daughter, I hated the fact I couldn’t get over him, I realized my bed hair made my curls look better, then I went to check melody’s and her hair was just perfect. I smiled at that sight, it reminds me of the day they would sleep, so he said to let them sleep with us.  I sighed at the fact that my feelings for him were as noticeable as melody living in another world half the time. I guess that’s my fault since I still keep his bear, that stupid white bear, that bear, he gave me on the day Melody and Jun were made, the day that I hate, the day he probably forgot a long time ago, the day that probably means nothing to him, a day which still makes my heart hurt, what was I hoping him to call and Acknowledge that day, our day. Those words I remember that day clearly, how he said he loved me, how we believe we were seriously in love, the day we slept together, the day, I felt his love, that day will forever be in my memories, for two reason: Because of my children, and because back then he really love me, didn’t he, he’s not the type to say words he doesn’t mean, or were those lies, I mean when I did call him, he had a girl in his clothes in his dorm, and it wasn’t You’re My Oppa, but a girl, who he

“Umma, why are you crying?” Melody asked as she crawled toward me, snapping me out of my thoughts, making me realize I was crying this whole time. “Umma, don’t cry anymore!” Melody frowned as tears threaten to fall. “Umma, don’t cry anymore, please” she whispered the last part as her own tears fall, “melody, umma sorry” I kissed her forehead.

When I look back on that day, I think melody knew, the whole time, even though she was an infant, she knew something bad was happening, I remember that night, I pulled them in to my room and I couldn’t stop crying, and Melody looked up and me touched my face, and attempting to wipe my tears,  and then Jun crawling to the bear, as if he could smell Sungjong familiar scent .  I remember it all, everything, I even remember the Incident, but Niel and I, I don’t see him like that, I never did, only as my big brother, because I was told to push any feelings away from him.

“Umma, we has to leave, or we’ll be late.” Jun yawned, rubbing his eyes, he does it the same way as his appa.

“Ah yep, let’s go” I force a smile; “Umma, you’re doing it again” Jun sighed and looked down, as tears fell, “Junnie, what’s wrong?” I asked, worried about his condition, but I knew very well, what it was, I couldn’t hide it from them. “Umma, smile, only when you want to and can.” I heard him mumbled. “Nobody deserve you tears.” he whispered while he glared as tears streamed down his face, those word snap the wall, I hugged him tightly “I’m sorry, umma weak” I mumbled as my heart was crying, that he knew that, melody knew, I guess it was becoming noticeable to them, most of my smiles were fake. “Thank you, my sweet angels” I said as I kissed their foreheads. I was slowing breaking down, my confused heart, was slowly reforming, but only to break again, it still my fault, but at the moment  I wanted to seem strong, I wanted him to believe that I didn’t need him as much, as he needed me, I wanted him to want me more, then I wanted him, but those were all my ways of knowing I needed him and I wanted him, but I turned down his pleads, I said he had no children, what kind of person Am I, I hit him, where I knew he would hurt, he loved them, I know that for sure, I remember him smiling over their simplest action, he wouldn’t let anyone touch them, no matter what.

“See, only think of happy thoughts and memories” Melody smiled, as I realized I still smiled at those memories, of us.  “Umma, shall we go?” Jun smiled holding out his hand for me to take it. “Thank you” I bowed my head toward him and smiled

As we reached the entrance, my heart stopped I was a guest of Honor, for my Ex’s return after 5 years, was I ready to face him again, I mean he is the who broke our hearts first, but I bet he blames me, I did send him a message, but he never responded, and when I called him, that girl answer.  If I wasn’t nervous already, I has to sing my debut song, in which was written out of thought of our situation, in front of him. As I walked in I realized my seat was right next to his, and melody and Junnie were next to me, I was excited when I found out I would be a guest of honor to a company party, but I didn’t realized it would be this one, now I’m hoping that we won’t actually sit for a while.

I took melody and Jun to the dance floor, as we danced to all of the Infinite, Mines, Epik High, and Baby soul song. “Having fun?” A voice smiled, I sighed in relief knowing that voice. “Yes Daniel-shii” I said elegantly causing him to laugh “ah well, that good to know, _____-shii” he smiled, as he hugged me. “Niel Appa” they smiled as they hugged him, I raised a brow. “Niel Appa?” I blinked “while I wanted to use the word at least once” melody laughed, breaking my heart, her laugh was real, but it still hurt, to think she thinks about that word, but she never able to use it, and her friends probably use it a lot, I know Jun’s friend about that word once. “Yah!” Niel flicked my forehead, “stop thinking so much” he sighed. “I’m your guardian angel, remember.” He smiled as he placed his lips on my wound. “see no more pain.” He smiled. “You caused it in the first place!” I pouted,” ah everyone make way of the dance floor, for our guests of honor” Tablo smiled. “Aish!” I mumbled realizing that I had to walk in after them. “ah that’s right, here follow me” he smiled pulling me and the twins with him

As I watched them go by, secretly hidden, by the pillar,  they all looked mature, and older. Well it has been 5 years.  Then my heart stopped, he walked by, he stopped, he looks like he  was upset, I found myself holding back from asking what happen. “Will she be here!?” his glare was intense, was he talking about me, must be, I did hurt him, I keep forgetting that I probably hurt him as much as he did to me. “Also will, they be here?” he asked gently, my heart stopped as he looked toward our direction, I quickly picked up the twins, and move to the side. “Who?” the doorman blinked “umm no never mind” he smiled walking away.

“Our next guest of honor, our very own Jumi and our favorite prince and princess” his voice rang, that was our cue, I took, they’re hands in mine, and we walked through the crowd, I quickly noticed that Infinite wasn’t sitting, yet, so I realized that, they’re going to sing. I bowed to the crowd as Melly and Junnie did the same, and we took our leave to the dressing room area, where I took them to niel

  “____-Ah!” Woohyun smiled as I turned to see him and 5 other Infinite members, “Oppas” I hugged him, as I went to the 5 other members. “Omona, you seriously look like a woman now” Sungkyu smirked drawing my curve in the air. “Oppa!” I blushed as  the rest of them just laughed, “ah well it’s your turn to perform, we’ll be watching from our seats.” Hoya smiled “ah also, if there our seating problems, we will fix it.” Myungsoo smiled. “Where are my niece and nephew?” Dongwoo asked “With Niel.” I smiled brushing my hair. “Can I steal them later?” Sungyeol smiled. “Of course, you are their uncles.” I smiled.

“____-ah, please come and get dress.” The stylist smiled, as I walked by, I hear the door opening revealing Sungjong, what was I to do, “Ah she said that she didn’t like the tie with it and she tried to take it off.” He sighed to his Hyungs, as I hid, behind the door. I meet Myungsoo glaze, as he frowned, and mouthed. “don’t worry, everything will work out.”

“Wow, you looks so amazing.” She smiled, as she tried to take off my necklace, “no that!” I flinched away.  

“

“Here, May and Hana.” The stylist handed them a mic, “long time since we performed with you” they laughed “yeah” I smiled, “ah let’s rock it” Hana smiled. “Ah okay!” I smiled as we walked up on the dim stage, as I stood in the center of the stage, I looked around to see Infinite all there, My heart skipped a beat, as I saw his face, he seem curious, was it about me, no probably who supposed to be sitting next to him, ah yep I was right, the stage started to lift, I only had enough room to dance lightly.

The music started, as the lights hit me, I started to sing, I felt the emotions building up, as Hana rap made me heart hurt “break down!” we said as they went back to rapping, only for me to sing again, he was distracted, by something in his lap, but Infinite were catcalling and whistling cheering me on, so I winked at them, as our little joke, my solo coming up, I feel slightly nervous , as the lights were going to focus on me, I saw him looking for something or someone.

“Where is she?” I heard him over May rap , then the bright light focused on me, “I’m right here hurting!~” I sung as tears started to fall, and he looked dead straight at me “I’m not out there!~” my voice shook, “Acting hard like I’m not all that, I’m not strong!~” I said as  my tear fall “It’s just you!~” I sung as  I hopped off the stage and started walking toward that section of the crowd  hana and may started their rap, “how is my heart like this?” I sung as I stared at him “will it hurt this much!” my voice shook with emotions “Don’t leave me and don’t go away!” I sung as we stop in that section, our eyes met and locked on to each other “don’t throw me away” I said as my tears, fall,  streaming down my face as everything grow quiet. “How does love change” I sung, “Is it that easy.” I sung as each lyric made my heart feel like it was being ripped open again. “I’m left all alone again, what am I supposed to do?” I said almost asking him.  “oh baby don’t leave me now.” I whispered “Come back to me” we said.

“Wah is ____-ah amazing” May smiled “we are just backups.”  Hana smiled “ah but yes, ____-ah wrote this song, this was her debut song, but I think she wrote it, after Infinite sumbaenim left, cause I remember her writing, always writing and throwing away paper.” May smiled, great now he will definitely find out, won’t he. I sighed “aww, see she sing with so much emotional, she crying” Hana pointed. “Ujimal!” The crowd screamed, as I laughed at how cute they sounded, niel smiled up at me and mouthed “nice song.” “thanks” I mouth and walked off stage.

“Sungyeol oppa/hyung” the twins ran to Sungyeol “ah you guys, what’s up?” he smiled, as they whispered into his ear, “oh!” he smiled at me. “They want you to go meet, Junha upstairs” he smiled. “why couldn’t you have told me yourself” I laughed as they clanged on to Sungyeol long legs. “because I’m cooler!” he laughed “No!” the twin laughed, I smiled at the sight he always brought the 5 year old out of melody and Junnie.

I walked up to see Junha, “I think my heart is broken:” he sobbed then it hit me, junnie was hurt by his crush since forever, “aww junjun.” I hugged him, “it’s okay” I smiled

After  a few minutes of  comforting him,  he finally smiled, and we walked back to the party, then I saw Shinah yelling at Sungjun with melody behind her.

~ sungjong pov

As I walked in with Hyungs, everyone greeted us, but I was looking for her, I wanted to be greeted by her voice, her sweet voice.  After we walked sat for a minute the next guest of honor was supposed to show up, but we walked around, I got bored, so I texted shin-na, she said she had a surprise, I seriously hoping I don’t see her. Soon after I went to get my tux, I ran in to niel who was playing hide’n’seek? “hey niel” I blinked “oh sungjong hyung, what’s up” he asked “I was going to ask you that.” I chuckled, *bing* his phone went off, “hmm, ah” He smiled, “got to go hyung.” He smiled as he left. “hey, guys come out now” he called out “aish!, I’m going to get murder!” he sighed, ehh okay. As he ran away? I turned to see Sungkyu with his arms open like in a hug “Gyugyu Oppa/Hyungie” I heard two little voice say in harmony,  as a pair of twins ran in to his arms. Sungkyu changes when it comes to little kids. I smiled seeing them, so I wanted to introduce myself to them, only for Sungyeol hyung, to appear it front of me. “jongie let’s go this way he smiled “move hyung” I pushed him to the side,

“ah annyeong” I squatted to get to their level, only for them gasps I heard hyung cursing. I didn’t know why , “I hate you!” the boy screamed “you made umma, cry!” He glared “umma?”  I blinked as I looked at their faces, then it hit me, my little angels were so grown up now, tears started to form. “Appa’s sorry” I hugged them tightly as hyung nodded “appa, so sorry” I cried.  “are you really Lee Sungjong” Melody asked, “yes, I really  am” I smiled answering in  the  style of her question.  Their so cute, melody personality is so cute, and Junnie’s must be like me.

“I don’t want to talk to you!” Jun glared “sungjun, didn’t you miss me?” I asked “what was there to miss!” he crossed his arm, and flipped his hair. My son is a diva. Should I be shock? In a way no, but he has no manners for me, “well I’m back now” I smiled, “ so?” he  rolled his eyes, “yeah, just like me” I mumbled, “let’s go find umma.” I stood up, then melody lifted her arms up, causing Hyungs to smile, I picked her up and carried on my arm, I left the other one Sungjun, but I guess, he doesn’t like me much, “were going to find, umma I believe she performing right now.” I smiled

So we walked to see Junha crying “Junha, what’s wrong?” I asked he gasped seeing us together, from what I think. “my heart is no longer a happy heart.” He sighed, “can you tell my sister I waiting for her upstairs” He sighed, “sure thing” I smiled “ Sungyeol hyung, can you go tell ___ about junha?” I asked, as I placed melody down. “yeah, we’ll be right back” he smiled as they went with him.

“How does it feel, to be with them again?” Myungsoo smiled “well I’m not completely with them, yet. But soon I will be.” I smiled “it’s feels warm, my heart is happy.” I smiled

Soon they came back, and melody asked for me to pick her up again, she must really be a daddy girl. “Where Niel Appa?” Sungjun asked Sungkyu, as I frowned “niel appa?” I blinked toward melody “Sungjun just upset.” She smiled “he’ll warm up to you soon.” She smiled. I smiled at her, she so cute

“Oppa!” a voice, I didn’t want to hear “shina?” I frowned “hehe, yeah.” She smiled “miss me?” she smiled “who is this” she said in ageyo filled tone “I’m melody” she smiled, I saw shina frowned “well any way, go away now, melody” she frowned as she jerk melody out of my arms. “shina!” I glared “melody” I opened my arms, “no.” she said wiping her eyes “shina, you made her cry” I glared. “well, she could have gotten down, herself.” She rolled her eyes, “why is melody crying?” sungjun said frowning, “aww, who are you?” she pinched his cheeks. “don’t touch me” he snapped, “are you rude for a what 2 year old.” She frowned “actually I am 4, aren’t you a little stupid for an 40 year lady.” He smirked, I laughed at his comment.

“how about, you shut your f**king mouth.” shina glared  as I covered their ears. “excuse me, but why are you cussing at my son” ____ appeared, I quickly hid.

“Yah!” Shina looked around “Isn’t ____-ah, the who got knocked up, and now has brats,” she smirked, she know ___, how could I be so stupid, she really is shinah. “oh by the way, your daughter is already acting like a attention .” She laughed as I saw ____ frowned, her blood was boiling but so was mines, I frowned as I covered melody ears. “Whoa, you serious want me to beat a woman” Hoya frowned appearing with Infinite, “How about you leave this party, before I make you leave.” Niel smirked “Now you’re messing with my Niece and my newphew” Key shoved her. “Yah, touch me and I can kill SHINee Infinite or TeenTop.” She smirked “beside I was talking to this bit*h!” she pushed ___, I’m done if she lays a finger on ____ again.

~3rd person

“listen, shinah, you can have Sungjong, but I will not sit and let you talk to my children, in that such matter.” ____ Said taking a deep breath in picking up jun, “have a nice day shinah” ____ Turned away, “this is why Sungjong, became mines, he was just being nice to you, he never loved you , that’s the only reason he stayed with you!” Shinah smirked, as ____ tears began to fall.

“____-ah! Don’t cry over a worthless girl, who fights with children” I glared as I stood in front of ___ causing shinah to gasped “oppa” she blinked

 “How dare you!” Sungjong pushed shinah “you talk to her like that.” he glared, “Don’t mess with my family! Ever again,  or maybe Hyungs would be right!” he glared as she started crying and stormed off to the bathroom.

 "we need to talk" he grabbed ____ hand

~