" you cant go ? “ Chanyeol asked, his voice shows me that he is disappointed.

“ hu um.. I am sorry “ I nodded a bit beside my phone as if he sat in front of me now. The fact is I cant keep my expression calm when I am lying.

“ sorry “ I added again. This time actually I mean really sorry for lying to Chanyeol but I cant just say it easily. Let’s just keepin it different. He thought I was sorry for cancel our appointment when I was sorry for lying to him.

“ aha~ it’s okay, we can go next time… “ he brighten his voice.

Then there we keep our conversation normally for 10 minutes. I just used my phone to call chanyeol and I cant believe it.

I laid my body on my bed comfortably, looking at my room roof which I decorated with mini- stuck- with- glue- stars. There are chanyeol’s face on each stars. All of his expressions. I keep it like that from the very first time I fell for him. I looked to one of his derp face stuck on the star then giggled a bit then moved to one of his sad expression.

“ sorry, I think I am a good liar “ I muttered.

Chanyeol asked me to have dinner with him. It’s been over than 2 weeks we barely meet each other. I missed him. He rarely called and texted me and I tried to understand since he must be so busy. To distract my longing feelings towards him, I even study harder everwhere I go. I need to get good scores in my finals. It’s one of the best methods to distract it. He is busy, I should as well. At least, I don’t want him to get distract by my text and call so I also rarely did it.

How couldn’t I be happy when he asked me to have dinner with him ? that’s heaven. When I just said yes to his offer, there I happened to listen to EXO conversations. They talked about having a trip together but being the persistent chanyeol, he told the members he couldn’t go. Everyone disappointments can be heard once he said that he cant go. How could I accept his offer comfortably when I know there are his friends who also want him. I don’t think too long to decide myself not to go with Chanyeol. Since it could be obvious when I canceled the appointment in the same day, I decided to just do it next before the d-day which is today.

[why did you agree to date me]

I just sat on my chair when I can see Jang Eum and Hye Mi cleared something off hurriedly. They are hiding on something.

“ what was that ? “ I walked closer to their chairs. We are in the same class today since we took same Monday classes.

“ n—nothing “ Hye Mi smiled. The way she stumbled her words mean there’s something. I raised my left eyebrow.

“ here “ Jang Eum hands me a newspaper.

“ y – ya ! what are you doing “ Hye Mi can only protest since the newspaper already in my grip.

I look at one of picture there. It’s not the headline one but the small one but still placed on the first page. Chanyeol and Seulgi. They walked together eventho they are not walking hand in hand and in all black dressed with their sunglasses on. Night pic. I thot chanyeol had a trip together with EXO members but it turns out to be not.  No no no this isn’t the reality I want. I canceled the dinner since I know Chanyeol will choose to go with EXO members.

“ jin hee ya ? “ Jang Eum voice dragged me back to my current life. I lifted my eyes to meet hers. I gave the newspaper back to her.

“ are you okay ? “ she asked as her hands wrapped the newspaper. I nodded.

“ totally fine “ I smiled then back to my chair.

I can hear Hye Mi said that I am definitely not okay. Heyy, I am okay. This is all I have been waiting for right ? the day when Chanyeol started to realize that it’s Seulgi who can make him happy, not me.

I just finished reading a book in the library when I realized that Chanyeol sat in front of me. I hold my heart which really surprised by his attendance.

“ you scared me “ I mouthed then sighed since we are in the library, how could I make any sounds ? He only smiled.

As I am being hypnotized by his smiles, I record his face features well. How his lips curved a smile, his dimples, his fairy skin, his black hair, his big eyes. He is so handsome. How his eyes staring right into my soul and only see me. This could be the last smile he gave special for me. I gotta treasure this. So.. are you going to dump me now, Park Chanyeol ?

[why did you agree to date me]

“ are you going ? “

He asked as he munched his kimchi. I keep thinking, hard. What should I do? He asked me to go with him to his entertainment charity event.

“ please ? “ his big eyes pleading like a big puppy asking for a game.

His entertainment charity event means Seulgi will also be there. EXO in the same entertainment with Seulgi is one of the fact how they are so hard to not meet in any show. This is one of chances to make chanyeol realized his true feelings right ?

“ Sorry I cant.. I have a group art project to be done next week and we agreed to struggle to finish it faster.. “ I spoke as I focused to my lunch since I don’t want Chanyeol to look at my whole expression when I told him a lie.

“ ah.. really ? “ I can hear how another disappointment sigh released from his lips. I am sorry, Chanyeol. The fact that Chanyeol didn’t even explain to me about the news in the newspaper, a lil bit hurting me. Well, eventho I keep on telling myself that I am okay with that but the fact that I am his girlfriend for now, do I have no rights to hear his explanations? . Did he have no idea about the news? or Does he think I have no idea about that ?  Actually I can ask him about this but is it okay ? will it be okay ? I better keep it inside so I wont remain as annoying girlfriend he ever had. Having a good image at least, wont hurt.

[why did you agree to date me]

Since that day, whenever chanyeol asked me to go with him I will softly reject it. He always asked me to go with him to his entertainment events which definitely could make me uncomfortable and also to go with him in his free schedule when suddenly it can turn out to be a sudden schedule on. So I decided to just go with him when I ask him to. Just like how the first zoo date with him. It’s me who initiated it. With that, our date is something ‘near to’ realization and that’s why I asked chanyeol this morning whether he had time next Saturday night since I really want to have a dinner with him. Just so you know, next Saturday is my birthday yay ! ah no.. I wont tell chanyeol about my birthday.. if he knew about it and made an event .. what should I do ? I can die because of happiness emergency level. Great imagination, why would he prepared an event for me ? lol. Personally for me, Chanyeol’s presence that day is already a gift for me which I couldn’t wish for more.

“ I said I cant go “

I stopped right when I heard Chanyeol’s voice. I was just throwing some trashes from class dustbin since it’s already full. I walked closer to where the voice came from. I peek from a bridge which stands tall in front of me. Glad that no one from the group’s eyes directed to the building where I stood now, else I would be caught right away. There I see Chanyeol leaned his body to some ladders he sat on. Even if it’s his back, I just can tell in a glance.

“ why wouldn’t you ? “

I can tell that it’s Suho’s voice. It’s not 12 of them there.. From this sight I can only see Suho, Xiumin, Baekhyun, Kris and Luhan.

“ why would I come ? “ Chanyeol asked in his high tone.

“ oh cmon Chanyeol.. just because you broke up with her now you didn’t want to attend her birthday as well ?” Kris mocked like tone can be heard even from where I hide.

“ It seems like he already booked, hyungs “ Baekhyun voice can be heard, I can see he hang one of her arm around chanyeol’s neck now to comfort him. I don’t know but the tense seems so high. I can only see Chanyeol and Baekhyun there as the same age friends while the others are older. It seems like Baekhyun presence there to keep the tense low. I can see clearly how Chanyeol slowly removed Baekhyun’s arm around  his neck.

“ even tho I didn’t. I wont go “

Chanyeol’s voice seems so deep. Poor Chanyeol, I really want to drag him out of there but..

“ We should keep a good touch with her, you know that right ? “ Xiumin asked now.

Chanyeol slightly nodded.

“ Okay then.. “ Xiumin took a deep inhale then continue his words, “ I respect your decision Chanyeol. “

“ hyung ! “ “ xiumin a~! “

Interruptions can be heard from the rest beside from Baekhyun and Chanyeol lips. It seems like Baekhyun really wanted to stay on Chanyeol side so he didn’t let any words slip outta his lips since the last time he talked.

“ but please think it over again, if you didn’t come, this birthday will be her first birthday without you and how the news will go around and how your image will turn and how the fans will react. It’s just coming there, Chanyeol. No one ask you to kiss her or to do whatever you ever did to her before.. think about it again. It’s about you, Chanyeol not us “ Xiumin stood up from where he sat and coded others to just leave Chanyeol alone. I started to run back to my class. The next lesson teacher still not there, it’s a relieved.

Xiumin words keep on distracting me.

how the news will go around and how your image will turn and how the fans will react

It’s about you, Chanyeol not us

I placed my heavy head on the table. Should I call this date off too ? How could I forget that I shared same birthdate with Seulgi. If I remembered about it, I wont ask chanyeol to have a dinner with me.

[why did you agree to date me]

“ Happy birthday to you , Happy Birthday to you.. our lovely Lee Jin Hee…  Happy Birthday to you~~~ “

*pop*

Perfect birthday party inside the karaoke room with Jang Eum and Hye Mi.

“ cmon say your wish… “ Jang Eum placed the birthday cake close to my lips. I closed my eyes. I wish for my happiness, health, good grades, my parents happiness, Jang Eum and Hye Mi happiness last but not least Chanyeol’s happiness.

Once I blew the candles off, I cut the cake and gave it to Jang eum and Hye Mi.

“ This is from me “ Hye Mi handed me a pinkish big gift.

“ how could I bring this home.. “ I sighed but still with my smiles on.. I am thankful for these besties.

“ oh you can just throw it if you don’t want to bring it with you “ Hye Mi meronged me. This girl really.. She has too much money that’s why she never think twice to just throwing thing away.

“ this is from me “ Jang Eum handed me a small elegantly wrapped gift.

“ thank chuuu “ I faked a kiss to her cheek and it’s amusing to see her reactions.

“ cmon eat ! “ I put some to my lips when all I can see is Jang Eum looking at me, detailed.

“ where is Chanyeol ? “ she asked.

“ hmm ? eumm.. “

“ yeah.. where is he ? he is your boyfriend and why he didn’t celebrate this with you ? “ Hye Mi asked as her lips also took some bites from her plate.

“ I… “ I really want to tell Jang Eum and Hye Mi about the things I felt all the time.. I just had no time, that’s why. I lied again to Chanyeol. This time, I told him that my parents asked me to go with them since it’s been a long time we didn’t do family trip. Actually Chanyeol’s idea freaked me out a bit that he said he will just join the trip but then he canceled it right away since he thought it’s an impolite thing since they didn’t even become a family and told me to have a safe trip.

“ y—ya !!!! YOU !! IF CHANYEOL BACK TO THAT SEULGI GIRL YOU !!! DON’T CRY ! “ Jang Eum placed her index finger down once she finished pointed it at me. Finally I told them all I felt.

“ I wont .. “ I smiled to her. Bitterly. No it’s not because there’ll be no shoulder for me to cry on since I know even Jang Eum said those words to me, she didn’t really mean it. I know she will always be there for me, open her arms for me. It’s more because of the feeling when I really have to let Chanyeol go. They said lovers come and go but .. can I just wish for that one lover till the end of my life ?

Hye Mi shifted her position right beside me. She placed her arms, wrapped me then tapped it softly as she whispered “ everything is going to be alright”

“ I am okay.. “ I replied and more like self word support to my own self. I am okay.

[why did you agree to date me]

I just separated from Jang Eum and Hye Mi then decided to walk by myself. The most surprising thing, the big gift from Hye Mi earlier is only a small necklace under a too much feathers. She said that the packaging idea came from her aunty designer. I was just got off from the bus where I could see a restaurant which is Chanyeol and Seulgi’s favorite place. This place broadcasted too often when Chanyeol and Seulgi dated. I looked to the restaurant’s inside through the restaurant’s big glasses window only to get myself surprised. I see Chanyeol there. He is eating himself. What is he doing there ? Where are another EXO members ? Could it be he is only with Seulgi there ? Too much questions flashing in my mind and I just realized that I stared at him for too long when his eyes caught mine. CRAP ! I quickly turned my body around and walked as fast as possible but I think I am too much late.

“ Lee Jin Hee ? “

He asked as his hand gripped my left wrist firmly.  

“ I – I am sorry , it seems like you came to a wrong person “ crap. I was caught red handed and I am still lying ? nice try Jin Hee. He let his grip on me off slowly.

“ you shouldn’t think about going out with me if you have no confidence.. “

His words can be heard so clear in my ears that I turn my body to look at him. He looks so blank. He looked straight to me. Burning a hole into my soul as he permitted another words to slip outta his lips, “ do you think, your attitude, didn’t hurt me a bit ? “