Everyone knew.

And everyone was celebrating, cheering and congratulating.

Everyone except me.

I had to sit there and take it all, bestowed the same wishes and fortunes from every single artist, actor and member of staff like it was some really ed up receiving line. Yang Hyunsuk was angry at me for not asking permission? I honestly didn’t give a . I was tempted to tell him that if I had half a brain, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place.

It was like one never-ending nightmare. And I had to sit there with a perfectly plastic smile glued to my face and take it all, because I was the idiot that had caused this whole mess in the first place. Nobody could shut up about the wedding, the ring, the vows, the church, the religion, and worst of all, the plans for the future.

“Whilst you’re still young and fertile, Jiyong! Take a leaf out of Tablo’s back and have them early!” Psy winked at me whilst Tablo laughed in the background, and I tried not to throw up at the thought. God. That hadn’t even crossed my mind.

I think the plan that had been set in my mind was that some kind of divine intervention would take place before I could get round to asking Seulgi the question, or, y’know, maybe Seungri would jump up and stop me? One could only dream. And that was what it was. A dream. Not real. Fake. It didn’t happen.

And now I was getting ing married to some random girl I honestly could have cared less about.

It was like a godsend when Seunghyun came up to me proffering a smoke break out on the balcony. I gratefully nodded my head, leaving the room straight away. I didn’t care if anybody noticed how speedily I was exiting. Let them believe I was a nicotine addict. I seriously needed it at that very moment to get my head around this whole ing circus. I’d gone through three whole packs yesterday just thinking about it.  

Once we were on the balcony and had lit up, I found myself also tensing up, oddly enough. It was only after I’d calmed down slightly that I realised Seunghyun had something to say to me, and it definitely wasn’t to do with the age-old ‘filters vs. no filters’ discussion.

“So…” I broke the silence, figuring it better to try to bring up the topic to get an idea of the direction the conversation was headed instead of Seunghyun sabotaging me with a surprise attack. “I know you’ve got something on your mind, cus you asked me to come with. What’s up? Don’t worry; we’ll still be GD&TOP even after I’m married!” I laughed in attempt to lighten the mood, mine included, but it only made me feel even worse at the thought of me married. To somebody who’s not Seungri.

Before I could even get over that idea, Seunghyun beat me to it. “It’s not me you should be worried about.”

“Huh?” I looked at Seunghyun, confused, but he was glaring off into the distance, lips pursed, like he was one of those moody- models posing for a commercial. “Is there…” I cut myself off as it suddenly hit me what this was all about. No ing way. I swallowed hard in an attempt to keep myself from throwing up. No. It couldn’t be. Surely Seunghyun didn’t mean…?

“Something wrong? Is it Seulgi? You got a problem with her?” I tried, glaring at Seunghyun, silently daring him to curse my choice of wife, this random ulzzang, model, whatever the hell she is, girl. Thankfully, I knew Seunghyun was courteous enough to not speak foully of somebody’s newly engaged fiancée, especially that of his childhood neighbour’s. But it wasn’t enough to throw him off or halt him in his tracks.

“Like I said, Jiyong. It isn’t me you should be worried about. In fact, it doesn’t really have anything to do with me at all, apart from the fact that it disturbs me to just sit by and let happen to people I care about.”

Holy hell. All the beating around the bush and deliberate delaying was ten times as bad as hitting the nail over the head with the hammer in one shot and just getting it over and done with. I had to end it now. “Can you stop speaking in riddles and just get to the point?”

“Seungri was there when you proposed, right?” Seunghyun first asked, before realising it was entirely rhetorical, and corrected himself before carrying on. The only thing I could think about, however, is that Seunghyun even mentioned his name. Now there was no doubt about it. Seunghyun can be an unstoppable force sometimes, and it seemed today was one of those days. “What did he say to you afterwards?”

“He gave his congratulations and said he was happy for us.” I replied straight away. How could I forget. Feigning confusion, I continued. “But why, hyung? What’s so wrong with that?”

“You seriously don’t find anything wrong with that?!” Seunghyun literally exploded, coughing smoke out into the air. He was like a machine that had just found a mass error and then spontaneously combusted.

Yes! Of course I do! I find every single thing wrong with that! If only he’d stopped me! If only he’d objected! If only he’d said I was the one for him and was therefore banned from asking or marrying anyone else but him-

“I know you made the poor kid give up his entire summer like it was nothing and he actually wanted to, just to play third wheel for you and your girlfriend.”

Woah. Wait. What? So what if I did that? Seungri doesn’t give two s – I would know, because he didn’t even try to stop me from proposing some chick I only met two months ago even though I’m in freaking love with him!

I was so sure he knew. I was sure he did. Maknae had always been a flirty little tease, flitting from one hyung to the next, wriggling out of reach and grasping for the next one. Surely he knew how much he tugged on his favourite hyung’s heartstrings, stretching them to breaking point, when they finally snapped like little rubber bands and left me ultimately devastated on the inside.

“…He just says he’s happy?! You honestly think that’s normal?! Any ordinary person would be frustrated irregardless, but Seungri, he…you…” I suddenly realised I’d zoned out, only tuning back in to the Seunghyun radio just as he finished, having run out of a sufficient amount of carbon monoxide in his lungs, stopping to inhale deeply on the cigarette.

But why the was he going on about Seungri and frustration? He had more than enough girlfriends. That’s how I knew I had to stay away from him. Creepy leader hyung ing on the maknae even though they were supposedly both straight. Talk about a recipe for disaster. I had to find out what the hell was really going on. “What do you mean-“

“You know what I mean.” Seunghyun finally turned to glare at me. I stared back just as stonily, refusing to shrivel up and shrink away. “You’re stupid, but not that stupid. And last time I checked, you don’t appear to have memory relapses either, am I right? Because I definitely don’t.”

Oh . Oh. . , , . Now I definitely know what Seunghyun’s going on about. All this time, I’d been hoping he’d been too drunk to remember, since I barely remember telling him myself. But apparently not.

“Woah, Jiyong. Slow the down.” I vaguely remembered Seunghyun prying a shot glass out of my clammy, shaking hand. We’d been out drinking at one of our usual bars, and he’d found me outside, sitting on the roof with a bottle of soju. Oh, and by the way – this was not a rooftop bar, and I’m pretty sure I’d been one shot away from snapping my neck. “The ’s gotten into you?”

“Maknae’s mad at me,” I slurred. I drunkenly swiped at Seunghyun’s hand in an attempt to reclaim the now emptied shot glass, its contents tipped out onto the streets below.

“And why is that?” Seunghyun inquired, chucking the shot glass over his shoulder so he could plain dispose of any alcoholic aid.

“Because I’m in LOVE with him, Seunghyunnie,” I nearly puked all over the place in my proclamation, and I could tell Seunghyun was simultaneously trying to keep himself and his designer attire at a distance whilst keep me from falling to my death. “I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM.”

“Should’ve seen it coming.” Seunghyun only sighed, stooping down on the step next to me. I remember my head reeling backwards in horror, and Seunghyun immediately inched away, desperate to not be showered in puke.

“Holy , did I just say that?” I stumbled to get up and nearly fell on my face. “No, I didn’t just say that, I swear! I didn’t mean to! That means I didn’t!”

“Did you tell him this?” Seunghyun calmly interrupted, grabbing my arm.

I looked blankly into his barely visible eyes. The world was spinning around me, and it felt like I was staring into six pairs of cold, killer eyes.

“…No….”

I swore Seunghyun was just about ready to chuck me off the roof as he rolled his eyes. I quickly scrabbled for an explanation.

“But I swear he knows! He knows, Seunghyunnie! Maknae knoooowwwwsss.“

“Right.”

“He knows eeevvveeerryythiiiing. Every. Thing. So he keeps being all cold, and cruel, and keeps on keeping ignoring me, hyung! When really, I’m really so really in LOVE WITH HIM SOOOOOO MUCH, HYUNG. Why is maknae so CRUEL to me? Cruel SEUNGRIYAH! So mean! Because he KNOOOOOWWWSSS-“

“Alright, Ji. That’s enough for tonight.” Seunghyun hauled me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before I could say another word, and the last I remembered was being lugged back down to ground level and passing out.

“I think both you and I know exactly what I’m talking about, and the way things are looking, something tells me that you’re not over it, are you? And you probably never will be.”

I shrank away from Seunghyun as he continued his painfully eternal lecture. . Talk about a real ing knock out. There was no sugar-coating when Seunghyun was serious. He did act like a complete idiot sometimes, but we all forgot that he does actually have quite some initiative. And he really did know what he was talking about, as each torturous yet true word continued to pierce my brain like a bullet.

“You’re an idiot, Jiyong.”

“A selfish one at that.”

“It’s not fair to either of them.”

“Wait, how is it unfair to him?! What are you saying?” I swerved around, facing Seunghyun head-on. I didn’t care if his steely gaze would freeze me to death – I had to confirm what I was hearing.

Unfair?! How the hell was this unfair to Seungri?! Seulgi, yes, okay, she just so happened to be in the middle of all this. Unfortunate timing and not her fault at all. But Seungri?! That brat was the one who was so painfully unaware and unfair to me! How I felt! About him! And how he so clearly did not about me! Always running away from me, from ‘shying’ away to plain pushing me away, ignoring me, defying me – it was all enough to send me into an enraged stupor from stupid maknae’s sheer insolence!

Yeah, I was angry. But then by the end of the day, I was just sad.

It hurt.

Pulling apart, pushing me away. It was like Seungri didn’t know how serious I was at all. That it was all just a big joke to me.

My feelings for Seungri weren’t a joke. They weren’t a game. They weren’t fanservice.

They were mine, and only for Seungri and Seungri alone.

As Seunghyun gave some completely abstract response, I couldn’t help but mutter what I truly thought of it all.

“I don’t understand…”

Urghghghfhfudhushj writer's block. Comments appreciated. They increase progress. /hinthintspeaknowandgetanotherchaptersoonorforeverholdyourinpeaceandforeverwaitrofl