That summer seemed to last forever.

Watching her watching him. Watching him watching her.

Watching them be together.

“ing masochist.” I mutter to myself.

“What?” I look up to meet his eyes, pure infatuation undoubtedly reddening my face like a slap. It stings like one, too.

The irony in of itself makes me want to cry. Masking my own feelings with, well, my own feelings. Hiding in plain sight.

What hurts even more is that it works, and it works well. Always has, and, most likely, always will.

When I finally became aware of my feelings for Jiyong, I desperately tried to cover them up to make sure there wouldn’t be a single inkling of a clue or hint of what I truly felt. However, in my sheer stupidity, I didn’t realise how odd it suddenly looked, for the bright-eyed, loving maknae to suddenly become cold and aloof to his beloved “favourite” hyung.

“Seungri doesn’t love me anymore!” He once complained on one of those variety shows we always have to go on from time to time, so we can make fools out of ourselves to show the entire country that we haven’t got a stick up our asses, that we’re still as moronic and unassuming as ever, despite how much our pay has increased over the past six years by several figures. Of course.

“I do love you, Hyung, I do!” I immediately combatted, bringing about a round of laughter as his face lit up like a Christmas tree. I didn’t even have to think about what I was saying. It was just the truth, as simple as that. Because maknae loves his leader.

And he always will.

“Seungri? Hello? Anybody home?” He waves his ring-choked fingers in front of my face, startling me back to the present.

“Wh-What?!” I manage to stutter out. The G-Dragon is infinitely perfect and talented in nearly every single area, but I seriously hope his abilities don’t include reading minds as one of his further listed skills.

“You said something?” He raises a single eyebrow, eyeing me with suspicion.

“N-Nothing.” I shake my head vigorously, as if trying to empty them of all past thoughts. Just to be on the safe side. With Jiyong, you never really know what he’s capable of.

He nods his head slowly, still carefully watching me as I desperately struggle to continue to meet his sharp gaze. He’ll know something’s definitely wrong if I look away.

“I just wanted to say thanks.” His face breaks out into a relaxed grin as he takes a sip from his teacup and surveys the busy streets several stories down below, the noise completely muted by the glass and the surrounding walls of the private room. “It really means a lot to me and Seulgi, that you basically forfeited your whole summer to be our smokescreen for the paparazzi. Nobody can tell what’s really going on, not even anyone in YG! Since there’s three of us it’s so difficult to tell, like, which one Seulgi’s chosen.” He laughs freely. 

“I wouldn’t choose anyone but you.” I hear a melodious voice take the words right out my mouth, and we both look up.

A stunning young woman in her early twenties stands before us as she closes the door behind her. She’ll probably continue to look just as young even over a decade later. Petite and doll-like even in heels with straps that wind all the way up her lithe legs to the top of her limbs, her curves flare out in a perfect “S-line,” accentuated by a cream lace dress just a few shades darker than her lily-white skin that clings to her body in all the right places, the neckline low enough to offer just a hint of cleavage and the skirt swishing high enough around her taut thighs, yet still remains tasteful, like the single braided white-gold chain she wears around her delicate neck, and the discreet pearls hanging from her ears, a blinding light in contrast to her ebony hair that tumbles down in waves past her shoulders to her “ant” waist. Her huge eyes as dark and sparkling as the night sky, a pretty pink rosebud mouth always pulled into a warm smile, high, elegant cheekbones gracefully contour her face: it’s an understatement to say that she’s a sight to behold.

And yet. I absolutely cannot stand her.

“Jagiya…” An unmistakable lovesick look sweeps over his face as he drinks in the image of his girl, his lady, his love.

 I look away out of “politeness” when I hear his chair screech back as he suddenly stands up and rushes to her side. I don’t want to see it, how he tightly embraces her and she buries into his chest, but out of the corner of my eye, I see him softly plant a kiss on her smooth forehead, then each one of her dimpled cheeks, and only after that, their lips finally meet for what feels likes years, as lyrics sung by a certain someone suddenly comes to my mind.

“I love girls…Girls I do adore…”

I sigh. Why am I here? We’re in a private, concealed room at the back of the restaurant, for ’s sake. Oh, wait. I know why. Because Jiyong’s a neurotic, paranoid freak and takes every single precaution to make sure the press can’t hound in on his precious jagiya or have any reason to focus on her specifically other than just being nothing more than a “friend” of G-Dragon. Meaning I had to waste my whole entire summer playing third wheel for the two of them, be it in public, or just going to each other’s houses. I was beginning to feel like a bodyguard, or some kind of chaperone. To make matters even worse, for no apparent reason, Jiyong had also insisted that I absolutely never, ever, ever tell anyone. Hello? Who is doing who a favour here? I should be the one giving terms and conditions.

But, of course, I’d do anything for Jiyong. Kwon Jiyong, G-Dragon, hyung, leader…if it’s for him, of course I can do it, I will do it, without another thought.

Sometimes, I wonder if he knows this and just takes advantage of how I feel to aid his needs. But I don’t care. All I care about is the fact that he wants me. He needs me. It doesn’t matter how many girlfriends he has – I’m still at his side each time each relationship blossoms and then eventually dies. He will always have me.

Until that moment.

“Jagiya...Seulgi. I can’t take it anymore.” I turn to the pair and see Jiyong tightly grasping her hand. He looks over at me and smiles, his pearly white teeth on full display.

“I’m so glad that you’re here today to witness this, Seungri…Seunghyun. You’re such an amazing friend to me. I wouldn’t want anyone else but you to be here with us today, after how much you helped us this summer…” Tears suddenly pool in his eyes, and without warning, my heart drops. I feel my chest become tight as it becomes difficult to breathe, along with an added wave of nausea that suddenly overtakes me at the apprehension of what’s about to happen. What he’s about to say.

What he’s about to ask.

“Seulgi…” He begins as he kneels down on one knee and retrieves a velvet box from his pocket. He’s ruined his expensive designer jeans for sure, but then again, he’d do anything for Seulgi. My bitter thoughts are suddenly interrupted by those four dreaded words.

“Will you marry me?”

Seulgi gasps, the high sound slightly muffled by her palm covering . A single tear rolls down her cheek, glittering like the twenty-four carat diamond protruding from the clam-like box. Her eyes shine as she nods her head, holding out her left hand for Jiyong to slide the bejewelled band on her ring finger.

I feel like I’ve lost the most important game of my life, I can’t even look at the two of them. They’re official, they’re real, they’re everything Jiyong and I would and could never be. I feel sick to the stomach, but I’ve just got to keep standing there and not look like the world is swiftly crumbling down to the ground around my feet.

And yet, the fact that pains me most is that I let myself lose. I didn’t stop anything from happening. I just sat there and took it, thinking it was just another harmless girlfriend, and sooner or later, they’d be over just as quickly as they began, and it’d be just me and Jiyong again before I knew it.

But I thought wrong.

As the pair embrace again, the memory of when Jiyong first told us about Seulgi suddenly flashes in my mind. Coincidentally, it was also when he had first cornered and asked me to “help” them out with a little “favour” for the summer when we had a break that was going to be kept as “our little secret.” Of course, that remains an unpleasant memory, but right now my mind is more focusing on what happened after that, on Jiyong’s conversation with Seunghyun-hyung. I had been on my way out of the company building, when I overheard them.

“Another one already, Jiyong?” Seunghyun-hyung had chuckled as Jiyong reiterated his news to the eldest. “Damn, that was fast.”

“I’m serious, hyung! It was love at first sight!” Jiyong protested angrily as the elder one of the two continued to laugh.

“Ah, but, Jiyong,” Seunghyun-hyung shook his head. “That’s what you say every single time. About every single girl. The exact same thing.”

There was a pause, silence from both parties, before Jiyong’s unmistakable voice could be heard.

“I am serious, hyung.” Jiyong repeated quietly. “I really do think she is the one. I love her, and she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Jiyong,” Seunghyun-hyung interjected. “Tell me the truth. And please, don’t lie to me here. It’s an insult to my intelligence. Is that honestly what you believe?”

“I…”

Silence.

“Your hesitation tells me otherwise. Now that you’ve stopped lying to others, you should next learn to stop lying to yourself. All it does is hurt you and those who are precious to you. If you keep this up, you’re eventually going to lose them one day.”

I suddenly heard the sound of Seunghyun-hyung’s heavy footsteps getting closer. He rounded the corner before I had a chance to escape, and saw me straight away.

He didn’t say a single word. He just stared. His dark, piercing eyes penetrating into mine, as if my soul was on display, all raw emotions and thoughts exposed, making me shiver. Finally, he continued walking on, remaining silent all the while.

I have a bad feeling that Seunghyun-hyung is possibly aware of my feelings for Jiyong. The others brush off my constant affection and attention for Jiyong as fanservice on camera, and brotherly love and admiration when otherwise. But Seunghyun-hyung is different. He’s always the first to notice things, certain occurrences, and being the eldest, he does have an air of being the wisest. And now he’s managed to pinpoint this.

Finally, Jiyong and Seulgi pull apart, and I realise it’s my cue to say something.

But I can’t say it. I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. It’d be so easy to say those false words, to keep lying like I always do, every single time, to keep things right, as they should be.

Even so, I end up doing what I have to do.

“Congratulations…I’m so happy for the both of you.” I can barely utter those fake, despicable words as I force my mouth to stretch into a smile. I can’t say anything other than that. If I open my mouth again, I’m going to scream until I can no longer stand, howling until my ears burst as I continue to die over and over and over until I take my last breath. So, instead, I continue to wear my mask of a smile until I nod my head and leave the room to give the couple some “privacy,” only to leave the restaurant altogether and just go home so I can cry in complete silence without any interruptions.

I finished posting Seunghyun today, but this new adventure's just begun! Prepare for massive chunk of chapters~