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If You Loved MeHe hasn't got a clue of when he is to reveal his condition. He knew that he has to reveal it somehow, I
it's just the matter of when and how... He thought it was just migraines from fatigue that he suffers from his busy schedule with Infinite. But it was more than just that... Despite it not being fatal if he undergoes treatment, it will still leave him scarred and torn from his position as an idol, a rapper and a dancer.
"Howon-ah!" Hoya turns around to see his dance partner and his lover. His fans call him a dinosaur because of his fierce looks, but to Hoya, he's just Dongwoo, the man he loves and cares about the most.
"It's time to practice our dance number!" Dongwoo held his hand out.
The thing that always made Hoya feel free and relaxed was dancing with Dongwoo. Hoya held onto Dongwoo's hand and stared up to Dongwoo's angelic eyes. Hoya could feel his head spin and see double images of Dongwoo flying around his vision. Hoya squeezed his eyes close tightly and opened them again. He puts one foot behind him to regain his balance.
"Are you ok?" Dongwoo asked, concerned.
"It's nothing... I'm just tired... Let's practice once more before we take a break..." Hoya said.
Dongwoo could feel his heart wrench to see how determined and resilient Hoya is, despite being tired. But also, Dongwoo felt happy because he loved Hoya for the way he is: a guy who is willing to do anything just to dance.
He spins, he swoops and he soars. He imagines himself being a bird spreading its wings, getting ready for flight. Dancing was freedom, and he never felt any better. Especially dancing next to the man he loves, and sometimes, dancing in his arms. His lover's arms are always the source of his comfort and warmth and it will always be with him when he needs it. The music pops and rings throughout the dance studio as the two dancers dance gracefully, with passion in front of the huge mirror plane.
When the music stopped, Hoya collapses onto the floor, feeling really exhausted.
"Let's go get some tea, shall we?" Dongwoo stretched his hand out to pull Hoya up.
Hoya looks up again to stare into Dongwoo's eyes, it seemed that it is slowly becoming less visible to him as it slowly fades away. Hoya blindly grabs Dongwoo's hand and got up.
"Let's go get some tea..." Hoya said, hiding his sorrows, with a smile.
In the kitchen, Hoya reaches out for the teabags, looking out for Dongwoo's favourite: Earl Grey Tea. He realizes he picked up vanilla tea after he placed the random teabag in the lukewarm water. Damn, he thought. He knew his condition is bringing him nowhere. Pissed, Hoya swings the teacup into the sink, pouring the tea down the drain, wasting it. Hoya tries again, trying to find Earl Grey, realizing he wasted another cup of chamomile tea. He then growled in anger, after wasting the third cup of jasmine tea.
"Howon-ah..." Dongwoo walks into the kitchen after hearing him. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing... I think I'll pass on the tea..." Hoya gave up and walked out of the kitchen.
Dongwoo just stared at him, feeling worried for Hoya. He knew that Hoya was not being himself and there has to be something amiss. Dongwoo walks to the kitchen counter to prepare a cup of tea for himself. He reaches out for the teabags to find a bag of Earl Grey just right in front of him.
It was time for dance practice with the other members. All 7 members of Infinite gathered in the dance studio to prepare for their comeback song. Hoya rests on the floor just staring into the mirror. He sees Dongwoo warming up with Sungyeol, the tallest member in Infinite. Myungsoo sat on the couch in the dance studio, with his ears plugged with his music, just bobbing along. Sunggyu is just leaning against the wall, just chatting with Woohyun.
Hoya really admired the two of them as a couple. They were the worst of the worst enemies before debut, and they fought a lot. Hoya remembered how he had to pull Sunggyu away before he threw a punch into Woohyun's face. But now, they are as close and romantic as Romeo and Juliet, and Adam and Eve. They loved each other, and they cared for one another. They both loved to sing and their harmonies are lovely when they sing together.
"Hyung!" Hoya heard a high-pitched voice that disrupted his train of thoughts.
He turned back to find Sungjong attempting to massage Hoya's shoulders. Hoya let out a soft laugh.
"Man... Your shoulder muscles are really tense..." Sungjong complained as he softly squeezed Hoya's shoulders.
"Shouldn't you be warming up for practice?" Hoya asked. "...instead of massaging my shoulders....?"
"Just wanna learn more dance moves from you! I just love how you dance! You look so relaxed and graceful when you dance..." Sungjong said enthusiastically. It is true that Sungjong is in fact the closest to Hoya, like they are brothers in real life.
"Alright... I'll teach you a few more moves before we start practice." Hoya said.
"Alright, everyone gather! Let's start!" Sunggyu announced.
As the music started, Hoya stretched his arms and wriggled them to relax his muscles.
Everything went well until Hoya's vision started to go wonky. The mirror in front started to show double images of the 7 members, and he was starting to see 14 people dancing in the mirror. The double images were making him really dizzy and he was unable to focus.
"Howon-ah!"
His head couldn't stop spinning, like his head was placed in a washing machine.
"Howon-ah!"
He could feel that his whole body was out of control as he couldn't see. He even tried to close his eyes and dance but...
"Howon-ah!" The music stopped, and an angry Sunggyu was standing next to the stereo.
The other members stepped aside as Sunggyu stormed towards Hoya.
"What was that all about? Do you know that our comeback is in 1 weeks' time? You are completely losing focus!" Sunggyu reprimanded.
Hoya felt really guilty, but he knew that he has to reveal it to someone or he'll be suffering in silence.
"Sunggyu-hyung..." Hoya murmured. "Can I have a word with you... alone?"
Dongwoo got the hint from Hoya's words that he wants to be talked with alone, with the others not knowing about it. So he gathered everyone outside the dance studio and shut the door closed.
"So..." Sunggyu said. "You're saying...?"
"You have to promise me not to tell any of the members..." Hoya said, who was at the verge of tears when he suddenly thought of Dongwoo. "Especially Dongwoo..."
Sunggyu nodded as he listened to Hoya's story, only to find out that Hoya has been diagnosed with a rare case of eye cancer and his eyesight is deteriorating. Because his case was discovered early, his case of cancer will not be fatal unless he undergoes treatment. But no matter what, his eyesight will be lost eventually due to the rate of how the cancer cells are spreading in his body.
Hoya couldn't help but tear up, Sunggyu could understand his feelings and he gave Hoya a hug to comfort him.
"I feel so useless... I couldn't do anything... And..." Hoya cried. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid that I'm unable to dance anymore...."
Sunggyu knows. Sunggyu knows that he was afraid of losing Dongwoo, visually and emotionally.
"I'm sure there has got to be something that the doctors can do..." Sunggyu whispered and patted Hoya's back.
There was an awkward silence between the two of them before Sunggyu broke it.
"Do you want to do this: Dance for one last time, for Infinite's comeback stage, and then take a break." Sunggyu asked. "Take a break from all activities and undergo treatment. That way, you may be able to recover faster, I hope..."
The members of Infinite were taking a break after a long day of practice for their comeback. Sunggyu has decided to give the members a treat by ordering pizza over to the dorm and watching a movie together as a group.
"'Wonder what's the special occasion?" Myungsoo asked as he picked up a slice of pizza and takes a huge bite.
"I think we all worked really hard..." Sunggyu said, in content. "You all deserve a reward from me..."
"So this treat is our reward?" Sungjong asked.
"Not just that! Each of you will get something special from me!" Sunggyu announced.
"Oohhh... What do I get?" Sungyeol asked curiously.
"You'll find out!" Sunggyu said with a smile.
"I know what you'll get for me..." Woohyun said, going close to Sunggyu, giving him a kiss. "A kiss right?"
Sunggyu blushed. "It's something more than that..." Sunggyu laughed.
Hoya sat next to Dongwoo as they both share a bag of chips, watching the movie together. Dongwoo placed his arms around Hoya and cuddled him closer. Hoya looks up at Dongwoo and Dongwoo gave him a smile. Hoya realised Dongwoo has his mouth covered with salt, and he used his fingers to softly wipe Dongwoo's mouth. Dongwoo's smile widened, showing his pearly white teeth.
His pearly white smile will be missed as he treasures this moment together with Dongwoo. Hoya realised that, he is going to need to treasure every moment he has with Dongwoo before he will not be able to experience it the same way again. Hoya cuddles in Dongwoo's arms as they continue to watch the movie, feeling the warmth that Dongwoo has and he slowly closes his eyes, falling asleep...
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