There’s no coffin

Because, you think,

She probably wouldn’t have liked

That cramped space.

There’s no funeral

Because, you think,

She probably wouldn’t want anybody to notice

That she was gone.

But you noticed.

No matter what you did,

And no matter what you didn’t do,

You couldn’t help but notice she was gone

Because you realized she used to be everywhere.

She used to be the books forgotten on your shelf,

The open pretzel package on the counter,

She used to be the missing cupcake from the box,

The sketches of constellations in your homework.

And now she is just smoke,

Weaving through your hair,

Floating between your toes,

Drifting just out of reach of your shaking,

Trembling fingertips.

No more yellowing pages left on your shelf,

No more sandwiches abandoned to dry,

Boxes and boxes of sweets you wish you weren’t the first to open,

Blank pages of math and history and science and no stars

(No stars no stars no stars).

You remember her too much,

And you want to wash yourself of her smoke,

But you also want to hug her tight, close, forever,

And it takes a while for you to realize you can’t do both.

But time leaves slow walkers behind,

So you pick yourself up,

And you don’t know when or how it happened,

But maybe, you think, you’re getting better.

Maybe now you won’t flinch with hope when somebody opens your door,

And maybe now you’ll be able to sleep without seeing her empty bed,

And maybe now you’ll read philosophy books without crying,

And maybe

Maybe

Maybe

You’ll look up at the night sky without thinking

(Begging)

Come out of the stars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/27/15 11:48

Author's Note:
This is inspired by
the webseries, Carmilla.