Her Invincible Wall
Description
"PR Dara will check fan responses to Crush now! Gather 'round!" Dara gestured wildly from her comfortable position on the practice room bench, her phone clutched in her hand like it always was. Bom, Minji, and Chaerin all eagerly crowded around her, peering at the small screen.
"Oooooh, very good, eh?" Bom murmured absentmindedly after some time watching Dara scroll through the responses at a pace that had been perfected over the years. Minji nodded confirmation and Dara squeaked in excitement while making sure the phone didn't shake too much. Chaerin remained silent.
"Pudong! All the fans really like the songs you wrote, and the lyrics too! Oh, and the response to MTBD was awesome, they all loved it!" Dara said later that day, sitting at the kitchen table with her elbows propped up, routinely scrolling through her twitter mentions as Chaerin cooked ramyun for the two of them.
Dara adjusted her beanie thoughtlessly before continuing to babble about specific fan comments she particularly liked, knowing that Chaerin was listening like she always was, even without indication. But Chaerin remained silent.
She felt suffocated.
Foreword
"Why can't Blackjacks admit it? With this album, CL is officially the worst leader ever."
"What a , she needs to stop bribing YG and Teddy to give her more of the spotlight."
"What an attention ! I wanted 2NE1, not CL."
"Um, explain why CL has another solo?"
"I love the album but damn, CL overshadowing much?"
They hurt like hot knives stabbing through her. They hurt like needles poking in and out all over her skin. They hurt like an iron fist clutching her heart and squeezing the life out of it.
It was the first time she allowed herself to read the opinions of others because she made a promise to herself so many years ago that she wouldn't change herself for others. She wouldn't be affected by other opinions because everyone is entitled to their own.
But still her hands shook as she closed the laptop, and still her eyes watered as she thought about their words, and still her heart bled as she really, truly believed their accusations.
It was so unfair, the words and evident tone they used as they blamed her for things she didn't do. She worked so hard for so long on this album, not only for herself but for the other three girls as well, and as the wind blew past her on her walk back to the apartment, it made her feel hollow and useless under the night sky that hung over her and made her mood that much worse.
She would ask her father for advice like she does for so many other things, but the idea didn't seem to be a good one when she remembered that nobody in this world understood how she felt.
Nobody understands how I feel, she thought as she unlocked the apartment door and walked in, taking her shoes and coat off. Nobody understands the efforts that go to waste every time I see a hate comment, she thought as she tiredly changed into comfortable pajamas. Nobody understands the guilt I feel when people say I'm hurting the group, she thought as she came out of the bathroom just past midnight and was greeted by a dark, empty bedroom.
She tilted her head and her eyes narrowed on a familiar phone on the bedside table. This was interesting; only a few people on the planet have seen Chaerin's roommate without her phone in her pocket, in her bag, or in her hand.
Then Chaerin nodded knowingly, a smile lighting her lips despite the pain and guilt.
Nobody understands...except maybe one person.
Author's Note:
None of the above hate comments are real,
but similar opinions have been expressed.
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