~JaeJoong~

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I was sitting on the couch, staring at the fire place as my thoughts were running around in my brain. I didn't feel like going back to the party. I couldn't. Yuna called Yunho to tell the crowd that something came up at the office and I was forced to cancel the event for me for the night. Yuna had left the room about 10 minutes ago to get me something which I don't remember. I wasn't listening really or paying attention

I pulled out my phone as I went through the images of her that I had taken in secret when she had been working by the desk, at the fashion shows, her sleeping or brushing her hair in the mirror. 
I smiled a bit as I looked at them but the overwhelming sadness captured me immediately

In the future I won't even know who this beautiful person are. I won't be able to remember her name, her laugh, her love or anything that has to do with her. She would be a complete stranger for me that was going to be there for me.

Is this really the life that awaits me? The life that I was sitting and waiting for, knowing that I cannot stop or do something about?

I tossed the phone aside and sighed heavily as I frustrated took a hold of my head and stared down at the floor. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, nothing that I could do to stop it. Nothing to hide or to make myself stronger. Just wait and live life normally. Maybe take the medicine to slow it down a bit but other than that, the results would be there in no time to catch me up

A pair of tiny arms was soon wrapped around me and pulled me back in the couch. The slender fingers started to massage my head and I closed my eyes as I tried to enjoy it. 

"We'll get through this.. This is the worst part of the stage"

"It's not.." I whispered started to caress me instead

I sighed once more as I looked back at her. With her beautiful dress, not caring about how she looked like when she climbed over to sit on the couch right next to me

"It is. To take this in, pull yourself through it and accept it" She whispered

I swallowed hard

"How do you sit back and accept the fact that you will not be able to remember anything?" I whispered, staring at the fire

She climbed over to me, sitting halfways over my body and holding me around my neck and shoulders.

"You won't ever be able to accept it fully but... to a certain part you have to" She said

"I can't accept the fact that I will forget you Yuna. Or the guys or the company. I will never be able to do that?"

"You have no choice Jae" 

"That's exactly what I mean. I have no choice. The choices were taken away from me" I said frustrated

"I'm so sorry" She whispered

I sighed and looked at her as a tear fell from her eyes

"I won't be able to remember who you.. are" I said, my voice breaking halfways into the sentence

Another tear was shed from her eyes and I turned myself to wipe the tears away

"I'm so sorry" I whispered as I leaned against her forehead and closed my eyes

She took a hold of me head and shook her head

"Don't be sorry" She whispered

"I can't help it"

We changed position and lied down on the couch, her close to me with my jacket wrapped around the both of us as a blanket and she held onto me tightly as if she was afraid of letting me go. I rested my lips against her head, my nose smelling the wonderful scent of her as I was trying to mark the scent in every single sense inside my brain

"Are you scared?" She whispered

"To death" I answered

Silence took over once more and I felt my dresshirt becoming wet as silent tears were falling from Yuna's eyes. I couldn't even bare to cry anymore. 

Listening to the sobbing and the silent tears was making every part of my body ache. Mostly the heart. I couldn't stop this. I wasn't able to. No matter how much I would try to stop it, I would never be able to. I looked down at her as she was closing her eyes, tears slowly drifting away. I planted a kiss on her forehead as I pulled her closer to me, watching her sleep

I had waited half of my life for her to come along and now when she was here, I had to pu an end to it. But how do you put an end to something that barely started? A weird feeling started to develop. Greatfulness, joy and the feeling of being lucky and being able to meet her. It was better late than never. A year. 365 days with her and then slowly.. I would lose myself

Would I be able to let her watch me fade? To let her endure the pain of me not remembering her?

The answer was no but I was way too selfish to let her go now and for some reason I knew she felt the same. 

I had expected the rest of my life with her and now it was narrowed down to 1 year. I turned my head to the side as I saw the fire going out. My life was like the fire at the moment. Burning happily, wildly and energetically and then slowly being put out. 

I looked back down on Yuna. I had to make the best out of the time that was left. Everything I could to let her have good memories before the bad ones will appear and leave her with bad memories of me. 

Us together, spending every hour, every minute, every second together

I pulled her closer to me as I smiled palely

I had to do my best. Everything to make her happy. Good memories of us. Not the pain. For the time that I was going to put her through later on, the time of pain.. I will do my best to make this time of ours the best time to cherish, to protect, to love and to give her what she needs. To make it up to her in advance. 

The determination was slowly forming as I looked down at her. 

If I were going to lose my memories, I would at least make the best out of the time for as long as I can remember. Make up plans, do things that would help me to remember her. Somehow and in all ways that were possible. I'm not gonna sit back and let it take over. I had to fight. 

I had to try