~Yuna~

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I stared at him and he stared at me. Another tear fell from his face and I felt someone grasping my heart, holding onto it and squeezing it as if the heart was trying to take its last breath. I couldn't hold back the tears that was burning and threatening to fall. I had to give in and so I did. The first tear fell and I heard JaeJoong knuckle the paper n his hand as he stared at me

No words were exchanged as we just blankly stared at each other

The sound from the fire, sparkling and protesting just like our feelings at the moment could be heard. No sobs, not even heavy breathing

"I'm so sorry Yuna" He whispered

"No! Don't say that" 

as he spoke the first sentence I felt myself almost collapsing due to the heartache the both of us were feeling at the moment

I ran towards him, and wiped all the tears I could find on his face. He suddenly stopped me by pushing away my hands and took a hold of my head and pulled it close as he sobbed for the first time of the evening, resting his forehead against my own

"I'm so sorry"

"Do not say you're sorry Jae!" I cried quietly

He sobbed and took a deep breath and looked at me

"I started a relationship with you and I can't even hold the promise of being with you, loving you and caring for you like a guy should do. You deserve so much more than this and I am truly sorry Yuna. I'm so sorry"

"Jae stop please!" I sobbed

I tried to free his hand that was holding my face in a frustrated grip. He refused to let go. I put my hands over his and he grabbed them instantly and kissed the left hand

"It's not your fault" I whispered 

"It's my sickness Yuna.. I can't even imagine the pain I'm going to put you through" He said and looked at me with frustration and anxiety in his eyes

I shook my head

"I'm not gonna leave you Jae"

"Breaking up might be a better option for you. Then you won't have to see me like this. Breaking down... being sick. Not.. remembering you" He said

"WE JUST ANNOUNCED THAT WE ARE A COUPLE TODAY! WE CAN'T QUIT NOW!" I said frustrated

"But the pain Yuna.. it's gonna be too much of a burden.. do you understand that?" He said

"I don't care"

"Listen to me please.. I don't care if I end up in a wheelchair, if I can't remember how to use my muscles, remember how to hold a fork or anything that requires in life. The only thing I cannot stand is you.. Not being able to remember who you are and what you mean to me.."

I shook my head in frustration as I cried

"I don't care JaeJoong. Being with you.."

"I WON'T REMEMBER YOU YUNA! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!" 

He let go of me and walked away and took a deep breath as he was wandering around in circles

"Is that what you are afraid of? Me being in pain because you can't remember me?" I asked

"Yes. Do you understand the burden? The pain, the endless nights of crying that you might have to go through?" He said

"Jae.. that is not important right now"

"Then what is?" He said, breaking down again and stared at me in frustration

I walked towards him and caressed his face, holding onto his face and wiping away his tears

"The most important thing right now is to make the best out of the time that you have left.." I whispered

"It feels like I'm gonna die... as if I'm preparing for a funeral.. My own" He whispered in pain

I shook my head

"Take each day, one at the time Jae. With me" I said and forced him to look at me

He swallowed hard as he had tears in his eyes

"You're not alone in this. I'm gonna be with you from the very beginning to the very end. You won't remember.. but I will be there to remind you"

"I won't even know who you are"

I knew that. Deep inside of me I knew what this illness was able to do, what it could do to people. And there was nothing that could stop it. I sobbed harder this time and JaeJoong sobbed as well. What are we going to do?

"It's okay"

"Yuna please.. how can it be okay?" He whispered

"The memories we create from now on are going to be important Jae..but I'm not the most important thing here. You have so many unaccomplished things that you need to do.." I said

"Like what kind of things? My Work? My company? You're the most important thing Yuna. Can't you see that? I'd throw away everything just to be with you if there would be a situation where I would have to choose between you or the company. Can't you see... you're everything to me" He said 

The plead in his voice, the thickness because of the crying, the struggle to speak because of the pain. I could hear and feel it all. And the worst part was.. there was nothing that could solve it. Nothing could help or stop it. 

"Jae.. please.."

"You are the unaccomplished thing in my life.." He said

I looked up at him as he caressed my cheek and sobbed. The warmth from his fingers could be felt, he was trembling

"You are the unaccomplished thing in my life. I didn't go through all that pain, the loneliness, the struggles and the emptiness just to see you being taken away from me. I want to be here with you, experience things with you, live life with you, traveling with you. Seeing you screw up food you can't make, the morning hair and remember the wonderful scent, the perfume that I adore. I want to be able to accomplish this lifetime with you and now I'm not able to do that. I waited half my life for someone like you to come along, I didn't know it then.. but now I do. And I waited half of my life for you and now half of my life is being taken away from me"

I broke down once more, hearing the pain that he has to go through, just knowing that we wouldn't be able to live happily together like a real couple, cherish moments together, celebreate annversaries, nag at each other and fight about useless things. None of that was going to be there..

And us.. growing.. mature together.. Cherish and grow old together. All of the things that we wanted to do just seemed like a faded memory that was unreachable

"I'm so sorry.. If I could I would take away the pain" I whispered and wiped away his tears

He sobbed quietly

"I love you JaeJoong and I'm not gonna leave you. I'd rather spend the all the time you have left healthily to remember you as the amazing person you are than leaving you because of fear that I might have to go through sadness and all that pain by myself. And the worst of all, the regret. No I wouldn't be able to live with that" I whispered

He looked deeply into my eyes and I smiled at him through the tears

"I'm not gonna start something that won't be able to be finished. We started today Jae... and there will not be a sad ending"

"We know how this is gonna end" He said sadly

"It doesn't matter... We're not gonna pretend.. but we're not gonna stand here and let the time slip away from us.." I whispered

He looked at me for awhile, not knowing what to say as he was studying my face

"One year.. Approximately a year.. then it's gonna start breaking everything down.." He whispered

"I'm gonna treat this one year as one day" I whispered

He suddenly pulled me into a hug, buried himself deeply into me as I did the same to him as I cried quietly. He was strong. He was stronger than before. But with all the things that was going on at the moment, I felt that he was losing his strength. Even hope..

I had to stay strong. Not only for me but for him. The sickness was slowly processing inside of him and was slowly eating him up. It would be worse by the end of the 1 year that he had. That was the only guess the doctor was able to give, nothing was 100% sure

"I'm so sorry" He whispered once again

His words echoed inside of my head as I tried to block it out. It was impossible. I was sorry too. Now.. it was us against the time..