I stayed up pretty late that night crying. So I got up late the next morning, it's Sunday. I jolted awake with my mom's hands on my shoulder.

" It's almost two. " she said. " Honey, are you alright ? "

"Yeah. " I lied. " Sleep fights cancer. " yeah, right.

" Aren't you going anywhere today ? Is Jongdae coming ? " Mom asked, as she took my prosthetic to me.

" No. " Not anymore.

" I can tell you like him. " Mom said, as she handed me my prosthetic.

I fastened it in slow motion.

" I couldn't, mom. " My eyes hurts. Thanks to all the crying last night.

" Honey. " Mom hugged me. " Don't say that. "

I wanted to cry again, but there were no tears. No tears at all.

" I'm sorry. mom. " I feel useless. I'm hurting everyone I love. I hurt Jongdae last night. And now, I'm hurting my mom.

This world isn't fair.

" Honey, how's your wishlist going on ? " Mom changed the topic.

I grab it as I left it on the table beside me and I gave it to her.

9.  Visit the oceanarium .  ( / )

37. Eat a macaroon in Paris.  (  )

84. Inspire someone.  ( / )

99. Kiss someone.  (  )

" 2 more to go. " I said. Or should I say one more ? Number 99 seems ridiculously stupid right now,

" You're almost there, honey. " Mom gave me a smile.

" Mom, can I go to Paris ? " I blurted out. " Please. " I want to get out of here. I want to get out of here real bad.

" Honey. " My mom gave me one of those you-know-I-really-wish-you-could-but-you-can't look.

" Mom, please. It's a wish of mine. And I don't have much time left. " I regretted the minute I said that. Mom's gonna cry again.

" We'll talk about this when dad comes home okay, honey ? " And then she left my room. Most probably to cry.

***

Mom and dad announced it was time for dinner. I've been in my room sleeping the whole day. I switched my phone off, so no one would be able to call me. I was hugging Jongdae's sweater when I was asleep. I don't want to give the sweater back to him. It's the only thing that I can keep with me and not hurt it.

For dinner, we were having spaghetti bolognese. I tell myself to eat something, because I haven't eaten anything since I woke up. I've lost all my appetite.

" Carmen, are you alright ? " dad asked as he ate. I wonder how many times have I heard this question.

" Dad, can I go to Paris, please. " I asked. I took a bit of spaghetti and ate it. Swallowed.

He looks at me, smiling, " with Jongdae ? "

" No, just me. Alone. " I answered, way too defensively. Wounded.

" Carmen, you can't go there alone. You're sick. " Dad said.

" Honey, maybe you could ask Hope to go with you ? " Mom could've go with me, but she needs to look after the house and stuff when my dad is out for work. She is not a fan of traveling.

" No, mom. I want to go alone. Please. " I look at her, and then at my dad. " Please. I'll take care of myself. I'll call you once I reach there. I'll be fine. "

They look at each other for a while and said, " Okay, then. "

I was so happy, my appetite was back again.

" On one condition, " dad paused. Darn it. " you'll have to bring your wheelchair along. When you reach Paris, you'll use that, alright ? Because your mother and I don't want you to walk too much. You need to rest more. Is that a deal ? "

" Deal ! " Who on earth would give a damn about a wheelchair when they can go to Paris.

And I finished my plate of spaghetti.

***

My flight didn't leave until noon, but mom woke me up at 6, turning on the light and said, " Today's the day ! " I smiled.

She made sure that I brought everything, toothbrush, hand phone charger, prosthetic, etc, while I just rolled out of bed and put on my travel outfit.

My parents car was packed by 7.10, so my parents decided that we should have breakfast together. I tried to stomach down some pancakes as I'm not the type of people who eats breakfast.

After we finished eating, mom did the dishes and we walked to the car. They'll be sending me to the airport.

As we backed out of the driveway it occurred to me that I haven't talk to Jongdae for a week. I might never see him again. My heart aches. But I ignore it.

We reached the airport parking lot, and that's it.

I got down from the car and took my luggage.

" Thanks, mom and dad. " Of course, mom started crying and she hugged me.

" I love you, honey.  " She said.

" I'll see you in a few days, okay ? I love you so much. " Dad said.

" I love you guys. " I smiled. " And it's only two days. "

As they left, I kept waving at them. They were waving back, except mom because she was busy crying.

There was a bus who took me to the terminal, and then a car took us to the security line.

I got to the gate half an hour earlier before my scheduled boarding time. And, I spotted them.

Hope, Tao and Jongdae. The three of them sitting down next to each other in the mostly empty gate area. Jongdae was asleep.

I opened my mouth, wanting to say something, but nothing comes out.

Hope spotted me. " CAM. " She shouted and came running towards me, wrapping her arms round me.

" Why are you guys here ? " am I dreaming ?

" Your parents sorta kinda told me. And I decided to bring the boys along. " said Hope. Are you kidding me, gosh.

I looked at Tao. He wasn't looking at me. Or should I say, couldn't.

" Tao. " I said. I strongly suspect he told them our secret.

" I didn't tell them about the Paris thing. He looked at me with those puppy eyes, and continued, " Only the two months left part. "

" We made a promise, Huang Zi Tao. " I knew I shouldn't have told him.

" Don't blame me, when you called me Jongdae was beside me so I put you on loud speaker cause he wanted to listen to your voice. " Tao paused.

I glance over at Jongdae, still asleep. I want to hug him so badly right now.

" And when you told me where to meet and stuff, he went there too, eavesdropping us. " Tao continued. " It's not my fault. You only asked if Hope was there, but you didn't ask if Jongdae was there too. "

I have nothing to say. I don't even know what to say.

" I'm sorry. " Tao apologize.

" Cam, Tao was just trying to- " Hope wanted to explain but Jongdae cut her off.

" Carmen. " He hugged me.

Apples. He smells so good. I closed my eyes. Wishing that he'd never let go of me. I love the warmth.

" I missed you. " he whispered.

I hugged him back with all my strength. " I'm sorry. " I tell him.

" It's okay, I'm here now. "

" Jongdae. "

" Yes ? " He looks at me.

" I missed you too. " I couldn't. I just couldn't. I gave in.

Just when I wanted to stay in his arms forever. A lady behind the ticket counter announced they were going to start preboarding people who might need a bit of extra time and every single person looked at me.

" Come on. " Jongdae holds my hand. " We're going to Paris " he smiled.

I texted my parents, " Thank you. I love you guys. "

***

I sat beside Jongdae while Hope and Tao sat behind us. The nose of the plane rose up and we were aloft. I stared out the window, Jongdae put his hand on top of my hand. I nudged my head into his shoulder, " Thanks for coming. "

" You realize that hiding from me will not stop me from loving you. " he said.

" Why me, Jongdae ? " I asked. 

" You're different, Carmen. You are special to me right from the very start. " His voice, full of confidence. Of course I'm different, I have cancer.

I look out the window for a while. It was a clear day, and I could see the sun setting.

" It's beautiful. " I said mostly to myself..

" Just like you. " he said.

" It'll soon be over. " Just like the sunset, beauty doesn't last forever.

" I'll never get over you. " he smiled. I felt myself blushing. I shook my head. I didn't want to be a grenade. But then again, it is his choice.

***

I think I must have fallen asleep, and woke up to the landing gear coming down. I looked over at Jongdae.

" Morning, Carmen. " His eyes reach out to me. Such gorgoeus eyes.

" Sorry, I should've stayed awake and talk to you. " I felt guilty. Knowing that he's right beside me during the whole flight and I've slept for so long.

" It's okay, Carmen. I don't mind. " He squeezed my hand. We were holding hands during the whole flight. He didn't let it go. He didn't let me go.

" Promise ? "

" Promise. "

After getting our bags and clearing customs. We all piled into a taxi driven by this friendly bald guy who spoke perfect English.

" Le Paris Hotel ? " I said.

He nodded, and off we go.

***

The Le Paris Hotel was right next to the Parc Asterix Theme Park. I wanted to go there first, so they all changed and I'm in my wheelchair. They thought I wasn't feeling well. So I explained that it is one of the conditions from my dad if he allows me to go to Paris.

Jongdae push my wheelchair. I was too tired to push my own. 

" I'll go buy the tickets, okay ? " Jongdae said.

" Okay. "

" Stay here and don't go anywhere, promise ? " 

" promise. " I feel like a kid. But I don't mind it at all.

While I was waiting, a little girl came over to me. She speak in French thus I couldn't understand what was she trying to tell me. She looks like she was in a hurry, she motioned me to follow her. So I follow. 

It seems that the string of a balloon got tied onto the fence. I think she wanted the balloon but was too short to untie it, so I untied it and gave it to her. She smiled and said something to me, I'll take that as a thank you. I smiled and said, " you're welcome . "

I push myself back to the spot to wait for Jongdae. Before I even reach the spot, I saw him asking everyone that passes by, " Have you seen a girl in a wheelchair ? " he looks scared. The problem was that the people doesn't even understand what he's talking about.  He looks around, but he couldn't see me cause I was standing behind a pole. 

" CARMEN. " he shouted. Everyone was looking at him. " Please. Please be alright. " he murmured to himself as he sat there staring into space.

" I shouldn't have left you. " he buries his face in his hands.

" Jongdae. " I push my own wheelchair towards him. When he saw me his eyes got teary. 

" You promised " He stood up and hugged me. " You promised to stay and not leave. " he was crying.

" Jongdae, I'm here now. It's alright. I'm fine. " It hurts me to see him this way. I pull him close to me, how I wish I could be the one protecting him. But I'm nothing but trouble.

I wiped his tears away, " I'm sorry. " I said.

He looked at me. His eyes swam in their sockets.

" I thanked God for you everyday. " Jongdae whispered as he put an arm around me and kissed my forehead.