I drove my car back to my house. Jongdae was driving behind my car. He insisted upon driving but I couldn't just leave my car at the parking lot. I got out of my car and turned to his car. Tapped the window. It rolled down. " I'll be right back in a minute. " I said.

" Okay, Carmen. " He had a hell of a jawline, I swear to god.

" Kim Jongdae." I said. " On second thought, do you wanna come in and have a seat ? "

" I thought you'd never ask, Carmen. "

" Cam. "

I wanted to annoy him the way he annoys me with my name. But it doesn't seem to bother him when I say his name that way.

***

He followed me inside. It's like a family room. Everywhere, there are family photos. On the walls, on top of  the aquarium and on tables.

" My parents want me to remember all the good memories and forget about the fact that I have cancer. They are more than just pictures. " I said honestly.

" They're everywhere. " He said as he walk over to a framed collage with pictures of my family.

My mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner. My dad's still working. Mom was surprised by his arrival, which made sense: The fact that I barely have any friends. In fact, Jongdae's the first guy who I've brought home with.

" Mom, this is Kim Jongdae. " I said. By the look on my mom's face. She must be thinking that Jongdae was my boyfriend.

I should've never invited Jongdae into my house.

" Just Jongdae. " He said.

" Hello, Jongdae. How are you ? " Mom asked while slicing the vegetables.

" I'm okay. This is a lovely house you've got. I love all the pictures. "

" Thank you, Jongdae. "

" Mom, I'll be having dinner with Jongdae tonight. " I said.

Mom seems delighted to hear that. It's all over her face. I don't blame her though. She always told me to get out there and do something. Instead of just staying home and stuff. But I liked staying home. I rarely left the house, spent quite a lot of time in bed, read the same book over and over, ate infrequently, and devoted quite a bit of my free time to thinking about death.

I entered my room while Jongdae was still downstairs talking to my mom. I brushed my hair and tied it into a fishtail braid. My house was so quiet I could hear people talking, so I sat on the edge of my bed and listened through my hollow bedroom door :

Mom : " So how did you met Carmen ? From the support group ? "

Jongdae : " I'm actually a friend of Hope. "

Mom : " Ahhh, I see. Hope, it's been a long time since I've seen her. Is she alright ? "

Jongdae : " Yep. Hope's pretty fine. "

Dad : " Honey, I'm home. Who's this fella over here ? "

Dad's back from work.

Mom : " Carmen's friend, Jongdae. They will be going out tonight. "

Jongdae : " Nice to meet you, Mr. Harper. "

Dad : " That's wonderful ! Nice to meet you too, Jongdae. You have to understand Carmen's sick, and will be for the rest of her life. She'll want to keep up with you, but her sickness- "

At which point I emerged, silencing him.

" Hey, dad. " I hugged him.

" Hey, pumpkin. So where are you going ? " asked dad.

" Just somewhere around here, we haven't made our decision yet. "

" Sure, honey. Have fun okay ? " my mom smiled.

" You've got your phone ? " Dad asked me. I held it up as evidence, and started walking. Jongdae hustled over, offering me his arm, which I took. My fingers wrapped around his biceps.

***

He drives a classic, pale yellow VW Beetle. It's as cool as he is.

When he turns the key, passenger - let her go plays softly, maybe it's the way Jongdae likes his music.

His brown eyes stare into mine. " So where do you wanna go ? " He asked.

I have absolutely no idea. As long as he's with me, anywhere would be fine, I thought.

" Um, somewhere near the ocean ? " I suggested.

" Okay, Carmen. " he says.

" Cam. "

" Carmen. "

" Kim Jongdae. " It never ends. Does it ?

" Can I ask you something, Carmen ? " He asked. Eyes focusing on the road.

" Sure. " I nodded. I have this bad feeling inside me.

" Will osteosarcoma take over you someday ? As in, it started with your leg ... I was just wondering. " I'm glad that his eyes aren't focusing on me this time. Because they'd be a pair of sad, sad eyes.

" I didn't cut my leg off for the sheer unadulterated pleasure of it. It has been no evidence of cancer for five months. I'm not sure if it will take over me someday but what I can tell you is that osteosarcoma sometimes takes a limp to check you out. Then, if it likes you, it takes all of you. " I said. " I'm considered lucky. "

To me, cancer is never something to be pitied for. We are not that different, and there's nothing wrong with us.

" Carmen. " He stopped the car.

" Yes, Kim Jongdae ? "

" We've reached. "

***

On the West coast, Jack's is the place for bowls of clam chowder with bacon sprinkled on top, and warm bread, with a flaky, golden crust. Picnic benches line the wall of windows overlooking the bay.  We're seated in the corner.

This place is perfect, I thought.

Jongdae takes his hat off and scratches his head.

Even with his hair sticking out every which way, he's cute. He tries to pat it down, grinning sheepishly at me.

" Kim Jongdae, it's fine. " I say.

" Promise ? " His smile lights me up.

" Promise. "

***

" Lets play four truths and a lie. " I say after we give the waitress our order.

" Okay, Carmen. You go first. "

" My favourite colour is black.I have a wishlist. I want to be able to inspire people. I hate chocolate. I love the ocean. "

He doesn't even flinch. " I can't find any reason for you to not love chocolate. "

Damn it. My face must be the potrait of surprise.

He tilts his head : " I got it right ? "

" yeah. " Smarty pants.

" Do I get a kiss for guessing it right ? "

I nearly fell off my chair. What did he just say.

He smirked. " My turn. I am 21 this year. I love singing. I'm scared of hospitals. I play the piano. I hate broccoli. "

I study him as he says each one. But I can't read him.

" You don't play the piano ? "

" I do. "

" . Um, you don't like broccoli ? "

" Yes. You lost. "

" Didn't your parents tell you that veggies are good for health. "

" You owe me a kiss, Carmen. "

" No, I don't. "

" Yes, you do. I won fair and square. "

Underneath the table, I pinch my leg to be sure I'm not dreaming.

And what do you know, I'm not.

As the waitress set our soup in front of us, I could feel his eyes on me.

" I'm glad I'm here tonight. " He said.

" I bet you say that to every girl who lost to you. " I said.

***

After dinner, we decided to take a stroll on the beach. We walked down the beach. For a moment, I'm thinking about me and him. I'm a tiny bit nervous about me and him. Alone. At the beach. I shiver.

" Are you cold ? " He asked.

Yes, I am freezing. He doesn't wait for my reply. He took off his sweater and gave it to me.

" Here, wear this. " He's left with a singlet. Oh god, I can't get my eyes off his arms.

I took it and put it on me. I'm way too small for this.

" Wait here. I'll be right back. "

" Promise ? " I copied him.

" Promise. " He grabed my hand and we made a pinky promise.

After a while, he returns with twigs and branches. We found a log with glowing embers not far away from us. Lucky, I thought. Bending down, he blows on the embers, making them glow brighter until eventually tiny flames dance. I watch, amazed, as he uses small twigs at first, casuing the flames to reach higher and higher. Finally, the fire crackles and pops, filling in the silience. We sat down on the rocks behind us.

" Aren't you cold ? " I asked, feeling guilty for taking his sweater.

" I'm fine, Carmen. " He says.

" Are you sure ? " He's wearing only a singlet. Is he a polar bear or something ?

" Actually, no I'm not okay. Can you come over here for a sec ? " He patted the spot next to him.

I stood up and walk over to him. He pulls me down and wraps his arms around me. I don't pull away, I stayed there in place. He's warmer than the sweater. The warmth is a shock. A tremor scurries down my spine.

" Carmen. " He says.

" Kim Jongdae. "

" It must've been tough. " I didn't expect him to say that. He pulled me closer.

" There isn't really a choice. We're all in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils. Cancer or no cancer. " I looked at my prosthetic leg, stupid. Why can't you be a normal leg ?

" Promise me that you'll stay with me. " He said, trying to sound casual when we both know it's not something casual at all.

I look him in the eye. His deep brown eyes. Deep like a hole. Deep like the ocean.

For just a moment, I feel safe.

" Carmen. " I took his hand and made a pinky promise.

" Promise. " I will try my best to convince Mr.Sandman. That bastard.

***

" Time to go, Carmen. "

I woke up, wondering when did I fell asleep in his arms. How I wish we could just stay here forever. I wish time would stop.

" Let me take you home ? " he asks.

I smile. " I wouldn't have it any other way. "

As he drives, the moon glows, smilling down on us. Tonight was perfect, I thought.

As he pulled up outside of my house. I look at him, he makes me so happy.

He takes my face in his hands and looks at me with those gorgeous brown eyes. The air thickened. Or is it just me ? My body tensed, and I think he saw it, because he pulled his hand away.

" Goodnight, Carmen. "

" Thank you, Jongdae. Tonight was perfect. "

" May I see you again, tomorrow ? "

" Yes, Jongdae. "

" Promise ? "

" Promise. " And I mean it.