What to wear. What to wear ? I'm facing the toughest decision in my life right now.

" MOM.  " I shouted aloud. " HELP ! "

Mom ran in." Honey, what's wrong? " She looked nervous.

" What do you think I should wear ? I'm going to the oceanarium with Jongdae today. "

" You'll look great with anything, honey. " Mom being all mom. As usual. " I'll be downstairs if you need me. " She said before leaving my room.

" Okay, mom. Thanks for the advice, by the way ! " I didn't want her to think she couldn't help me out or something. I picked a floral pattern dress that Hope bought me as my birthday present last year. Hopefully it still fits.

And, it does. I thanked God. After changing, I checked myself in the mirror. Perfect, then I grabbed my bag and went downstairs.

My mom was crying.

" Mom, are you alright ? " I asked. These past weeks,she has hovered close, asking me if I need help for this and that. She's a crier. She cries about everything. Especially when we watch movies. She'll cry whether it's a happy ending or  sad ending.

" I thought something happened to you when you called for help. Oh honey, don't do that again. Please. I don't want to lose you. " Her eyes red and puffy.

" Mom. I'm sorry. " I hugged her. " I'll never do that again.  I promise. It's alright, mom. I'm alright. " I told myself not to cry. That my name is Cam. Not Carmen.

" It's okay, honey. It's okay. " She pat my back.

" Yes, mom. It's gonna be okay. " I told her, although I couldn't promise her that. But I will try my best, that's for sure.

When mom had finish crying, I made sure she was okay before taking my phone out to call Jongdae.

" Carmen. " He said upon picking up.

" I'm ready, you can come pick me up now. "

" I'm on my way. Wait for me okay ? " I could hear him smiling through the phone.

" Okay. "

" Promise ? "

I smiled. " Promise. "

***

I got into his car. This time the radio was playing James Blunt - You're beautiful. I love this song so so much. As he drives along the scenic highway, we let the music do the talking. We let ourselves sit back and simply listen.

Jongdae was wearing an earthy-brown button-down tucked into his jeans. He looks flawless. As always.

As we walked to the oceanarium. " You look pretty today, Carmen. " he said, smiling. I couldn't help but to smile back. He offered me his arm, and I took it. Maybe it's good to have a prosthetic leg after all.

He stares at the tank of jellyfish while I stand on the other side and watch the ocean sunfishes glide through the water.

This is amazing. My wish is actually coming true right now.

Jongdae moves slowly, circling the round tank. Moving closer to me. I realize I'm not watching the ocean sunfishes anymore. I'm watching him watching them. Then, he was standing right next to me.

" Amazing, aren't they ? " He stares with such intensity.

" You bet they are. " I said, staring at him. You are amazing.

We both watch the glowing jellies, they look so delicate.

" They somehow reminds me of you. " He said, looking at me.

Me ? A jellyfish. Wow.

He chuckled. " As in I couldn't stop looking at them. They are so pretty. Just like you. " I feel myself blushing.

" Didn't anyone tell you looks aren't everything ? " I copied dad.

" Soft on the outside, but strong on the inside. " He added.

You got that right.

" If you could be any sea creature, what sea creature would you like to be ? " I asked. I'm really curious about it.

" Definitely a shark. " He said. " You? "

" A starfish. " I like starfishes.

Jongdae motions with a nod to follow him. Around the corner, only a few kids are at the tidal pool touch tank. With names like purple pincher crab, red sea urchins, and the chocolate chip sea star. All the creatures sound so friendly. I reach into the water and pet the starfish. The back of a starfish feels like wet sandpaper against my fingertips. Jongdae pets it too, his fingers almost touching mine.

Sea stars are magical.

We wish on stars, millions of miles away, and yet here we can touch them.

I've never wished on a sea star before, so I try it. I hold my breathe and make a wish. 

* I wish that Jongdae will always be happy.  *

As he gives the starfish a final pet, his fingers graze mine. He looks at me and smile. Then he took my hand in his. My heart's racing.

We're holding hands. Oh my god. And the way I feel when it happens, I know I made the right wish.

He is happy.

He pets my head and ruffles my hair. I look at him, wondering what is he thinking.

" You said you'd be a starfish. So I thought I should pet you too. " I like that feeling a lot.

We go outside to watch the sea otters play and swim in their small aquarium world. The otters play with a ball . Around and around they twirl though the water together, like little kids having fun.

Next we headed to the exhibit that Jongdae wanted to see most. Sharks !

Sharks and stingrays swim all around us. We walked through the tunnel of glass slowly.

He looks at them. " They're so confident. " he said.

" So are you. " I said and gave his hand a little squeeze. Which reminds me, we're still holding hands.

He squeezed my hand too. "  Promise ? " he look at me with those gorgeous brown eyes.

" Promise. " I mean it.

He stops and touches the glass. Looks up at a grey reef shark swimming. Over and back, over and back.

" Look at him. Swimming freely. It's like he owns the water. Nothing bothers him. Nothing at all. Man, I want to be like him. " He said.

" Jongdae. "

" Carmen. " Probably his way of saying ' yes ? '.

" He's trapped in a tank. " I guess maybe sometimes it isn't as amazing as we think it would be.

The shark swims right past us.

" Oh, gosh. " he whispers.

We stay with the sharks for a long time. Eventhough we're surrounded by the deadliest creature, I feel safe.

" I'm hungry. Wanna grab some lunch ? " He said as his eyes stay fixed on mine.

" Why not ? " I smiled.

***

We were inside his car, we aren't holding hands anymore.

" Where do you wanna go for lunch ? " He asked, eyes focused on the road.

" I'm fine with anything. " I'm hungry. Anywhere would be fine. Not to mention that my prosthetic leg is killing me right now. I'm so exhausted. But for Jongdae, keep your together, I whispered to my legs.

Sitting in his car, I wonder if he can hear my heart beating loud and hard.

" Let's go to my house then. " He suggested.

" Okay. " I'm literally exploding inside of me.

He pulled into the driveway. His house was the first one on the right. A three-story colonial.

I followed him inside, through a sliding-glass door, and into a home.

His parents were watching the television at the living room. They didn't seem too surprised by my arrival. Maybe I'm not as special as I thought I am. Stupid brain, thanks a lot.

" Mom. Dad. This is Carmen Harper. The macaroon girl. " he smirked, by way of introduction.

" You can call me Cam. " I said.

" Call her Carmen. " he said. Jeez, this boy.

" Hey there, Carmen. How's it going ? " Asked Jongdae's dad. He was tall, but shorter than Jongdae, and really friendly looking.

" Okay. " I said.

" Oh hey, Carmen. Thank you for the wonderful macaroons, They were great ! Have you guys eaten lunch ? " Asked his mom. She was small with slightly wavy hair and vaguely mousy.

" My pleasure, Mrs. Kim. " Hmm. Macaroon girl huh.

" Nope. " He replied.

" Well good news then. Your father and I ordered some kimchi fried rice earlier on and we have leftovers of it. " She said.

" Okay, I'll reheat it then. " Jongdae walk to his kitchen while i stay and talked to his parents for a bit about how's my cancer life going on. I guess he told his parents about me. Or is it the prosthetic leg of mine ? Oh well.

" Lunch's ready. " He called and I excused myself.

Two plates of kimchi fried rice plated on the dining table. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. I sat down and we started eating.

" Is it good ? " He smiled with half his mouth. I nodded. They were pretty delicious alright.

When we're done, we washed the plates. His dad told us happily that the living room TV is ours and then they went upstairs. We sat on the floral couch that smells like flowers for some reason.

"Thank you for helping me with my wishlist. " I said sincerely. " I had a great time today. "

" No problem, Carmen. Glad I could help. " My leg still hurts or maybe it was my whole body hurting. I don't know. Also, I'm starting to have a headache. Maybe only because I'd been walking so much today. I kept telling myself to hold it. Just for a while and it'll be gone. But then it doesn't go away.

We watched a movie with several inches of couch between us. I put my hand on the couch about halfway between us to let him know that it was okay to hold it, but he didn't try. I wasn't paying much attention on the movie, I was too tired. As the credits rolled, he said, " Are you sleepy ? " I must've look like a zombie.

" A little actually. " I yawn. I could really get some sleep right now.

" Come, you can rest in my room. " he said. He stood, and pulled me up with him, and did not let go of my hand. I followed him up the carpeted stairs to a huge bedroom. Then, he let go of my hand. In his chilly, dark room, I crawl into bed. I know I shouldn't be sleeping here but my muscles are killing me.

I'm so tired. Almost asleep.

" Night, princess. " he whisper and my hair.

" Night, Jongdae. " And I fell asleep.

***

At eight I woke up. Jongdae was lying beside me, holding me so tight, there is nothing else in the entire world  but me and him.

He smells good. Apples. Which reminds me, his sweater is still in my room.

I wish time would stop.

He moved a bit and then he wakes up, " Time to go home, Carmen. " His arms still wrapped around me.

My heart begs me to stay.  But my brain tells me that it is time to go.

" Okay. " I said as I pull him in for one last hug before I leave.

***

9. Visit the oceanarium ( / )