I wake up to a cool breeze that slides its arms around my warm, anxious body, and as I breathe in a faint apple scent, I open my eyes, squinting against the gray light, bouncing off the bright white of the walls in my room. Jongdae's sweater. It smelled like apples. I wrapped my arms around the sweater. And in that hazy space between wake and sleep, it all comes back to me. I felt something at the front pocket of the sweater. It was a piece of paper with a phone number on it.

" Kim Jongdae. " I couldn't help but to smile.

In the bathroom I get myself ready. I'm attending the support group today. I go there every Wednesday and Friday. It is held at a beautiful church that is decorated with stained glass windows. We would gather at the basement and sit in a circle. Then we would talk about cancer and stuff. We introduce ourselves. We make friends. We clung to the same hope. We'd shed tears. Basically the same thing, over and over again. Nothing special, really.

I went down the stairs with my iPod on and ear buds in, I grab my backpack containing stuffs I don't even need.

" Mom, could you drive me to the church today ? " I was feeling lazy.

" Are you okay, honey ? "

" Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired. " My leg was exhausted from all the walking last night. But it was worth it. I guess it's part of life when my bones at being bones.

" Had a great time last night, I assume ? "

" I think the answer is pretty obvious. Don't you think ? "

***

Mom pulled into the circular driveway behind the church.

" Thanks, mom. Love you. " I said as I got out..

" Love you too, honey. Text me when you're done, alright ? " She said through the rolled-down window as I try my best to walk with my stupid leg.

The truth is, the support group was depressing as hell. I hated it. It's like as if we're gathering every week, sharing our cancer stories. We talk about dying too, of course. You could say there was quite a lot of competitiveness about it. Everybody wanted to beat cancer, but of course, also the other people in the room. I always look around and think: I'm gonna outlast all of these bastards. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm afraid of dying or something. I just wanted to live, that's all. I wanted to see my parents grow old. I wanted to make my parents happy. There is only one thing that is worse than getting cancer when you're eighteen, and that's having a kid who has cancer.

I looked at my watch, it displayed 3.00. Hmm, Hope should be here by now. I walked around, saying hi to everyone. We're all the same unlucky group of people after all. I decided to take a rest as my legs are tired already and then I turned around.

Hope. And Tao.

They were holding hands. Man, this women has got a lot of explaining to do. I feel happy for Hope. I really do. I believe in true love. Everybody should have true love,and it should last at least as long as your life does. Except maybe if you have cancer and stuff, then yes true love probably wouldn't last long.

I wanted to walk away as I find it would be awkward to disturb them, but thanks to my legs I'm walking at the speed of a snail. Or maybe worse than a snail.

" Hey, Cam. " Tao spotted me. Darn it. Hope was surprised to see me. Of course she is. Since she will probably be telling me her love story about how Tao and her are together now and Tao, and then more Tao. But I enjoy listening to her love stories. They're amazing. Love is amazing.

" Hello there, Tao. " I smiled. " Are you joining us today ? "

" Nah, he sent me here. " said Hope, still staring at Tao. " I'll see you later okay ? "

" Okay. " He kissed her on the cheek. I've never seen Hope blushed before. I mean I did, but she was so red this time, it made her look like a walking  tomato. Then he left.

" You still alive ? " I asked.

" OMG CAM. "

" I ain't no god. You have tons of explaining to do, missy. " Okay, now I sounded like my mom.

" So do you. "

" What. What did I do ?  "

She smirked. I don't like her smirks, they're pure evil. " Someone had a great time last night, huh ? "

.

***

At the end of the meeting, we all hold hands, and we said a prayer. We pray for everyone. We pray for those whom we knew and loved who have gone home to Jesus. It was a long list. It was so long that it is impossible to memorize, thus we had to write them down on a piece of paper. I kept my eyes closed, imagining the day when my name would be on that list.

Hope gave my hand a squeeze. As if to tell me to stop imagining stupid things. As if she knew what I was thinking. Maybe she does, you'll never know.

And I squeezed her hand too.

When it's over, I took my phone out to text my mom.

" You going anywhere after this ? " Hope asked.

" No. Why ? " I stop texting.

" So I could video call you. I'll call you around 7 ? "

" Okay, deal. " I sent the message.

" By the way, I left my phone in Tao's car. Could I use yours for a sec ? I need to call him to come pick me up. "

" Goodness gracious, Hope. You memorized his number. "

After a while, Tao reached. I hugged Hope and said goodbye to her. Tao waved goodbye to me too. Then, I heard a car start down the street. It was mom.

***

I had my dinner with my mom and dad, I wasn't really hungry.

" So how was the meeting today ? " Dad asked, taking another bite of his chicken burger.

" It was fine. Same routine. Oh, Hope's in a relationship with this guy named Tao. " I decided to share the news with my parents. Because, why not ?

" Is this Tao guy handsome ? " mom asked curiously.

Dad gave her a look. " Didn't anyone tell you looks aren't everything ? "

" Which is why I'm married to you. " mom said, smiling with a corner of .

I burst out laughing. That's like a sweet and mean thing to say at the same time. Dad laughed too.

" He's handsome alright. But that's not the point. He looks handsome even with eye bags. That's how special that guy is. " I added. " Could you believe it ? "

" I wish I'd looked good with eye bags. " said dad, and then he made a silly face.

Mom and I burst out laughing again.

After dinner, I washed the dishes and went up to my room to wait for Hope's call. While mom and dad are watching TV downstairs.

While waiting for her call, I took my wishlist out. I scanned it, counting the wishes that are left for me to achieve. There's 99 wishes on my wishlist and I've achieved most of them. These are the ones that are left :

9.    Visit the oceanarium .  (  )

37. Eat a macaroon in Paris.  (  )

84. Inspire someone.  (  )

99. Kiss someone.  (  )

Kim Jongdae's face appeared in my mind when I read the last wish on my wishlist.

Brain. Stop. Is it your turn to have cancer now ? Stupid brain. I decided to continue telling myself how stupid my brain is, until my phone rang.

It was Hope, calling me through Skype.

" Hello there fellow human being. " Well, Hope doesn't only sound insane. She looks insane too. Her hair was a mess and her lip gloss is ruined.

" So let me guess. You guys kissed ? "

" OMG CAM YES YES YES HE KISSED ME. I swear. Cam, am I dreaming ? Because it was the best feeling ever. " Hope making all sorts of weird hand movements when she's talking to me. And not just when she talks to me. But when she mentions Tao in our conversations, that is.

" So how did it felt ? " I've never kissed anyone before. She makes me feel like kissing someone right now,

" I was breathless, Cam. I felt as if everything around us stopped. Even time itself, stopped. The air was pretty, sparkly and full of wonder. Oh my god. "She flutter her eyelashes like there was no tomorrow and that smile on her face. Love strucked.

" You sound like a disney princess. But anyway, I'm happy for you, really. I could hear wedding bells already. " I gotta admit. They look like they were made for each other. They make a great couple.

" Thanks, buddy. Hey, let's not forget about you here. Jongdae's in love with you. "

My heart stopped beating for a second. " Please tell me you're joking. "

Jongdae loves me. Kim Jongdae loves me. Jesus Christ.

" I'm not. Cam, he's serious. I heard everything that day when he called Tao. Because I was beside him and Tao put him on loudspeaker. " Hope said. " He sounded really serious. No joke, he's never serious before. But yesterday, gosh. It's like he transformed into another person or something. "

I was speechless.

" Cam ? "

" Carmen Harper ? Hey ? Hello, are you alright ? Oh my god. CAM, ARE YOU THERE. CARME- "

" I'm not dead yet. " was all I managed to say,

" Please don't do that again. "

" I'm sorry. By the way, how did you met Tao and Jongdae anyway ? " 

" They are in a band, the both of them. I met them the other day in the club. They perform there every Saturday. "

" That sounds fun. " I imagined Jongdae on stage. It must be amazing. How could someone be so amazing ? It should be a crime.

" You bet it is. I know ! Let's go there this Saturday ? "

" Genius Hope strikes again. " I couldn't wait.

" Oh, someone's calling me. Brb. "

" Okay. "  Jongdae, in  a band. I couldn't stop smiling again. Stupid brain.

" Cam, I gtg. I have some stuff to do. See you on Friday at church ? "

" Sure. Thanks for calling. I'm glad we talked. " I said sincerely.

" No problem, buddy. Bye. " She waved goodbye. And so did I.

Just when I'm about to go to bed. My phone rang again.

A video call from Hope again.

" Done with your stuff already, Hope ? " I asked.

But it wasn't Hope on the screen. It was Kim Jongdae.

" Carmen. "

***

" How did you manage to get Hope's account ? " I'm so happy to see him. I missed his gorgeous eyes. Which reminds me. I look terrible.

" You promised me that I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Which is today. " His voice was low, smoky and dead y. " I was willing to wait all night and much of tomorrow, that's why I said tomorrow last night. "

" Wow, I'm touched. " I sounded casual, but inside, I'm dying.

" Cam. I'm serious. " he said.

" So am I, Jongdae. " He called me Cam, for the very first time.

" I bought Hope her box of macaroons. That's how. " He answered. " Now, I get to see you. Just as you promised. "

He takes his promises seriously. I do too. But I didn't expect him to take them seriously. Although I really want him to.

" That's it ? She traded me for a box of macaroons. That meanie. " Should've know Hope well enough. Macaroon's are much more important than I am.

" Is that your wishlist ? " He pointed beside me and I nod.

" I'm left with four more wishes. " I place the list in front of my phone to let him see.

" You free tomorrow ? " He asked.

" Yeah, why ? "

" Let's go to the oceanarium. "

" Okay. " He asked me out. Is this a date ?

" Carmen. "

" Jongdae. "

" I miss you. " He was staring at me again.

I can feel my cheeks burning.

" I miss you too. " If only he was here, beside me. I want him to hug me and I want to hug him.

" Promise ? "

" Promise. "

" You should go to sleep, princess. It's late. " He smiled.

" Okay. Goodnight, prince charming. " My heart feels weird.

" Goodnight, Carmen. "

" Goodnight, Jongdae. "

" Why won't you end the call ? "

" Can you end it ? Please. "

He just sat there confused for a while. I swear to god he's so so cute.

" Promise ? " I asked.

" Promise. " He said, and the line clicked dead without another word.