They sat in Haejin's room after dinner, silence upon them. Kai was laying on the bed, Haejin absentmindedly rummaging through her closet, looking for nothing.

The tension could be cut with a butter knife. As Haejin glanced over her shoulder at Kai, she noticed that she caught his gaze. He had a frown on his face, his brows furrowed and she could see that he was chewing the inside of his lip.

"What?" she asked. Kai shook his head, but continued to look puzzled. Haejin pursed her lips, but turned back around.

Both were unsatisfied with how the day went out. Kai was confused at Haejin's behavior, and Haejin... Well, Haejin was closing herself off. She knew it; she felt it. 

And she knew he hated it. She knew that he wanted her to talk about what was on her mind.

"Hey, Jongin--"

"Haejin, Can--"

"Oh." They stared at one another, before Kai spoke.

"You first."

"I..." Haejin frowned, before looking up at the ceiling.

She hated talking about her feelings. For one, she was trained to not talk about them, and even after being with Kai, who insisted it was okay to express herself, for two years, she still hated it. 

She thought it made her look weak. But, as she took a deep breath and blinked slowly, she looked back at her boyfriend.

"Can we talk about something?" she asked cautiously. 

"I was actually going to ask you the same thing," Kai replied. He sat up and scooted over so that Haejin could sit in front of him.They faced one another.

"You first," Kai said again. 

"No, you first," Haejin replied. Kai shot her a look.

"Haejin." He touched her arm. "It's okay."

She chewed the inside of her cheek. "Excuse me if this doesn't come out right--"

"You're excused." Kai's eyes held a knowing look; whenever they talked, she would start with this. He knew how insecure she was about expressing her thoughts, and wanted her to know that regardless, he would get the point. if not, he'd remain silent and let her work it out.

"You do want to still do this, right?" 

Okay, that threw him off-guard. He blinked in surprise. 

"Of course... Why do you ask that?"

"I don't know-- I mean..." Haejin rolled her eyes at herself.

"Krystal," she simply replied. Kai nodded knowingly.

"She wants you, Jongin, and it drives me crazy when you do nothing to stop her. It makes me think that you like her."

"And I'm not jealous," she continued. "It's not a jealousy thing. I'm genuinely concerned that you like her and if you do, then I want you to be happy and go--"

"Now here's where I'm confused," Kai interrupted. "Why are you so quick to cut me out?"

"I..." Haejin blinked, before falling silent.

"You've been doing this a lot lately-- you won't open up to me anymore, and if there's a problem, you won't let me fix it. Why are you suddenly closing up on me when nothing happened to make this happen?"

"That's not true..." Haejin faltered.

"Then what's going on, Jagi?"

"What's going on?" Haejin looked at Kai in dismay. "What's going on?" She felt her blood boil, and she frowned in confusion. She rarely got angry, so she took a moment to reevaluate.

What was this from?

Why was she acting this way? Then it all hit her: the move, the new group, Krystal, America, the incident between her and Kai, Kai being gone, the possibility of her losing her friends to the group, her parents laughing at her when she went to America because of the irony, oh GOD, the irony of that whole situation just made her want to punch something, and she had no one to really talk to because her friends had everything else to worry about, and her boyfriend was gone all the time and she missed him, but she didn't want to bother him, but she felt like she was going--

"Haejin, slow down!" Haejin felt a hand on her shoulder, and only then did she realize she stated everything out loud. She felt her face pale, and she shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, but Kai shook his head.

"Hey, it's okay... I understand now. Come here," he motioned, wanting to pull her in. Haejin hesitated, before scooting closer and letting him pull her into his arms.

"It's okay," he repeated softly, her hair. "That's a lot to take on all at once. I mean, I never had to worry about going to America to become a musician there, and lord only knows what they're putting you through with that pressure.... I lost friends, too, when I became part of EXO." He pulled her away, but still held her shoulders.

"But when you're in a new group, you make new friends, you know." He smiled at her, and Haejin looked down.

"I know," she whispered.

"But I don't want to give advice. I don't want this to be about advice," Kai replied softly. "I want this to be about you knowing that no matter how busy I am, I will always have time for you."

"No you won't," Haejin shook her head.

"Yes, I will." Kai lifted her head gently. "I will have time for you to vent to me no matter what. That's what I'm here for. That's not gonna change."

Haejin still felt doubt rise in her chest, but she forced it down. Kai's always been there for her.

Why would he leave now? After everything she'd put him through? Come on; she thought she was a trainwreck-- she (knew) she was a trainwreck.

Yet there he was. Haejin felt awful for treating him the way she had... Just as she always had when she closed up.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Kai sighed. "It's okay. And I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" Haejin asked.

"For making you think that you couldn't talk to me during all of this. I think I was a bit standoffish during these past few months, but I'm going to make sure that I'm there for you. I promise."

Haejin forced a smile, and Kai continued.

"I also want to apologize for not dealing with Krystal," he replied. "Next time I see her, I'll make sure to take your balls and put them on myself and tell her to screw off."

Haejin snorted with laughter at that, and Kai grinned.

"There's that smile," he whispered. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her nose. Haejin wrinkled her nose in response, but smiled nonetheless.

"Are we okay now?" he asked. Haejin nodded.

"Yeah, we're okay. Want to see what the others are doing?" she asked. 

"Sure, but one more thing..." Kai leaned in and kissed her, cupping her cheek tenderly. Haejin felt herself melt from this kiss, and she kissed him back. 

Once they pulled away, Kai grinned. " S'go!"

He stood up from the bed, and Haejin was about to, but he stopped her. Then he did a pirouhette, bowed, and held out his hand.

"M'lady," he purred. Haejin fell into laughter.

"What are you doing?!" She took his hand, still giggling, before she kissed his hand. "At least you didn't drop a hat like in the 'Growl' video."

"Hey!" He pulled her to him, and they began walking out of the room. "I did a good save!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hope you guys liked this chapter, and I hope you're well! Sorry for the lack of posts recently... *talks as if a post hasn't been made in a week instead of seven months* but there's this thing called "Writer's Block", and "existential crisis" that kinda stopped me. I want to think of this as a turning point and a new leaf in the story, so hopefully things will come more frequently. Take care!

-A