My life

It’s the same, the feeling of getting burn and eaten up inside. The nightmare, that clings on to every part of my brain. Go away. Leave me alone.
***********************************************************

Where’s this place? Is it night? Why can’t I see a thing? Distant voices are surrounding me. Negative thoughts of people are squirming in my brain. Shut up. SHUT UP! I panicked and run. Legs! Take me somewhere, far away! That no one will talk, no one will say that I’m a freak. Not even think about it. Take me to a place where there’s only me. My legs, they’re moving on their own. What’s happening? Hey stop! There’s a cliff! I… I don’t want to die! Spare me! Spare my life! Spare this pathetic life of mine! KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I woke up, with sweat dripping down my face. The adrenaline gush that’s left over from my nightmare can still be felt, causing my heart to pump vigorously against my chest. The same nightmare that I have over the past 16 years of my life still haunts me even now. Oh come on, give me a break. I wiped the sweat that was resting at my chin and got out of bed. It’s another brand new day. I’m always amused how people can wake up in the morning and just smile. To me, it has never happen, not since the day I found out who I really was. To those who ever say that as long as one is alive, their life can be changed, kiss my . This phrase has never and will never be describing my screwed up life. Ha. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the bubbly Ying Jie that I was when I was 2 years old, the Ying Jie that everybody loved, the Ying Jie that no one feared. Oh well, life’s just unfair.

*in school*
I stepped into school and saw Ya Tou skipping towards me. Here’s one of those weird characters in my life. She’s a girl that grew up in a screwed up environment. Her father was a drunkard as well as a gambler. Her mother? She left her siblings and her when they were just toddlers. Said something like she can’t tolerate her father anymore and have to leave, yet was unable to bring them away due to financial issues, but promised to come back for them one day. Selfish . Yet through all this hardships she had, she can still grow up to be a fine young lady who everyone love and respect, with that vibrant smile and the soothing high-pitched voice of hers that brightens up anyone’s day.

“Gui Gui!!! You’re here! Oh gosh I missed you like mad! Don’t you just hate weekends? Weekends exist just to separate me from you!!” she exclaimed with frustration.

“you can always come to my house you know? It’s not like you have no idea where I lived.” I replied.

“but.. but… aiya! I just don’t feel right intruding your personal space.” She pouted.

What a cute girl. But is she my friend? I don’t dare to admit it. Well you see she’s my friend now. But once she knows the real me, will she still stand by my side? Most probably not. When one has too high an expectation, the more painful they feel the moment they fall. A light tap on my shoulder jolted me from my thoughts. I turned around and realize that it’s Wang Zi.

“hey it’s time to get to class. The bell’s gonna ring anytime soon.” He said.

I looked at Ya Tou and saw her blushing. She has a crush on Wang Zi since like forever, yet she never had the courage to convey her feelings. The thing that she doesn’t know is that Wang Zi shared the same feeling. Looking at this two makes me feel that maybe love still do exist in the world.

Maybe just not for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------
i have to say i won't post often cause i'm afraid i have to wait until i have the inspiration for it hehheh. :D

im posting here cause im afraid winglin will be down sometimes.