{  Daesung  } 

     "You should confess to him then. Your Wookie hyung has a boyfriend anyway, and you don't have any rivals now," he squeezed his ice cream cone in between his fingers grasp. The leftover ice creams were spilling around his palm. From looking at him by the side of his face, his eyes were a bit red, not that watery but still. He straightened his legs slowly with his palm was still remain fist-shape. Those leftover melt ice creams were dripping from his knuckle. He was back facing me as he spoke, "Good luck with that. And  Daesung-ah, hopefully you would turn around and realize that there's always a guy that willing to take your beloved hyung's place." A crack could be heard inside his voice, and his voice was unusually became deeper. He took a look over his shoulder, giving me a weak smile that happened to be torn out. Something ripped his soul, I knew because I could feel it too. 

     The sound of a slight growl was knocking my thoughts, calling me to come back to reality. Dinosaur-guitar thief    Seunghyun's words were somehow echoed through my head. As if, it was stuck in there. The slight growl were ringing once again. It lingered someway, throughout my endless unconscious circumstances. That growl started to grow deeper, and a piece of pain bind behind it. I stood up from sitting on a sofa, and I did realize that I'm at Ji hyung and Wookie hyung's apartment. Ah, I must be here since the lonely evening hour, perhaps. The light from the sun was setting down, making the rooms looked darker throughout this house. Or was it just me who tried to be blind? The growl was catching up my hunger, by judging the distance from it, it came from Ji hyung's bedroom. 

     Ah yeah, Ji hyung never did leave his bedroom since I came here. I was afraid if I'd disturb his sleep so I didn't bother to check him out. Instead of listening to my brain, my heart told me to walk in Ji hyung's bedroom. I started to take some steps towards his bedroom, lifelessly. And once I stood right in front of his bedroom door, my hand was shaking from reaching out for the doorknob. That growl was familiar to me, it was the same growl that woke me up around midnight when I was little. I was too afraid to fade the growl away, and it only caused me to had a lot of horrible scenarios played inside my mind. Ever since that, I cried every night, until I recognized that that growl came from Ji hyung.  

     I gulped, I swallowed it down into my throat. I twisted the doorknob and immediately push it open. As I'd expected, Ji hyung was squeezing his pillow in a tight grasp; his face was curling up into a great twist; his eyes were shut tight and slightly tears were coming out from his closed eyelids; his bangs were getting wet as ever     he had his own worst nightmare. 

.     .     .

        My eyelids went weak, I couldn't let it open anymore. Something warm and hot were coming out from the corner of my eyes, it hurts. "Eomma, I'm sorry. I learn my mistake, please let me in."

        Ani. 

       Did I ever learn my mistake or was it just me whom going to let the mistake roled again and again?

       I blinked my eyes for once, and that's how I'd hit my wall of realization. I'd been blind since I was born, my self-conscious had been block by the wall that I'd built. I didn't understand why I hadn't break the wall at the second when I knew she hates my existence. That's what I said, I'd been blind, I'm blind to realize that she hates every single thing about me. I'm blind, my love towards her was all blind. I'd been blindfolded by my own blindness until I couldn't see how actually huge her hatred towards me. I couldn't help myself though, since I believe too much that she actually loves me like how I love her, because she is my Eomma. Ani, she was my Eomma. 

       All it seems to me that I'd made yet another mistake, a mistake that scratch my Eomma's heart. That's why I let her threw her tantrums towards me, although I didn't know what were my mistakes actually. But then again, I do realize that she was abusing me.  Oh wait, she was trying to murder me. Ironically, I am her son    ani, I was her son. If I tried to remember it back, she never had give me those mother's love that I dreamt to feel it. I wish to feel it. Everything she did to me was a fake. 

       Our daily routine was like an old broken disc record, the one that have a lot of scratches. And when you played it, it keep giving the same crooked sounds. That's how our daily routine. All those years that I'd lived with her, she started our morning by abusing me, then she scold and yell at me and afterward, she locked me in the cold bathroom for the rest of the night. Like  a broken disc record, it would happen again for tomorrow. It kept repeated.

     She rarely gave me any foods to eat. If she did, she was only giving me the leftover foods but mostly though, she served me dog foods. Or worst she let me starve for couple of days. If I felt thirsty, I drank the pipe water from the sink. And as I expected, I would be facing the same old stomach ache. Sick and pain, bruises and wounds, cuts and cold were my best friends back there. 

       My spot was always at the dark corner of the living room, the one that always be darker as a road without street lamps. I'd never left that spot unless she lead me to the bathroom. Oh, she wasn't leading me to the bathroom, she was dragging me towards it and