{  Jiyong  } 

         "Does he knows that you cry for him? Does he even knows that you're in love with him? No, what he knows that you love him as hyung. A family."           I stood perfectly still behind this bathroom door, staring at my fingers as they wrapped around on the doorknob.          I was brushing my teeth when I realized that Wookie hyung's voice sunk in and vanished into the thin air. His voice sunk because of two certain people were having a silent quarrel. Instead of listening to Wookie hyung's voice, I was eavesdropping on their fragile talk. Their voices were surprisingly blurry, sometimes I couldn't hear a thing, just barely like a puff. And when I was about to walk out, these sentences came up, as if it was a train that was rushing to hit me who stood in frozen on the railway track.          The owner of that voice was rather husky and hoarse. And boy don't that voice seems a lot familiar? I've hear that voice before. Probably last night?           Oh, don't tell me that it was Choi Seung Hyun?          Choi Seung Hyun. The guy who confessed that he was Daesung's boyfriend.            "And same goes to me. Do you know that I cry for you?" there was a brief of silence, like he was waiting for an answer from someone. Could it be my dongsaeng, Daesung? I'm pretty sure it was Daesung, I heard his voice earlier, like he was silently yelling about something.          The silent that seeps in between them seems to be lasting long, I was starting to think that Daesung's silence quietly giving the answer away. "Of course you don't. That's how one-sided love works." His voice was rather broken and full of sarcasm, I knew that by hearing his voice, he was hurt. I knew because I have been there before. "Can't you just give me a chance?"          And that, my friend, was the moment where the silence once again wobbled between the atmosphere.          I took a few steps away from the bathroom door, until my bumped into the bathtub and almost caused me to slip on the wet tiles.          A palm of mine rested on my forehead. My head felt heavy, my vision became blurry and begun to fail as well. All that was left is a horrific electric buzz ringing inside my eardrums, I couldn't hear a thing anymore.          That buzz, it was an art of confusing and disaster kind of music. I don't like it, it was hurting me. A music is suppose to be a breathing art that express everything in you, although some might be in ballad music   which sometimes hurts you. But this kind of music that was drumming inside my eardrums, it was hurting me, instead of expressing something in me.           I took a few steps forward and replacing my hand on the countertop sink as my other hand was massaging my forehead. Nothing seems to be in the exact colour like it suppose to be. 


     What does that even mean?           Who is 'he' he refers to?          I lift my head and tilt to the other side as I saw my own reflection.          Daesung wouldn't have a feeling on    ?          I shook my head emphatically and immediately look away from that person who stared at me in an agony.          Ani. Daesung is our dongsaeng whilst Wookie hyung and I are his hyung.           That little brat Daesung wouldn't go as further as that. He loves us as his family, and nothing's going to change that.          I shook my head once again and immediately open the door, only to reveal that my sight couldn't see any figures that stood on the hallways. Where they had gone to? Oh, don't tell me that what I heard earlier was just all in my head. Darn it, Jiyong. Or I was just two seconds too late?          A sigh slowly crept from my lips as I grabbed my wet towel and hung it around my neck. I scratched the back of my head in confusion as I walked to the living room, where the others were gathered at. Ah, there was some sort of grumbling sound came from my tummy. My palm of hand rubbed my grumbling tummy, I guess I'm hungry after taking a long shower.          I thought I wanted to grab something to eat before I joined the others, nevertheless I'd stopped my track when I overheard Wookie hyung's and Youngbae hyung's conversation.           "Jagi," Wookie hyung called, enjoying the silence that slip between them before he shook it off, "does Ji knows about Seungri's    " Wookie hyung abruptly cut his words off. Like he was thinking of something, something that he shouldn't say it out loud. "S-Seungri's," his voice slowly fell into a deeper whisper, "you know." There was a hit of nervous hidden behind his calmness. He took a brief glance on Youngbae hyung before settling his gaze on that charming panda. His hand started to caress charming panda's head, slowly turning his head to take a long stare at his Jagiyah.          That charming panda was fast asleep again, I thought I heard his voice few minutes ago.           "I don't think so," Youngbae hyung sighed, more like his anxiety started to build up. He turned his gaze to the charming panda, his eyebrows were knitted together, there was a crease distinctly marked in betwen his eyebrows. "Seungri says he wants to be the one whom going to tell it to Jiyong   " when Youngbae hyung turn his gaze back to Wookie hyung, he was looking towards my direction instead.          Youngbae hyung saw an useless walking potato who awkwardly stood in the middle of the room with his tummy didn't stop from screaming for foods.          Youngbae hyung saw me.       °          °          °

 

 

     Oh look, someone has the gut to tug at my ribs.

 

     "Something's wrong, hyong?" charming panda asked, probably he couldn't stand the silence that struggled its way into our gap. Slowly, I absorbed every of his words as they settled down deeper onto my mind. His voice was, clouded with his sleepiness, nevertheless, it was staggering yet again.

 

     My chin fell as one of the corner of my lips went slightly up when he asked that question. Even myself don't understand why I shut my lips into mute. Was it because I'm not ready what might came out from his mouth? Was it because I'm a coward, knowing that I might lose something? Or simply, I'm scared, scare of those things that was determined to get past through my walls?

 

     I took a sideways glance to peek at him, he was nowhere to be so peaceful like the other days. 

       "Hyong, you're not smiling, you don't even show any expressions," he scrunched his eyebrows when he gazed on my deadpan face, right at the moment when the light from the street lamp shone on him.          Well, we were sitting on a long bench, right underneath a street lamp. The same bench where he played his keyboard at that night. The light was lightened up, meant that the sun was setting down, amazingly standing between the loneliness evening line and the silence night.          "Is it about your guitar?" he asked, for a sudden, with his sleepy voice clouded with wistful. "I-I'll buy you a new one! I promise!" he started to scream and attempt to jump off from his seat. "Don't hate me, hyong! Don't hyong freaking hating on me!"           Ugh, I pulled him back down. "Yah! Why are you being so dramatic?!" He fell limply against the back of the bench, right next to me, his eyes pricked with bubbly tears. I was giving him one of my deathly glares, studying him from his eyes to his toes and end up locking my eyes with his.          "H-Hyong, are you checking o-on me?" his sore sobs stuck on his throat, causing him to stutter his words out. His teary eyes were still shooting on me, expressing his agonize through that adorable baggy eyes.          "W-What?!" I got the feeling that my glaring eyes were somehow changing into demonish kind of one. "I did not," making sure to sharp my words out to make it more clear to him, "checking on you! You seriously can say something nonsense with that kind of situation    Oh never mind." I rolled my eyes, there is no way I'm going to look at that pretty face. And his face was telling me that he was confused of my sudden burst of anger. Even myself didn't know why my anger came in like that.          I slide my back down and threw my head backward, watching as the sky dyed with sunset yellowish coloured. It took me a minute to chill my anger down as I listened to his endless melancholy sobs. He must be waiting for me to say something. A sigh slipped in between my lips as I lower my voice, "It's not about the guitar," I straightened my back, "you silly panda," I turned my head to him and poked the side of his forehead with a hearty chuckle crept across my lips.           He flinched a bit by my sudden act, as he rubbed his palm on the side of his forehead,"t-then what is it, hyong? You're scaring me." His eyelashes were hitting on his swollen puffy eyes, puzzled maybe. His gaze was still lingered on me as he slowly wiped his tears with the back of his hand. But no matter how hard he tried, his tears were still flowing from his red brimmed eyes.          So I wiped his tears instead. "I don't know how to put this up but um ..." I sighed afterwards. I felt so heavy to open my eyes, even my eyelids were getting heavier and heavier as ever. In point of a fact, I was dreadful to ask him a question, and I had this urge running through my stomach that he wouldn't answer it right away.          Hm. What if we played a game or something like that to make him confess his secret? I fixed a look at him, he was rubbing his right eye as he waved his other hand at those fireflies. His silly yet so endearing laughter occupied the silence in this park. Well, aren't he just a bundle of joy? I burst out laughing, because his laughter was really silly. Hell, his smile was sickly sweet and boy don't that              Ah, snap. Focus, Jiyong, you idiot!  Uh, where was I? I was stopping somewhere about a game, right? Yeah, a game. I don't think he would take the game seriously if we do so.          How about a story then? Maybe a story could shift his heart to somewhere at the point of needed to tell me something important that he should have told me earlier.           It was then, an idea came from nowhere and immediately pushing the gears inside my head. I cleared my throat, twice. "Listen," I flicked my