Two weeks passes by in a blur. No news came from Amber after our  fight.  I feel the urge to speak to her and apologize but just as I wanted to, I became busy. I work right after school and most of the weekend.

 

I wanted to earn a ticket to the States so I can visit her. Sooyeon unnie was working extra for my tuition. Half of my pay will go to the ticket and half will go to my tuition. That’s our deal.

 

“Seem a bit down lately,” Jaehyun comments as he sips his orange juice.

 

I use a straw to make circles inside the tall glass of mango shake that I ordered. “Thank you, Mr. Obvious.”

 

He laughs, spooning some of his cake and puts it inside his mouth.  “Jung Soojung. People only look like that when it comes to love problems.  I know you’re dating someone. Long distance, I heard from Sooyeon noona. That’s tough.”

 

“Would you please just eat your cake instead of investigating about my life?” I ask, voice sharper than usual. “It’s none of your business.”

 

He raises both of his hands, palms up. “Seems like I hit a tough spot. Shouldn’t anger the princess or I’ll have to pay for the cake.”

 

Princess.

 

I miss her calling me that.

 

 “Ahn Jaehyun? Didn’t you tell me he liked you?” she asks, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

 

“Yes,” I reply simply, adding, “I feel sorry for him. He’s…he’s going through something—“

 

“You didn’t bother to tell me it was him? When I thought friend, I thought you reconciled with Sohyun.”

 

Sohyun was a childhood friend whose efforts of becoming my friend I have rejected after my parents’ death. She and I lived next to each other but I barely gave her a glance when our paths crossed. The girl who I treated as my best friend spread malicious rumors about me in her bitterness. And so we haven’t spoken since.

 

I sigh. “Amber…” I say slowly, looking at my laptop screen that shows my girlfriend looking down, her bangs hiding her face from me. “Nothing’s going to happen, okay? You have to trust me…”

 

She looks up and I see sadness in her eyes. She leans closer to the screen, showing me her handsome face. I feel an ache in my chest as I look at her. “ I’m sorry…”

 

“You don’t have to be…” I smile at her, knowing how much she loves it.

 

“You’re not going to let him do anything fishy, okay?” I nod. “Remember the self defence techniques I taught you. “

 

Laughing, I nod once again. I was given a soft, loving smile. The ache tightens.

 

“I love you. You know that right?” I ask.

 

 “And I love you more.”

 

“I love you the most.”

 

 She laughs, lips curving into her goofy llama smile. “You won this time.”

 

I grin and our conversation took on a more lighter turn. I keep her up late and she lets me to make up for lost time.

 

She tells me of Sulli and Taemin, two people she were friends with before she left for Korea. She talks about a girl at work who treats her so kindly and a flamboyant gay boy that constantly hits on her despite her saying she was a girl. Her Korean is awkward now and I know it’s because she hardly speaks Korean anyore. The girl at work also happens to be Korean and she tries to talk to her as much as possible. Her name’s Yejin.

 

I try not to sound jealous as she updates me on her life. I want to hear her speak more but my face always betrays me. She’s too invested in talking to notice and I let her. The sick feeling in my stomach was growing and I felt sick. It hurt to not be beside her to witness all of this.

 

She and Yejin are similar. They have so much in common, she tells me. They like goofing off, the same alcoholic drink and they liked their coffee black. She shows me a picture of the both of them with goofy faces. She flips through her phone and I see selcas of Yejin. Amber says she sometimes steals Amber’s phone. She slips and I discover that it wasn’t Amber that ruined her phone. It was this girl.

 

“It was an accident. I was trying to get my phone back to reply to you but she wouldn’t let me. She was just teasing me how I seemed so eager to—“

 

 “Stop. I’ve heard enough,” I say quietly. “I’m going to sleep.”

 

“Soojung ah—“

 

“You lied to me.”  Stop.

 

“No that’s not it—“

 

“You did.” Amber knows that I hated being lied to. “So she’s the reason why you hardly reply to me anymore.” Stop it. This isn’t you.

 

Amber’s face. I can see it. She’s hurt and confused. I’m hurting her. “I’m sorry, Soojung ah. Please let’s not fight. We hardly talk already. I don’t want to fight… Please don’t cry, princess…”

 

Stop it. Don’t cry.  I wipe the tears with the back of my hand. “Don’t call me that.”

 

 

“Hello?”

 

I look up to Jaehyun’s face, seeing concern in them. “Hm?”

 

“Why are you crying?” He asks softly, eyebrows furrowing. He reaches out to brush the tears away and I don’t move away.  The tears just fall. I was silently crying.

 

Jaehyun stands up and leaves money on the table. After that, he puts on his jean jacket and takes my hand, pulling me up and out of the café. We walk and walk. I can’t see anything past the tears. The streets are loud with people and cars. I bump into one person or two and mutter an apology.

 

I’m still crying and Jaehyun’s holding my hand so tightly I feel that it will fall off. My feet simply followed him. I didn’t know where he’s taking me.

 

We walk pass shop after shop. The café was near the Han river and I look at it. The remaining bits of sunlight are reflected on the water, casting warm hues of orange, pink and purple. It’s beautiful and I see people sitting on the benches or walking, jogging or cycling. Some of them admire the sunset as well.

 

There were tourists taking pictures with their expensive cameras, talking in different mixes of European and Asian langauges when we arrive. Once we were by the bridge, he lets go of my hand and turns to look at me. He looks angry, I think.

 

“Break up with him.”

 

I stare at him, asking him silently if he was serious.

 

He closes his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. I could hear the frustration in his voice. “Break up with him and save yourself the agony. Long distance relationships doesn’t work. If people do behind each other’s back when they live in one place, what’s to say that he won’t cheat on you wherever he is?

 

It’s irritating me to see you this hurt. As a friend…I just want you to be happy. And this is not how someone looks when they’re happy. I’ve known two or three people who had a LDR. Two of them had to deal with their significant other moving away. It didn’t end well,  Jung. So to save yourself the heartache just…break up with him. If it’s meant to be, you guys will find a way back to each other.”

 

All I could do was stare at him. His words struck the chords of the ache in my chest. I reach out and grip my chest, feeling faint. It hurt. The thought of letting Amber go hurt. “I can’t… I can’t,” I say, shaking my. “I love her too much.”

 

If he was surprised that I said ‘she’ instead of ‘he’, he didn’t show it. “Does she love you, too? Does she make you feel assured that she still feels the same? Noona told me. It’s been two weeks. Two weeks, Jung, since you two spoke.”

 

“Stop talking about me behind my back!” I shout, turning to anger instead of hurt. I refuse to be a pitiful mess in front of him. “What I do with my relationship is no one’s concern but mine and Amber’s! Stop telling me what the to do and that this kind of relationship won’t work. Because it will.”

 

“But you’re hurting! All because of her!” He shouts back, his hands curling into fists. “Love hurts. Yes, it’s not all the time that we feel butterflies and rainbows. But when someone is not the reason you’re happy anymore…don’t you think you deserve to be happy?”

 

Happy. When was the last time I felt happy? I ask myself this as I stare at Jaehyun. The last time I was happy was when Amber was here. When we were together, I felt like everything was okay. After a bad day, I would just go to her house and hug her and everything will be fine. But now, I can’t do that. And that’s something I have to get used to.

 

“It’s not always the butterflies that tell you you love them,” I say, pausing. “But the pain. I don’t want to be without her, Jaehyun. So even if it’s this much, I still love her. And I know she loves me too. I can’t let anyone else have this spot in her heart.” After I say that, I turn around and start walking away from him.

 

It takes him a while. But he follows soon after and we walk together in silence back to his car.

 

He drives me home, the silence between us heavy. I was preoccupied with thoughts of Amber and he didn’t seem to want to talk. Once he drops me off, I walk to the kitchen, surprised to see my sister home so early. She prepares kimchi soup for dinner and we eat in silence.

 

“I saw her again,” she says.

 

Oh no. “What happened?”

 

She laughs, running her fingers through her hair, fluffing it. “What would you expect from Taeyeon?”

 

I nod in understanding, looking down at my bowl with rice. “I  haven’t talked to Amber in two weeks.”

 

“I know, she told me. She calls every day at the exact same time asking me how you are.” She rests her arms on the edge of the table, leaning close to me. She was wearing her stern big sister act. “I’m not telling you to forgive her for lying, Soojung ah. But you have to talk to her. This is killing you both.”

 

My hands curls into a fist on my lap and I could feel the tears building up. “I want to see her so badly, unnie…” I say brokenly, my voice cracking at the end.

 

My sister, my supporter and my only family rises up from her chair and walks over to me. She sits on the empty chair beside me and wraps her arms around me, pulling me close. I bury my face against her chest, my shoulders shaking as I cried. She holds me there, running a hand through my hair soothingly, letting me cry it out.

 

I didn’t know how much time passed. But when I had no more tears to cry, she pulls away, laughing lightly at the state of her blouse. “I was going to wash it anyways.”

 

“Sorry…”

 

She shakes her head, smiling and reaches out to brush the tears away from my cheeks. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything. In fact, I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want,” she says softly.

 

I shake my head and give her hand a reassuring squeeze. She squeezes mine back. “No, unnie. You’ve sacrificed so much for me already. You’ve given me everything and more.”

 

“Not everything…” She says. I open my mouth to protest but she silences me with her pointer finger against my lips. With that soundless request, she stands up and walks to her room. Minutes after, she returns with an envelope addressed to me and places it on my lap. “Early birthday gift.”

 

 No. It couldn’t be. “Unnie I—“

 

“Take it.” Her voice was serious. It's a voice that says I couldn’t protest and only follow her. She reaches out to pat me on the head gently, her hand running down my hair, playing with the tips of it. I look at the envelope and to her, my eyes once again becoming glassy.

 

“I can’t bear seeing you like this anymore. A love like yours and Amber’s…that’s something you should hold onto.” She places her hands on top of mine. Warm. They were always warm, my sister’s hands. “I want you to be happy. And I would do everything in my power to help with that. So go. Your flight is next week. I’ve already talked to the university that you’ll be gone for a month. I fixed everything already. All you need is to go and tell Amber.”

 

Without another word, I wrap my arms around her. So tightly that she complained about not being able to breathe. She told me to help her clean up and then I rushed to my room soon after.

 

Eagerly, I opened my laptop and logged onto Skype. Seeing Amber online, I call her. It rang and rang and I was ready to be disappointed. But when I see her face seconds after, I smile widely.

 

“My flight’s next week.”

 

She looks tired, sleepy, but once I said that her eyes lit up and she smiled so wide. “Here?!”

 

“Yes, there, stupid!” I say, laughing.

 

The next thing I know she was shouting, jumping and dancing in her apartment. I laughed and for the first time, I felt like everything was okay between us. We talked about what time I’ll arrive, if she’ll be free from work and what we’ll do once I get there. My sister entered my room after, instructing Amber to take care of me while I was there. She saluted her, and my sister left us alone.

 

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I was…I was being stupid—“

 

Amber shook her head, smiling softly. “I’m sorry, too. You were feeling that way and I didn’t know. I lied to you. Even though there was no reason to. And even if there was, I shouldn’t have lied to you. I’m sorry, princess.”

 

I smile at her, hugging my pillow tighter against my chest. “Mhm…I’ll try to be more understanding , too.”

 

Amber shifts a little, pulling her covers around her more firmly. “Can I be your pillow?” She asks jokingly.

 

Laughing, I hug it even tighter, sticking my tongue out childishly. “Stuuuupid.”

 

“You love me, though,” she says smugly.

 

I roll my eyes. “Sure, I do.”

 

She laughs, shaking her head. She closed her eyes, moving closer to her laptop. I felt as if I could reach out and touch her. “Yes, you do. Unfortunately.” A yawn slips past her lips. “No other girls while you’re here.”

 

Scoffing, I push my blanket down. It was hot even if I already opened the window. “Don’t make promises, Liu.”

 

But she was already asleep. I could hear her heavy breathing.  I must’ve interrupted her rest. She must’ve been tired after a week full of school and work.

 

In her sleeping state, I took time to study her features. Her eyebags have grown deeper and darker and her face grew thinner. It made my chest ache knowing how hard she was trying. I couldn’t even take care of her.

 

I doze off thinking about her, looking forward for the month I’ll spend with her.

 

Riiiiing!

Riiiiing!

Riiiiing!

Hey, it’s Soojung. Just leave a message and I’ll get to you as soon as I can.

Hello? I apologize for calling so late. You must be asleep. Jaehyun’s in the hospital. H-He…as his friend, I thought you should know. I’ve sent you a message with the details. Please come visit. He’s been calling out your name.

 

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A/N: Double update! I was up until three am working on this and another story I want to  start. This was slightly longer than the previous chapter or a reason. And that is me thinking I've let you guys suffer from angst in enough chapters. Even this one was angsty haha so yeah a little hope for fluff! Hope you guys are having a nice day~ Let me know what you think will happen when Krys arrives in the US e u e