Golden

I love my car. It’s a lean, mean machine and driving it gives me a lot of satisfaction. The handling, the acceleration, the smooth, stable yet speedy movement of my car is everything I want and more. The red hot leather seats engulf my small frame and wrap around me, cocooning me comfortably. I picked this colour not only because red hot is y and attractive but also because a certain someone has a thing for red.

This someone actually loves pink the most and will always claim pink for her own but red is up and coming for her. Her red hot lips are y as heck and at one point, she had the flaming red hair that, frankly, made my heart pump that much faster whenever she flicked it around carelessly. Oh, so effortless are her charms. Or maybe it’s just me. Then again, maybe not. She can’t have those legions of fans if I’m the only one who’s susceptible to her charms, right?

I’m in one of my moods today and this is one of those instances where going for a drive helps me to clear my mind. It’s really odd how feeling the power in the wheel that I steer can make me feel so much better—especially if the route I take is scenic. But ultimately, what matters most is the person who is usually seated next to me. She is the one who can turn the tides. She is the one who can turn the tables. She is the one who can turn me around.

“Tiffany, let’s go. Stop staring at the mirror, you’re too pretty already.”

Tiffany pouts at what I say. “I can never be pretty enough for you.”

My heart melts instantly and I walk over to her dressing table. I rub her nape and smile as she flutters her eyelashes at me. She’s being playful and this is one of the things I love most about her. I love her cheery personality which is a perfect balance between the two of us. I tend to overthink sometimes and her optimism is a central source of strength for me. As well as many other members of our group for that matter.

“You’re perfect to me in every way, Tiffany. Inside out. Upside down.”

She narrows her eyes into slits and looks at me slyly. She has picked up on my insinuations and she definitely likes it—a corner of her lips is curling up slightly.

“Alright. Let’s go, Taeyeon.”

I take her hand in mine and we make our way to my beloved car—a two-seater Mercedes. She has a thing for fashion and is relatively sensitive to colours. And in my many years spent with her, I’ve picked up a thing or two as well. Hence, her chilli-red form-fitting jeans that hug her hips in a way that makes me jealous is catching my eye as she saunters ahead of me to get to the passenger side of the car.

My eyes linger on the womanly curve that fills out the jeans so well and my fingers itch to caress her.

Behave, Taeyeon. Behave.

I get into the driver’s seat and start up my car. I let it run for a bit, warming it up a little before driving off to the Han river. The expressway that runs up and down the length of the mighty river in our city is absolutely beautiful and Seoulites love it. There are many parks built along the Han river and members like our dear Kwon Yuri love to go jogging on the tracks there.

For me, driving along it is the most therapeutic. The scenic view from the many bridges that cross the river is calming. It slows down my heartbeat and puts my mind at peace. I drive us to the bridge that we like and during the twenty to thirty minute drive, Tiffany is quiet, which is quite rare. But Tiffany knows me so well that she knows when I want some quiet and this is one of those moments.

It is an hour past midnight when we get to the bridge and the darkness that falls around us is exactly what we need. Being who we are makes it difficult for us to come out in the open, in ways more than one, so off-peak timings are what we make use of to go out on our little dates. I park the car in a lot and cut out the lights.

All is dim. All is quiet.

And in this moment, it feels like we’re all alone in the world. Just the two of us. I lean back comfortably in my seat. I can smell the leather and her shampoo, a pleasing blend of scents. My eyes close gradually and I smile inadvertently. This is where I want to be. In my beloved car, sitting next to my beloved group member, friend, lover.

~

I must have dozed off some time ago and Tiffany being her sweet self, had not disturbed my sleep. She thinks sleep is precious to me, especially after my episodes of insomnia when I was younger. Now that I’m older and more experienced in handling the cons of having a career as successful as ours, I’m much better at handling my stress levels and thus, have lesser problems with sleep. But Tiffany will always remember the darker days and she takes it upon herself to make sure that I get enough sleep.

On the flip side, however, she is actually another reason why I lose sleep. Only, she’s a pretty good reason to lose sleep over. The euphoria at the end always makes up for the sleep lost. In fact, I think it more than makes up for it. Way, way more. I’ll take that sense of euphoria over sleep any day, any time.

“Morning,” Tiffany’s husky voice greets me as does the feeling of my hand in hers and my lips curl into a smile immediately. There’s nothing better than waking up to her voice in my ear and her hand wrapped around mine. A long time ago, I didn’t think much of it. But somewhere along the way, her voice began to become more than a voice. Her hand became more than a hand. Now, her voice is my life source. Her hand is my shelter from the storm. Her voice, her touch, her scent. They keep me alive. They keep my heart beating.

“I fell asleep…” I feel sorry for doing that. What was supposed to be a late night date became a sleeping fest for me.

“I had an equally good time watching you sleep.”

Tiffany’s smile is forgiving but I still feel sorry.

“I’m really sorry. Our date is so precious yet I fell asleep.”

“You were tired. I’m glad you slept. You look a lot fresher now.”

And as usual, as quickly as she can anger me, she can calm me too.

“Besides,” she continues, “the sun will be up soon. We can watch the sunrise together.”

I smile and nod. I squeeze her hand and she squeezes back. We smile at each other and just like that, bliss flows into my heart and warms it up entirely. She’s all I need. She’s all I want. But what makes it all the more beautiful is how she needs and wants me the same way too.

Long ago, we had to grapple with growing up and the handling of our emotions. But now that we’ve spent so many years with each other, we know each other so well that we know how to make it work between us. There’s a lot of give and take but we give and take willingly, generously. We’re not stingy with each other. We give our all to each other.

A slither of pink splits the sky and signals the rising of the sun. We get out of the car and walk to the side of the bridge to get a better view. A glorious view of fluffy clouds streaked across the orangey-pink and blue sky silences us but really, no words are needed. Her arm is snug around my shoulders and my arm is snug around her waist. And as the wind teases our hair and caresses our faces with the freshness of dawn, we are happy and in love.

Together we stand in golden silence, witnessing the dawn of a brand new day—all worries about our near and far future totally kept at bay.

~