Dear Jae,

Hey…

I know that you may not want to talk to me right now or may not want to hear my explanations but please…listen to me okay?

I’ve never ever told anyone this so this is a bit hard for me to say it on paper…

But I will try seeing as its how everything began and how things became this way.

I was born in America but when I was really young, my parents had moved me to Korea.

There, I lived next door to Onew.

My parents were really busy with their work and his parents and my parents were really good friends so when they weren’t there, they asked his parents to look after me for them.

But, they were equally as busy so instead, Onew-ssi took care of me.

We were really close.

Every time any one of us were bored or felt really alone we would find each other.

2^nd grade, my parents decided to move me back to America and I didn’t want to because by that time, I knew that I loved Onew.

Not as a friend but as a boy.

I didn’t want to leave.

He was my life.

It felt like my life wasn’t complete without him and it was something like you always say when we start talking about Onew during high school.

His smile was my medicine.

My cure.

My drug.

So that’s why…

And then, before we left, he told me that I would become his future wife.

He promised me.

That why, I ended up going quietly to America, grew up there.

If you haven’t already figured it out yet then I’m going to tell you now.

The time when I asked you if a friend said that she was Onew’s fiancé what would you do, that was me testing you.

You may have already notice but I’m not sure.

Going to America by myself I was really scared.

I didn’t know how I was going to survive.

I just didn’t know!

But then I met you.

You were so perfect.

You were pretty.

You were clever.

You were my best friend.

And forever will be.

I had made Onew marry me.

I could tell, the day I met him after I left America, that he had forgotten all about me.

He looked at me, as if I was just another responsibility.

I don’t want him to think of me as a burden.

I wanted him to love me.

But, I knew he didn’t.

These past few years of us being together, I could tell that he didn’t want me in his life.

Or maybe he did, he just didn’t want me to be his wife.

One time, just as he was about to go over to New York, I was helping him pack and I dropped his wallet.

There was a picture of you there.

I smiled at that photo.

You both looked so happy.

I felt so guilty of breaking your happiness.

I couldn’t seem to continue this any more so I decided that it was time to stop things and make sure that they go back to the way they were before I broke things apart.

So, I divorced him.

I divorced him!

He didn’t do it.

He didn’t actually know that that I was going to do that so please don’t misunderstand okay?

I’m leaving Korea.

Korea is really my home.

But, it isn’t anymore.

I’m going to move to Australia.

Sydney.

I always hear your stories about your life in Sydney before you moved to America so I want to see if life in Australia is really what you say it to be.

I’ve already moved all my luggage by air and my flight will be in two days.

I actually already bought myself an apartment in the same suburb as your house, Killara.

Wait, it WAS Killara right?

I don’t want to get it wrong.

Anyways, if you’re going to go back to Australia, come and visit okay?

I’ll be sending you regular emails and when I get a new mobile and home phone I’ll email you my details so you can send me things or call me.

I’m really sorry Jae.

I didn’t ever mean to hurt you and I’m so sorry if I did.

I hope we can still be friends.

Actually, you were the only friend I ever made, or the only best friend, I ever made since moving to America.

I love you.

Forgive me.

Park Taejin.