“I told you to keep your mouth shut didn’t I?!” It had been a month since Jessica had last bothered me, but today I was pushed into the art supply room and I saw around me that they had gathered. A rumor went around saying that there was video evidence of Jessica admitting what she did and laughing about it even. She also had to see Ms. Kwon each week for counseling, and the school was considering not letting her attend Graduation. “You ruin everything! When will you realize that everyone is done being sorry for you! You can’t have all the attention all the time! You little attention seeking , if attention is what you want then I’ll be glad to give you some!” She grabbed my arm and started writing all over it in sharpie, writing curses and dirty names. I wrestled her off me and tried to free myself from them, but Yuri pulled me back by my hair and I fell to the ground. A small pot of paint had been left open on the shelf and fell onto me, covering my sleeve in paint. I felt cold water attack me nonstop, and I begged for them to stop it as I stooped to the floor, cowering in fear and embarrassment. The pressure of the water began to weaken, and I realized it must have been coming from the hose attached to the sink. Jessica stooped down to my level, “I wonder how proud Yunho would be if he saw you like this… Weak and helpless...” I pushed pass them, crying my eyes out, where I was heading, I didn’t know myself, but I heard what Jessica had called out “Let them see how pathetic you really are Jung Jaemi”. The bell rang and all the students came out into the hallway, and their faces filled with shock, confusion, and some where snickering, pointing and whispering. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and wrestled it off me, to realized it was Key and beside him Seohyun and Tiffany… I was so embarrassed, and I just began to run. “Jaemi! Come back!” I heard Key yell after me. I kept on running though. I didn’t stop until I reached the roof top of the school. If it weren’t for the guard rails that stopped me from jumping off, I probably would’ve ended up all smashed on the courtyard below. I felt pain in my diaphragm area from running into the railing and collapsed onto my knees.

“What’s happening to me…? Why is this happening? Make it stop… Oppa, please make the monsters go away… Please… Make it all go away… Please just… Just come and take me with you… I don’t wanna be here anymore. I don’t wanna be here. I don’t want to be teased, I don’t want to be hurt, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be here! Just make it all stop. Please… Oppa please… I need you…” I felt arms wrap around my frame, pulling me onto their lap. I felt a hand my hair, soothing and comforting words, and my body was being rocked. I heard other voices yelling hateful things at someone, but I couldn’t stop crying. I opened my eyes, tears still falling, only to have them wiped away by Kyuhyun. I was sitting on Donghae’s lap, and Sungmin was the one soothing me. Over by the door, Jonghyun was holding Key back from making his way back to maim Jessica, while Taeyeon and Sunny looked furious.

 “Ugh, stupid es… wait til I give them a piece of my mind” huffed Sunny. Taeyeon approached me and my cheek.

“We’re gonna go down and start damage control and get you some clothes, okay Jae?” I nodded, slowly starting to calm down. She motioned to everyone else to give me space and headed back to the entrance. Jonghyun still held on to Key tightly, and Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Sungmin’s shoulders; as he kept looking back giving us a worried stare. We sat there in silence for who knows how long, me just being comforted by his warmth, my head buried in his neck as one hand held mine. Then I felt something on my arm, it felt like he was drawing, but I was wrong. He took a pen from his blazer and began crossing out every foul word that was on me. I watched his face during the whole process, changing back and forth between anger and sadness.

“I-I’m gonna try Jae… I’ll try to make it go away.” He held me closer once he was done, as if I was really going to fall apart.

“I-I’m sorry” I felt him shake his head.

“You silly girl… None of this was your fault yet to still apologize, when you should be receiving the apology… not giving it…”

“I miss him Hae…”

“Shall we talk to him?” I looked at him, confused. He looked up to the sky, “Yunho-ssi… Jaemi misses you, a lot. She’s been feeling alone recently… She’s a cute little idiot this one… Apologizing and beating herself up for no reason… Please don’t be angry, but would it be alright if I kept her from you? I promise I’ll take good care of her, make her smile and laugh more often…” He kept looking up at the sky smiling, as if he was really talking to Oppa. Then he turned to me.

“Jaemi… I can’t promise and tell you that I’ll make all the hurt go away… but what I can say is that I’m going to try. Life is gonna be tough Jae, but it just makes you stronger. You’re always going to have us. Key, myself, Tiffany, everyone… We’re all going to try our best to help you, just how you do to help us. You’re stuck with us now Jae, whether you like it or not, and I’ve already asked your brother for permission” He gave a soft chuckle, as I buried my head into his neck even more. We were left with a comfortable silence, just sitting there, collecting our thoughts. I was tired, and drained, but Donghae was there to hold me up. He sat there holding me and soothing me, and I began to feel extremely exhausted. “Let’s take you home Jae” he kissed the side of my head and with utmost care he carried me down the stairs and to the office. Ms. Kwon was in her office with my friends, and let Donghae know that she had called my mother to come pick me up. As he headed to the main doors, I still hadn’t let go of him, feeling like if I did, the horrors would start again.

 Mom opened the door and was shocked to see us. I had no energy, it was if I could only hear things but not really move. She ushered us both into the back of the car, and by then I was drifting in and out of consciousness. It felt like I was sleeping, but I wasn’t dreaming, just resting really. Still slightly aware of what was going on, but not to the point of where I knew exactly what was happening. Donghae gently shook me awake when the car had parked in the drive way. Donghae followed me upstairs, making sure I didn’t collapse on the way to my room. “Jae, take a shower and get some sleep. I’ll get your mom to bring you clothes” He ushered me to sit on the closed seat of the toilet.

“Don’t go” it was barely a whisper but he still heard. “If you go, it might come back… Please?” I looked up at him to see him smiling, but tears threatened to fall. He kissed my forehead, and sighed.

“I’ll be downstairs with your mom, call me when you’re done okay?” I nodded, watching him leave as I got ready to shower. I didn’t take long, just wanting to get into dry clothes and into bed. I saw that my mom had slipped me some PJs while I was showering and put them on, dragging my feet to the top of the stairs.

“H-Hae?” I sounded like a frog. I heard footsteps and he appeared at the foot of the stairs. “I-I’m gonna take a nap…” he understood, and came up the stairs.

“Let’s dry your hair first neh?” I lead him to my room and sat on the vanity table, reaching out for the hair dryer, but he beat me to it. He gently began to brush and dry my hair, until it was all done, and then tucked me in bed. Donghae got up and made his way to the door, but I stopped him from leaving.

“At least til I fall asleep?” He nodded and I made room for him on the bed. He snuck himself into the covers and gathered me into his arms, gently humming as he lulled me to sleep. I could faintly hear my mom in the background as I drifted off. His hand reached out to caress my cheek.

“I-We love you Jae. Never forget that”

*

I woke up alone in my bed, and the mouth-watering smell of dinner reached my nose. I got up slowly and rubbed my eyes, trying to recall why they felt so dry, and I remembered the events. Right away, I wanted to crawl back into my bed and avoid everyone around me. My parents didn’t know what was going on at school, I never told them about Jessica. They knew that Key and I kept to ourselves, but they didn’t know the reason behind it was because of some girl who had nothing better to do. I thought of the disappointment they’d feel towards me, and my stomach didn’t feel so hungry any more.

“Hey, you’re awake. Dinner is ready” my mom poked her head into the room and gave me a smile, it didn’t reach her eyes though. I nodded dumbly and crawled out of bed to follow her down the stairs. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and pulled me into a tight hug. “Jaemi, no matter what that girl said or did to you, nothing is true and don’t you ever believe a word she says” I hugged my mother back just as tight, burying my face into her shoulder. I didn’t know how much she knew, but I did know that from the tone of her voice she felt sadness and anger, towards Jessica. When we pulled away she kissed me on the forehead and we both walked into the kitchen with small smiles on our faces, content with having that little moment together.

The sight in the kitchen amused me the most. Donghae sat there uncomfortably in his chair and my dad sat across, looking at him over his newspaper. It was almost as if they were having a telepathic interview session, and it seemed like Donghae was very intimidated.

“Honey, Donghae is a guest, stop staring it’s rude” my mother took a seat beside my dad, I beside Donghae.

“So what do you do for a living Donghae?” We had just began dinner, and my dad wasn’t helping to alleviate the tense atmosphere.

“I-I’m a student sir, I’m Jaemi’s classmate” He was still shifting uncomfortably and was sitting like a plank of wood.

“I see… Tell me are you a family man? Because we want grandkids and to have that Jaemi needs someone who’ll be there for his family” I coughed up the water I was drinking.

“Dad! He’s not my boyfriend!” Donghae’s face was flushed red.

“oh. Well then, Donghae tell us about yourself!” immediately my dad’s mood changed to a playful one.

“W-what would you like to know sir?” Donghae was most likely confused by the sudden change in his mood.

“Well, why don’t we start with your family? What does your dad do?” My head shot up at my dad, and I looked and Donghae. He didn’t move for a second and my mom immediately picked up on something. “I’m sorry it must be a touchy subject, we apologize for being so forward”

“n-no, it’s alright” Donghae made eye contact with my mom, showing his sincerity. “My dad passed away in August due to cancer. He was a taxi driver, but he always wanted to be a singer. I guess that’s kinda why I started singing. It’s just me, my brother and my mom now.”

“tell us about your mother and brother” my mom’s voice was soothing and calming.

“My mom used to just stay home, but now she works at a karaoke parlor with my aunt. My brother is a doctor here in Seoul and we live in an apartment really close to the school.” He continued to eat his food, the mood in the room became brighter. My dad became intrigued with the Karaoke parlor his mom worked at and started telling us stories about his youth. We spent the rest of dinner listening to my dad’s crazy stories and enjoying each other’s company.

“Oh wow, it’s already late!” none of us noticed how fast the time went by.

“I better be off, my mom might be worried” Donghae was helping clean up dinner.

“Donghae, please I’ll clean. Jaemi, why don’t you and your father go and drop of Donghae?” My mother asked as she collected the plates.

“N-no it’s fine!” Donghae began to blush cutely again.

“Donghae, it takes Jaemi an hour to walk to school, forty five minutes if she’s rushing. Please my husband will drive you home. I’m sure your mother would be much happier knowing you weren’t walking home late at night” Donghae gave up fighting and said thank you. We all helped my mom clean up a bit, and soon the three of us piled into the car. Donghae and I sat in the back seat silently as he directed my dad the way to his house. We reached his house, and my dad told me to walk him to the lobby.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow Jae” he smiled at me, waiting for the elevator to take him upstairs.

“Yeah, thanks for everything” I blushed, avoiding eye contact.

“it was the least I could do. Besides, your family is pretty cool” elevator dinged and I waved him goodbye and watched the elevator close. I began to walk away, until I heard the elevator ding again, and Donghae ran out to give me a hug.

“what was that for?” I asked in utter shock.

“When I saw you today, you looked so broken. I just wanted to put you back together and just hold you. You were there for me when I needed it, and that’s all I can do for you now… so… In case you feel alone, uhm, text me… or call. I’ll pick up.” He wrote his number in my hand as I stared at his handsome face. We made eye contact and both blushed, realizing we didn’t let go of each other’s hand right away. “Good night Jae. Don’t forget to turn on your lamp” I smiled back and did something bold. I hugged him for ten seconds, and waved goodbye as the elevator closed for good this time. I stood and watched the lights blink over each number as the elevator passed each floor. Butterflies were flying in my stomach, and the smile on my face couldn’t be erased. My dad gave me a knowing look and shook his head, driving back home. I wrote about my day on the blog, all the roller coaster of emotions that shot right through me that day. Afterwards, I cuddled into the sheets that still smelled like Donghae’s cologne, and kept my phone right by my head. For what reason? I didn’t know myself. All I knew was that night was the best sleep I had ever had since Yunho died.

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