That afternoon I told Key what happened, about how I saw Donghae and comforted him, while confessing something I had had such a hard time with. Key had told me that maybe this was really a sign that I was really moving on now, and that it was a good thing. It still felt weird to say his name after abstaining from doing so for so long. I didn’t know why I had chosen to do so but for some reason I felt it was less painful if I didn’t mention him. I was in denial for a long time, and just pretended it had been a different family member other than my precious brother. It was as if I made a gigantic lie to myself, and I had believed it, which had lead me to a lot of counseling. After we parted our usual ways, I soon arrived home. I was really fortunate to own a three story house here in Seoul. Most people lived in apartments, or flats, but my dad being the money savy and business savy man that he is, manage to get our family this house.

My dad was an assistant for the head director of UPI, a learning academy, which funny enough belonged to Kyuhyun’s parents. He was often sent overseas to check up on all the other academies from time to time, and to also handle overseas affairs and promotions. Even still, my dad still always found time and made time to spend with us, no matter how busy it gets. He almost missed Yunho’s graduation but made it to the school five minutes away from the start of the ceremony, and still stayed for dinner and celebrations after. He never missed a birthday, or a big event, even if he arrived with seconds to spare and he never had to ask any of us what or when we were celebrating something. He was a hard worker and very passionate about learning, but his reactions to attending the Academy was different. He was super supportive and encouraging for the both of us, always pushing us to try new things. My mom once told me that he once dreamt about being a singer himself, but decided not to be. I guess if he did, he wouldn’t have met mom!

I couldn’t really say that my mom was retired; I just preferred to say she was a stay home mom. She got a teaching degree and taught English for different schools and academies, and that’s how she met my dad. After I was born, she did teaching part time, until she just decided to stay home and take care of things there. Dad was fine with that, since our family was financially secure, and thought it’d be good for us to have someone to come home to, especially when he wasn’t in the country. She was the most skeptical and uneasy about us joining the Academy, and I couldn’t blame her. She originally wanted to be a world famous pianist, but back then the competition was tough and her plan fell through. She hadn’t made a backup plan, so you could imagine how hard it must’ve been to watch your kids follow the same path you once wanted to follow. With the help of Dad, she softened up and supported us the whole time.

I never really had any problems with my family. All in all, we were content and very satisfied with how we were. No one was ever left out or out shined, or even compared, and our parents were close enough to us so that we could talk about fun things, but still kept the parental role. When Yunho was first diagnosed, we became a tighter nit family. Everyone went to all his appointments with him and when he had to stay overnight we would too. Dad took some days off, but when he caught wind of something to do with Yunho’s health, he was always on the first flight home. When Yunho started getting weaker, we all stayed close to him, carring on about our daily lives, but not straying too far in case of an emergency.

“I’m home!” I heard my mom call for me in the kitchen, and after putting away my shoes and slipper headed there.

“How was school?” I kissed her on the cheek, she had already begun to cook dinner.

“the same” she didn’t know about anything that was going on with Jessica.

“You didn’t wanna practice late today? I was gonna drop off a lunch box at the school for you and Kibum” I sat down at the kitchen table, watching her.

“no, I had a feeling that you were going to be eating alone tonight, if I stayed. I’m guessing his meetings got pushed back?” eyeing the half packed lunch box for my Dad.

“Yeah, another late night. You know how busy it gets as Graduation draws nearer and nearer. Did you want to come with me? We can put this in the fridge for leftovers or lunch food and eat out tonight?” My mom gave me a knowing look, most likely already knowing my answer. I smiled back at her and nodded my head. “Pizza or chicken?”

“I heard about a place that sells both that’s not a gas station or convenience store” she chuckled to herself, and put down the spoon.

“Alright, help me pack this up and we’ll take it to your Dad’s” I love my mom.

*

We dropped off the food at the head offices, Dad was in a meeting so we left it at the front desk. Mom and I went out for dinner as promised, Pizza and Chicken. We caught up on stuff that was going on and gossip here and there, before grabbing frozen yogurt for the drive home. I bid her goodnight as soon as we got home, and headed upstairs to my bed room. Like the majority of our house, my room had hardwood flooring with a small blue and white circle rug at the foot of my bed. I had a white bed frame with four tall posts that held up the white chiffon curtains I had surrounding my mattress and two small bedside tables on each side. If you walked into my room, it was evident that whoever slept in there loved the colors blue and white. My comforter had a white and blue design, the same design was on my pillows and a couple of my throw pillows, where others were just blue or just white. On the left side of my room I had a white bay window with white curtains and a blue bench, with a beautiful view of the neighborhood and downtown Seoul in the distance. My pale oak desk sat at the corner of the room on the left side of my window and a white love seat on the right of it, both items contrasting the dark blue walls. The closet was to the right hand side of my bed, it wasn’t small or overly huge, just organized. My white vanity table and mirror, in front of my bed, was littered with picture frames, tickets, and little significant things, along with my beauty products. I liked everything being clean and organized, the same as Yunho.

We emptied out his room as a family, and kept some things, but put most in the storage in the basements. All our awards and achievements were always displayed in my Dad’s office, but his clothes, books, and other furniture were moved down stairs. I kept his graduation hoodie, a photo of us, and his song journal. I kept the sweater since I was the one who usually wore it, and the photo of us because we both loved these items. I never once opened his song journal, because I knew how much he loved his privacy. However, just having the raggedy tattered journal around made me feel calm and inspired. A lot of hard work and late nights went into that journal, which was my inspiration.

I got ready for bed, walking back and forth between my room and the bathroom right across the hall from my room. Finally, I was washed up and ready for bed, wearing loose girl boxers and a tank top. I threw my hair up in a messy bun and grabbed my laptop, sitting on my bed. When it was ready, I opened up my music library and played music, opening my blog and starting to… well blog. It was something I picked up when I first went to see Ms. Kwon to help to express myself. It was just something to help me to keep talking about how I felt, when I really couldn’t sit down and write a song. Usually that’s how all my songs came out, when I was an emotional wreck, I’d write things down on paper. When I say emotional wreck, I meant I literally soaked half the page in my tears. I always had trouble telling people what I felt, always feeling so shy about it. This blogging thing was to help me to get rid of that.

A notification popped up when I was typing saying that someone had commented on one of my posts. A user by the name of ‘EastSeaNemo86’ had left a comment on a post that I had written a year ago, it was the blog that I wrote the day I walked in on Yunho writing his will and picking things for his funeral. I overheard him on the phone with the funeral services, saying things like he wanted everything to be ready when he goes so that we didn’t have to stress ourselves out.

‘I know how you feel. They have good intentions, but it still hurts to see them do it.’- EastSeaNemo86

Looking up the user and his profile, I found out he was a guy the same age as me from the United States of America and went by the name of Aiden Lee. I clicked on his blog and started looking at a couple of his posts. He seemed like a kid who was just bored and most likely stumbled upon my blog, but that’s when I got a new blog follower notification and sure enough it was this guy. I continued to write the blog I was making before I side tracked, and every now and then I saw that he gave me a thumbs up or commented on a couple more. I got a personal message from him, but decided that he could possibly be creeping me, then ignored it. I had just finished writing that day’s entry and decided to head off to sleep for another day at school.