Key had been walking me home, going on about how he was excited there was more of us now and that he could actually host a graduation party. I had been quiet the whole time beside him, listening to his ideas, politely disagreeing with things I thought were too much or inappropriate. We had stopped at the same convenience store to grab a little snack, and continued on our way home, enjoying our snacks.

 “Can I ask you something Jae?” I nodded not making eye contact with him, munching on my snack. “You’ve been hearing his voice again, haven’t you?” I shook my head no. He sighed and stopped walking, “You know better than to lie to me Jae.”

 I didn’t answer. After the incident, I kept hearing his voice in my head speaking to me, pointing out all my flaws. I saw a therapist because of it and took a bit of medication because it got to the point where all I heard was that voice. It was weird because it subsided but now it was coming back more often.

“Did you tell Ms. Kwon?” I nodded my head. “I don’t understand you Jung Jaemi. You are beautiful, talented, smart, and not to mention selfless… His voice in your head… Jae it’s just all your insecurities jumping at you! You need to start believing in yourself the way he believed in you. I’m not that you shouldn’t have insecurities, but don’t let them get to the better of you. Don’t let your fears get rule your life” He was never one to sugar coat things, just frank and to the point. It was quiet between the both of us, nothing being said, but I could tell Key was really concerned over this. He was the one who really took care of me, even going to the point of feeding me when I was just a corpse walking around.

“I’m sorry… I won’t hide it again…” Key offered me a smile, and clasped my hand tightly. He hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, giving me the affection I needed at the moment. I could never thank him for everything that he’s done for me, it was truly endless. “Hey, I know that I never say this, and me saying this isn’t a sign to be worried or anything but… Kibum, I’m truly blessed and happy to have you in my life… I can’t thank you enough… really… thank you…” He wouldn’t break our hug. He knew I couldn’t see his face which was probably tearing or already in tears. He squeezed me tightly one last time and gave a big sigh, breaking our hug to hold both my hands and look me in the eye.

“You too Jae… For everything” it came out choked, and his eyes were slightly red, but as usual he used his blonde bangs to hide himself, refusing to let the world see his sensitive side. Finally, we continued on our way home, but instead of us separating, Key had walked me all the way home before going home.

*

The holidays came quicker than anyone thought it would, and the time for exams were upon them. Everyone was stressed out, and each year Key would have a mental break down, but this year was different. The big group of friends provided Key with more attention and more people to rant to, where I had way more reassurance to conquer my moments of paranoia. Things started to look better and better each day, and before we knew it, the first semester final marks came in and we were off school for winter vacation. Tiffany was going to visit family in the US for the holidays, and Taeyeon was going to tour Europe with her family. Sungmin and Kyuhyun managed to nab seasonal jobs at a local grocery store, while Seohyun found a new series to really settle into. Most days we hung out with Sunny or we met up with the rest of the group for a little ice skating or fooling around. Christmas finally came around and we both spent time with both families together. For once I was getting back into the rhythm of things, not hearing the voice as much, and it wasn’t such harsh things anymore. There’d just be a moment where someone says something or I see something that reminds me of him. Regardless there was always someone there to get me out of the glum mood and to pick me up again. Our little group of friends celebrated New Year’s at Kyuhyun’s house, since his parents were gone for business in China that so happened to coincide with New Year’s festivities. We had a bunch of wine and Key made these fancy hors d’oeuvres and we played games. Things were looking up…

It was about a week into coming back from winter vacation, when I had heard someone crying. I was going through a short cut in the school to get to my next class, when I heard sniffling coming from the top of the stair well. I forgot all about arriving to class on time, and quietly snuck my way up the stairs. I saw a ball curled up at the top of the stairs, clutching onto themselves so tightly like they were going to fall apart. The closer I got, the more I began to identify who the person was. Lee Donghae. He was all puffy eyed and sobbing, I couldn’t help but feel really bad for him. I passed him my hanker chief, it seemed that only then he noticed I was there, and took it shyly. There was a thick and awkward silence between the both of us, and I decided to be brave and be the first one to brake it.

“Wanna talk about it?” I sat down right beside him. He sniffled a bit and wiped some more tears away, clutching onto himself and my hanker chief.

“M-My dad…” he was sobbing really hard. “I just miss him…” I patted his back.

“I know what it’s like to miss someone, trust me.” He glared at me, out of nowhere.

“No you don’t. Have you ever lost someone so dear to you and you knew he wasn’t coming back?!” I wasn’t taken a back, because I saw the frustration and sadness in his eyes. I knew what he was feeling, I was there a year ago. Sitting on the roof, and Key was in the position I was in right now.

“I knew someone, who was really talented, real star quality. He was destined for the spot light, he really was… However, frequent headaches that get more and more painful with each one held him back quite a bit. With the headaches came this clumsy side no one knew he had. He was the prodigy in his family, and his sister admired him a lot. He was her role model, and hoped that one day she could be as talented as he was. He was a great dancer, like I said star quality. But when walking becomes a challenge, and you slowly start losing the capability to do things, you have to admit to yourself that maybe the dream you once had, is no longer attainable. I remembered how he pushed his sister to continue and to pursue her dream, the dream she had shared with him. He taught her that life is short, and when an opportunity comes, trust your gut and make that decision. The family found out it was a severe brain tumor… No surgery worked… Nothing… It was the cause of his slow and inevitable contract with death…” Things had gotten quiet between us, and I realized Donghae slowly began to shake his head.

“This is different… It’s my dad, my own family member who died!” He began to cry again.

“I’m Jung Jaemi.” He shot up and gave me this incredulous look.

“Excuse me?” I looked up to the sky, feeling a breeze gently blow pass us.

“I know who you are, but I don’t think you actually know my name” He looked utterly confused, and I had to admit it was cute. “It’s okay to cry sometimes, especially when you miss someone. I cry a lot when I miss someone, whether they’re living or not.”

“Thanks” he sighed after a long pause. “You’re really good at comforting people…”

“If only I could to the same to myself… just don’t tell your girlfriend I’m speaking with you”

“She…She’s not my girlfriend anymore.” I snapped my head in his direction. “long story…” he looked away.

“I’m not the type to pry, especially when I know they don’t wanna talk about it” I offered him a gentle smile. I got up, dusted off my skirt, and started making my way back to my classes, and Key who probably had been freaking out that I hadn’t been there.

“That person you knew” I stopped in my tracks. “What was his name?”

“Jung Y-Yunho” his name hadn’t left my mouth in so long, it was hard to say.

“And the girl?”

“Jung Jaemi” I didn’t wait to hear or see his reaction, I just left. I took a moment to pause, once I was far from him. Where the hell did all that come from?

“YAH! JUNG JAEMI!” Key’s screech distracted me from my thoughts, and I saw him stomping over to me, as I just excited the stair well. “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I THOUGHT YOU GOT KIDNAPPED OR SOMETHING!”

“Key, calm down, people are staring”

“LET THEM STARE! GOT A PROBLEM PEOPLE?! NO?! THEN KEEP MOVING ALONG!” the crowds that were whispering now scurried away.

“Key… I spoke about him…” He turned back to me still fuming.

“Who?!” I looked down at the floor and saw Donghae’s devastated face in my mind.

“Yunho” Key’s expression changed completely to a mix of sadness, happiness, and confusion. “It just came out, Key. I don’t know…” my voice quivered as he wrapped his arm around me and kissed my temple.

“We’ll talk about this later, let’s get to class okay?” I nodded, following him to our next class.