Sungmin wrinkled his nose at his wardrobe. It's out of character for him to actually really care what he's wearing (he just goes for the casual, presentable look), but somehow he wants to make the effort tonight. After all, he was the one who said yes.

As he walked out of his room, having finally picked out a nice shirt that's taunt in all the right places and some dark jeans, Sungmin let out a deep breath. 

Well, this is it. 

He felt strangely calm, considering he was going on a date with someone he once-- and maybe still-- really liked. 

But even when he was choosing what to wear, Sungmin couldn't help but admit that it wasn't primarily to look good for the other, per se, but more out of ... duty? Slight guilt? 

Sungmin shook his head, wanting to dissipate the doubts that have formed before the night has even begun. As he opened the door, shouting a quick "I'll be out," behind him, his dad leaned his head out of the living room. 

"Hang on, Sungmin," he called, ruffling his newspaper shut before clambering up and walking to join his son.

"My son has certainly grown up well," Mr. Lee said, smiling with wrinkles branching from his eyes. 

Sungmin smiled back appreciatively to his father. Although he doesn't display it much, Sungmin really does feel grateful towards his parents-- probably more than he'll ever show. But Mr. Lee understands, and that's enough.

"Sungmin, I want you to be happy." He peered up to his son again. 

"Dad, don't worry. I'm happy, I promise." Sungmin was quick to assure, although slightly puzzled at why his dad chose this occasion to state this to him.

But Mr. Lee just smiled knowingly.

"Okay. But let's just say, it's not only mothers who've got intuition. Fathers can tell the difference between smiles." Mr. Lee patted Sungmin's shoulder before ambling away.

Sungmin opened his mouth, but closed it when nothing came out. Was his father even picking up on his doubts for tonight?

With a last "Bye, don't wait up," over his shoulder, Sungmin clicked the door shut.

A thin trail of smoke ascended from his lips as he breathed out into the dusk. 

On the way to meet Siwon, Sungmin tried to empty his thoughts and stop the wisps of hesitation snaking in his head.

He almost succeeded, if only "I want you to be happy," didn't refuse to dislodge itself from his head.

***

Sungmin didn't know how a man can beam so much.

But beam the other man did, and it didn't dampen even once throughout the whole evening.

Sungmin didn't even realise he was counting how many teeth the other had exposed in that beam halfway through the sirloin steak.

It wasn't that he was bored-- bored was too strong of a word.

Disinterested may be the better choice.

The date had gone as planned so far; he met Siwon at the high-end restaurant the other had insisted he treated him at, the conversation was general and flowed with no awkward pauses; they were both comfortable in each other's presence. Siwon was, as usual, the perfect gentleman, and Sungmin responded with equal politeness. It was far from a bad date.

But where was the spark? 

Sungmin knew the thought was absurd, but there was no other way to explain it.

Chemistry, attraction, desire-- it didn't matter what it was called, but it was definitely lacking tonight. 

There just wasn't any there, between the two men. 

At least, that's what Sungmin thought. Siwon, from his wide beam, probably thinks this night has gone wonderfully.

This night hasn't dissuaded him from his doubts; instead, he had them confirmed.

Although it would have been ideal for Sungmin and Siwon to get back together again, Sungmin knew the honest truth-- this relationship would not lead anywhere-- not now, not later. 

Bluntly speaking, the love felt between Sungmin and Siwon was better labelled as a thing of the past.

And Sungmin knew it was better to break this to Siwon sooner than later.

He just doesn't have the heart to.

***

The rest of the evening passed as uneventful as the dinner. As they walked out of the movie theatre, Sungmin couldn't even recall what half the movie was about. 

His mind was in constant turmoil-- should he tell Siwon the truth about his feelings, now, at the end of their first date-- a date Sungmin himself had agreed to? 

Or should he let it be, give this relationship with Siwon another chance, and wait until a couple of dates later if things still don't feel right?

Either way, Sungmin knew he most likely had to say no to Siwon.

One would make him feel guilty now, and the other later.

But looking at Siwon still going on happily about the other activities they should do together, Sungmin just couldn't do it.

Not today.

Not when the other man's smile was so genuine, so truly happy.

It was easy to see how the other felt about Sungmin. 

It was written all over his face.

****

The night finally came to an end when Siwon walked Sungmin home, even though the latter had insisted he could get home himself fine.

"Well, what kind of boyfriend does that?" the other had replied with a twinkle in his eye, which made something in Sungmin's chest contort further with guilt.

The two stopped in front of Sungmin's doorstep. Sungmin looked up at Siwon and gave a faint smile, confusion hazing his eyes.

Siwon, oblivious to the conflict Sungmin was feeling inside, leaned down and pecked Sungmin on the cheek.

"Goodnight, then," Siwon reached for Sungmin's hand, warming it in between his own. "I'll watch you go in."

Sungmin nodded, and squeezed Siwon's hand lightly. I'm sorry.

Sungmin smiled one last time, before saying "Goodnight," and slipping behind the door.

***

"I'm home."

Sungmin was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to flop on his bed and forget all this confusion until tomorrow morning.

He's got work tomorrow.

.

"How was tonight?" Mr. Lee asked from the dining table, where he was peeling mandarins.

Sungmin grunted.

"Not so well then?"

Sungmin grunted again before plopping down beside Mr. Lee and starting to peel himself a mandarin too.

A few seconds passed, each man concentrated on ridding the mandarin of its skin.

"Wait, how did you even know I was going out on a date?" Sungmin asked, voice slightly muffled by the fruit.

But Mr. Lee just smiled.

"Sungmin-ah, let me tell you a story." Mr. Lee swallowed before continuing.

"A few years ago, I was walking along the road in the early morning when the gentleman walking in front of me collapsed. It wasn't quite dawn yet, you see, and there weren't many people about. So what could I do? I ended up lifting the man on my back before hailing a taxi. I accompanied him to hospital and made sure he entered the emergency room before I paid for the taxi and walked back home. To this day, the gentleman didn't know who helped him, because I left without leaving anything."

Mr. Lee paused, taking a sip of his now-lukewarm tea.

"Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you this because I want you to know that happiness and fulfilment doesn't necessarily need to be in the result, but more importantly, the process. I want you to find happiness before settling for what you think will give you happiness-- the road to true happiness may be rough, but it will be worth it. If I had told the gentleman my details and thought I'd be happy seeing the gratitude in his face, it won't compare to the satisfaction I get, knowing he thinks a stranger wanting no return has helped him. Think of long-term happiness, Sungmin-ah. Don't just settle for anything less. Sometimes we need to be true to ourselves and take our own feelings into consideration, too. Call it being a little selfish."

Mr. Lee drained his tea before standing up.

"Goodnight, Sungmin-ah. Don't dwell on things too much. Look deep and stick with what you think is right. More often than not, these hunches are right."

Mr. Lee shuffled out of the room, leaving Sungmin to sit and ponder under the kitchen light.

Sungmin knew what his dad said was true, and knew what he had to do, however hard it may be and guilty it will make him feel.

The room was suddenly stifling.

Sungmin grabbed his jacket and headed out for the second time that night.

He wanted-- no needed-- to forget. Just for a while.

**

"Yah, Hyukjae!" Sungmin thumped his best friend across the back at the entrance of their favourite bar.

Hyukjae yelped before turning around to glare at Sungmin.

"Is this how you treat your BEST friend who bothers coming out at this ungodly hour?"

Sungmin rolled his eyes. 

"I promised you a drink, remember?"

"No, it was three."

"No, one."

"Three."

"One."

"Three."

"Fine, two." 

"Deal." 

As Sungmin followed Hyukjae to their usual seat, he wonders if the nosy monkey will ask him why he's so desperate for drinks. 

Sungmin didn't have to wait for long for the answer-- as soon as they'd sat down and ordered, Hyukjae rested his chin on his hands and looked Sungmin straight in the eyes.

"So."

Of course. He should've known.

Sungmin sighed.

"Do you want the full story or shortened?"

"Full. No edits. We've got all night, anyway."

Sungmin smirked. He doesn't show it much, but he's glad he's got someone like Hyukjae in his life.

"Well. Where do I start?"

"Start with the reason. Why you came here today."

"The reason... I guess the reason is Siwon."

Sungmin nodded at the waitress who brought their drinks over before continuing.

"Siwon... he asked me out again."

Hyukjae gaped at Sungmin, who took a drink.

"And I said yes."

Hyukjae's mouth fell open.

"And... let's just say the date didn't go as well as I'd hoped. For me, anyway."

Hyukjae nodded.

"You don't feel anything for him anymore... right?"

Sungmin nodded.

"Is it because you two have spent too long away from each other... or because of someone else?"

Sungmin frowned.

"Someone else?"

Hyukjae shrugged. 

"I don't know. DO you have anyone else you like?"

Sungmin bit his lip. 

Because Kyuhyun instantly emerged in his mind.

"Hey, Hyukjae... let's say there's someone who really gets on my nerves, and sometimes I want to punch him because he can be such an arrogant little prick, and believe me I almost did a few times... but somehow when he shows his nice side, I can't help but smile. Before, I used to argue with him to rile him up and show him I'm not afraid of his power. But now... I don't know. It feels natural to and yell at him and..."

Sungmin knew he was rambling. He didn't seem to know how to form coherent thoughts in his head anymore.

"Woah there." Hyukjae put his drink down and surveyed Sungmin. This was one of the few times he's seen his friend so jittery and uncomposed. The last time this happened was when Sungmin first realised he liked Siwon. And if this means.....

"Sungmin. What are you afraid of? Don't hit me, because I'm pretty sure you like the guy, but something's holding you back."

Sungmin opened and closed his mouth a few times.

Was that the reason he didn't feel attracted towards Siwon anymore?

Because he liked someone else-- not just anyone, but his boss?

Was that why there was doubt clouding his mind, even when he accepted Siwon's proposal?

But he didn't know anything about the Cho guy.

What was his first name, even? His favourite colour? Heck, he didn't even know exactly how old the guy was.

Sungmin downed the last of his drink and gestured for more.

He was in deep .

Of all the people in the world, he may have fallen for his boss.

That snarky, arrogant, sarcastic boss of his.

Well done, Lee Sungmin. Job well done.

"Hyukjae... how do I knnow if I like someone?"

"That's hard to answer, Sungmin. It's slightly different for everyone. But for Donghae and I..." 

Hyukjae let out a soft smile at the mention of his boyfriend.

"I look forward to seeing him everyday. Even when he's in a bad mood, I'm just glad I'm by his side. We bicker, too, but somehow it's become routine in our relationship. He can make me mad with his habits, but then he smiles, or does something, and I forget everything else. It's hard to put into words, really, but when you can never tire spending time with that person and he makes you smile... well, I think it's safe to say I like him."

Hyukjae looked down at his glass, slightly embarrassed this was all coming out. 

"I was afraid at first too, that I'd fallen for the wrong guy-- I thought Donghae was out of my league. I was afraid I wouldn't get anywhere with him, that this would only make me regret ever initiating anything, that he might dump me, date someone who's more wealthy. But life isn't without risks. I took a risk, and I haven't regretted anything since."

Hyukjae smiled.

"I say, go for it. As cliche as it sounds, we only live once, right? And if it does go wrong, well, at least you know you've tried, and don't spend the rest of your life wondering about what ifs."

Sungmin remained silent. If what Hyukjae said was true.....

Well, then it could only mean one thing.

Sungmin must like Kyuhyun.

It took a while, but it all makes sense now.

Why he didn't feel anything for Siwon anymore.

Why he wants to see Kyuhyun's smile so much, although he has yet to.

Why he finds the other's arrogance and snark more endearing than annoying now.

He's been clueless this whole time.

And now he has to be honest to Siwon, and work in the same room as Kyuhyun, knowing his feelings are most likely unreciprocated...

What a nice mess he's gotten himself into.

"Hyukjae... I think you're right. I didn't realise before because I didn't want to fall for someone I shouldn't... but I guess I can't be in denial forever."

Hyukjae grinned. "Well, there's progress right there. The mighty Lee Sungmin finally admits I'm right AND he likes someone. Today must be my lucky day." He narrowly misses Sungmin's hand reaching out to swat his head.

"Just shut up and drink." Sungmin rolls his eyes for the second time that night before gesturing for more.

**

[listen to *this* to help set mood, just a suggestion]

"H...hyuk...jae... why do I see... circles... hahaha circles..." Sungmin was slumped on the table, his eyes barely open.

Hyukjae sighed. He knew Sungmin always had high tolerance, but maybe letting the man drink for eight rounds was too much...

"Alright, buddy, let's get you home."

Hyukjae could get home on the bus, but he doubted Sungmin could even make it to the bus stop. He would've tried hailing a taxi, but then again he'd have to foot the bill should his friend decide to throw up his stomach contents-- and the bill would be enough to buy god knows how many drinks.

Well, there was no other choice.

Hyukjae scrolled through Sungmin's contacts, his brow furrowed as he realised none of them had their own car yet-- they were poor college students, after all. And he didn't want angry parents chasing after him, either, if Sungmin decided to throw up, this time in some unfortunate family's car.

This means....

Hyukjae's finger hovered over a certain person labelled under "Cho-- ugh".

Should he?

From what he heard the rest of the night, Kyuhyun did seem to be more lenient on Sungmin...

There was no other way Sungmin could get home, anyway.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

A couple of rings sounded before being replaced by a sleepy, husky voice.

"Hello...?"

"Hi, you probably don't know me, and I swear I wouldn't call you if I could, but Sungmin's passed out drunk here, I don't have any other way of getting him home and--"

Hyukjae rambled, hoping the Cho guy won't say no and go back to sleep.

"Wait." Kyuhyun was suddenly wide awake. "What... what did you just call him?"

"S--Sungmin-- oh ."

Hyukjae's hand flew to his mouth.

Sungmin's facade was over.

And the elder will definitely kick him where it hurts when he finds out.

Great. Just great. He helps a friend to get home, and this will be the thanks he gets.

Kyuhyun, on the other line, has sat straight up, wondering if his ears were playing tricks on him.

"Did you just call Hyukjae... Sungmin?"

"Um. Well. It's a long story, but--"

"So Hyukjae is Sungmin?"

"Basically, yes."

"..." Kyuhyun breathed out on the other line. "Where are you."

"817 Yeoksam-dong--"

"Wait there. Don't move. I'm coming."

So.... 

Heh.

Anyway, I don't know if I mentioned this before but I basically write my fics straight onto AFF (with no real concrete planning).

Therefore, I can either end this quickly (maybe two, three more chapters) or introduce something else (which I've got a faint idea of-- making it maybe five more chapters, depending).

The question for you guys is: do you want this fic to end short and sweet, or be patient and wait for the extra chapters as well?

Please comment on what you think, because if not many people want this fic to be longer, I'll probably end this fic in 2-3 more chapters :D

Oh, and in case any of you were wondering, the bar is Woodstock Gangnam Music Bar, on 817 Yeoksam-dong, Gangnam-gu. Pretty cool bar.

PS. Sungmin is . But I'm sure most of you guys know that already. Those lips.

See you next time!