“This… this is really high isn’t it?” Kibum stuttered. They were barely 3 metres away from the ground and Jonghyun could see him trembling.

“YAH, what’s wrong with you. This is not high!”

“Yes, yes this is. Please don’t argue with me over this now. I feel so giddy.”

Jonghyun laughed at the sight of an on-the-verge-of-a-nervous-breakdown side of Kibum. He was always strong on the outside, never showed fear. He’s glad they came on this trip, he wants to find out more about his past life.

“Oh. My. God. We’re going up. Higher.”

Kibum grabs Jonghyun’s arm and tightens his grip around it. His palms started to sweat as he sees the people on the ground below him getting smaller. “I really don’t see how this is any less scarier than the roller coasters.”

Jonghyun pried the other’s fingers away from his arms, which was hurting really badly by the way, and held them as he turned Kibum to face him. “Deep breaths, Key. Deep breaths. Yes, that’s it.” Jonghyun chanted as he sat them down. Kibum wanted to smirk at this irony. He was supposed to be the one taking care of Jonghyun but now, the roles have reversed. He cursed himself for being a weakling at heights.

They finally reached the peak of the Ferris wheel and it stopped there as more people got on in the lower capsules. By this time, Kibum had finally accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to get down any sooner so he might as well try to enjoy this moment alone with Jonghyun. “Well, isn’t this scene like a dream?” Jonghyun stared out as the bright sun shone down on them.

Juliette! 영혼을바칠께요~

“Really. This song is too old, you’re outdated dude.”

Kibum stuck his tongue out at Jonghyun and picked up the call.

“Oh, Taeminnie?” Kibum answered the screaming dongsaeng as he puts his phone on loudspeaker.

“Kibummie!” Taemin’s voice was filled with anxiety, “I really don’t wanna disturb you on your date with Jonghyun hyung, but have you seen Minho? We were supposed to meet up but he isn’t here yet! He’s late for 1 hour and he wouldn’t pick up my calls or reply me!”

“Yah, im halfway up in the sky, why and how would I see him?”

Kibum heard the teen sigh. “Thanks anyway. Enjoy your date with him. I’ll find some way to contact Minho… somehow.”

They hung up and Kibum slapped his forehead with his right hand. “What is that kid doing with his life.”

“He’s enjoying his youth, as you should.”

Kibum lifted his hand to caress the older male’s cheek but hesitated. Seeing this difficulty, Jonghyun helped him by placing it right where it was always meant to be. Many thoughts flew through Kibum’s head as he looked at the perfection of the man’s face. His eyes, his nose, his lips… how all those used to belong to him, how he missed those being held against him. He missed the want from Jonghyun, the begging he used to receive from him when he wanted attention.

“I know what im about to say will sound weird to you but just listen. I want you to take your time to remember, don’t rush it. The doctor said you might hurt yourself more if you force your memories to return. Jinki hyung and I will be here if you need us. Taemin, hyung, me, we all miss you. Whatever you said before, I don’t wanna pressure you into thinking we have to be together just because we were in the past. I want your true feelings and im willing to wait. Forever if need be.”

Kibum blurted everything he has been keeping in his heart for the past.

“Stop crying Kibum.”

The said man hadn’t even realized that he had been. He wiped his tears and pulled away from Jonghyun. He was too embarrassed to say anything or to even look at him now. “Stop crying Kibum” was the answer he got after saying so much. Those words were for nothing. Why kiss me when you don’t even mean what you said before.

At that moment, memories, photos, conversations, flashed in Jonghyun’s mind like a movie. It was screening their first date, his first time going to Kibum’s house, being introduced to his family, Kibum’s mother denying him as son because of his uality, coming to him to pour his heart out. He wants to cry because it was all too precious to be forgotten.

“It’s okay, I’ll never leave you no matter what.”

Kibum gasped at that familiar phrase, the fear of heights suddenly forgotten. He fixed his gaze upon Jonghyun, who sat there like an idiot, staring right past Kibum. Kibum’s frown showed confusion. “Why isn’t he doing anything?”

The whole ride went on for about another 2 minutes and there was silence in their capsule for 2 whole minutes. When they got off, Kibum stepped forward to hug Jonghyun, relieved that the ‘scary’ ride was finally over. As he put his arms over Jonghyun’s back, he felt a pair of hands on his chest,, resisting the contact. He fell back on his hands and stared in disbelief at the man who pushed him roughly away. They locked eyes for a moment and Kibum saw fear. He saw vulnerability in the other’s eyes right before he took off running, leaving him on the floor, gawking at air. Why is he running away from me? Why did he push me away? Those ‘whys’ were suffocating him as he stood up to brush himself off and head home, since he saw no point in chasing Jonghyun.

"I give up.  I don’t understand him at all. First he kissed me, then he pushes me away like I have a disease of something. This trip ."

~

Jonghyun ran all the way back to the hospital, ignoring the pain on his feet and head, and threw himself on the bed. He started to wail loudly into the pillow which fortunately, muffled the sounds.

“I can’t. I don’t deserve him. I hate myself.”  

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A/N: this story should be finishing soon~ and will be working on khunyoung if i have the time ^_^