It was past 2 am when Woohyun slipped out of his bed. He draped a robe over his pajamas, intent on going down to the lobby. He couldn’t sleep anyways, and it had suddenly occurred to him that Sunggyu might be out drinking. In that case, he would be returning around now so he planned to sit wait the lobby.

That would be better than suffering here.

As he stepped out of the lift, he was shocked to find a concierge at the reception, who greeted him cheerfully. It wasn’t the smiling woman from before but an equally smiling man.

“I didn’t realize you’d be at the reception at this moment,” Woohyun said in Mandarin but then he recalled that this was a posh hotel and had guests coming in and leaving at all times. “Well actually -” An idea had occurred to him – he had been waiting for the shift to change and he could try his luck now, when no one else except for a couple of bellhops were around. He glanced at the man’s nametag and started. The name was familiar.

“Are you – sorry but are you Korean?” he asked.

The concierge’s smiled widened and he started to speak Korean. It was heavily accented, as if he hadn’t spoken the language for a long time, but it was understandable enough.

“Yes Sir. Yoo Youngjae. Well I’ve spent most of my time here in China actually. But my parents are in Korea. I live with an uncle of mine here.”

“Oh hello Youngjae, nice to meet you.”

Woohyun was relieved that he wouldn’t have to go through the same troubles to explain to him what he wanted. And since they shared nationality, he might even be willing to help him.

“You’re on vacation?” Youngjae asked politely.

“Well no. Actually, I’m looking for someone. Could you do me a favor and look him up on the guest list?”

Youngaje chewed on his bottom lips. He sent a furtive glance at the bellhops in the distance. “Protocol-wise, I’m not allowed to do that. Guest privacy. But if I don’t do this much for a fellow Korean, I’d feel horrible.”

He winked at him and started tapping on the keyboard in front of him. Woohyun smiled at him gratefully. He didn’t know if his charm had worked or Youngjae was a good soul – either way, he thanked God for this small of luck.

“The name?”

Woohyun’s throat hurt a little as he uttered the words.

“Ki – Kim Sunggyu.”

“Okay…” Youngjae stared at his screen for some time, the lights reflecting on his eyes. “Gotcha. Yes Kim Sunggyu.”

Woohyun could feel all the weight of his body melting – he felt light. He wanted to run a mile or stand in the rain, getting drenched. His throat was almost closed with emotions.

I knew it, I just knew it.

“Which room?”

“Room 2309. Yes he checked in – wait a second, he checked out. 7 hours ago.”

Youngjae looked up at him apologetically.

Woohyun had never felt so elated and so let down in the span of 5 seconds. It was as if he had been raised to a very high cloud where he was momentarily weightless before being dropped to the ground unceremoniously. His stomach churned with disappointment. All his relief was washed away and a wave of nausea attacked him. He had a sudden urge to jump into the streets and take his life. This suicidal mood was something very new.

But he could find consolation in one tiny thought – he had at least been able to accurately predict his position.

It’s okay, he was here, you’re on the right track.

I’ll find him.

“Where did he go?” he asked urgently. He hadn’t come this far to just give up even though he felt like crying right here.

“I have no idea, I’m so sorry Sir. I wasn’t here when he checked out – it was…another colleague checked him out.”

His brain was whirring. He needed to know where Sunggyu was headed and he also needed to know why he was headed that way. Had he seen him in the hotel and fled? That seemed likely but then, it meant Sunggyu was a better observer than him. They were both looking out for each other, but Sunggyu had found him first. Even though he liked to believe that his desperation was greater than his boyfriend’s.

But he beat me to it.

However, Woohyun was determined and when he had set his mind, he could be awfully scary and diligent.

“That colleague of yours, can he possibly know? Anything, any information?”

Youngjae shrugged. Watching Woohyun’s face fall, he said rapidly, “Well, how’s this? This colleague, he’s Korean as well. I know him well, I helped him get this job in fact. So he owes me a favor. How about I give you his address and you can go and ask him. He’s off duty now so…”

Woohyun was all gratitude as Youngjae scribbled down the address on a piece of paper.

“It’s very easy,” he said as he folded the slip and handed it to him. “You don’t even need this.” He gestured towards the paper he had just handed him. “It’s the building just opposite to the hotel, Apartment 16.”

“I’ll get dressed in a minute.”

Woohyun’s mind was in a haze as he rushed to his room, got dressed and grabbed his wallet. He then dashed down to the lobby, and giving Youngjae a quick nod, ran out of the building.

It didn’t take him much trouble to find the dilapidated building opposite to the hotel. It was definitely an old building with windows the size of dovecot entrances. The other buildings around it were just as rundown, giving the area a shabby look.

As he rushed down the dingy corridors, looking for Apartment 16, his heart was thumping loudly in his ears. He was panting and all he could think was how close he had been to finding Sunggyu and yet he had slipped out of his grip like smoke.

I love you Sunggyu, I love you.

He would repeat the words to himself often, just in case. He believed that somehow, Sunggyu would be able to hear him, feel him.

After knocking for 3 minutes, the door to Apartment 16 was opened by someone who had definitely been asleep. He stood, clutching the door and gazing up in Woohyun’s face with unmistakable annoyance.

“I’m sorry to bother you like this,” Woohyun said rapidly. “But I need a favor. Your friend Yoo Youngjae said you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions…”

The sleepy figure at the door started at the mention of Youngjae. He then stared at him for some time before ushering him in. Woohyun entered the small room; there was a bed on one side and a sofa on the other. Apart from that, there wasn’t much in the room and Woohyun tried not to look at the peeling paint on the walls and the frayed curtains.

I guess he’s not the one for decorations.

“You’re Lee Sungjong right?” When Sungjong nodded, Woohyun continued. “I know this seems sudden and all but it’s an emergency. You checked out a guest at the hotel earlier today, Kim Sunggyu, right?”

Sungjong nodded again. Woohyun couldn’t be sure if he was listening to him properly. In the dim light of the room, he could only make out his outline and with half of his face covered with his hair, it was difficult to see his eyes.

“Did he – did he tell you where he was going?” Woohyun waited with bated breath for Sungjong’s answer.

It was a long shot, he knew, but he had to try.

When Sungjong spoke, his voice sounded cautious.

“Airport, he had a flight to catch.”

Woohyun slumped. The thumping in his heart stopped dead - Sunggyu had left him behind again, to roll in his dust.

I was so close.

“Do you know where he’s going?”

Again he was trying to get too lucky. He wasn’t surprised when Sungjong shook his head. Yet, he felt that the last strand of his hope tearing.

“No.”

He had expected it, nonetheless it was a blow to actually hear it spoken. There were so many flights, so many places Sunggyu could have gone to. He fell back on the sofa, disappointed.

“Who are you?” Sungjong finally asked. He didn’t look very suspicious, rather curious. Woohyun felt a bit bad about barging into his room at night and bombarding him with questions out of nowhere so he tried to smile at him. And also explain why he was not crazy for doing what he was doing.

“Oh sorry, I’m Nam Woohyun. I came from Korea…so did Sunggyu. I – I’m looking for him.”

Sungjong raised his hand to his face and brushed the hair out of his eyes. In this way, he looked much more presentable; in fact, he was beautiful.

“You’re so young,” Woohyun muttered, almost to himself. “How old are you?”

Sungjong gave him a pained smile.

“21.” He sighed mournfully. “I used to be younger.”

So very young.

Woohyun’s senses lit up, drowning him with a sudden depression that had nothing to do with missing Sunggyu. He was aware that Sungjong had a story to tell as well – his intuition kicked in. He could see painful memories in his past, he could see happy ones as well, which made it even more painful to let go of them. Sungjong was sitting in front of him, but a part of him wasn’t there. He was helplessly lost, just the way he felt right now. He however knew his predicament was temporary, but Sungjong’s seemed beyond repair.

He tried to remember what he was doing when he was 21 – strangely he couldn’t. He couldn’t remember anything from the time before he had met Sunggyu. But that was alright because he would rather not think about those painful days.

“I’m sorry,” Woohyun repeated.

The younger smiled in a way that made him realize that he understood him and the connection they had – the apology was not for waking him up in the middle of the night, it was for everything that had happened to him, even though it wasn’t his fault. In a way, they were commemorating their lives – these two lovers, because they’d both loved. And lost.

No, there’s still hope. I can win this.

When Sungjong spoke, he seemed to come out of a reverie. He spoke more to himself than to Woohyun but the elder had now become a part of him, breathing in his existence.

“It hurts to be away from him, but it’s my only choice. Sometimes I wish I could find my way back but…”

Really, what could Woohyun say? But he wasn’t a quitter, he was a fighter and he wanted to instill fighting spirit into Sungjong as well.

He’s too young to give up now.

“Try, try to go back. You can. Love is forgiving,” Woohyun whispered passionately.

He wondered if Sunggyu was thinking the same – if he was contemplating coming back to him.

I’ll help you Sunggyu, I’ll show you the way.

“I can’t…I just can’t. Didn’t you say you’re looking for someone? What’s the point? Love is meant to be hopeless, every love story ends like Romeo and Juliet…”

Woohyun leaned forward and took Sungjong’s hand in his. It was brave of him to act so intimately with someone he had just met but so many miles away from Korea, he felt as if they were lifelong friends.

“Sungjong, I’m going to find Sunggyu, I’m going to bring him back. We will go back to how it was before.”

With that, he stood up and moved towards the door. He felt that Sungjong’s negative energy would drag him down if he waited here any longer. And he couldn’t afford to lose his faith right now, not when there wasn’t Sunggyu to fix him.

“Paris,” he heard Sungjong whisper behind him. He swiveled around. “Paris,” Sungjong repeated in a louder voice. “Mr. Kim asked me to book a ticket for him to Paris. His flight left 4 hours ago.”

Woohyun stared at him, appalled.

“You knew and you didn’t tell me all this time – why?”

Sungjong gulped. “He told me not to reveal the information to anyone.”

His lips quaked. He was fighting the tears that were making their way up his trachea. “Then why are you telling me now?”

The younger got up as well and sighed. He ran his fingers through his hair and as Woohyun saw more of his face, he thought something was amiss. He thought he saw some bruises but in the faint light he couldn’t be sure.

“Because you don’t believe that your chase is useless. But if you continue on this trail for a while, maybe you will understand how hopeless all this is…I wish you the best of luck.”

Suddenly, Sungjong looked very old and very exhausted. The lost look in his eyes, the vague air around him intensified and his beauty burned a battered blue.

Resisting the urge to argue or comfort, Woohyun stepped out of the door. He wasn’t sure if Sungjong could hear him from the distance but he said, “I will find Sunggyu, and when I do, we’ll come back to you. I will prove it to you.”

It was more of a promise to himself than to Sungjong.

I will.