Sunggyu?

The back of Woohyun’s throat was hurting. He felt as if he was on a freight train, lugging heavily at a hundred mile per hour towards an open ditch. The vines of his thought were being sheared by a giant pair of scissors. There was no way he could get his orientation right.

It can’t be.

He didn’t even notice as the picture fell away from his fingers. He was staring straight in front of him with unseeing eyes. Not until Kibum’s fingers grazed his cheekbone did he realize that he had been crying.

He was suspended in space and time, and for once, he really wanted to die.

Kibum was saying something beside him but the sound didn’t reach his ear, or his brain. He felt hollow, as if his veins had been emptied of blood, his body had been emptied of its organs. He was too scared to repeat what he now knew to himself. He tried to shield the information from his mind, but despite his defense, his mind resonated with a grim voice: Sunggyu’s the best friend who betrayed Myungsoo. Sunggyu slept with Sungjong behind his back, behind Myungsoo’s back. Sunggyu saved Sungjong. Sunggyu loves Sungjong.

“No!” he shouted as the last few words fell on his ear. That couldn’t be right – Sunggyu was not in love with Sungjong.

He made a mistake. It was an accident.

Woohyun wasn’t naïve; even though he was emotional about many things, he wasn’t stupid enough to pretend to be blind when he could see things happening in front of him. But this matter, this truth was concrete – Sunggyu loved him and only him. Even if he cheated on him, he couldn’t have done it out of love.

“Sunggyu doesn’t love Sungjong!” he said out loud, to convince the cynical part of him. He fought with the part, pushing it back. He could swear his life on it.

Gyu loves me.

“Woo, I’m sorry.”

He looked at Kibum, who looked apologetic. He should be sorry for lying to Woohyun but now, in the face of everything, he could forgive him for that. He could forget everything, but not Sunggyu.

“Did you know about this?”

Kibum nodded, not meeting his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he started speaking.

“I – I – threatened him about it. I told him – I told him I was going to tell you and he got scared. He pleaded with me…that was when I gave him a choice – either I tell you or he leaves.”

“Kibum, how could you!”

Woohyun couldn’t believe his ears. Of all the things he had seen and heard and experienced today, this was the worst betrayal of all. His best friend, whom he loved like a brother had knowingly caused him so much suffering.

I don’t know this Key…

“I’m sorry Woo but – but – have you ever looked at me? Have you ever really looked at me Woo? How can you miss it? How can you – I love you. I’ve always been with you and you…you never cared for me.”

Woohyun was stumped by this sudden confession. When he recovered, he said softly, “That’s not true Key, I love you.”

“Yes, like a brother. But – but I want to be what Sunggyu’s to you. I was so insanely jealous – I -” Kibum couldn’t continue. He hid his face in his hands, while Woohyun stared at him, unable to believe what he had just heard.

They all lied to me, kept things from me.

He also felt angry with himself.

How did I not see this? Sunggyu had probably seen it. He was probably jealous of Key.

But the truth was, he had believed Kibum’s feelings for him were nothing more than brotherly. He was a bit overprotective and jealous of his boyfriend but he had regarded it all as brotherly instinct. Not even once did he suspect it as romantic love. The idea seemed absurd. Even now, as he stared at his best friend, he couldn’t believe it.

“I’m sorry Woohyun but I love you. I admit I wanted you to feel what I felt, losing your love in front of your eyes.” Kibum’s voice came muffled through his hands. “But mostly, I told Sunggyu to leave because I wanted to protect you from him. He cheated on you and you don’t deserve to be cheated on.”

Woohyun took the words in, slowly. He could partially understand how Kibum felt – fraught with jealousy and betrayal, because he would definitely take betrayal against Woohyun personally, he had tried to kill two birds with one stone. Hurting Woohyun was the least of his intentions, protecting him was foremost.

“So that’s another reason you told me he’s in LA, because you felt guilty about what you did?”

Kibum’s lips moved but no sound came out. Woohyun didn’t need him to confirm it. He knew that his best friend loved him too much to actually think about hurting him.

Just not in the way I love him. And this is not something I’d do in his place.

When Kibum spoke again, he sounded bitter.

“I thought if you don’t find him in Japan, you’ll give up. I didn’t know you’d actually go around the world, looking for him.”

You might not have to look too far away – Sunggyu had told him in his letter. Now he knew what he had meant.

Putting a hand on Kibum’s shoulder, he forced him to look at him.

“Look Key, I love Sunggyu, and that will never change. I need you to understand that. For me, Sunggyu is the world.”

“I’m – I’m so sorry Woohyunnie, I – if I got to turn back time I’d have never done it again, I swear.”

Kibum lunged towards Woohyun and engulfed in a hug. Woohyun wrapped his arms around his best friend, who heaved out sobs. Woohyun lowered his voice and said, “It’s okay Key, I know you wouldn’t.”

He thought about all the times Kibum had been there for him, doing more than anyone could do for a friend. And even though he had acted on impulse and done some wrong things, he would still go through hell for him.

He’s still my best friend.

“I forgive you Key. You are my best friend.”

Kibum’s sobs died and when he looked up, even though his eyes were red, he had relief hanging there.

“Thank you -”

“Hey, there’s no thank you in friendship okay?” Woohyun wiped the last of the tears from his face. Kbum nodded slightly, then smiled a bit.

“You probably want to stop this drama and go and meet Sunggyu?”

At the mention of Sunggyu’s name, a jolt of electricity ran up Woohyun’s spine. He still had to face his boyfriend and make things right.

He wasn’t sure what he would say when he saw Sunggyu – the picture still overshadowed his mind. But he was also extremely certain that Sunggyu loved him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been so afraid of Woohyun finding out – he ran away because he loved Woohyun too much to see him hurt.

But I’ll hurt more if I don’t see him, get to be with him.

He gestured at Hoya, who was standing against a pole, looking deep in thoughts.

“Key, I want to be alone with Sunggyu for some time.”

Kibum nodded understandingly.

“After we go to Hoya’s place, we will excuse ourselves. Take time Woohyun, don’t do anything rash.”

Woohyun nodded.

I can’t do anything rash. The entire matter is too fragile.