His heart hammering, Woohyun pushed the door to the bedroom open.

Hoya had dropped him off 20 minutes ago in front of his house, saying that Sunggyu should be in his room. Then he had driven away with Kibum to a restaurant so that the two could get some privacy.

It had taken Woohyun 20 minutes to muster the courage to open the door to the bedroom. He had spent some time on the doorstep; when he let himself inside the living room, he waited on a couch with bated breath but he still didn’t feel ready.

Finally, he stretched his feet and walked up to the door when he realized that he couldn’t plan the next step in his head. He hoped that seeing Sunggyu would help clear his mind.

But where is he?

The bedroom was empty. The lights were and the bed looked like someone had slept on it. But apart from that, there was no sign of Sunggyu anywhere. At first he thought he had the wrong bedroom but he racked his brain for Hoya’s instruction – he had indeed talked about this bedroom being occupied by Sunggyu.

Did Hoya tip him off? But he couldn’t have, right?

A cold dread filled his throat. Could fate be that cruel to him? He had been chasing Sunggyu from door to door, only to find him vanishing around the corner, his footsteps still bright in the mud. Could the last door have slammed on his face as well?

It can’t be, it just can’t be…

He reasoned to himself that Sunggyu couldn’t have brought any luggage with him from London since he had to leave without visiting Hyunseung’s house. So the emptiness made sense.

It does make sense.

He repeated it to himself a few times, hoping that the words would help to calm down his heart.

Actually, there was a sign of Sunggyu in the room. He realized that as he moved closer to the small desk on one corner of the bedroom.

There was only one piece of paper on the desk and a ball point pen. The pen had been put to use because as he lifted up the paper he could see it full of scribbles. It was one word repeated over and over again in familiar, neat Korean - Woohyun.

Woohyun let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. But that one paper seemed to free him from all the dark thoughts that had been troubling his mind ever since the airport. He felt the burden lift from his chest, the rock moved away from his stomach. It was almost as if he grew a pair of wings – he felt light and full at the same time.

Gyu…

He didn’t notice the teardrops falling on the paper. He just clutched it tighter, his eyes feasting on the familiar handwriting. He could smell Sunggyu there, he could taste him. He let the wonderful sensation engulf him.

I love you.

He was so engrossed with the paper that he didn’t hear the door open. What he heard was a squeak of a footstep. He wheeled around immediately, finding himself face to face with his fantasy.

Sunggyu…

He couldn’t understand if he was dreaming or not.

Sunggyu was there, standing in front of him, with one hand still on the doorknob. He looked so still, as if he had frozen in time. But it had to be true – he was wearing a familiar pair of jeans, the blue shirt he loved so much on him, the same posture, the same eyes…

He concentrated on his eyes – the same pair he had been dying to see wherever he went, which he had been imagining with his eyes closed. Woohyun’s love for Sunggyu seemed to intensify at the face of the real person. He watched astonished, how much he had missed every one of those features.

I can’t even breathe.

He was still in awe of how he had survived without Sunggyu.

Seeing him in front of his eyes brought a fresh wave of pain that almost paralyzed him. He was scared to move; what if this time vanished and he couldn’t see Sunggyu anymore? He couldn’t risk it.

I want this moment to last forever.

Sunggyu seemed just as awed as him; he was standing very still, his lips parted slightly in surprise. Maybe he was also wondering if the figure he was seeing was a phantom or real.

Woohyun wasn’t sure how long they had been standing there just like that, gazing at each other. But the emotions each of them was feeling were very tangible. The space between them was flooded with feelings and he felt jolts of the intensity of Sunggyu’s shock.

Yes Sunggyu, it’s me, the one you abandoned.

Woohyun couldn’t stand it anymore. He ran forward, towards Sunggyu, who was completely taken by surprise.

As they went tumbling together downwards, Woohyun wasn’t certain about what had happened. All he recalled was, he had wanted to hug Sunggyu and hit him at the same time – both the urges tugging at him powerfully and he ended up doing something – his hands had moved, made contact with Sunggyu. But the force had caused not only Sunggyu to fall over, but also Woohyun. Luckily, the bed was there to break their fall, and they fell on the soft comforter, uninjured.

Woohyun thought wryly how they were indeed strung with the same thread.

If one falls, the other falls as well.

But all these lines of thought vanished as he realized that he was clutching Sunggyu in his hands, a very real Sunggyu. He was staring into his eyes from above and beneath his body he felt Sunggyu.

The simple touch, the sensation of feeling Sunggyu calmed him down and drove him crazy. His body was surprising him every moment with a brand new feeling. His nerves were pulled taut as he experienced Sunggyu like he had never before.

He felt like a drug addict who had been withheld his drug for ages and was now being allowed to indulge himself.

“Woohyun…”

Woohyun was sure his heart was racing at overdrive – he could hear the thud of his heart against his ribs, and he was sure Sunggyu could hear it too. His breathing was shallow and even though he tried to move his mouth, he couldn’t. He was too busy drinking in Sunggyu’s face; the way Sunggyu’s lips moved to form his name was obscenely beautiful.

It made Woohyun want more from him – he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to hear him call his name again and again.

Say it again Gyu, make it up for all the times you haven’t been around.

As if prompted by Woohyun’s heart, Sunggyu whispered again, “Woohyun?”

This time it was a question, directed at the phantom he was apparently viewing. But it couldn’t be a dream when he was touching the person, feeling the same way he used to and more.

Woohyun prayed for the courage to speak to Sunggyu. He was afraid that if he spoke, the spell would be broken and everything would disappear in smoke. But he had to talk to Sunggyu. Simply seeing him, touching him wasn’t enough. He waited for their chests to rise against each other – he cupped his hands around Sunggyu’s face, making him shiver. Even his skin felt heavenly under his fingertips.

“Gyu.”

His voice had the same effect on Sunggyu. His eyes widened and his body shivered beneath him. He raised a hand to place it over Woohyun’s. Where their fingers touched, their skin seemed to burn.

I missed this.

“Woohyun, you’re real, you’re here.”

“Yes.”

The reply seemed to trigger the tears he had been holding back till now. Suddenly, Woohyun’s hands were drenched with Sunggyu’s tears. They rolled down his cheeks into his awaiting hand as he watched with fascination – this man never cried. And yet here he was; his tears numerous.

Woohyun wanted to collect every drop because they were precious. Everything about Sunggyu was precious and this was the first time he was seeing him cry.

Dry eyes – I used to call him.

Since Woohyun was always very passionate, whenever they used to fight, Woohyun would be a crying mess, red in the face and eyes, breaking dishes and stomping his feet. But Sunggyu would be all cool and reserved, not raising his voice, only his eyes would look cold until Woohyun gave in.

That Sunggyu, strong, unwavering, was crying. Woohyun couldn’t believe the fact yet the tears were now leaking between his fingers.

“Don’t cry Gyu, please don’t cry,” Woohyun crooned. But it seemed to make Sunggyu cry even more. He couldn’t see his black irises because of the water pooling in his eyes.

Woohyun brought a shaking finger to Sunggyu’s cheek and swiped, trying to scatter the stream of tears. The sight was weakening him; he couldn’t endure it. He repeated his plea again, whispered it close to his ears.

After what seemed like infinity, Sunggyu’s weeping slowed down and he heaved a deep sigh, as if ridding his chest of a dead weight. Woohyun was still in the same position, his face hovering over Sunggyu’s as he reveled in the close proximity with his lover.

The silence was so comfortable that Woohyun wanted to slip into it and lose himself, but it was broken by an equally haunting tone – Sunggyu’s voice.

“Woohyun you shouldn’t have come. You - I – I’ve done something so unthinkable…you deserve better, someone like Kibum – I -”

Woohyun’s finger traced Sunggyu’s lips, stopping them from moving. Sunggyu was right. He had done something horrible, broken his trust, disrespected their relationship.

But does that change anything?

Woohyun probed inside his mind for an answer. The two parts of his conscience seemed at discord – there were two voices in his head, both equally caring, telling him to do the opposite. He closed his eyes and let the voices decide.

He hurt you, he never loved you.

Of course he did, and he still loves you. Don’t you want to be with the one you love?

If he loved you, why did he cheat? Why did he sleep with that Sungjong kid? Is he more appealing or what?

He made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. To err is human.

This is too big of a mistake, it’s not affordable.

Woohyun, remember the time when you thought your life would end, when you didn’t want to get up from bed, when you just wanted to die? Sunggyu saved you from that dump of life; he wouldn’t have if he didn’t love you.

Big deal. He saved you from one dump just to dump you in another hell. Kibum is a much better person.

Listen, life is unfair, life is hard, and at times things look bad, but it’s alright because you’re loved. Woohyun, you’re loved by Sunggyu. He loves you, and if you do so for him, he will give you the strength to pull through. He will be your anchor.

Just think about all the horrible nights –

Woohyun didn’t need to hear anymore. He had made up his mind. Love is rare, and if he didn’t grab it, he would regret it. That was exactly the thought he had had when Sunggyu had proposed to him. He had jumped into this boat knowing there was no return.

He didn’t need one.

his lips, he tried to find his voice.

“Gyu, if you had another chance, would you do it again?”

Sunggyu’s eyes flashed with anger and self-hate. His voice was bitter as he said, “No Woohyun, hell no! I love you Woohyun, only you. If I could give up my soul to go back in time, I would never do it again.”

For the second time in the same day, Woohyun was hearing fresh remorse. Both Sunggyu and Kibum had acted on impulse and never wanted to go back there again. Woohyun forgave Kibum; Sunggyu was another story entirely.

“I’m a horrible person, Woohyun, a horrible person who made a mistake-”

“Horrible people don’t make mistakes, Sunggyu.” Woohyun’s voice was calm, but there was unsteadiness beneath the layer of determination, a tendency to crumble. “Horrible people make decisions, good people make mistakes.”

Sunggyu’s eyes widened as he realized what Woohyun had said. His lips shook.

“It was a mistake. And I’d do anything, anything, for your forgiveness.”

Deep down, he knew Sunggyu was a good person. A person he cared for, he loved. And Sunggyu did just the same.

Even as you left, I forgave you Sunggyu. Even when I didn’t know what you had done, I had already forgiven you.

“Then listen to me Gyu, I love you. You can’t do anything to change that. No one can. And I want to be with you. I want to forget what happened, and I want you to forget too. Sunggyu, I need you.”

He looked to Sunggyu for a response.