Day: 28 Countdown: 152 Days

"Myungsoo!" I cried after him, panicked. "Come on. He was just being nice. It was nothing!"

"Nothing. Yeah. Sure." He said without looking at me. "It looked like nothing too." And proceeded in walking down the hall. This time picking up his pace, not giving me a chance to explain myself.  

But being the stubborn person that I am, I followed after him, having to jog to keep up with his pace. "Please just let me explain." I pleaded. "You deserve a explanation."

"Yes I do. And I deserve so much more too." He said in a rough voice. It sounded like something else too. Pained. I stopped

"Ok! I know you're hurt, okay? I am too. You won't even let me explain myself and you just walk away. Weren't you the one that called the other boys to play the other day? I deserve a chance to explain myself don't I?" I shouted, my voice cracked a little, because he was already at the other end of the hall. Feeling guilt rise up. 

"Fine. Let's go to my room first." He said over his shoulder, sounding defeated. I let out a breath and followed after him. The sun was beginning to set and the moon was beginning to rise.

I've only been in his dorm room a few times. We usually hung out at the library or the hill that overlooked soccer field.  Where it was pretty quiet since soccer season hasn't start yet. When we made it to his room, he shut the door behind him and leaned against the door. 

He sighed, rubbing his hand across his face. "You know how I've felt but this is what you do to me." 

I walked to him, hand outstretched, and touched his face lightly. "I know. Myungsoo. But you can't expect me to just give an answer right now. I-," 

"You still have feelings for Daehyun. I know." Looking at me through his lashes. His eyes sad. "And now it looks like you have feelings for J." With that, his gaze hardened and he slipped pass me to sit on the couch. "You can start explaining now." 

I stood there with my lips parted, ready to deny it but found that I couldn't. I kept replaying what had just happened. I went from being relaxed to panicked to unbelievably sad and guilty in a matter of minutes. 

"He was just giving me a massage. I have to be his servant for a week. Remember?" His face didn't change. "You agreed to the terms of being the loser. So my first job was to give J sunbae a massage because he requested it." Still no reaction from him, I continued. "But my fingers started to cramp and he decided that he would give me a massage instead. It was just a harmless massage..."

The room was quiet when I finished. Myungsoo still had a neutral expression on his face. Not sure what to do next, I shifted uncomfortably. If he saw my discomfort, he didn't seem to care. 

After a few more agonizing minutes, he finally said, "Just be careful." And immediately put on a smile as he beckoned for me to sit next to him. My eyes widened at his sudden mood swing. What is going on with him?

"Are you alright Myungsoo?" Unsure if he was just doing that so I would come over to him all relaxed when he really planed to smother me to death with one of the pillows on his couch. He blinked at me innocently. "Of course. Why do you ask?" 

"Myung-," I started but he put a hand up, his face returned to the stony expression it was a few moments ago. "I know. You aren't ready to return my feelings. You might never be able to. But for right now, just let me go back to being your best friend instead of the boy who has feelings for you, okay? It helps to think that I can still be your friend." 

Brows furrowed, I replied. "Fine. I'll let it slip today but we really need to talk about this some time." I guess today, we just aren't ready yet.

He nodded but couldn't seem to go back to his smiley self again. "You know what, Hyun Jae? I think I'm going to go to sleep now. Lock the door on your way out." And with that, he stood up and walked toward his bedroom door. 

Clearly being dismissed, I trudged toward the door, remembering to lock the door, and slowly began to walk down the stairs. Most of the students here lived nearby so they chose not to live in the school dorms. But Myungsoo and Cammie, whose parents were not around because their parents moved to live in America, lived at the dorms. 

Looking back at the dorm building that Myungsoo lived in, I saw the lights turned off. But because there was a full moon tonight, I could see clearly that Myungsoo was staring at me with a lost look in his eyes. When he saw that I looked back, he pulled his curtains back in place. I sighed. Things between us will be so strained. 

Instead of going home, I walked down one of the tracks that led to the woods, trying to clear my head. After walking for a few more minutes, I decided to sit on one of the benches that were beside the trail. I looked up at the moon and thought back to what happened a few years ago. 

---

One day in middle school, ninth grade to be exact, Myungsoo, Cammie, and I were at a friend's birthday party. We were sitting around the living room, playing a game of truth or dare. One of our guy friends was dared to kiss me. And because he didn't want to be a loser, he did. Myungsoo was not happy. Thinking that he was just trying to protect me like he always did, I shook it off. He usually tried to protect me from everything.

But later that night, as we were walking home , their parents were still living here in Korea at that time, Myungsoo took me to the swing sets in the park after we dropped off Cammie.

"Hyun Jae." His face serious. "Before you freak out, just listen to me first." Not sure what to say, I nodded. "What I am about to tell you is no joke, alright? Just know that even though what I am about to tell you will be shocking, you can't run away. You have to promise me."

"I promise." I replied, still confused.

"Okay here it goes." He took a deep breath and began: "I, Kim Myungsoo, am about to confess my feelings to you, Choi Hyun Jae. Choi Hyun Jae, my best friend, my one and only; I like you."

He paused a moment, giving me some time to process what just came out of his mouth. I blinked at him. "What?"I breathed.

"I like you. So now that you know that, please, please try to have a heart and not make me jealous. I am not trying to make a move here, I'm just telling you ahead of time. I know that you have this little crush on Daehyun and that I can't stop you from liking others but I just wanted you to know. At least I will know that I told you. But-," 

"Myungsoo." I said when he started to sound breathless, my heart skipped a beat. I was surprised. Kim Myungsoo, my best friend, has feelings for me. "It's okay, Myung. I-. How about I make you a promise, hmm?" I started into his eyes. "A promise that I won't get too close to guy. Not unless you approve of him." 

He stared back me for a few seconds before he nodded, agreeing. "But for Daehyun," I continued, "right now I just like him okay? I know it won't get serious but you should know that right now, I like him. I am a girl, so there will be times when I will be gushing about him. So be prepared."

The look in his eyes showed that he didn't like the idea but nodded again. When he finally found his voice again, he said softly, "I promise. I won't like it, but I promise." And he gave me a hug. 

---

Thinking back I realized that I broke our promise. At that time, I've only been crushing Daehyun, but I never got too close to him. And today, with J sunbae, I broke our promise. I hurt his feelings. His heart was open and what I did today was like stabbing a knife into it. I've hurt him. 

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes behind me. I jumped off the bench like it burned me and turned around. Too scared to speak, I scanned the undergrowth, trying to see if I could spot anything. 

Then out stepped a person. 

"Hyun Jae?"

Wow. This was very long....My eyes kind of burn now from staring at the computer for so long so I didn't edit.... Oh well, goodnight. (^.^)/