You couldn’t believe what you had just heard.

 

“Daejunggie, say it again!” you squealed delightedly.

 

The eight-month-old babbled, struggling to articulate the syllables. “Ap... ap... pa.”

 

Scooping him up in your arms, you hugged Daejung close to your chest. “I’m so proud of you! Wait until your dad hears this!” You quickly planted a kiss on his forehead before grabbing your phone and dialing Myungsoo’s number. Even though your husband was out at the studio, you wanted to inform him of his son’s milestone.

 

He picked up on the second ring. “________?”

 

Before he could even finish saying your name, you excitedly answered, words spilling out of your mouth at a fast rate. “Guess what? I was just reading a book and out of nowhere Daejung-”

 

“Uh, honey?”

 

You stopped explaining, slightly stunned that Myungsoo would interrupt you. “Yeah?”

 

“Can you call back me later?” He sounded distracted. “I’m sorta, um, occupied.”

 

“Sure, that’s fine,” you softly responded. He hung up, leaving you feeling dejected. Gently carrying Daejung, you slumped down on the couch. For the past few weeks, Myungsoo has been acting distant around you. When asked why, he would always say that work has been really hectic. You accepted his explanation but you couldn’t help but wonder if something else was going on.

 

The baby gazed up at you. “Appapapa?”

 

You gave him a weary look. “He’s busy,” you sighed.

 

Suddenly, a heavy knock signaled a visitor. Holding your son, you got up to answer the door. Opening it, you discovered that the guest was none other than Sunggyu, one of Myungsoo’s group members.

 

You grinned widely. “Sunggyu! What brings you here?”

 

“Everyone’s out, and I have no schedules,” the singer confessed, “I don’t have anything else to do. I thought I should check up on you and Daejung.” He pinched the infant’s chubby cheeks.

 

You chuckled. “Come in.” You gestured for him to enter your apartment. Once he did, he let out a low whistle.

 

“Myungsoo’s dramas and commercials have really paid off,” Sunggyu observed, gawking at all the furniture in your home. He seated himself on a chair. “So, how are you?” he questioned, propping his chin up on his elbow.

 

You wanted to tell him the truth. You were annoyed. Irritated. Upset. Mad because your own husband was too engrossed in work to be bothered with updates about his son.

 

Instead, you put a small smile on your face. “I’m fine,” you cheerily replied.

 

“Daejung?”

 

“He’s growing up way too fast.”

 

“What about Myungsoo?”

 

You paused before answering. “He’s... not his usual self. Why?”

 

Sunggyu clasped his hands in his lap. “Myungsoo’s acting different. He likes to practice alone now, and whenever we have to practice as a group, he’s not as talkative. He doesn’t even eat with us. I was just wondering if he did this with you too.”

 

Nodding meekly, you averted your eyes to the ground to avoid Sunggyu’s scrutinizing stare.

 

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes. “_______, is there something you want to say?”

 

Still looking away, you blurted out, “Is Myungsoo cheating on me?” Just then, you heard a loud snort. Glancing up, you saw that Sunggyu was sprawled on his seat, howling in laughter. Daejung was watching him with an entertained expression.

 

Confused, you asked, “Sunggyu, what-”

 

“You think Myungsoo’s cheating on you,” he chortled, “out of all people?” He wiped a few tears from his eyes. Once he calmed down, Sunggyu continued.

 

“Myungsoo talks about you all the time, _______. He even refused to do that kiss scene in his drama. He’d never cheat on you.”

 

You felt a lump form in your throat. “But he’s not the same! He doesn’t kiss me goodnight anymore. He doesn’t smile as much. I don’t know what’s wrong!”

 

“How long has this been going on?”

 

You thought for a moment. “Two, three weeks?”

 

Sunggyu paled. “I guess he hasn’t told you yet,” he commented nervously.

 

“Told me what?”

 

He got up, heading towards the door. “I’ll make sure he tells you today. Don’t worry.”

 

You followed Sunggyu to the door, not asking any more questions because you knew it was impossible to squeeze information out of him.

 

As he was about to leave, you called out his name.

 

He turned around. “Yeah?”

 

“The thing Myungsoo needs to tell me... Is it bad?”

 

He hesitated. “Let’s just say he needs to do a necessary evil.”

 

.....................................................................

 

Alone, you sat in the kitchen table, head resting in your hands. Across from you laid your phone, quickly thrown away in frustration after hearing Myungsoo’s voicemail for the 50th time. You had already put Daejung to bed, leaving you feeling extremely lonely.

 

You checked the clock. 1:35 AM.

 

Exhaling a gust of air, you started tracing random shapes into the glass table. Spotting your reflection, you frowned. The overhead lights washed you out, making you appear somewhat ghostly. The dark circles under your eyes were even more prominent under the harsh unforgiving glare. The pregnancy had taken a huge toll on you, but you knew part of your stress was due to Myungsoo’s aloof behavior.

 

All of a sudden, you heard a noise in the foyer. The sound of a key turning in the front door indicated Myungsoo’s arrival. You walked slowly to the front, not wanting to approach him. Junho came in, dragging Myungsoo into your home.

 

Your bodyguard looked at you apologetically. “Myungsoo’s been drinking,” he motioned to the exhausted man next to him, “do you want me to take him to your room-”

 

“Just leave him on the couch,” you interrupted.

 

Junho dipped his head, awkwardly placed Myungsoo on a sofa, and left.

 

Once you were sure Junho was gone, you sat down beside your husband, keeping a wide space between the two of you. He spoke first.

 

“I’m sorry, ______.”

 

“Saying sorry isn’t enough. Why were you out drinking?”

 

“It was just one beer. And I... I had problems.”

 

“Problems that are more important than coming home to see your son? You’re a father now, Myungsoo,” you cried out. “The past few weeks have been hell. You’re always gone, and you never have enough time to spend with me and Daejung. Sunggyu even came over and told me that you were acting different at work too. What is your freaking problem?”

 

He suddenly got up. “I’m just busy, okay? I have that drama and I just got an endorsement deal! Won’t you think about me and what I have to deal with?” he barked, raising his voice.

 

You stood up to face him. “I think about you all the freaking time! Daejung said his first word today and you didn’t even care!” you argued, matching the volume of your voice to Myungsoo’s.

 

Your husband’s face softened. “What did he say?” he asked, lowering his voice.

 

“Appa,” you responded quietly.

 

Myungsoo sank down on the couch, and put his face in his hands. “His first word. And I missed it,” he mumbled.

 

You sat down. “Sunggyu said you had something to tell me.”

 

He raised his head. “If I tell you, you won’t hate me, right?”

 

A knot developed in your stomach. “No.”

 

He took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m going to enlist in the military.”

 

Shock lined your face. “Why now? Can’t you wait a few more years? You can wait until you’re thirty, right?”

 

Myungsoo shook his head. “I just want to get it out of the way.”

 

“Are you going to be here for Daejung’s first birthday?”

 

“I’ll try to.”

 

You looked down at your lap, trying hard not to cry. Much to your disappointment, a tear slipped from your eye. A worried Myungsoo took your hands in his.

 

“Hey. Don’t cry. I’m only going to be gone for two years,” he soothed.

 

Two years. His attempt at comforting you backfired, and you sobbed even more. “You’ll miss Daejung growing up,” you wailed, “you won’t be there for his first steps or anything!”

 

Myungsoo embraced you. “I’m sorry for not being there earlier but when I come back, I promise to spend as much time as possible with you guys, so much that you’ll be annoyed with all the attention you’re receiving.”

 

You smiled through your tears. “Promise?” You offered him your pinky.

He jokingly rolled his eyes at the childish gesture but hooked his little finger with yours.

 

“Promise.”

.....................................................................

 

“Say bye-bye!” you coaxed Daejung but your son kept his mouth shut. He was too busy watching Myungsoo load his backpack into the taxi. It was your husband’s enlistment day, and he was heading out to the military base. You had been dreading this day for months. You didn’t rest last night, foregoing sleep to watch Myungsoo’s slumbering figure for the last time before he leaves.

 

You blew out some air, observing the miniature clouds that formed. Although the frigid December wind stung your cheeks, you were willing to wait in the chilling weather to say goodbye to Myungsoo.

 

Your husband put the backpack in the car and came up to you and Daejung.

 

“Take care of Mom for me,” he said to Daejung, kissing the top of his head.

 

He looked up to face you. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry.” He smiled before planting a kiss on your lips. When he pulled away, Myungsoo gave a wave and went into the taxi. Once the car started moving, your heart lurched.

 

Two years. Twenty-four months. It’s not that long, you reassured yourself.   

 

You watched the car until it became a speck in the distance.

 

Daejung looked at you. “Appa?”

 

You held him close. “He’ll be back soon,” you responded, tears threatening to fall once again.