Introducing "my little corner where I talk to myself". Maybe you have read the subscribers feed ^^ I requested a new design because I was sick of the old one. It was too dark xD
Just a little warning: angst ahead. (I blame bearfishing)

Thanks to the new subscribers <3 I feel like I'm getting closer to world domination lately. It's just 185 subscribers but it feels unbelievable D:
You don't know what it means to me~ bear hugs to everyone!
 

[SUNGGYU]

Sunggyu concentrated on his throbbing heart to divert his thoughts from the head on his shoulder. His heartbeat wouldn’t calm down no matter what he tried. He wondered what Myungsoo was doing. The younger had disappeared from the kitchen without an explanation. It had to be tiresome for Woohyun to take care of his brother while working and Sunggyu was an additional burden, no wonder that the younger was tired. Woohyun deserved a short nap. He glanced at the black-haired man and was surprised when their eyes met. The other had caught him staring. Heat rose to his cheeks.

Woohyun was the first to move. The younger man sat up straight and cleared his throat. “I wasn’t staring!”

Sunggyu blinked. ‘I never said that you did. I just wanted to check if you fell asleep.’

“I think I dozed off for a second. Your shoulder is really soft, hyung. Thank you!” Woohyun smiled at him.

He returned the gesture. ‘Soft? It should be hard because I’m only bones.’

The other laughed. “You should check yourself in the mirror again one of these days, Sunggyu-hyung. You’ve gained some weight. Don’t frown! It’s a good thing!”

He rolled his eyes. Woohyun always found a way to compliment him. Sunggyu had been eating more these days. He blamed Woohyun for everything. It was the younger man’s fault that Sunggyu tried to increase his weight. The brown-haired man wanted to look more human. Woohyun always complimented him or said he didn’t care, but Sunggyu did. He had never cared before, but like every other time, Woohyun was the exception again. Sometimes he imagined what they looked like standing next to each other; the beauty and the skeleton. That thought had encouraged him to eat more, but now he was too scared to check the mirror. He was frightened to see that nothing had changed. Sunggyu didn’t want to spot the same unhealthy man in the mirror that always greeted him. But what if he went from skinny to fat and chubby suddenly?

‘I’m not fat, right?’

Woohyun chuckled. “You’re far from it. I just wanted to tell you that you look a lot better. You didn’t look bad before, hyung, but you seem…happier now?”

Sunggyu turned his gaze to the notebook on his lap. ‘I guess that’s thanks to you. I really don’t know how to thank you for staying with me.’

“You don’t have to thank me, Sunggyu-hyung. I’m happy as long as you’re smiling.” Woohyun threw him a small heart. “There is something that would make me even happier though.”

He had a vague idea what Woohyun meant, but Sunggyu wasn’t ready to speak. He couldn’t. Sunggyu was still trying to say single words when he was all alone, but he kept it a secret since it never worked anyway. He knew a small ‘thank you’ would mean the world to his parents. Maybe he wasn’t trying hard enough, but it never ended well when Sunggyu pushed himself to do something that he couldn’t. Sunggyu could open his mouth but the sound would get stuck in his throat like a clump that threatened to suffocate him. Was it possible for someone to just forget how to speak?

The older man averted his eyes. ‘Myungsoo must be waiting for us. Shouldn’t we go? I’m here for your family after all.’

The black-haired man stood up from his chair and Sunggyu followed him quickly. Woohyun didn’t push the issue. “You’re right, hyung, Soo must be lonely!”

They walked back to the small living room where Myungsoo was watching TV again. Woohyun sat down next to him and tapped the spot next to him with his hand. Sunggyu took the spot hesitantly. “Soo, what are you watching?”

Myungsoo didn’t look at them. “Nothing special. I’m just trying not to die from boredom. What are you doing? Don’t you have a plan or something?”

“I-I thought you two could talk? I want Sunggyu-hyung to know my family.”

“He knows me now, doesn’t he? You should go out and do something. Leave me alone.” The boy still had his gaze on the screen.

Sunggyu was following the conversation with a worried expression. Myungsoo seemed so cold suddenly. Maybe the older man was too sensitive, but Woohyun’s brother had a different aura around him now. Woohyun seemed to notice it too. He frowned. “You’ve barely talked with each other! What’s wrong, Soo? I thought you two were getting along.”

The boy didn’t answer. Woohyun stood up and grabbed the remote. He turned the television off and looked at his brother again. “Don’t ignore me! You’re not even watching the movie. Sunggyu-hyung is here today, we should do something together.”

Myungsoo struggled to stand up from the couch. Sunggyu watched him from the side. His usual blank face looked like a mixture of anger and pain now. “You don’t have to remind me! It’s all about your hyung today so it’s okay if you ignore me! I’m going to my room because I’m tired.”

The boy limped towards his room. Woohyun gave his friend a quick glance before he followed Myungsoo. Sunggyu turned his head to watch them. He didn’t know why the other behaved like that suddenly. Myungsoo had been nice to him in the kitchen, but now he seemed upset. Like something had snapped in him all of a sudden. Sunggyu had seen sadness behind his mask, but apparently there was anger too. The two brothers disappeared into Myungsoo’s room, though Woohyun forgot to close the door. The older man could hear their muffled voices.

“Soo! Why are you like this? Did I do something?”

“No! I told you I’m tired. I need to rest.”

“Is it because of Sunggyu? If you don’t want to-“

“Why does everything have to do with Sunggyu in your mind? I didn’t do anything to your precious hyung! I was nice to him, wasn’t I? I even told him you’re good for each other! Aren’t you happy? That’s what you wanted, right? The perfect little family where your brother supports your-“

“Kim Myungsoo!” Sunggyu got startled because Woohyun’s voice was so loud suddenly.

The brown-haired man dug his slim fingers into his jeans. Had Myungsoo only acted nice? Sunggyu felt like he got tricked again. Was he really that bad at judging people? He thought they had a mutual understanding, but Myungsoo sounded like he was mad at Sunggyu.

“I’m sorry, hyung, it’s just…it hurts you know.”

“If your leg hurts you should’ve said something, Soo. I’ll get you a painkiller. Lie down.”

“I told you I’m tired…” Sunggyu could barely hear Myungsoo’s voice, but he sounded disappointed.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, too, okay? I thought you were mad at me.”

There was a short silence and Woohyun left the room. Sunggyu turned his head away. He didn’t want Woohyun to think that he eavesdropped on them. It wasn’t his fault that the door had been left open or that they were talking so loud. He regretted his decision already. He shouldn’t have listened to it. Sunggyu glanced at the black-haired man. He looked hurt, but when Woohyun noticed his gaze he smiled again quickly.

“His injuries are hurting. I’m getting him a painkiller.” The younger man disappeared into the bathroom for a moment.

Afterwards, Woohyun went back to Myungsoo’s room with a glass of water and the pill. “Is there anything else you need, Soo?”

“Hyung, can you stay?”

“What do you mean? I’m here aren't I? I’ll be right outside in the living room.”

“No, I mean next to my bed until I fall asleep at least. Please?”

“Why are you so cute?” He heard Woohyun laugh.

They talked more, but he wasn’t paying attention anymore. Myungsoo was sick. He needed his brother right now. Woohyun was an idiot for inviting him over today. Sunggyu sighed and opened his notebook again. He ripped a page out carefully and started writing. ‘Thank you for inviting me over, Woohyun. You should take care of your brother for now. He needs your full attention. I’ll go home for today. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Dongwoo will drive me. It was short but I had fun today. – Sunggyu’

I had fun, right? It’s not a lie. He placed the page on the table and stood up from the couch. Before Sunggyu left the apartment he glanced in the direction of Myungsoo’s room. Woohyun was singing him a lullaby. The older man smiled sadly as he listened to it, but Sunggyu left before he was done. He felt sad, but he knew that it would be selfish to stay. Woohyun was supposed to take care of his brother. Family was more important than friends.

Sunggyu walked down the corridor and tried to reach Dongwoo. He asked him if he had time right now. The younger man answered shortly afterwards. He frowned because Dongwoo said that he was busy with his dancing class right now. He didn’t try Howon because Sunggyu knew that the other had left Seoul for three days to visit his family in Busan. Sunggyu walked out of the house and watched the busy streets. It was the busiest time of the day and people were rushing in different directions. Sunggyu pressed himself close to the exterior wall of the house because he didn’t want to get caught in the stream of people. He recognized the street he was on. It was close to his therapist’s office if he remembered correctly. He didn’t have anything better to do so he decided to go there. He should be able to do that - or so he hoped.

It took him a long time to reach the doctor’s office. He was scared of the crowds and sometimes the noise was simply too much for his ears. Sunggyu didn’t know what kept him going. Maybe he wanted to prove to himself that he was able to do it. He was glad that no one approached him on his way. Sunggyu climbed the stairs to the office with trembling knees. Would his therapist even talk to him right now? The doctor seemed busy every time and Sunggyu had skipped his sessions several times without prior notice. He stopped in front of the door. What am I doing here? He didn’t know, maybe he only wanted someone to listen and a therapist was the perfect person. They had an obligation to secrecy and they were paid to listen after all.

Sunggyu sighed and opened the door. The woman at the reception desk looked at him with wide eyes. “Mr. Kim? What are you doing here? You don’t have an appointment today.”

She was probably surprised that he was even standing in front of her. Everyone in the doctor’s office knew that he only came when his parents forced him to. ‘Is she free right now?’

The woman checked her calendar. “I guess Mrs. Park is free for now. The boy that was supposed to come today canceled his appointment. Should I tell her that you’re here?”

Sunggyu nodded and pressed the notebook against his chest. She dialed a number and t