Don't Go Saying - Tom Law

don't go saying it 'cause I know that you're bluffing...

...you said you'll love me until we're old

Still half asleep Mingyu staggered zombie like along the hallways of yet another airport. He had always liked flying but spending more than half a day up in the air really was a torture. Occasionally his view would get blurry from the lack of sleep and confusion over why the sun was high up in the sky when it should be in the middle in the night. His ears still hadn’t quite recovered yet from the pressure then had been exposed to and hurt like crazy making him feel like he was under water. His days in Singapore hadn’t felt much different though.

Going on stage with just another break up song, pretending it was fine was hard. Because it just wasn’t. It wasn’t right to say he didn’t miss Jaehwa like crazy. She was everywhere. Each time a phone rang he jumped and making a dive for it to see whether she would finally contact him. Or just anyone. He hadn’t heard of her since the day Wonwoo had talked so much to her on their last day in Hong Kong. But sill he heard her everywhere. Her laugh rung in his ears whenever his bandmates started joking around and he could hear her sing in the shower, when really someone in the next room was just silently standing beneath the current of water. Her voice mumbled incomprehensive words when he was surrounded by a lot of people, like now. A hint of relief washed over him and he felt less undead than before.

“.” Someone cursed next to him. “The cars aren’t here yet. Want some coffee, Mingyu-ah?”

Sleepily he glanced at the person next to him and as his eyes focused on Seungcheol, he had already grabbed Mingyu’s wrist “Yes. You need it.”

Nearly tripping, he got dragged along to some place where Seungcheol must have spotted a coffee shop. “Just give us a call when the car arrives!” The older yelled and soon after Mingyu was let free from his hyung’s grip. He looked around and slumped down on the closest chair. It was right in the corner, next to a newsagent’s. He took a look at Seungcheol who had gone into the store and was now waiting at the counter, so he could order.

A person a few tables from Mingyu’s was sleeping with their mouth wide open, while a girl with seemingly natural blonde hair was reading a book at another. Bored by just watching the other people talk English way too fast for him to understand and seeing them eat or drink hot beverages, he turned around and hit his head against a stand filled with all kinds of magazines. He turned it a bit, surprised he actually understood most of the headlines. Scanning the faces covered in tons of make-up, he thought it wasn’t actually that different being a celebrity here than back home in Korea. He stopped when he spotted a very familiar face on a small picture on one of the magazines.

“Danceworld” it was called. And the headline beneath the picture said “In a relationship with her dance partner - Not just in standard dancing” There she was smiling widely in that guy’s arms.

Mingyu took it down from the stand and flipped to the page the article was supposed to be on. Again: her at a performance she had with Junhong. Jaehwa. Mingyu still remembered watching that special stage backstage and getting furious about it. It had been some sort of a duet and lots of touching had been involved. Mingyu hadn’t even actually been able to watch it properly, because it had just seemed so wrong to him. Sure, it had only been their job, but still Mingyu hadn’t been able to keep his jealousy inside and they had actually had a big argument about that as soon as the both of them had come back home that day.

“Mingyu?” He looked up at Seungcheol who put down a tray in front of him, holding two cups of coffee and two muffins.

“Thanks.” Mingyu said, as he reached for the cup and took a sip. He stared at the baked good in front of him, which most definitely had blueberries baked inside of it. He smiled. Jaehwa always used to pick them out and only eat the muffin. She loved berries normally, but she’d always say they lost all their juiciness from being exposed to such extreme heat.

Mingyu picked up the fork next to the plate and started poking around in the muffin.

“Is everything okay with you?” Seungcheol asked and made Mingyu look up again. “I mean, you can’t really miss that something must have happened to you and Jaehwa. You haven’t said a single word about her recently and it’s not like we haven’t seen the headlines.”

“Yeah, it….it’s complicated.”Mingyu replied and noticed the magazine still lying in his lap when looking down to avoid his hyung’s look.

He picked it up and tried to comprehend what the article beneath the picture of his love was about. Apparently a reporter had done an interview with her about what it’s like to date the person you’re working with.

“I’ve never been happier in all of my life. My past boyfriends had really been useless, our relationships were for nothing. I don’t think I have ever actually loved someone until I met Junhong.” was the only actual quotation of her words.

Mingyu was feeling sick. Wasn’t this what he had wanted? Hadn’t he wanted her to forget about him and just be happy?

But was he really useless as a boyfriend? Was their relationship really for nothing?

He had once tried to cook for her when she had been completely worn out from dance practice. He had burnt the meat and at the time Jaehwa had come back from work the side dishes had already been cold again. The rice had been incredibly sticky and oversalted, but still she had tried to eat it and force it down but eventually Mingyu had said it really was enough and that she didn’t have to eat it, so while he was tidying up she ordered some food.

Mingyu still wanted it to be enjoyable and romantic and while she was getting ready in the bathroom he had set the table nicely and lit candles everywhere and set up the food, so it at least looked like he made it. When Jaehwa had opened the door again he had some of her favourite music and the most beautiful smile had spread across her tired face. Mingyu had led her to the table and told her how much effort he had put in cooking this delicious dinner himself and she had been laughing. They had been eating in a comfortable silence until she had suddenly put her cutlery down and straightened up in her seat a bit. “I don’t think I will ever love anyone as much as I love you. And I also don’t think I will ever be able to stop doing so.” Was what she had said. It was cheesy in some way but at the same time it had been the most wonderful thing that ever left her lips.

Her words were just empty? They just couldn’t be.

Or already early in their relationship when Mingyu’s favourite hobby had been teasing her and getting her really annoyed at him, just so he could later apologize and try to convince her to not be mad at anymore with little presents and skinship that kept making her embarrassed in the beginning. Meangyu had been the nickname she had given him then. But at the end of the day she just started to like him more for making up with her again.

All the little things they had done together? All for nothing?

“You look like someone just crushed all your hopes and dreams. Is it because of an article in that?” Sungcheol asked, pointing at the magazine still in Mingyu’s hands.

“No. It’s nothing.” Mingyu tried to force himself to smile and put the magazine back on the stand next to his head. “I was just thinking.”

Seungcheol’s phone on the table started to ring. He answered it. “Yes?...Parking lot on the east exit?..We’ll be there in a few minutes.” Seungcheol hung up and gathered the cups and plated back on the tray. “Come on, we’re going straight to the venue.”

Mingyu, now not as tired anymore, walked silently next to Seungcheol towards the exit where a few cars were waiting with the rest of the band in and around them. Mingyu headed straight for Jisoo to tell him what song he wanted to do in the evening.

“I know we already did a song by Tom Law, but Jaehwa really loved his music.” He said.

“It’s okay. I listened to a few of his other songs as well. He’s pretty good. I never knew Jaehwa liked that kind of music as well.” Jisoo replied “But didn’t you want to make her feel you don’t care anymore? I mean Don’t Go Saying doesn’t really give away a message like that, does it?”

“I know but she probably won’t bother looking up the videos from our tour anymore now.” Mingyu said and sat down in the car shutting the door behind him and leaving Jisoo standing there, since they weren’t in the same vehicle that day.

And since she won’t care anyway I can at least be honest again. He added in his mind.

AN: Okay, so I'm incredibly sorry for the massive delay on this chapter. I was on holiday for two weeks and it was a bit like a camp, so I had pretty much no time to write anything and then school started and well, finally I got to finish this chapter today. Please don't be too mad at me. Also now we finished half of the story, or maybe even more *ya~y* So yeah, thanks for reading and you know, I always love comments ♥