Asleep - The Smiths

...I don't want to wake up on my own anymore

there is a better world...

Mingyu didn’t regret having been drunk throughout most of his time in Europe. A lot of it might have been a little blurry, but the colours had been a bit more vibrant, everyone had been happier, including him. Though from the morning Wonwoo had put him dry, he did for the horrible headache and hangover.

He hated his hyung, he really did. Leaving him without a single drop and only his thoughts. The colours had been washed out in the last rainy and foggy days, the cold wind creeping through his clothes and making him shudder as he was entering the plane that would eventually bring them to their last destination in Sydney, Australia.

As he slumped down in one of the seats, he wanted to get up immediately again, Wonwoo having gotten the one next to him. He was done with him. Though they had spent years together on tiny space, now Mingyu wanted to have miles between them.

He had enough of his words. “It will get better.” “You’ll forget her.” “Of course she doesn’t hate you.” “People change and you can’t do anything about that.” “Wait.” “We’ll be home soon and everything will turn out alright.” “Just wait.” It was all the same over and over again. HE couldn’t listen to that for the next twenty-tree hours.

The plane took off and Mingyu took one last look at Europe from a little closer, seeing the massive mirrored ball impaled on a spike, being Berlin’s TV tower. He felt a bit like that. Exposed to the cold and rain, slowly turning lifelessly above the buildings, not being a part of them. Not being a part of life. Lifeless, Mingyu was being pushed around from place to place, mechanically doing whatever he was supposed to, having a smile stitched on his face. Purposeless he walked around, sat around, was depressed about himself. There wasn’t much he could do about it anyway, at least not without hurting people in the process. And he was done hurting people, h already was hurt enough himself.

A stewardess tapped him on his shoulder asking him whether he wanted a champagne, since it was included into the flight they booked, and he was about to say yes, when Wonwoo told her quickly that Mingyu doesn’t drink. He got a death stare from the younger for that, as he was accepting his glass. Having gotten toasted to, he turned to his other side sulkily. It’s not like a single glass could have helped him anyway, for that he was too tall.

Half-heartedly Mingyu went though some of the movies the plane had to offer, but couldn’t find a single one that wouldn’t involve any couples or extreme happiness in them, so he eventually compromised and decided to watch an action movie. There were no Korean subtitles and his English was still lacking too much to understand everything but seeing everything get blown up and people dying everywhere somehow comforted him in a strange way. But also it made him a little upset; at least they died for something, unlike him, who was dead inside and just doing whatever he did without really having a reason for it anymore. How happy would he be to be one of those men in that movie, because eventually it ended and so did they and their story. His too would end, but the influence he has had on it he thought was over now. Now it was just a matter of time that was flying by.

He sighed and suddenly all the pressure on his ears disappeared. The distant chatting had gotten louder in an instant. He heard some his bandmates laugh loudly and a woman behind him arguing with her husband in a language he didn’t understand. Somewhere a baby was crying. And he was in the middle of it all. No one cared about him or his feelings.

He searched through his bag looking for Jaehwa’s music. He had listened to it so often, he couldn’t stand it anymore. Neither could he stand his old music anymore with the loud beats, cheerful melodies or aggressive texts. Finally he decided to look through some of the albums he could listen to on the plane. He looked at the colourful covers and titles, mostly hinting on contents concerning love. What caught his eye was a black-and-white cover, looking rather old. “The World Won’t Listen”, now that sounded more like Mingyu’s mood. He read the rest of the little information given to him. It was by The Smiths, released in 1987. So it was actually really old. Almost thirty years. He pressed play and old rock songs with a bit of a pop-influence started playing. It was rather enjoyable actually. After about half an hour the sound of wind appeared in his ears and a sad monotone piano-melody joined it soon after, as well as the lead singer’s deep soothing voice.

It reflected Mingyu so well in his opinion, he started playing it over and over again until he understood everything said and agreed on it. He thought about the better world somewhere. A place where he could be happy again and have Jaehwa back again and he now rally wanted to go to instead of just another stupid crowded place, he would have to act at like nothing was wrong. Eventually the continuous melody sent him to one of them, having him fall asleep.

“Excuse me, please fasten your seatbelt, we’re landing.” Mingyu heard this sentence for the third time now, since he has had to switch planes multiple times. Check out, pick up luggage, check in, walk through the entire airport, board. There was nothing more tiring and nerve-stretching at the same time.

He felt like he was diving again, not being able to hear his surroundings anymore. He closed his eyes. Would dying feel like this? Forgetting everything around you, your stomach slowly dropping, peacefully taking the last breaths. A light bump pulled him out of his thoughts again. They landed. Stiffly he exited the plane as one of the last. What was the point of wanting clean air or whatever anyway, he felt suffocated by all of it anyway. While everyone was walking around in small groups he was just quietly following along on his own.

The sun was just about to rise. When it set again the concert would be. Having only listened to Asleep on the plane, he had decided this would be the song he would wrap this tour up with and already told Jisoo so at one of their stops, so he could memorize the chords at least.

He reached most of his bandmates as they were waiting for their luggage. No one noticed him, as he stopped next to Seungcheol, the furthest from Wonwoo away as possible. As the elder turned his head just slightly when helping Doyoon get his overly heavy suitcase off the line as one of the last, he suddenly flinched, realizing there was someone standing so close to him.

“Gosh, Mingyu you scared me!” But Mingyu didn’t change his expression in the least and only looked down on Seungcheol with a lifeless face and empty eyes. “Oh, what’s wrong?”

“Nobody loves me.” Mingyu said matter-of-factly and Seungcheol and Doyoon started to laugh.

“Don’t talk nonsense. We love you.” The elder hugged him, nearly crushing him with his strong arms, but Mingyu didn’t take him for granted. Who could, though?

Mingyu pointed with one of his hanging arms towards the line “My suitcase.” And he was let go. He walked with the two eldest to the group that had formed just in front of the doors, being joined by security guards.

“Also they love you.” Seungcheol said, being able to hear the screams of their fans, that had already noticed something was going on.

“They don’t love me, just the image of me they receive.” Mingyu replied coldly. A knockout argument.

“Whatever.” Seungcheol shook it off.

“Mingyu, there are people who love you and you are important, okay. I know you’re depressed but you really have to get yourself together.” Wonwoo interfered and the younger gave him another death stare. So this was what their friendship had become.

The doors opened and some of their group started moving, triggering an incredible amount of noise. As he walked out, he ignored the suddenly louder screams and couldn’t even bother looking at the fans anymore.

“Mingyu please smile!” “Stop looking so sad, oppa!” He heard them yell at him.

As he sat down in the car, he was elbowed by Doyoon, who sat next to them. “Hear them? They also notice you changed.”

“People change. Feelings change. That’s life.” He said.

“But you don’t want them to. It’s like you don’t want life anymore.” Mingyu heard Wonwoo call from behind.

“Thank you captain obvious.”

To that the car went quiet. So quiet it was nearly scary.

“Mingyu…” Wonwoo started, but was cut off by the one addressed “Don’t.”

The younger felt the other’s shocked looks on him. Yes he had just said it. He was being honest at least.

After a few moments everyone continued whatever they were doing before carefully, still irritated. Everyone apart from Wonwoo who was frantically typing on his phone. Mingyu was ignored for the time being, which he thought was better. He didn’t want any attention anymore, this was his business.

“Becoming suicidal is not an option, Mingyu.” Wonwoo said at some point, poking his shoulder lightly.

“Who said I was suicidal?” He asked back and again everyone was looking at him again. “There is a difference in being suicidal and tired of living.”

“But eventually one leads to the other.” Wonwoo mumbled and he was true, probably. Just that Mingyu didn’t want to think that far yet.

Actually he didn’t want to think at all.

AN: I'm making progress in posting more regularly yaay! But I probably jinxed it now...ah well This is the pre-last chapter...I guess and yeah prepare for a (hopefully) superlong finale I am currently working on. But a lot has to be said and done for me to say "okay, I can finish it off like this" so...look forward to it ;) Also: Thank you so so much. All of you. For subscribing and reading this story. Really it means a lot to me. <3