When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars

cause my heart breaks a little,

when I hear your name...

The USA was very different from what Mingyu was used to. It all seemed a little surreal; like he got beamed into one of the many TV shows and movies he had watched.

But people seemed a lot more open about their relationships. It seemed like every couple had to show they were one at every occasion and in every way. If there were a man and woman walking next to each other alone, in nearly all cases, they would be holding hands or linking arms or halfway hugging each other. Every few hundred meters there were people hugging each other, kissing passionately and even pre-teens having no shame with showing their “neverending love” to everyone around.

It was torture for Mingyu. How long had it been since Jaehwa’s last kiss? Their last hug? Her last touch? Too long. They hadn’t been very much of an affectionate couple. There had always been the fear of getting discovered. Whenever they had done something together outside they would go places with many more people, so it didn’t seem as if they were actually on a date. Never had they held hands when they were out, though Jaehwa had tried to convince Mingyu a million times. It had taken them a very long time to actually hug and finally kiss for the first time, despite the fact Jaehwa was actually a lot more open about those things than other Korean girls. It was what she was used to from having spent most of her teenage years in the country, Mingyu was now in. Even later and when they were alone in Mingyu’s apartment, all kinds of skinship usually derived from her. If he was sitting on the couch, she would cuddle against him and pout slightly until he finally hugged her. Mingyu was affectionate, yes, but he liked to push and pull a little and was still worried she might dislike him just randomly hugging her.

Or often he just didn’t feel like it. Often she had asked him whether they could go dance together somewhere, but they hadn’t done that in ages, after Mingyu had rejected her multiple times. He remembered how he hadn’t given her any presents in a long time either. Early on, she only had to mention she liked something and one or two dates later, he would have given that to her, personally wrapped. When she had moved in with him, she had once brought a bouquet of pink amaryllises home, telling him they were her favourites, when he asked about them. For months he had always bought some for the kitchen table whenever the last ones had withered.

But all he had done recently was hang around their home doing nothing or going out with his friends, not really paying that much attention to her and her stories anymore and actually trying to get some distance from her. He couldn’t understand why anymore now and remembering the sad expression on her face whenever he had said that made his heart break a little.

“Mingyu hyung? What’s wrong?” Samuel asked, who was sitting next to him in the car. Mingyu had been sitting at the window, staring out at the landscape flying by for quite a while already, probably not looking too happy.

“Is it because you have to leave the city Jaehwa noona had lived in?” Samuel’s eyes were big with curiosity and worry.

“No, I was just thinking.” Mingyu smiled. Their maknae had gotten older, just like all of them. But still he was this clueless fourteen-year-old. Having just entered puberty, he still had chubby cheeks from the baby fat, not having disappeared yet. He had the least amount of muscles and even though he had grown a lot, he was still tiny compared to the others because of his undeniably young looks.

“Did you like Los Angeles? I really liked it. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, which is sad. I hope this doesn’t sound like I don’t like Seoul, cause I do, but….” Samuel was babbling and Mingyu’s smile widened. While he was usually annoyed when people talked a lot and took away the time in which he could be talking, he found it somewhat cute how the younger kept worrying and answering his own questions, getting off track really easily.

“No, no it was beautiful…” Mingyu finally decided to stop Samuel’s flow of words.

“But you still miss Jaehwa noona, right?”

Mingyu saw Dongjin, who was sitting at the other window next to Samuel, lightly shoving his elbow into the younger’s side. He too was also still pretty young compared to the others, but he definitely was more mature. He looked at the maknae as if to say something like “Why, he was finally smiling and what do you do?” To which he replied with a look at him saying “Sorry.”

Mingyu just looked for his phone to listen to some music, as Wonwoo’s started to ring behind him.

“Hello?...Oh Junhong-ah, hey!” He said, as he answered. Mingyu turned around to the seats behind him, shooting an evil look at the phone, as if the person on the other end could actually see it. If only looks could kill. He thought.

“You what?...Are you sure? He will rip you apart, you know?” Wonwoo asked, looking at Mingyu. “Fine.” He stretched out the hand holding the phone to the younger. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Don’t wanna.” Mingyu replied, turning around, his back facing Wonwoo again.

“You heard it…Do you really think…?” The elder sighed. “Please Mingyu, he just wants to explain some things to you, okay?”

“No.”

“He really feels bad, you know?”

“Why? Didn’t the break up songs get the message of me not caring anymore across well enough?”

“He saw the one from LA as well. And he’s not stupid, so talk to him, okay?” Wonwoo finished their argument by holding the phone against Mingyu’s ear and letting go as soon as the other’s hand went up to it, so he had to keep it there.

“Yeah?” He asked, clearly showing his annoyance in his voice.

“Okay, before you say anything else, please let me explain. And please listen to what I have to say.” Junhong’s voice said from the speaker, using mid-formal language instead of casual, which he did when  they ever talked a little.

“Go on.” Mingyu replied.

“I know it may be hard on you, but do you remember how mad Jaehwa was at you the day she left you? She really really needed someone to take care of her and calm her down a little. She was a little confused in the beginning and slept a lot. I tried my best trying to convince her to go back to you, even though she kept talking about everything she disliked about you. Have you ever heard about how women usually tend to remember only the bad things about relationships? That’s what it was like with her. And maybe because I had always taken the time to listen to her and talk to her and just generally care, she must have misunderstood something. I really didn’t try to be anything other than a good friend to her, seriously, I had never once thought about trying to make her my girlfriend or something like that. But yeah, she was crying again one evening and then started kissing me. I didn’t want to hurt her by pushing her away or telling her to stop, so I just let her be and…somehow it turned out like this.” Junhong told. Mingyu gulped. He hadn’t expected a story like that and didn’t know what to say.

“I see…has she been better since?” was all he could get out.

“Yeah. I mean, she really seemed worried for a while again. She just told me it was about you singing all those songs. They turned out great, by the way. But after those with the I-don’t-care-anymore-do-what-you-want songs, she seems to have gotten less troubled and started smiling again.”

It was not fair. He wouldn’t see Jaehwa smile for him, while Junhong could every day. All those things Mingyu should have done better, could have done better, he thought those would just naturally come to Junhong. He was a caring person and very attentive, as far as Mingyu knew; he probably didn’t even need his advice.

And then there was him. Egoistic, self-involved, arrogant, ignorant and an absolute failure in love.

“Good. She’s so beautiful whenever she smiles. Now, please listen to me, okay? I know I have done a lot of wrong things and there were many times I rejected her proposals to do something. Dance with her, give her small presents; she loves pink amaryllises. You also…should sing to her and drink a lot of tea with her…she loves holding hands and hugging. Make her happy for me, please.” Mingyu slowly said, tears forming in his eyes.

“I will.”

Mingyu hung up and turned towards the window. He didn’t want anyone to notice, how slowly tears rolled down his cheeks again. 

AN: I know, I know it's been quite a long time again. Sorry for that. I reay am trying to re-schedule my life a bit, spending less time with tumblr or watching dramas and variety shows and spending more with writing and school and reading and stuff, but it's hard. SO yeah, if I manage to get myself to follow that schedule more strictly, you may get to hear from me a bit oftener :) Anyway, thank you for reading ♥