Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

...'cause lately I've been waking up alone

maybe tonight I'll call you after my blood turns into alcohol...

Mingyu woke up late on their last day in San Francisco. He rubbed his eyes and walked out of the dark bedroom, being blinded by the sunlight being reflected by the light interior of the room. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“So you aren’t dead? Good. I was starting to get worried.” He heard Wonwoo say from somewhere in the room. He opened them just slightly, to see his hyung’s blurry silhouette sitting at a table, his hands resting on the keyboard of his laptop.

“Why? I was just sleeping.” Mingyu replied, voice weak and cracking.

“Sure, but it’s 2 p.m. already and you went to bed at around six last night. Don’t you think that’s a bit weird?”

“Well, I just like sleeping.” Mingyu said. He actually hadn’t been able to sleep until it was around midnight, when Wonwoo had gone to bed. And around three a.m. he had woken up again, unable to get his head clear until sunrise.

His eyes had gotten used to the light and Mingyu walked past Wonwoo, taking a quick look at the screen, showing a picture of who had been haunting his mind. He felt as if her smile was everywhere and each time it was associated with Junhong. “Zelo’s girlfriend did this” “Zelo and his girlfriend on a sweet date” “Zelo and his girlfriend living together” It was horrible.

“Are you not hungry? I got you some sandwiches when I went out for lunch with the others, just in case.” Wonwoo asked as he closed the window with the article about Jaehwa. He must have noticed Mingyu staring at it.

“No thanks.” Mingyu yawned. He was still feeling tired, as if all of his energy had been used up by sleeping and trying to forget. Trying was really the right word for it. She appeared each time he closed his eyes. Laughing, smiling, running away from him into Junhong’s arms, who she was kissing.

In all his memories he was replaced by him, while he was just standing somewhere watching them, not being granted a single look of hers.

And it kept going on like that in his dreams. Vivid scenes of her crying and screaming at him, calling him useless, a player, selfish. And he knew he was. He knew he could never be good enough again. He knew it had been a surprise she had ever wanted him in the first place and he knew that no matter how much he would change, after having experienced how it was to be with him, Jaehwa would never ever turn back to him.

Someone knocked on the door and Mingyu slowly got up from the couch, he had been lying on, to open it, but Wonwoo was faster.

“We’ll be leaving in about an hour, so get your luggage together and check out and such okay?” He heard one of their managers’ voices coming from the hallway until he stepped around the corner so he was able to see him. “Oh and Mingyu, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Mingyu nodded and went out into the hallway, the manager closing the door to the room behind him. He rummaged in his bag until he pulled out a phone and handed it over to Mingyu.

“Wonwoo told me a few days ago your phone broke. CEO had been really upset about not being able to reach you. He had heard you weren’t feeling very well and as he was monitoring your performances, he said you could see something was wrong with you, so he wanted to talk to you. Please call him soon and get a new phone if yours broke or tell one of us to get one for you, okay?” His manager said. Mingyu nodded. “And smile more okay? It’s strange seeing you frown all the time and not hearing you talk endless nonsense anymore.”

“Yeah.” Mingyu replied. “I’ll go pack my things okay?” And with that he left and did what he had just said.

About three hours later him and all the members of Seventeen, as well as the staff were sitting in the plane, speeding up to fly them to Chicago, where their concert would be held the day after. In the evening they arrived at the hotel and Mingyu was sitting on yet another couch in yet another hotel room, tired and worn out.

He heard the door opening behind him and some of his bandmates excitedly talking while walking in.

“Ya, Mingyu-ah. Seungcheol hyung found a club that lets under 21 year olds in as well, wanna come and join us?” Wonwoo asked, as he jumped over the couch into Mingyu’s field of view.

“An actual club, not one of those Under-21 clubs.” Seungcheol added proudly.

“And how did you do that?” Mingyu asked, not very motivated, but he didn’t want to seem uninterested.

“I’ve been going around asking people your age where they go to party.” Seungcheol replied.

“Amazing.” Mingyu said, but didn’t really mean it.

“Ah come on, do you know how hard it was? Now put on something else and let’s go!” Seungcheol grinned “Or do you not like partying anymore all of a sudden?”

Mingyu shrugged.

“You’re a free man now! Let’s find you a nice girl…” Seungcheol went on, but Mingyu just turned his head away “Or just get drunk and forget about your worries.”

Forget was probably the word that finally made Mingyu stand up and gain applause from the others around him.

“What? Is it so amazing I want to use the toilet?” He stopped and turned around to them to which they just stared at him. He smiled “Just kidding.”

“He can make horrible jokes again! Our Mingyu is back!” Seungcheol exclaimed and everyone started cheering.

As soon as his back faced them again though, the smile disappeared. Forgetting was his goal, not returning to his old self. He looked through his suitcase in the bedroom, looking for something his hyungs would find acceptable, but really he just put on whatever somehow seemed to go well with each other.

As he stepped out again, they did seem a little disappointed by his simple jeans and shirt combination, but they let it slip. They were probably just happy he was joining them. He walked next to an over excited Doyoon, who was bouncing like a little puppy, way too done up and talking without an end until they arrived at the back door of a club, where a handful of underage teens were waiting in a line. Seungcheol went straight to the bouncer together with Jisoo, talking to him in English. After a few words and having gotten scrutinized by the massive man, he opened the door to which all of Mingyu’s friends just tried to look cool, like they expected this to happen, but he could see they were relieved, they hadn’t gotten beat up or something.

The music gradually grew louder as they walked down some staircases and as Seungcheol opened the door after a few levels, it was all Mingyu could hear. He was the last to walk in and already saw his bandmates forming little groups: the one immediately taking over the dancefloor, the ones that were casually standing in a corner, talking and watching the girls dance, waiting for one of them to shyly start talking to them, and finally the few ones heading straight for the bar, which he joined. Seungcheol was already taking the others’ orders, since he was twenty-one already and could actually get them alcohol.

“What about you Mingyu?” He asked at last.

“Just whatever. Something strong.” Mingyu replied.

“Got it.” Seungcheol looked around the dark room until he seemed to find what he had been looking for “There’s an empty table. You can go sit down there, I’ll join you in a moment.”

Mingyu, Doyoon and Seokmin slowly made their way to the lounge-y area, telling the others on the way, where they were. Mingyu let himself fall in one of the comfy armchairs, just staring into space until Seungcheol placed two trays filled with shot glasses, bottles of beer and Doyoon’s ever-so-classy cocktail.

Mingyu grabbed one of the small glasses and downed the liquid, leaving a slightly stingy in his throat for a moment. Some of the others also joined them for a shot or two, to which Mingyu always responded and started feeling happy after about six drinks. He started joking around with the members that stayed at the table with them and felt as if nothing was wrong.

As Mingyu was slowly actually getting convinced everything was nice, Seokmin suddenly slurred “It’s good Jaehwa isn’t with us today. Mingyu’s a lot funnier when drunk.”

After the incredible high of emotions, it was as if he had gotten pushed gown a cliff, and into the sea, making him even more upset than before. What if there was someone hiding here, watching them, taking pictures and tomorrow it would be in the press again. Jaehwa would see he hadn’t changed a bit. She would never want to talk to him again.

“Was that really necessary?” Wonwoo asked, probably being the most sober out of all of them.

“I…I’ll go…outside for a moment.” Mingyu said, standing up and feeling dizzy immediately. He felt extremely tired again and as if everything was spinning, while he stumbled towards the backdoor. He tried getting up a few of the staircases, holding on tightly to the railing, but gave up soon and let himself fall in a corner.

His phone rung and he fished it out of his pocket, but whoever had called him had already hung up as soon as he had it in his hands. His contacts were still open from when he had given it to Wonwoo to fill them up again. He scrolled through them, his eyes only focusing on a few of them until they suddenly found something.

Jaehwa.

He didn’t give it much thought and dialed the number.

“Yes? Who’s there?” He voice asked from the other end of the line. Mingyu smiled. It was so nice to hear her talking to him after such a long time

“Hello?”

“Hi.” He laughed awkwardly “It’s me, Mingyu.”

“Mingyu! What…?”

“It’s nice to hear you again.” He slurred.

“You’re drunk.” She stated.

“Please don’t be mad.” He hurried “I just thought maybe I’d forget about you this way.”

“Forget?”

“I…I’ve been so incredibly lonely and I…I miss you. Miss you so much. All…all I want is just…to hold you in my arms again and feel your lips against mine. I want…I…I can’t stand seeing you with Junhong.  You’re mine. Mine, not his. You can’t just…”

“Mingyu.” Jaehwa said.

“Yes?”

“Stop.”

“What?” Mingyu didn’t understand what she wanted. He just told her everything and now…

“Please stop. You’re not making this any better for yourself.” She tried to explain.

“What?” His mind was blank.

“If you feel so lonely and crave affection, there are enough girls who would love to give you that.” Jaehwa said emotionless.

“But I don’t want their love. I want yours!”

“I don’t belong to you. I’m not a possession.” She added.

“Then why do you keep saying It’s so wonderful to be his in all of these interviews about Junhong hyung? You can be his but not mine? He can have your love and I have to stay lonely and despised?!” Mingyu was getting incredibly angry.

“That’s different. You know that.” Her voice was getting little, while Mingyu’s seemed to keep getting bigger with every word he said.

“It’s not different! The only thing that changed is you! You and your sudden need for fame! Was that what you had wanted from me all along? I could have given you that! I could have given you everything. But the only thing you took was my heart and you stepped on it and threw it away as if it was nothing!”

“Mingyu please, you’re not thinking clearly.” He could hear she was about to cry, but he didn’t care. That was what he wanted now He wanted her to suffer as much as he did.

“Oh I’ve never been thinking more clearly. You always hated me for being the egoistic, dismissive person I am. Sorry, but that’s me. If you don’t like that, you should have never gone out with me in the first place. I am a horrible person, okay? I totally get now that someone like me can’t have your love. Someone I always thought was nice and smart, if not perfect. But no one’s perfect, I see that now too, because you, Jaehwa, are a fame-loving , that doesn’t even care the slightest about others’ feelings”

“Mingyu…” He heard her sobbing.

“No, no more Mingyu. Now you’re the one making it worse. I love you, okay? I ing love you. And that will probably be the only thing I will ever do. Giving and getting nothing back.” He said and hung up.

Almost immediately heavy sobs started to emanate from Mingyu’s chest and streams of tears were flowing down his face, pulled into a grimace. He felt horrible and empty and lonely. It was so dark ad the ground was dirty and the bass seemed to send waved of pressure through him making his head hurt more and more with each of them.

After what felt like years of him curling up on the floor, soaking his clothes in salty tears he heard steps coming closer.

“Mingyu!” A familiar voice called and ran up the last steps towards him and pulling him up to a sitting position, sweeping his bangs out of his swollen eyes, that slowly focused on Wonwoo kneeling before him, holding him by his shoulders.

“She hates me.” Mingyu whined.

“Who?”

“She will never love me again, never ever.” He sobbed.

Wonwoo saw the phone lying next to Mingyu on the floor and his eyes widened “Jaehwa.”

Mingyu cried and was pulled into a hug by Wonwoo. His hands his back, as he shushed him as Mingyu soaked his shoulder with tears. “It’s okay. She doesn’t hate you. It will be fine.”

AN: So, I somehow have been on a roll, writing these rouhly 2.400 words at once. At first, that's nearly a thousand more than in other chapters and even in those, I always have at least one break of two hours up to...multiple days until I finish it. So yeah, I hope you really appreaciate my current...inspirational flow or whatever you want to call it. Oh and actually, I cried while writing this. I never cried before writing anything and let me tell you I wrote a lot in my life and a lot of sad things, but I never even got teary eyed. Yeah, thank you very much for reading and I always love and appreciate feedback ♥