Dying For You To Stay/너에게 간다 (Going Towards You) - Joe Janiak/Infinite

I'm going to tell it straight, I need you in every way...

...because forgetting you means forgetting myself

every part of my heart says it's you.

Nervously Jaehwa was walking up and down in her old apartment, their old apartment. What would he say? What would he do? Would he throw her out? He probably would. There was simply no way he could forgive her after all she had done to him. After she had played with his heart to the extent he may or may not have considered suicide.

She had been just about to drive to the airport to catch the next plane to Sydney when she got that information from Wonwoo in hopes of preventing the worst that could possibly happen, when he had sent her another text, telling her he apparently had everything under control and Mingyu seemed to still be too afraid of death to actually do anything.

So instead of going to the airport she went back to Mingyu’s apartment. It was so empty with all of hers and most of his things missing. She was too afraid to simply move in again and left her things with one of her friends. Their photos were still hanging on the walls from when they were still a happy couple, more or less.

Seeing Mingyu smile like that, his arm wrapped around her, Jaehwa felt her eyes watering up again. She looked away quickly, blinking the tears away. She couldn’t cry again.

With a deep sigh she sat down at the kitchen table, just the way she had the last time her and Mingyu had actually spoken to each other. Her phone beeped and she looked at the message from Wonwoo that popped up on the screen. They were just arriving in front of the building.

Jaehwa took a deep breath and watched as the seconds hand on the clock on the wall slowly made its circles. She heard steps outside on the hallway and recognized some voices in between the mixed chatters and laughter. She closed her eyes and felt her heart beating like crazy in her chest, when she suddenly heard the main door being unlocked.

Panicky she opened her eyes again, staring at her hands in front of her. She listened to Mingyu walking in the apartment, heaving his suitcase over the threshold and closing the door again. She heard as he kicked off his shoes and stopping just before reaching the door to the main room of the apartment.

Then she saw his figure appear in the doorframe from the corner of her eye, then stopping again. Jaehwa looked up at him staring at her. He looked worse than just in the videos, which wasn’t really a thing you would want as a celebrity, but without the makeup, the shadows underneath his eyes were darker and his face was slimmer, he looked an absolute mess with his hair dishevelled and a light stubble on his cheeks, chin and upper lip. There was nothing glamorous about him anymore.

His chapped lips were opened slightly in disbelief as he examined what was in front of him. “Are you real?” His eyes were tearing up as he looked at her.

Jaehwa raised the corners of slightly and nodded, as she too felt herself get teary-eyed contrary to her plans. In an instant Mingyu dropped everything and pulled Jaehwa close into a hug. He buried his face in her shoulder, sobbing, as she over his back.

She was taken aback by this reaction, having expected him to yell and immediately wanting her to leave again, even becoming violent towards her, she wouldn’t have been surprised about. But as much as she preferred this reaction, she also knew that it would make what was to come even harder.

Carefully she pushed him back a little, keeping him on the distance of an arm’s length. It was as if the life had been put back into him, but that flame died off again as Jaehwa said, she still had something to explain to him.

“You’re not here just to properly see me off and return to Junhong, are you?” He asked.

“No” she replied “But…maybe you should sit down before we continue.” She has still holding his hand, guiding him towards the couch they then sat down on. Jaehwa tried to pull her hand out of his grip, but he held it so tightly it was impossible without doing it with force and she was scared of what his reaction to that would be.

“Before you say anything, can I?” Mingyu asked, his hand shaking as Jaehwa lightly caressed it with her thumb to calm him down. She nodded.

“I really did not expect you to ever want to see me again.” He started slowly, his voice just as shaky as his hands “I had so much time to reflect on our relationship…and my awful behavior. Why you even chose me over Junhong in the first place back when we met still is a riddle to me, just like how you endured my egoism and ignorance. I know I did wrong so many times, never willing to compromise or do something for you just because. It’s like I never really noticed how much I need you until you were gone. And I am incredibly sorry for that and hope you can forgive me, even if you don’t want me anymore.”

Jaehwa let him finish, having trouble choking down the tears. She knew his mind would change completely in the next minutes and she would be the one pleading for forgiveness. All she did was nod understandingly.

She looked up into his eyes waiting for a proper answer, but instead she decided she would skip that and start to explain her side of the story.

“I was incredibly mad at you, countless times, but I never wanted to tell you. Though the day I broke up with you, I really was sick of you and your doings.” Mingyu flinched as she mentioned breaking up. “I kept a lot of secrets and frustration inside of me over the past years and I just sort of exploded. You had been pretty distant, were gone all day, came back in the early morning hours, not just because of practice. Do you think I never smelled the alcohol on you?” Jaehwa smiled bitterly “And then I saw that article of you being with other girls. Of course I was jealous. Why did they get your attention and not me? Why did they get to touch you more than me? And then you kept going on about how I eat so little, being sarcastic about anorexia. I never told you, but I actually was anorexic before we met.”

Mingyu’s features sank in even more. “I’m sorry…I didn’t” He started stammering.

“It’s fine. I know you never knew. You weren’t supposed to. It was actually you and the compliments you showered me with when we started dating that made me feel good about myself.” Jaehwa smiled a little before taking a deep breath.

“But after having made you feel worse about yourself and your actions, I guess it’s my turn now.”

Mingyu looked at her with a questioning look on his face.

“I left you mainly because I wanted you to feel just as bad as I did that moment. Running to Junhong, making him my new boyfriend and it being all over the press, your friends telling you things about me…a lot of those were lies or acts. In the beginning I was quite pleased with myself to be honest, noticing my plan was working, but as I saw you getting more miserable it was also harder for me to continue like that. It was as if I could feel your pain. I know you will say it was guilt, but just like you said, you only learned to love me  through this breakup, I too learned that eventually all the pain you inflict on someone will come back to you, especially if it is the one you love. The reason we might not have felt that way just when we broke up was that at that point we simply weren’t in love anymore.” Jaehwa did not dare to look up again. “I know I did even worse than you and it would be crazy to ask of you to love me still, so all I want is for you to forgive me.”

It went quiet. All was said. Jaehwa still couldn’t get herself to move and just stared at their hands, now just loosely lying on top of each other.

“I have to think about it.” Mingyu finally said. There was nothing whiny about his voice anymore and Jaehwa realized it was probably the best moment to leave. She nodded and slowly walked towards the door, lifting her gaze for just a split second before losing Mingyu out of her sight, seeing him with his hands covering his face, hunched over, so that they were nearly touching his knees. She bit her lip, as she opened the front door and left quietly.

Mingyu didn’t know what to think anymore. Having seen Jaehwa again, the evening light illuminating her from behind through the windows, making her look like the angel he had always thought she was. With her petite figure, soft features and all-forgiving personality and just about constant smile, he never even could think of anything bad. Bad. But she wasn’t bad after all.

He could understand her completely. How could one put up with his without getting angry at some point? Sure, it maybe wasn’t the nicest way to say she wasn’t happy with his doings, but seeing how incredibly sorry she was, how she thought she committed the worst crime one could ever think of with tears constantly pooling in her eyes, it just made Mingyu forget all about it. He did deserve it and he knew.

Someone knocked on the door and Mingyu was just about to stand up and get it, when Wonwoo peeked into the room. “You okay?”

Mingyu nodded and Wonwoo walked towards him, but stopped a couple feet in front of him, looking at him carefully, as if trying to see whether anything changed about him. “You look better. Slightly.”

“Thanks.” Mingyu gave him a crooked smile.

“But if I was you I would shower and do something about that stubble and maybe take a nap or so and...” Wonwoo babbled.

“Yah!”

“Don’t yah me! I’m still your hyung!”

“Whatever.” Mingyu rolled his eyes, as an incredibly wide grin spread on Wonwoo’s face.

“So you’re back.” The younger looked at him offended and wiped the smile away “What?”

“I don’t want to be back. If I was just back, wouldn’t that hurt Jaehwa?” He explained.

“So you finally noticed you treated her awfully?”

“Why did you never tell me I did?” Mingyu asked.

“I tried, but you cut me off. She’s my girlfriend. She’s fine with it.” Wonwoo replied, imitating the younger perfectly, who now stared at the ground and kept silent.

“What? No angry reply?” The elder asked after  a few moments.

“I want to change and I think admitting my mistakes is the first step.” Wonwoo nodded approvingly. “And next is to change the things I think really are the worst about me.”

“It seems you finally found someone that has the ability to change your stubborn egoistic self.”

Mingyu bit his lip, lost in thoughts until he remembered something. “She also said something about my friends and lies…were you…?”

“Yes I was the friend that was sort of working on her behalf.” Wonwoo said.

“Was everything you told me about her wrong?” Mingyu asked.

Wonwoo thought for a moment.

“And did you even tell her what you were supposed to?” The younger added, suddenly realizing his friend might have deceived him the whole time.

Wonwoo chuckled “Let’s say I was a good double agent and my work here is done.” He turned to leave.

“Hey, wait!” Mingyu called, when Wonwoo nearly reached the door.

“Right.” He turned around again. “I forgot to ask you whether only your behavior changed, but I think if you know the answer that’s enough. I’ll go and continue unpacking my stuff and find a place to store it somewhere. Oh and by the way, Jaehwa was talking to Jisoo, when I came here and you know when they start a conversation in English, it won’t be over soon. Bye.”

And with that he was gone and Mingyu was left alone again with all kinds of questions.

His behavior did change. Not too long ago, if someone annoyed him or insulted him just in the slightest, Mingyu would have already yelled at them, thrown them out, stopped them mid-sentence and made them feel bad about themselves. How dare someone hurt him?

But now…seeing the damage it can do, he really changed his mind. Never would he do something like that to Jaehwa again.

Never would he send her off, never be cold towards her, never hurt her or make her feel lonely and unwanted.

It was as if she had evolved into the only person he could ever feel truly sorry about, the only one he truly cared about. The only one he loved apart from himself.

So she was right, that he only was able to love her now and probably never really had before. Affection was what he had felt, but love? The times he had said he loved her were mostly just to keep her happy, but now…now he wanted to tell the whole world how much she meant to him, wanted everyone to know he could feel. Feel something as strong as love.

In an instant Mingyu was on his feet. First of all Jaehwa had to know.

He stormed out of his room. Wonwoo said, she had been talking to Jisoo. But as Mingyu was sprinting along the corridor, he passed by said person.

He stumbled backwards, grabbing Jisoo by his shoulders, shaking him slightly, as he pretty much screamed into his face “Where is Jaehwa?”

The elder was taken aback and just stammered, pointing towards the elevator “She just left.”

Mingyu rushed towards the elevator, then realizing it would be empty and she would be long gone if he waited for it and ran towards the staircase, spurting down the stairs down to the ground level faster than he ever had before.

He didn’t see her as he scanned the room quickly and raced towards the door, searching the mass of people, when he finally found her, about to get into a cab.

“Jaehwa!” He yelled using all his power, running towards her, as she turned around to see who had been looking for her.

Her long streaks of hair were streaming around her face in the autumn wind and as she spotted Mingyu in the crowd her eyes light up and her full lips curled into a smile.

Mingyu pulled her close as he reached her, trying to catch his breath, as he closed his eyes and reveled in the moment, holding her close and securely in his arms.

When his chest wasn’t raising as fast anymore, but heart still beating like crazy, he pulled back a little, looking into Jaehwa’s eyes, full of happiness and love and leant in to kiss her beautiful lips. He felt complete, as if nothing could hurt him anymore as long as he had her and nothing else mattered.

As he felt himself getting short of breath, Mingyu unwillingly pulled back from their soft kiss and gazed at Jaehwa again, resting his hands on her cheeks.

“Don’t leave.” He whispered, because if he said I love you, if he told her how he had never found her more beautiful than now, that he could not imagine feeling any more rejoiced than in that moment, all meaning would be lost.

She nodded and looked at him knowingly, then smiled shyly, just like when he had kissed her for the first time years ago.

AN: So that's it. My first multichapter story here: complete. I hope you enjoyed this story and this exceptionally cheerful and (I have to admit) cheesy chapter after all that angst and sadness. Thank you very much for reading, I love you for having made it this far. 

My next projects are 1. continuing on my other story Barely Breathing, a flully story...that will evolve into somethign pretty serious, let's say. And 2. if you are interested maybe a new one, I have been working on for a very long time, though well, it has a lot of characters and I need to modify it and well do a lot on it becasue it would be a massive project, but of that you can expect a proper M-rated story with violence and and yeah...that are my plans for now.

Again thank you very much for reading <3