Cannonball - Damien Rice

...still a little bit of you laced with my doubt,

it's still a little hard to say what's going on...

The coldness surrounding Mingyu what was woke him up in the morning. Eyes still closed, he reached over to the other side of the bed, to pull Jaehwa close, so they could feel warmer through their closeness. But when his hand just reached into emptiness, Mingyu opened his eyes a bit.

“Jaehwa?” he called, though then realized it wouldn’t help. There was no Jaehwa in this apartment. There hasn’t been one since she had taken all her things with her while Mingyu had been gone the day before.

Slowly he sat up in his sheets, supporting his head on his knees. He felt miserable already. Tilting his head to the side, he could take a look at the clock in the room, telling him it was nine in the morning. Until midday, he had free time. He sighed. That meant three hours of having to deal with his own reproaches.

Why didn’t he say he was sorry? That he had just wanted to . That he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. That he would have explained everything later. That he would have made up for it a hundred times.

Mingyu lifted his head again and his eyes threw a hasty glance at the clock again. Two past nine. It had been the exact same time when he had gotten up from bed the day before, right after Jaehwa had given him a good morning kiss while lying in his arms. She then had decided to open her eyes, even though she hated the dazzling morning sun that was always directly shining into the bedroom, and have breakfast with Mingyu.

Mingyu got up from the bed and made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth. It was a strange habit of his to always brush his teeth before breakfast, but Jaehwa had also started getting into the way of doing so. He was standing in front of the sink, the minty taste slowly numbing his mouth, looking at himself in the mirror. Normally Jaehwa would have opened the door now and walked into the room, ruffling her messy hair with one hand, rubbing her eyes with the other and then giving her boyfriend a hug from behind, usually mumbling her first conscious words of the day: Morning. I love you. The day before it had been the same. And he had replied with I love you too. like always.

After staring at his own sad-looking reflection for a moment, Mingyu continued with his morning routine and took a shower. Now Jaehwa would have made breakfast for him. He didn’t notice how long he had just been standing there, hot water pouring down on him, until it suddenly went ice cold and shooed him away in the matter of seconds. A towel wrapped around his hips, Mingyu went back to the bedroom to get dressed. The day before he had quickly taken a bite of his breakfast on his way there, getting scolded by his girlfriend, who had seen it.

He stood in front of his wardrobe, its doors wide open, and looked at his clothes. If it took him longer than two minutes, Jaehwa always came into the bedroom as well and stood beside him for a moment, mimicking his thinking position, to then quickly choose a nicely matching outfit for him. Today, Mingyu just took whatever his hands touched first and seemed somewhat comfortable and combinable.

 He left his bedroom again, not being overwhelmed by the smell of breakfast. Half-heartedly he made himself a sandwich, still not feeling very hungry. He sat down on his side of the kitchen table, staring at the empty chair in front of him.

"Why aren't you eating anything again? Did you decide to become anorexic? You're already underweight." Ha had said to Jaehwa the day before.  

She had shot an angry look at him. "I'm not hungry" she had murmured.

"Yes you've gotten so fat recently; you now should totally starve yourself." Mingyu had said with an ironic overtone. 
Annoyed by his comment, she had gotten up and picked up a banana from the fruit bowl. "Better?" she had asked "Bananas have lots of calories and nearly make the body stop burning fat." Then she had angrily let herself fall on the chair again, peeling it. She had always randomly said some smart facts every once in a while. He loved that about her. 
She always checked the news with Mingyu's iPad in the morning, so she had been scrolling through it, scanning the articles, when suddenly she stopped eating and froze. 
"What's wrong?" He had asked.
"Mingyu, do you have something to tell me?"
"Why?" He has had no clue what she had talked about.
"How is your relationship Hyorin recently?" Yoo Hyorin. She was a member of a girlband that had debuted the same year as SEVENTEEN. Mingyu was good friends with her.
"We haven't talked since we've gone out partying last."
"Partying, huh? And what is that?" She had shown him the article she had just been reading. A massive picture of him and Hyorin kissing was underneath the headline Kim Mingyu and Yoo Hyorin dating rumors finally confirmed.

Mingyu hadn't been able not to smile at that silly statement. He had looked over the article, that said both his and her manager didn't want to comment on the picture, but apparently hers had said it in a very it's-true-though voice. 
"What? Are you happy about that? That until now you've managed to cheat on your girlfriend?" Jaehwa had asked, anger tugging at her vocal chords.
"I’m not the only one, honey. Remember last week's article about you and your best friend Choi Junhong sunbae's relationship? You're also cheating on me." Mingyu had said, laughing. He knew the press interpreted everything the wrong way again. Them meeting in their free time, when she was just a backup dancer at TS entertainment, was supposedly a sign of a romantic relationship.
"That's different and you know that! There are no photos of ME kissing someone all over the news!" Jaehwa had been really enraged.
"What about when you kissed this guy in his music video?" Mingyu had asked, still teasing her, not taking it seriously.
"That's work! You kissed her when you both were out partying."
"We were drunk, okay?" Mingyu had said, being annoyed by his girlfriend's overreaction.
"I'd say the same if it was me." She had imputed sulkily "Was it good?"
"Yes, very." Mingyu had replied, the sarcasm not really seeping though as much as he wanted. He didn’t even remember it.
"I guess I can leave then." Jaehwa had said and gotten up.

"I always knew you liked her better anyway!" She had said as she had stormed out the room; and then the door had closed behind her.

Mingyu stared off into the distance, hot tears escaping the corners of his eyes and slowly rolling down his cheeks. He could have stopped her then. He could have tried to call her earlier. Now he didn't even know where she was.

And he was scared to ask Wonwoo for her number. Scared to be scolded by him and later all his bandmates for how stupid he had been. And scared of what would happen if he called Jaehwa. Whether she'd even pick up, or she would listen, or what she had to say and what would happen if she had decided it was the end.
He could still smell her in this apartment, still feel her touch; her last kiss still lingered on his lips. And he missed her.

Throughout their relationship they had been separated a lot. Often he or she had been gone for multiple weeks even, because of work and sometimes they had been so busy, they hadn't talked for five days straight. They had given each other a lot of freedom and had never been clingy with each other, sending the other hundreds of texts every day, like other couples do. But still he already missed her.

Back then he had known she was thinking about him and it had been the other way around. This time her only thoughts about him could be thoughts of anger and sadness and it made him feel horrible. 
The tears falling uncontrollably had made Mingyu's shirt dripping wet and slowly it was getting uncomfortable. His eyes started to hurt as well and it felt like soon there would be no more tears left.

The doorbell rang. Like he was struck by lightning, Mingyu jumped up and ran towards the kitchen area, wiping his face on a kitchen towel and after a quick moment of consideration, he just took off his wet shirt and threw it in a corner.

What if it was Jaehwa? What if she had decided to come back?

Hiding his upper half behind the door, he carefully opened it. It wasn’t Jaehwa.

“So Mingyu-ah. Are you excited or are you excited?” Wonwoo asked enthusiastically, as he walked past Mingyu.

“Very.” he replied, voice weak, and closing the door behind him.

“Huh what’s wrong...” Wonwoo started and then turned to Mingyu. “Oh it seems like a lot is.”

Mingyu turned his head away.

“Your eyes are all swollen. You cried.” The older stated.

There was no need in trying to lie to him. Mingyu just walked past him towards his bedroom to put on a new shirt.

“Where’s Jaehwa?” Wonwoo inquired, from the living room area.

“Not here. Or do you see her somewhere?” Mingyu asked back, really not being in the mood for a talk right now.

“Have you been arguing?” He could hear Wonwoo coming towards the bedroom.

“Sort of.” Mingyu replied, as his hyung stepped though the doorframe to see the half-empty wardrobe.

“Did she...move out?”

“Just contemporarily.” Mingyu said dryly. His friend was asking too many questions today.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Mingyu sighed, as he put on a simple white shirt “Yes.”

“Wanna come to the venue already? I wanted to rehearse a bit. Jisoo hyung is coming too, so you can go over your duet again.” Wonwoo suggested, sensing Mingyu’s bad mood.

The duet with Jisoo. Mingyu thought Maybe he’ll change the song again if I ask him to.

“Okay, you drive?” he asked.

And they left. Mingyu took his phone with him, which he had put all of Jaehwa’s songs on. Throughout the time it took to get to the arena, he listened to her music and when he recognized Damien Rice’s “Cannonball” he had to think of her even more than he had before.

“Hyung? Do you know this song?” Mingyu asked Jisoo and leaned over to give him one of the ear buds.

“Yeah. It’s a really nice song Why?”

“Can you play it on guitar?”

A hesitant “Yes” left Jisoo’s lips. “I’d just have to practise it a little again.”

“Good” Mingyu replied. Step one of his plan was complete. He stayed quiet for the rest of the drive and until Jisoo and him were the only ones left in the dressing room again, he didn’t bring it up again.

Jisoo was sitting in front of his laptop, beautifully playing his guitar, while looking at the chords to “Cannonball” on the screen.

“Why did you ask me about this song though?” he asked after a while, when he was almost perfect at playing it.

“Jaewha loved this song.” Mingyu told him.

“So, she didn’t call last night?” Jisoo looked a bit concerned.

“No.” After a short break he added “Maybe...can we please do this song instead tonight?”

“Sure. If it makes you feel better.” Jisoo replied and a light smile appeared on Mingyu’s face. “You should talk to our manager hyung before though.”

Mingyu nodded any immediately got up to look for him. And after a little bit of talking and pouting and begging, he said yes. Mingyu then went back to the dressing room to practise the new song with Jisoo.

Soon the rest of SEVENTEEN arrived and everything was starting to get hectic. The soundcheck began and it was time for Mingyu and Jisoo’s duet, it all worked out very well and the others all said, it sounded way better than their previous song. It got sort of chaotic afterwards. Everyone got changed and the stylists arrived, taking care of their hair and make-up one after one. They started warming up their bodies and vocals. Everyone was very hyper and at some point Mingyu got infected by that too.

After what seemed like just minutes, they were asked to go to the stage. Everyone was singing and bouncing along the hallways towards the big door, which was opened a little before them, so they could already hear the music and the fan’s cheers.

Mingyu went to his spot underneath the stage from which he would be appearing in no time. As soon as he got there and everything was checked, it went dark in the venue and the screams got louder. The intro music started and Mingyu counted the beats up until 16, then he was catapulted into the air and made a massive jump, while the other members appeared everywhere on stage at the same time. It was hard to believe, but the screams actually got even louder. He went to his place in the choreography of the first song and then it started. He danced and sang and rapped with a lot of energy until he left the stage to change and the special performances in smaller groups started. When it was about to be his and Jisoo’s turn, they were standing at the side of the stage, watching the dance team doing their performance and receiving a lot of love from their fans.

Then it went dark and Mingyu and his hyung rushed on stage with two staff members that put chairs there for them, on which they quickly sat down.

Jisoo started playing his guitar and there were just two spotlights, one on him and one on Mingyu. They started singing one after the other and harmonizing towards the end and it was beautiful, really. Pictures and memories of and with Jaehwa appeared in Mingyu’s mind and he was starting to feel down again. But maybe she was there somewhere in the crowd, listening to him. Somewhere in this massive room, understanding the message he was trying to send to her this way.

The song was coming to an end and the fans cheered and screamed, but as quickly as him and Jisoo had gotten on stage, they had to disappear again and make room for the next small group to perform something.

They got changed again for the last segment of the show with the rest of the band and it was over way too quickly. The fans were really enthusiastic and they came back on stage for 4 encore songs until it was finally over.

All the other members of SEVENTEEN were still really pumped and full of energy, even more than before, so all of them decided they would go out to a club and celebrate their first concert. But despite all the adrenaline left in Mingyu’s body, he didn’t feel like going out or getting drunk. Who knew what would be in the press this time? So, despite all the attempts of budging him by his band members, he decided he would drive home with his manager and the underage part of SEVENTEEN.

Especially Hansol and Seunggwan, who were less than two months away from that age were really upset about having to go back home, though Mingyu was sure they would sneak out together with Chan later and meet up with the others, who would find a way to get them into the club.

As soon as they arrived on their floor of the building, Mingyu said his goodnights and left to his apartment. As it was now all quiet around him, all those scenarios came back. How Jaehwa would have waited backstage for him after the concert, congratulating him, probably being as excited and close to as sweaty as him from watching everything from the audience. She was a fan of SEVENTEEN after all. 

They might have gone out with Mingyu’s friends later. And she would have danced and everyone would have just been able to look at her, because it was what she was best at. Her dancing really was mesmerizing. At some point she would have gotten annoyed of Mingyu just staring at her from the edge of the dancefloor and she would have pulled him up to her and until they couldn’t breathe anymore they would have moved in perfect unison, forgetting about all their worries.

They probably would have left earlier than the others, who would have been really drunk at that point. Jaehwa didn’t like alcohol, which was why she usually stayed at home when Mingyu went out to drink. At home they would have maybe watched a movie and cuddled on the sofa till the early morning hours, maybe so long, they would have watched the sunrise when they just went to bed. Then they would have kissed and...

Mingyu didn’t want to think anymore. Didn’t want to feel her every time he thought of her touch; hear her when he thought of her voice. It was still rather early in the night for him. He got ready for bed and laid there, watching the still busy night city though the large windows until his consciousness had given up and he was pulled into the land of dreams.

AN: Finally I decided I would post the second chapter. Sorry, for the long wait, but hey, it's a really long chapter. Anyway, thank you for reading :)