Fireworks - You Me At Six

...we're not the same, I wish that could change, but it can't

if you love someone you should set them free...

Jaehwa was constantly feeling exhausted. Drenched in sweat, she lay down on the floor in the practice room. For days she had been practicing the new choreography, but no matter how often she went through each part, no matter how long she stayed and reduced her sleeping time, she would keep messing up and the rehearsals kept getting interrupted because of her. Constantly she felt like crying. And no one was there to support her and encourage her .It was Junhong she was doing it for after all. She had always cursed the physically exhausting choreographies they had had, but now, being one of their dancers for the whole promotion period and also for one of their more typical manly concepts, she hated them more than ever.

The video shoot would be in a few days and the official comeback was also only about two weeks away. It was crazy busy. Jaehwa had started dieting again. She didn’t know how skinny or revealing her stage outfit would be and wanted to be prepared for everything and not have complexes about her body.

“Can we continue?” Jaehwa pushed herself up to a sitting position again, looking at the choreographer, staring at her. His eyes were angry and why wouldn’t they be? It had been her messing up all along and only her. She nodded, starting to feel a hint of dizziness, she decided to ignore. It would be her fault if something went wrong in the end. All would be her fault.

The music started again and every beat made her feel as if her head was about to burst. She took a quick glance at the clock; 3 a.m. already. Her part was coming up and she really tried her best, but whenever she looked directly at herself in the mirror, all she saw was struggle on her face. Every move hurt and she felt as if she had lost all devotion to dancing. There was nothing fun about it anymore, nothing relieving, nothing that would give her a break from her thoughts anymore.

“You worked hard, everyone. Go home and get some rest.” The choreographer finally said and Jaehwa made some shaky steps towards her bag, she wanted to lift up, but when she was just reaching out for it, she nearly collapsed. She was caught by a strong arm, whose owner reached for her belongings with his other hand. Jaehwa looked up into Junhong’s face, exhausted, tired and sweaty, but still looking a hundred times better than her. “Let’s get you home.” He said, wrapping his arm around her back and walking out of the room with her. He brought her to his car, opening the door for her, like the true gentleman he was before getting in on the other side and driving them home through the light up city.

He unlocked the door to his apartment and Jaehwa wanted to head immediately for the bed, but he stopped her in front of the kitchen counter, lightly pushing her into a chair.

“When and what have you eaten last?” He asked her, while walking over to the refrigerator.

“At around 8. Salad.” She replied. She already knew what was to come.

“Jaehwa. You need to eat. Diet here, diet there, it doesn’t make a difference. Your body is skinny enough, you’re not doing yourself any good with starving yourself.”
“I’m not starving myself!”

“Carbs only in the morning, fruit for lunch, salad for dinner. That isn’t healthy.” Junhong said, sitting down across from her, starting to make sandwiches.

“People survive with less in other parts of the world.” She replied.

“But your body is not used to that. You have to eat more that what is just necessary.” He put a plate in front of Jaehwa. She just stared at the sandwich “Hm…”

“Jaehwa, please…I know you’re having trouble.” Junhong said and she just looked at him offended. “Not just with the chorography. Do you think I don’t know how much the break up with Mingyu is still leaving you in distress?”

Jaehwa avoided his eyes. Of course he knew; he wasn’t stupid. “But not eating is not the solution. It’s all like it used to be before you met him. There isn’t even a use in trying to deny your anorexia is coming back.”

“Don’t ever say that word again, okay?!” If looks could kill, Junhong would have been dead as mutton by then. “The thing is that nothing is the way it was before, because that is not how it works. A break up doesn’t just leave you unaffected, even if you were the one that left.”

“I guess…was that what you were talking about with Wonwoo yesterday?” He asked. Jaehwa looked at him with big eyes. She thought he hadn’t been overhearing her part of the conversation.

Junhong sighed “You shouldn’t give him a hard time just because you can. I think he got that you were really upset with him and he did something wrong.”

“That sounds like you want to get rid of me.” Angrily Jaehwa finally picked up her sandwich and took a bite.

“No, of course not.” he replied and couldn’t help but smile a little over his success.

“Do you want me to forgive him?” Jaehwa asked after a while.

“Haven’t you already?” She went silent. Had she forgiven him already? She didn’t know.

“Forgiving does not automatically mean you don’t want to be with me anymore and go back to Mingyu. It’s simply saying that you see he is regretting what he did and lessen his suffering bit that way.” Junhong said, as he started cleaning up the kitchen.

Jaehwa continued eating slowly, when Junhong placed a tablet PC with a video on hold in front of her. Two people in a cone of light in the middle of a massive crowd were shown on it. “Look, you really have to do something. To me he doesn’t only seem terrible, but also slightly drunk.”

With that he left to the bathroom and after a short while she heard the shower being . Jaehwa looked at the screen in front of her and pushed the play button. She recognized Mingyu and Jisoo immediately and after a few beats she also was able to make out the song. You Me At Six’s Fireworks. She watched her ex-boyfriend sing the song, like she had done up until his call from Chicago. Each time her heart had wanted to break all over again and tears were streaming down her face, no matter what him or Wonwoo had told her to do, she couldn’t help but keep feeling guilty.

But this time it felt more than twice as bad as before. Mingyu looked more horrible than ever; as if all life had left him. And she knew how he was when he has had alcohol and was feeling bad.

Her view was getting blurry again. She was the one that made him this way. And he seemed as if he had given up.

Given up…on her.

AN: So, again it's been quite a while. I had done a lot of projects that took quite a long time so I couldn't write and also I have just been on holiday for a week and well, I felt like I really needed to update, so here's a really short but quite important chapter. Thank you for reading ^-^